Turnips anyone? . . . Entry for December 29, 2006

OK, I know you’re saying to yourselves "WTF is up with the Mario sized veggies?" (only Nintendo gamers will get that reference, lol) The old man down the road just picked these huge beauties from his garden and now I can say I have the biggest turnips in town, hehehe (yea, smoke another one Techy!). But really this is a commentary on how wonderfully warm the weather has been so far this winter here in Kentucky.

It’s been more like "What winter?" We’ve only had one cold snap that brought a little snow, then some rain, but damn, here it is almost January and I had the front door open today to cool off the house. The temperature had to be in the mid 60’s at least, I went out walking in just my t-shirt, and it’s been like that for several weeks now.

In the over 15 years I’ve lived in Kentucky, I’ve never seen it stay this nice for this long. This warm weather kinda sux though, my son’s 15th birthday is Thursday and I bought him a snowboard. Now it looks like he won’t get a chance to use it this year. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m eating up all this gorgeous sunshine.

But it’s kinda creepy when you think about global warming and all. Besides, I’m from the "TANSTAAFL" school of thought (Their Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch) and I think we’ll probably end up paying for this nice weather in one way or another. I just wish my kids were already back in school so I could lay outside naked one last time this year.

Maybe I’ll put my giant turnips up for sale on eBay, lol . . .

What a way to end the year . . . Entry for December 28, 2006

It figures my alternator would go out right after Christmas when I can’t afford to fix it, grrrr. I was planning on going to another swing party this Saturday, but unless I can get a ride, it looks like I’ll be staying home for the New Year. Anyways, thanks go to Vic for these insults, I want to put about half of them on t-shirts, lol.

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
25. Allow me to introduce my selves.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
28. Better living through denial.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
39. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
42. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
44. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
46. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
48. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
50. Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-Screw You!
51. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
52. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
53. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
54. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
55. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
56. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
57. Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.
58. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
60. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
61. This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!
62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
63. Earth is full. Go home.
64. Is it time for your medication or mine?
65. Aw, did I step on your poor itty-bitty ego?
66. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
67. I plead contemporary insanity.
68. And which dwarf are you?
69. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
70. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
71. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
72. It ain't the size, it's... no, I'm sorry, it really is the size.
73. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
74. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
75. Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!

White Trash Christmas . . . Entry for December 23, 2006

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
We'll decorate the mobile home
There'll be cousin's kissin'
And front teeth missin'
And you'll hear grandpa peein' in the snow

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
No Christmas card from my ex-wife
I did get a subpoena though
Our family tree is leanin' to the right
And we'll all be playin' poker Christmas night

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the Three Wise Men on harmonica!
(Harmonica Solo)

Lets pick out a few presents now

We're gonna celebrate another white trash Christmas
With mad dog wine and miller light
And when our hound dog is howlin' through the night
He says may all your Christmases be white

Oh, ah, pay no attention to that "all trespassers will be shot" sign
That don't apply to you Santa

Nice rack on Blitzen though

I told you I was stupid . . . Entry for December 20, 2006

I came to the door and the only thing I was wearing was a black and white striped fringed scarf tied around my hips, concealing little but my old baby belly bulge. He was duly impressed with the view from behind as I led him into my bedroom. I nonchalantly (but purposefully sexy) stretched out on the bed and we commenced to catch a little buzz and chat.

His hand stroked my naked thigh as I whispered in anticipation "Touch me . . ." which he did with skillful fingers. He seemed surprised I was already soaking wet, but I had been thinking of nothing else since we made a date for this morning the night before.

I spread my legs further as I arched my back and moaned when my juices started to flow, and that was all it took. He jumped up and took off his clothes and as he stood there, I leaned over the edge of the bed facing him, and swallowed his cock whole. I looked up with his cock still in my mouth and drank in his ecstatic expression like fine homemade wine, strong and sweet!

He ran his palms down my back and cupped an ass cheek in each hand as I fluttered my tongue on the hardening cock inside my mouth. I sucked and tasted, and using some of my special tricks drove him absolutely wild! Taking my mouth off after some minutes, I looked up at him from my all fours position and said, "Oh did I mention I LOVE sucking cock?"

Smiling I laid back and stretched, running my own hands down my skin and parted my pussy lips (hint hint), but I can see he wants to feel his cock in my pussy right away, so I think "Why not?" and pulled my legs wider apart. The only problem was his dick was only half hard but really wanting in, and I’m thinking "Oh no! Not fucking again!"

I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it seems nearly EVERY time this year these guys I’ve been with get a visit from Mr. ED (Erectile Dysfunction) just when things start going good! I’m starting to think that maybe it’s me. I asked myself "Am I sexually intimidating or something? Do I make guys nervous in bed?"

I’m a very modest person, when ever someone compliments me with "Wow, you’re awesome" types of compliments, I always reply "Nah, I’m just me." And it’s true, I don’t think I’m anyone special, but parts of me are exceptional, lol. I take pride in the fact that I give mind blowing head jobs and really enjoy sucking cock (even though sometimes they are not deserved). That and having a nice ass considering it’s size is my other vanity.

I’ve had a lot of repressed sexual energy and tension that hasn’t really been released in quite a while. Sure, I see my fuck buddy Bubby maybe once a month or so, but unless he’s fucked up the sex just isn’t worth it. And he doesn’t give head unless he’s drinking, and that is a BIG turn off, not to mention his hang up about him being "undersized".

But when Lars and I started molesting each other and he finally got his semi in, I gave him some pussy probably like he’s never had before. Once again, I’m not bragging, it’s just the truth, but I have a tight, small pussy with excellent control. I can contract and expand my pussy walls quick or slow at will, and with some guys it takes them right over the edge.

It was close, but I squeezed his cock out and it wasn’t cooperating to go back in, so I laid him back down and lowered my head to his cock while turning my hips towards his hands. Reaching over for my toy bag, I extracted Ruffles and put it in his hand. I could see the grin on his face as my mouth enveloped his stiffening cock again, and he inserted the smaller end in my pussy, little by little.

I squirmed under the toy in his hands and moaned around the dick in my mouth, shoving my face down and biting gently at the base. His back arched and I gobbled that cock further, my pussy getting wetter listening to his moans. I was dripping pussy juices down the dildo and onto his hand as turned back around so he could watch me suck his cock. He held my long draping hair back as I gave my full attention to making his hard on last long and strong.

Alas, even though I found the "sweet spot" on his cock and probably gave him one of the best blowjobs he ever had in his life, he never got fully rock hard (sigh). He said it might be a combination of the meds he’s taking and the fact that I made him a little nervous. Why does this keep happening to me? He’s 46 and I figured age might have had something to do with it too.

After a brief rest, and chatting a little I molested him again, cause I was in no way finished. I brought out my little blue dolphin vibe and using my toys he made me cum expertly time and time again. I even managed to make him cum again as well, so a good time was had by one and all, lol.

Too much of a good time for me, I got greedy and wanted it again! I so missed the physical contact and passion (and orgasms), that we planned on hooking up several times this week before the kids were out of school for Winter break. I even lucked into a Viagra to see if that wouldn’t help his libido, but of course it didn’t end up happening, and now I’m kinda pissed at him.

Have I mentioned that I stomp my foot and act like a little spoiled brat when I don’t get my way? Lol. The first time we talked at my place, he was going to stop by later that day but didn’t, and didn’t call either. I know how shit can happen so it was no big deal. The second day he was supposed to come back and fuck my brains out, he didn’t show up, but finally called and left a message on my machine cause I was gone by then.

Funny thing though, he’s got my cell phone number and didn’t try that. And last, but not least, he was supposed to call me to come over at 7:30 yesterday morning, and once again was a no call/no show. Now in my book, that’s just rude and impolite. I mean if he wanted to turn what could have been some semi steady fun into a one night (day) stand, that’s cool, I’m a big girl with my head on straight.

Even though he was spouting all that "where have you been all my life", "I want to live down here" and "I should be married to you" kind of garbage when we were fucking, I didn’t fall for it though. I mean after all, guys always speak with their dicks when they’re getting it real good, lol.
But not to call and cancel is just fucking thoughtless and bad mannered. So I left him a voice mail basically saying thanks for the fuck but you’re a rude bastard for not calling to cancel. He called me later yesterday evening and tried to explain but I was like "Dude, that was just plain rude not to call." and he got off the phone quick and hasn’t called back.

Fuck em, there are plenty more fish in the sea that are SINGLE, lol.

On being stupid . . . Entry for December 17, 2006

Yea, I’m getting ready to do something really dumb. I know it, but I’m doing it anyways, my body is over-riding my head this time. This unhappily married guy my friend introduced me to, Lars, has recently entered my circle of friends. I liked him right away, but put my protective "wall" up cause he was married. Though I did feel some chemistry there, I decided to ignore it.

That was until this past weekend. I’ve been thinking about this guy for a few days and now that I’ve gotten to know him a little better, my restriction on married guys has faltered. I went out Saturday night with my girlfriend to a swing party, but it was kind of slow so we left and went to the club for a while where Lars is the bouncer.

It’s a small redneck world out here and let me tell you how small. He’s the uncle of my girlfriend but only a few years older than she is. He was married to my occasional fuck buddy’s (Bubby) brother (Cowboy). His ex wife and I share the same name and I know her and she can’t stand me.

Last night at the club (my first time there), who should be there but Bubby and his brother Cowboy with another friend of theirs. I wanted to flirt with Lars, but since he was working the door, didn’t get much of a chance to talk. I went over and said Hi to Bubby and chatted for a couple minutes about the guitar he was restringing for me, then went back to my table.

That’s when my friend told me that Lars was planning on kicking Cowboys ass that night. Men! I just don’t understand what motivates them sometimes. I guess I would if I had a penis, lol. Well it was pretty dead there too, so we decided to go back to the swing party. But before I left the club I did tell Lars that I’d like to see him if he wanted to stop by after he got off work.

Well, he never came by but it was no biggee. I went over to my friend’s house this afternoon with some smoke and told her to call him over from next door to share it with us and she did. We were getting stoned and talking in the computer room, when she left the room to take a call and we were finally alone. I immediately went into flirt mode, lol.

I told him that he really missed out by not coming when I was drunk and horny last night. He grabbed his head in his hands and said "Nooo, don’t tell me that!" and explained how he didn’t get home until 5am this morning. I laughed and said it was ok, and noticing he was still standing, I got off the chair I was sitting in and moved to the one by the window, purposely sticking my velour clad ass up in the air for his viewing pleasure.

He had already told me he liked my ass, so I got the response from him I was hoping for. I continued to flirt with him, and stood up with some lame excuse so I could get closer to him when he didn’t sit down. He reached for me and I was a little surprised he didn’t try to kiss me right away, but whispered into my neck "I’d love to just lick you from head to toe" and I melted, I have to have this man!

We stand there chatting
I feel the attraction pulling me closer
Invading my personal space
But who cares?
Soon I’m encircled in your arms
Your breath on my neck
Whispering words to the fastly beating pulse
Hands traveling
Gently caressing
Lips meet and part together
Hmmm, that electric taste
My head is screaming NO!
But chemistry tells my body fuck YEA!
A scheduled date for the morn’
Forbidden fruit for breakfast
Long absent from my diet
I think I could get used to its taste

We made out for a while in my friend’s computer room and I was really tempted just to drag his ass in her bathroom and rip his pants off and play vacuum cleaner, but I resisted the temptation. It was cute when we finally broke apart, he put his hands together like he was praying and looking up to God and said "Thank you, I know I’ve been a bad boy, but thank you!" He’s coming over in the morning after my boys go to school.

I can’t wait for breakfast!

Untitled . . . Entry for December 14, 2006

No title on today’s post, I usually have them thought up before I start writing, but not today. I’ve been lax on my blogging mainly cause all I would do is bitch about these fucking kids of mine, and I know you have better things to do than listen to me complain, lol. I’ve been depressed, but rather busy lately, so that’s a bonus.

Over the weekend my occasional "fuck buddy" Bubby (that’s him in the pic) spent the night, but I haven’t really felt like writing about it, even though it was his first time making a woman really squirt. And it’s not like I didn’t have a good time, worthy of posting. But I’m starting to wonder if "Tales of My Sex Life" doesn’t get stale and repetitious sometimes.

I’ve been in a weird mood these days. Being alone is really starting to bug me, but I don’t want to settle for less, know what I mean? There are several married guys out there right now that I could fuck in a heartbeat, but I will not fuck a married man. Oral sex and masturbation I will do however, but dick penetration, no way Jose’.

Some of you may not understand why I think one is OK and the other is not, but you have to look at it this way. Say I decide to fuck a married guy and the sex is the best beyond belief. All of a sudden I start to get emotionally attached and I end up fucked in the end (again). Why even bother putting myself at risk for that, just for a few moments of pleasure? I don’t believe in "cheating" or having affairs anymore, whether it’s in real life or online, so I try to steer clear of guys that are "taken".

The last time I had an "affair" with a married man was over a dozen years ago. I met him online back when local BBS’s were still around and Internet access was hard to find (and expensive). We started a friendship that was based on him wanting to have a 3-some with his wife to make up for her cheating on him.

I was attracted to him before I ever saw him, which was a good thing cause he was definitely not my "type" (I’ve always been into "bad boys"). Well the 3-some turned out badly with her getting jealous but we ended hooking up and having a relationship. Long story short, he’s now my 2nd ex husband. I realize now that that’s a relationship I never should have started in the first place.

I was lonely and got involved for all the wrong reasons. He was a control freak and I was not allowed to be my real self when we were together. Not to mention he was abusive at times, mentally and emotionally but the physical abuse did our relationship in for good. Actually I was glad he hit me, I must confess, cause then I had a solid reason to kick his ass out permanently.

Not that that situation is likely to repeat itself. But I would be wasting my emotional well being if I got intimately involved with married man, or even one in a "live-in" relationship. And you say "Oral sex and masturbation isn’t intimate?" and my answer is no, because the part of me that makes me a woman is not being penetrated by the part of him that makes him a man.

I haven’t always been this way, I didn’t use to care who I slept with, as long as I was having fun. But then I started feeling a little "used" and I didn’t have as much fun anymore. And that made me rethink my sexual habits. So here I sit, still horny as hell with ready, willing and able horny men within arms reach, and I turn em down.

I need love

The 12 Days of Yahoo . . . Entry for December 13, 2006

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
Twelve Yahoo idiots I'm ignoring
Eleven narcissists blogging
Ten fake bi-females messaging
Nine Spam deleted
Eight webcamers requesting
Seven perverts watching
Six new emails waiting
Five Friends online!
Four empty profiles
Three 360 invites
Two new blog entries
. . . And a guy on cam showing his pee pee

Life according to South Park . . . Entry for December 9, 2006

People often ask "What’s your guilty pleasure?" and I must say South Park would be mine. I’ve owned and watched every episode of South Park ever made, over and over again. I download the new ones off of the Internet the day after they premiere. Yes, South Park’s comedy contains a lot of tasteless toilet humor, but I like the fact they take nothing seriously and trash EVERYONE, including them selves. They don’t bow down to pressure not to parody such hot topics as religion and politics, and even satirize the latest tragic headlines.

Well I watched episode #1007 again last night, "TSST". It was about Cartman being out of control, and they parody those Nanny reality TV shows and the "Dog Whisperer" too. It was pretty funny, but it got me to thinking . . . In the cartoon they aren’t acknowledging Cartman’s bad behavior at all and it reminded me of my son’s "silent treatment" of me a couple days ago. We’ve been fighting because I’m having serious issues with him not finishing the dishes and I’m not backing down.

He started saying some shit when we were argueing about how I never do anything around the house (he said it in pig latin though, his balls aren’t that big, lol) just because I’ve got the household chores divided up between the 3 of them. After all, they are the ones making most of the messes. I clean up after myself. So today I washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen that my problem child never finished. He was threatened with it and has now earned himself the chore of doing dishes until next year as punishment.

I also cleaned the living room mess that my dogs made when youngest son didn’t put the dogs in their bathroom for the night. They got a hold of the only present underneath the Christmas tree and chewed it open (2 years ago they opened a PS2 controller and half ate it). It was for me from my problem child, a box of chocolate cordial cherries, a candy I happen to detest, yuk! They’ve never seen me eat one!

When he first put the present under the tree, he goes "I get a brownie point for first one to get Mom a gift!" I told him "If you got me something just to earn brownie points, then you can just take it back." Well he came in my room first this morning and showed me the ripped box saying "Look at what the dogs did to the present I got you". I looked at him in the eye and said "Good thing I don’t like chocolate covered cherries" and he tossed them in my trash.

Yes, I was being a bitch, I knew he didn’t finish the kitchen again and damnit I was pissed off! So today I decided to take the South Park approach and just not acknowledge him at all, the silent treatment back in his face. I cleaned the kitchen to my satisfaction, and was still working on it when they came home from school. He didn't thank me or say a word about my finishing his job, the little jerk.

I’m kind of ignoring all three of them now, unless it’s to give them direction. I’m sick and tired of them fucking off their responsibilities. They have absolutely no clue how lucky they are to have me as a Mom. As open, understanding, caring and loving as I am to these boys they just don’t know how closed minded and strict other parents can be.

Though I do try to remind them they’re helluv lucky I didn’t turn out to be a psycho bitch like their Grandmother, and at least they have the courtesy to say AMEN to that. Ain’t it a bitch though that during this Christmas when can afford to do a few nice things for them (for a change), it seems like they go out of their way just to piss me off. I just wish I could try and capture another one of those happy moments we used to share when they were little and so easy to please, even if Santa did get all the credit.

I’m so tired and frustrated
This weight feeling like boulders
Carried alone on injured shoulders
Tasks never seem to get fully done
Their only interests are having fun
Duties unfinished so it seems
Giving precedence to their own things
My three pre-man sons
Jealous of their freedom?
I became a mother at their age
Now hoping they just pass this phase
And finally gain some common sense
Least common of all the senses
An oxymoron to the Nth degree

What’s Christmas without drama . . . Entry for December 8, 2006

It wouldn’t be the Christmas season without family drama, and this year is no exception. If I’m not constantly fighting with my teenage sons about their chores, then I’m intervening in fights between my Mom and my Daughter, Erica. Erica and my 8 year old Granddaughter have been living with my Mom for quite a while now, and like I’ve said, my mother can be kind of a psycho bitch sometimes. Last night Mom called me and started venting about their latest fight.

Mom is one of those “It’s my way or no fucking way!” types of people and my only daughter has a problem with taking personal responsibility for her own actions. Needless to say it’s not a good combo to have underneath one roof. Long story short, my Mom was going to “punish” my daughter for having made them wait over an hour to pick her up from the BART station (the Bay Area’s above/below ground train system) the evening before.

My mother wanted to teach her a lesson by making her take the bus home after riding BART, instead of picking her up as usual. Well I listened to my Mom bitch and moan (again) about all of Erica’s shortcomings (some of which she blames on me, but do I blame her for my faults?) and their problems. After a while I did the usual holding-the-phone-away-from-my-ear and saying “Uh huh”, “Really?” and “You don’t say” at appropriate intervals then passed the phone to my boys so they could talk to her.

They hung up after a few minutes then probably not half an hour later Mom calls me back, livid. So what has my Daughter done this time? She called her boyfriend and tells him about their fight and he says he’s going to pick her up. Erica knows better than to pull something like this, and of course when she calls Mom to tell her, Mom goes ballistic and says she better be on that bus or she can get the fuck out.

For real, she should have been out of my Mom’s house ages ago and I’ve told her this. Hell, I left home at 13 just to get away from the crazy bitch (but I still love her). All 3 of us kids got out before our 18th birthdays, and my Daughter is going on 26. Lately their arguments have been escalating to violence, my Mom being the aggressor. But now that Erica’s gotten a steady boyfriend with a good job, I told her she really needs to get her shit together and out on her own.

So now Mom tells me that Erica’s boyfriend called her, and he her that he doesn’t want Erica taking the bus at night alone (this is in Oakland, CA btw). Of course my Mom tries to explain she’s trying to prove a point to Erica, but he tells her he doesn’t care, he’s picking her up. Not something you tell my Mother if you’re trying to stay on her good side.

Well I listened to my Mom bitch and moan (again) about all of Erica’s shortcomings (some of which she blames on me, but do I blame her for my faults?) and I tried to calm her down. Much to my dismay she goes “Well, are you going to call her?” I was stunned, “What do you want me to say Mom? It’s not like she’s ever listened to me before.” But my Mom wasn’t going to be happy until I called her, so I hung up and got my Daughter on the phone.

I was pissed off for getting dragged in the middle of their fight and immediately went into “preach” mode, something I despise. Of course I let her have it, not that it did any good. The child blames nothing on herself, it’s always everybody else’s fault. I told her to call her boyfriend and tell him not to come pick her up, but it was already too late, she was riding in his car.

So I explained to her that the bottom line was if she didn’t take the bus home and showed up with him in his car, she was going to have to pack their bags and get the fuck out when she got home, no ifs ands or buts. Somehow I think that was her plan all along so he could come to her rescue, because my Mother called me back a little while later to tell me that Erica and my granddaughter have moved out.

I hate to think that she would be that manipulative, but I remember how she used to be in her teens and she hasn’t changed that much. My mother behaved evilly though when they were leaving. Erica’s boyfriend was taking their things to the car and my Mom tells him “You know she had herpes, don’t you?” When Mom confessed to me that she said that I could NOT believe it!

My mouth dropped open, literally, and I was speechless. My daughter had contracted it from her baby’s Daddy, the bastard. I think that’s why she went lesbian for years and this is the first guy she’s had a relationship with since him. But for my Mom to blurt out something like that just to hurt Erica is just way too low a blow. No matter how pissed she was, she should never have gone there.

No wonder I’m as fucked up in the head as I am, aren’t families wonderful?

Ben Stein on Christmas . . . Entry for December 4, 2006

I first saw this excerpt from a post on my good friend Peachycoco’s blog and thought in the spirit of Christmas I’d steal it and share the warmth. But first I decided to do a little research and find out if it’s really was true before posting it. And sure enough, after a short google search, I found a link to it on Ben Stein’s website under "Stuff Ben Wrote" . I hope he doesn’t mind the reprint.

12/18/05 CBS Sunday Morning Commentary:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

© Ben Stein

Of course Nick and Jessica are no more, neither are Brittany and K-Fed, which goes to show celebrities suck ass at relationships just like we do, lol. But I mean c’mon people, some people can be WAY too politically correct, and would it kill ya once a year to just let people be people and be good to each other, and keep your personal offendedness (yea, I made up that word) to yourself?

If you don’t want to believe in Jesus and Christmas, that’s cool, but don’t ruin it for those who do and want to celebrate. And the same goes for Chanukah (Dreidel dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay), and Kwanza for that matter. I could use some more info on Kwanza if someone would care to comment with it.

But whatever your belief or faith, can’t we all just celebrate being good to each other in the middle of winter for no particular reason? Or in the middle of summer for those of our friends in the Land of OZ and EnZed? Is that so wrong? All yearlong would be great too, but I know that’s asking for too much, lol.

No luck at all sometimes . . . Entry for December 2, 2006

Damnit, December is barely here and I’ve just slipped on the deck stairs outside! I tried to catch myself but I think that made my fall worse. My slippered foot went right out from under me and I grabbed harder at the rail, trying to break my fall. Then my other foot slipped too and bent kinda in half then my ass hit the step hard, I’ll probably have one helluva sunset colored bruise tomorrow. I hurt my left foot, wrentched my already sore shoulder, hurt my thumb, and I don’t know what else, I’m tired and it hurts a little all over.

I had worked in Indiana tonight until almost 11pm at a Merrill Lynch site finishing up an IP phone project. Then I went over the river to Henderson, Ky and chilled out at a girlfriends' house for a bit, then got home at about 2:30am. I was hoping my 3 high school age sons would be asleep by then so I could hide my Christmas shopping in the shed out back and lock it. But of course they slept right after getting home from school so now are up for the night.

It stormed all day yesterday but it was still kind of warm, but that didn’t last for long. When night came, the cold front blew loudly and this morning we got our first sprinkle dusting of snow. But for the rest of today, it was just very cold and windy. When I got home I didn’t have a problem coming up the steps at all. After coming in the house and changing I put on my slippers and went to get my laptop out of the trunk and holler for my dogs to come in.

The deck wasn’t icy, just a little frosty looking, kind of sparkly and pretty actually. A light frost rimed everything but my feet were steady until I got to the stairs and down I went. Ain’t that about a bitch? I feel like Rodney Dangerfield sometimes, shit always seems to keep happening to me. The fall I just took just now is in addition to another injury I sustained earlier today while I was getting dressed.

I accidentally ripped most of the remaining half of my right pinky toenail when I put on my pants and it snagged on a seam. I grabbed my foot and cussed like hell. The scrap of toenail hung by just a shred of cuticle, so I yanked hard and took it all off. It hurt like fuck too! Then as I limped my bleeding toe into the bathroom, I jammed it right into the doorframe. Damn, I just noticed it even left a bloodstain. I swear, I got no luck at all sometimes . . .

A “Traditional” Holiday poem . . . Entry for November 30, 2006

T’was still the Month before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Well except for this damn mouse

I’ve kept my cats out
From under this trailer
So this mouse made his home
I’m afraid to tell ya

In between the walls
Of my bathroom and bed
A cute little field mouse
Decided to rest his sweet head

And chew a hole into my room
It took a couple of nights
Sounds of his nocturnal scratching
Always gave me a fright

So I called all my cats
To help with the problem
I figured at least one of them
Could easily catch him

Here Pudgey, here Tubby Guts
Come Furball and Crazy,
I’ve got some treats for you
Donnie, Noddles and Mr, Kitty

Though try as I might
To get them to catch that rodent
Pawing at my kitty-hypno blanket
Was how their time was spent

Then I tried my two dogs
The great outdoor rodent chasers
They’ve dug up mole tunnels
In numerous places

I let Strongbad and Sox
Come visit my small room
With them being so hyper
I knew I was asking for doom

But it turned out ok
Sox caught mouse scent soon after
And ran all around the room
Managing to avoid disaster

From wall to wall she sniffed
Nose trailing the floor
She finally stopped and pawed
At my closed closet door

Too much junk in there
To let her search and destroy
So I let the dogs out
And thought up another ploy

Poison was out
Since I have not a few cats
And I said no like wise
For your standard mouse traps

Then I thought "Glue traps,"
"Glue’s just the thing!"
So I ran down to Wal-Mart
And bought them first thing

I set one out last night
Rested it up against the hole
Hoping that by morning
I’d finally catch my sleep-robbing foe

And come daylight
What to my wondering eyes did I see?
The glue trap had moved
And held a fat little mousie!

I held the trap up
And looked in his eyes
They were beady and brown
And much to my surprise . . .

He wasn’t dead at all
And now to add to my dilemma
I don’t know what to do
With this cute little fella

When my boys get home from school
I’ll let them take care of it’s plight
But this eve I’ll rest easy
And finally have a good night

Change is in the air . . . Entry for November 27, 2006

Life is about change
Without it
You stagnate and whither
Sometimes you can just smell when it’s in the air
To borrow an old cliché
But it’s fitting out here
Where we burn the leaves and leavings of the land
The colors
So flamingly brilliant scant days before
Slowly fade into mediocrity
Blending back into the background
Getting ready for that hard cold sleep
So warm, the weather
Balmy breezes bathe my face
Late afternoon lights reflect off the playful surface
As I drop my book for the taut line dancing by my side
Smiling even though the fish ate but the hook did not
Enjoying for maybe the last time I fear
Just a little echo that keeps me out here
A tasty appetizer to hold me for next year
To remind me that beauty may be hidden
But is always near.

Do you ever have days so damn good that It just makes you want to cry? It’s been so long since I’ve had some good things happen in my life, I’ve forgotten what it was like. Even though I haven’t worked since the last week in September, I’ve managed to keep my head above water and little else. A few weeks ago I received a couple child support checks (they are few, small and far between), giving me enough for a small Christmas.

But then last week I received a letter from Social Security saying that they were finally releasing funds for my son that had been due for almost a year, now we can afford a pretty decent Christmas. So now today after checking my email and finding nothing in the way of employment in my inbox, I jumped offline. The phone rang almost immediately and I thought that maybe it was about a job and someone was using the redial-until-not-busy feature.

It wasn’t, it was some student loan consolidation telemarketer or bill collector of some kind. Before he started into his "speech", I headed off the conversation with "Look, I haven’t worked since the end of September . . ." but he kind of cut me off. He said he wasn’t asking for any money, all he wanted to do was some paperwork. I thought, "OK, why not?"

When I started college in ‘91, I didn’t know about student loans (I didn’t even know what a syllabus was!) and was living in the Projects in Louisville, KY. I was already on the waiting list for "Section 8" (federal subsidized housing program) but sometimes it takes years to get on. But when I found out that I could get student loans, I took one out every semester and paid rent on a house for six months at a time.

Long story short, my loans defaulted and I was never able to even get my college transcripts after graduating. So I decide to listen to this guy on the phone, he seemed kinda nice, but I stayed suspicious. When he started going over my records, he mentioned that about 20,000$ had been paid off on my Stafford loan. I was dumbstruck, thinking SOMEONE has fucked up in accounting! Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I absorbed that little bit of information while he talked.

But my innate honesty got the better part of me and I admitted to him that there must me some mistake, I’d never paid off any of my student loans. He checked his records and said that in 1998 about 20,000$ had been paid off. He suggested that maybe one of my parents had done it. Since my Mother inherited some stocks from an elderly woman she used to take care of, that option was plausible.

That’s about the only person I can think of that might have the money to do that, but why never say anything to me about it if she did? My Mom can bea psycho bitch sometimes, but I still love her. Our Mother/Daughter relationship has had its highs and some really bad lows. But through the years I have learned how to deal with it and not get so fucking crazy pissed off at her. After all, she’s set in her ways and will never change, I’ve come to accept that.

But now that I think about it, my Mom has lent me money numerous times when I’ve needed it since then. I’ve had to pay a hefty price whenever I ask though (the bitching/preaching I have to listen to), but in the end she helps out. Over time I’ve lost track of how much I owed her, but she always knew, and would throw it in my face when we were arguing. During those fights I’d remind her that I had always promised to pay it off when I eventually collected child support.

Well back in 2002 after I got a hefty child support settlement (he was over 30,000$ in arrears) I finally paid my Mom back the 2300$ I owed her, so I wouldn’t have to hear about that ever again, and because I really wanted to put that debt to rest But now I’m wondering why she wouldn’t use the "secret loan payment" as ammunition during one of our many arguments we’ve had since then? I just don’t get it.

But it any case, the guy on the phone had more good news. Since that loan was paid off, and the University is now consolidating all these old loans, it’s like the loans never went into default, and now I can get my college transcripts! I’ve never been able to get them, and have lost job opportunities because of it. Not to mention that if I wanted to go back to school to get my IT certifications, I could be eligible for grants/loans to help pay for the cost.

I’m still looking for that loophole though, I’m such a pessimist. It seems there’s always some Catch-22 lurking between the lines somewhere. So already this has been a great day, things have really been looking up, and then my phone rings. It’s my ex, Shawn, the younger guy I was with for almost 3 yrs. We hadn’t talked or corresponded via email in months, but all of a sudden, he calls and I’m not online for a change. He said he tried calling last night but I busy was downloading files.

It was so good to hear his voice! I mean finding out 20,000$ in student loans have been mysteriously repaid was great, but his calling me was the cherry on top! He’s still with his ex and his kids in Louisiana and doing OK. I’ve missed him so much, in and out of bed. All right I’ll admit it, I’ve missed him most from my bed, and he knows it too. Sex with his ex wife (they haven’t remarried) is just plain boring and not worth it most the time, he tells me. I believe it too, I’ve met her.

I’ve got more sensuality in my little finger than she has in her whole body, and she has no ass whatsoever (meow, yes I’m being catty, lol). I told him just to close his eyes and fuck her, imagining that it was me and he said it would be impossible. "Not even with a fifth of Jim Beam in me would I be able to imagine it" he laughed, I laughed too. Our sex together always was like living chemistry, our bodies were so evenly matched in wants, needs and desires. (Sigh)

He said she makes him feel old now (at 30!), and reminisced on how we always used to have fun. We both agreed that it was one helluva ride that lasted almost 3 years. Just hearing his voice made me horny (not to mention the roach I smoked while talking), and since we’ve had phone sex countless times, well it was a gimme we were both going to cum while talking, lol.

We talked about my toys as I took them out, and he told me he found a porn magazine that has a pic of a chick playing with a dildo almost just like mine. I offered to send him dirty pics of me so he could have the real thing, but we both knew that wasn’t gonna happen. Not unless he gets his own PO box so I can send him mail so she won’t find out, lol.

I told him to listen to how wet talking to him was making my pussy, and lowered the phone so he could hear the wetness of my dildo sliding in and out. He started talking dirty to me, painting a picture verbally while stroking himself harder. I came pretty quick and squirted all over my hand and dildo. His encouraging low whispers of how hard he was fucking me right now, and seeing him in my minds eye plunging deeper in my pussy made me cum even more.

With no one home, I could scream and moan in ecstasy as loud as I wanted. And when he verbally took his throbbing cock out after fucking me hard and started slapping my clit with it, that was all she wrote! I came really loud and my juices just started fountaining out of my clenching pussy, running down my ass cheeks and crack and finally I could feel them puddle down the small of my back.

As I gasped in orgasm again and again, I heard his sharp intake of breath. I closed my eyes and I could almost see his face, eyes rolling up to their whites while he grasped his cock in a tight fist. My un-stifled moans filled my bedroom, while I mentally watched him explode and pull the cum deep from his within balls, enjoying and sharing in his pleasure as it spilt over like white lava. Mmmm, tasty . . . We got off the phone and he promised to stay in touch more often. I could get used to that (grin).

I started this post out today standing in the front doorway, naked, looking out at the little lake outside and holding a purring kitten. I thought about the things that are changing all around me, the scenery, climate, the family finances . . . and I realized that I’m not as enthused about Steve’s moving out here now that it’s gotten delayed. He’s cut way down on his drinking, I can tell from our conversations. But will it be enough to keep us together?

When we talked the other day I tried to get him to pinpoint an approximate date or range of dates that he would be leaving, and he just couldn’t give it to me. I asked him several times, point blank, and finally to avoid an argument I just said goodbye and hung up the phone. It’s given me doubts, that’s for sure. Well, enough of my ramblings for the day, I need to get back to my crocheting so I can finish this afghan before Christmas or if I hurry, to give my Nana for her 89th birthday in a couple weeks.

Kisses!

Wake and Bake, lol . . . Entry for November 22, 2006

I’ve been baking and cooking ever since I got up this morning. I’ve learned to get everything ready the night before, for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow, and now I’m taking a "toke" break. I just got finished cumming real hard watching some of my old favorite porn clips, lol. I’ve been horny ever since I came home from the Bowling Green party on Saturday night, or should I say Sunday Morning.

I got pretty well wasted at the party drinking some Mead (honey wine) I made around February of this year. Man, it kicked my ass! Or maybe it was the 2 valiums I took . . . or the couple joints I smoked . . . probably all three, lol. In any case, Techy was good and shit-faced. I was playing pool (and kicking ass too,lol) when it hit me all at once, I was fuuucked uuuup!

I had already dressed down to the white see-through lace and cotton shirt and aqua fishnet hose, in the pic above, so I was comfy, but getting spinny if you know what I mean? I left the game and wandered into one of the more "private" rooms that has black lighting. I figured I could kick back and maybe pass out for a bit, but the couch was taken up by this chick I’d been playing pool with during the evening.

I had thought she was cute, soft and sexy, and when I saw her legs up in the air, getting a good fuck, I couldn’t help myself. I kneeled next to her head and asked, "May I?" She replied "Yes!" and I sucked on her hard nipples like a starving baby, lol. I kissed her as she gasped while her pussy got pounded and I started playing with her clit, and soon I tasted her moans on my lips.

After a few minutes her friend took a break and I jumped right in. There were people standing around in the dark room, only visible if they were wearing something that glowed under the black light. As I lowered my head to taste that wet and waiting pussy, I could feel the sexual tension in the air all around us. Since she had already been good and fucked, I wasted no time in finding her g-spot and throbbing clit.

She was the center of attention and lovin’ it as I licked and stroked her pussy into orgasm again and again. Her moans filled the room as people wandered in and out, and listening to her it turned me on as they watched her cum. I asked her partner to hand me my backpack so I could get out my toys cause I wanted to play more. I took out "Ruffles" (my acrylic dildo, ruffles has ridges, lol) and put it to good use.

Looking at her for permission, I inserted the dildo in slowly, seeing how much she could take. It was obvious she could take it pretty good, cause I made her cum with it right away. God it made me so wet, so I set my toy down for a sec and ripped off my panties and fishnets. It was then that I noticed that "Ruffles" was glowing under the black light and looked pretty cool.

My dildo has 2 usable ends, a thinner "beaded" end that goes from about 1 inch to maybe 3 inches, and the other end which is kind of "doorknob" shaped with another large "bead" that decreases in size. This makes it possible to use as a double dildo, since the ridge won’t let it slip out when the large end is inserted. Which is exactly what I did, lol.

I lay back and slowly inched the large end in my slick pussy. You have to be careful, cause if you’re too rough, you could hurt yourself with it. I was so wet and horny though, I had no problem putting it in, and with the other end sticking out of me, I thrust it in her hot waiting pussy. I imagined that I had a cock, and fucked her good while I felt it fucking me too!

Next I reached in my backpack and removed my little pocket rocket vibe then took turns buzzing our both our clits. We both came again and again, while people watched and wandered through. Listening to her moan, I could see in my mind all the cocks around us getting harder and harder, the more orgasms we had. Finally we had to stop, or I was going to pass out. It was a delicious workout though.

I'm going to another party this Friday, maybe if I’m lucky I’ll find a hot horny chick to please again . . .

Rain, rain, go away . . . Entry for November 16, 2006

Damn, I hate it when it keeps raining like this! My life is depressing enough right now, I don’t need Mother Nature fucking with me too, lol. Actually I feel a lot better today and realized part of my gloomy mood has been that I ran out of smoke last week. I decided to give it up for a while, because, well, I couldn’t really afford it with Christmas coming up and me still out of work. (Heavy Sigh) I liked Christmas much better when my boys were little and their gifts weren’t as expensive as teenagers’ can be.

And now that my ex, Steve, has caught the flu out in "Sunny California" I know he won’t be here for Thanksgiving, and that’s got me really bummed out too. I’m starting to doubt that that particular dream is going to become a reality. I might as well face it and not court disappointment. So I’ve decided not to put my life on hold (again) for something that might never happen.

But in any case, as I was cleaning out the Wal-Mart receipts from my purse (I SWEAR they must breed in there!), I found a 20$ bill I didn’t know I had and decided to get a little herb. I’m glad I did, I’ve missed visiting my friends’ blogs and being more active online, but you know how depression can be. Well, I caught a buzz this morning and managed to pull myself out of my funk. Then the creative juices started flowing and I wanted to tell you about another weird dream I had.

These strange dreams I’m experiencing must be a symptom of my depression, or something, lol. They just can’t come out of nowhere, can they? Today when I checked my 360 mail, I read a note from someone about posting my "erotica". I realized I haven’t written any real erotica in a while. I’m just reporting on my life, and getting pretty descriptive (grin).

Today I decided to get a little bit more creative when blogging about this morning’s odd dream. Regular readers will I recognize the who/what/when/where I was dreaming about. I hope y’all like it ;)

I dreamt of you last night
Listening to a rain that never ceased chiming on the tin roof overhead
My dreams as of late have been haunting my sleeping flights
As like most nighttime wanderings
The details fade with the dark
But the images remain
And the dream is recounted with concentration in the rain-pattered morning . . .

Our visit turned out otherwise
More of a downside (more apparent anyways)
The argument was there but the resolution differs
I have no idea why
I ended up in bed with 2 men
Close friends of yours
One "sleeping" on each side
In agreement with my views
So sympathetic
And so strong and alive
One in each hand
How did that get there?
The TV was on in wide screen hi-def
Cable no less
And in blazing film nior
Ancient pornography played before our eyes
Young men with young men
Circa the 40’s era
As it seemed to me that tone of monochrome
Faces were seen more distinctly
Than the actual acts themselves
Depicting enjoyment and ecstasy
Thin mustachioed men’s smiles
Seen over their lean shoulders
Unsure why
But it was intriguing me like it never had been before
And I squeezed harder feeling the response in the palms of my hands
Though this friend on the right was more affected than Lefty
His effeminacy clear even to my half-closed eyes
I felt my right hand receive the flood
Warm lava oozing through and dripping off the fingers
As I release my first victim
My full attention given to "Lefty"
Who was still long and strong
I sensed his need for resolution
And rolled over to him
Diving in with a wide open mouth
His leg straddled
Leaving slickness wherever my heat burned
My needs
So simple
The cock raging between my lips
I devour it hungrily
And looking up from this delectable entrée
So I can taste the look on his face . . .

Then bewilderment ensues
Inciting visions turn to nightmare horror
As I seem to lose all 30 years of expert fellatio skills
I feel my confidence becoming ill
All knowledge of intimate personal techniques
Gone in a flash and I become scared and scarred
Will it never come back?
I shudder at the thought
The dream carries on unfulfilled even in the end
And this time as I leave
There is discord between us lingering in the fragrant New Orleans air
Pssst – (there wasn’t any that day, but now it’s there)

I awaken then to thoughts of "What the fuck?"
Aware now and reliving this morning’s fantasy soap opera
Absorbing, or attempting to
Any and all hidden messages
What does it mean, what does it mean? – Lilith Eden

Rain, rain, go away . . . Entry for November 16, 2006

Damn, I hate it when it keeps raining like this! My life is depressing enough right now, I don’t need Mother Nature fucking with me too, lol. Actually I feel a lot better today and realized part of my gloomy mood has been that I ran out of smoke last week. I decided to give it up for a while, because, well, I couldn’t really afford it with Christmas coming up and me still out of work. (Heavy Sigh) I liked Christmas much better when my boys were little and their gifts weren’t as expensive as teenagers’ can be.

And now that my ex, Steve, has caught the flu out in "Sunny California" I know he won’t be here for Thanksgiving, and that’s got me really bummed out too. I’m starting to doubt that that particular dream is going to become a reality. I might as well face it and not court disappointment. So I’ve decided not to put my life on hold (again) for something that might never happen.

But in any case, as I was cleaning out the Wal-Mart receipts from my purse (I SWEAR they must breed in there!), I found a 20$ bill I didn’t know I had and decided to get a little herb. I’m glad I did, I’ve missed visiting my friends’ blogs and being more active online, but you know how depression can be. Well, I caught a buzz this morning and managed to pull myself out of my funk. Then the creative juices started flowing and I wanted to tell you about another weird dream I had.

These strange dreams I’m experiencing must be a symptom of my depression, or something, lol. They just can’t come out of nowhere, can they? Today when I checked my 360 mail, I read a note from someone about posting my "erotica". I realized I haven’t written any real erotica in a while. I’m just reporting on my life, and getting pretty descriptive (grin).

Today I decided to get a little bit more creative when blogging about this morning’s odd dream. Regular readers will I recognize the who/what/when/where I was dreaming about. I hope y’all like it ;)

I dreamt of you last night
Listening to a rain that never ceased chiming on the tin roof overhead
My dreams as of late have been haunting my sleeping flights
As like most nighttime wanderings
The details fade with the dark
But the images remain
And the dream is recounted with concentration in the rain-pattered morning . . .

Our visit turned out otherwise
More of a downside (more apparent anyways)
The argument was there but the resolution differs
I have no idea why
I ended up in bed with 2 men
Close friends of yours
One "sleeping" on each side
In agreement with my views
So sympathetic
And so strong and alive
One in each hand
How did that get there?
The TV was on in wide screen hi-def
Cable no less
And in blazing film nior
Ancient pornography played before our eyes
Young men with young men
Circa the 40’s era
As it seemed to me that tone of monochrome
Faces were seen more distinctly
Than the actual acts themselves
Depicting enjoyment and ecstasy
Thin mustachioed men’s smiles
Seen over their lean shoulders
Unsure why
But it was intriguing me like it never had been before
And I squeezed harder feeling the response in the palms of my hands
Though this friend on the right was more affected than Lefty
His effeminacy clear even to my half-closed eyes
I felt my right hand receive the flood
Warm lava oozing through and dripping off the fingers
As I release my first victim
My full attention given to "Lefty"
Who was still long and strong
I sensed his need for resolution
And rolled over to him
Diving in with a wide open mouth
His leg straddled
Leaving slickness wherever my heat burned
My needs
So simple
The cock raging between my lips
I devour it hungrily
And looking up from this delectable entrée
So I can taste the look on his face . . .

Then bewilderment ensues
Inciting visions turn to nightmare horror
As I seem to lose all 30 years of expert fellatio skills
I feel my confidence becoming ill
All knowledge of intimate personal techniques
Gone in a flash and I become scared and scarred
Will it never come back?
I shudder at the thought
The dream carries on unfulfilled even in the end
And this time as I leave
There is discord between us lingering in the fragrant New Orleans air
Pssst – (there wasn’t any that day, but now it’s there)

I awaken then to thoughts of "What the fuck?"
Aware now and reliving this morning’s fantasy soap opera
Absorbing, or attempting to
Any and all hidden messages
What does it mean, what does it mean? – Lilith Eden

Wild Things . . . Entry for November 15, 2006

I’ve been doing a lot of sewing and crocheting lately, since this year I’ve decided to turn my crafting skills into several gifts for my family. The yarns that they have out now are really cool and a lot less expensive than they used to be, and crocheting is great way to kill time. A few years ago I had bought a bunch of yarn to crochet an afghan, but I lost interest after a short while, though I still kept the unfinished pieces and yarn.

Talking to a very good friend of mine is who is obsessed with crocheting (she omits it, lol) made me decide to tackle the project again. So I unraveled my unfinished work and started from scratch on a new granny square afghan. I’ve been crocheting for so long (since I was about 6) that I don’t have to watch my work constantly anymore, it becomes automatic, kind of by touch.

This leaves my eyes and mind free to watch movies, and tonight’s video was one of my all-time favorites. I played “Wild Things” (1998), a thriller starring Denise Richards, Neve Campbell, Matt Dillon, and Kevin Bacon. If you’ve never seen it, go rent it this weekend. The sexuality and innuendo in most of the scenes in the movie is well worth it.

I stay hot throughout this entire film, lol. I get wet just watching Denise Richards’ nipples through wet t-shirts and bathing suits (mmmm, they just look so tasty). And she’s got those kind of pouty, puffy lips that would look awesome sucking my clit (or a cock too for that matter, lol)! Neve Campbell’s character has that sexy young goth chick thing going on, and she pulls it off well. She makes me want to bury my face in between her thighs!

Matt Dillon has always been a pretty hunky actor, tall, handsome and sexy, a great combo. But tonight I noticed something new this time about Kevin Bacon that never caught my eye before. There’s this one shower scene in the movie, where you get a real good, long look at Kevin Bacon’s bare ass (a nice one for a white boy, lol).

Then he turns around to grab a towel and you get full frontal nudity, which earns big points in my book any day of the week. But I guess it was because I was watching the DVD on my laptop (MUCH better resolution than TV) that I noticed it: Kevin Bacon has a half-hard dick in that shower scene! His “semi” was getting close to half-mast and it looked like it was on its way up there to me, before he hid it with the towel damnit, lol.

Let’s just say the whole freakin’ movie makes my lower lips twitch and drool (wink). Damnit, I’m horny again! Good thing I’m going to another party in Bowling Green this weekend. Maybe then I’ll find some pussy to satisfy my growing appetite. I don’t know what’s been up with me lately, but I’m walking around with a hard clit and damp lips all the time these days.

Maybe it’s because (hopefully) Steve will be here soon and the anticipation is keeping me sexually on edge. I have a feeling he won’t be able to make it here by Thanksgiving though (sigh). His little stint in jail made him lose his job, but he’s working again. Though now it’s pushed back his plans a couple weeks, he doesn’t want to arrive here broke.

At least this way it will give him a chance to get used to my sexploits with bi-women. I sooo love making women cum, there’s just nothing like it! Women are never more beautiful than when they orgasm, it’s such a turn on to me. They don’t even have to touch me, just let me please them the best I can. I enjoy feeding off their orgasms and then reliving the experience over and over again, closing my eyes and tasting the memory of them on my lips and tongue, yum!

I’ve told him a few of my stories about other women and me, and he seems to enjoy listening to me recount my naughty tales. But the other day he definitely didn’t like hearing me talk about the men that have been in my life since we last parted, especially anything to do with my ex’s. I got a little pissed off myself and said he was being plain stupid, to be jealous of something in my past, but you know how men and their egos can be (no flames please, lol).

I apologized for calling him stupid, and discussed the issue with him rationally. I explained that everything we experience in our lives makes us who we are. To be getting upset at something that has already become a part of me just doesn’t make sense, it’s only history. After a spending few minutes thinking about it, he agreed that it was kind of dumb, lol. I told him he doesn’t have anything to worry about, because now he’s the only man I really want to be with.

For I’ve come to the conclusion that if love isn’t involved, then sex with men (I’m talking penile penetration, i.e. intercourse) is just empty pleasure. I want to feel the emotion as my man’s cock explodes deep inside me and I drown us both in a liquid flow of my love. Then we can share that moment together that’s just a little like death. Without love, it’s “just sex” and that’s not what I’m looking for right now, and this time I don’t plan on settling for anything less.

It’s my prerogative . . . Entry for November 13, 2006

Another long and pretty much boring weekend has passed, though I did get a lot of pre-holiday house cleaning done. I’m trying to get everything looking nice before Steve comes. Yea, you heard right, I changed my mind about letting him come live with us. After all, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, though lord only knows whether or not I’m making the right decision.

He got out of jail last week, and all his bench warrants were for some stupid stuff and now he’s free and clear with time served for the few days he spent in jail. We talked over the weekend and he sounded really good. If he was drinking (he said he wasn’t), then it wasn’t very much. He says he still really needs to get out of California and wants to start a new life with me again.

One of the problems we had the last time Steve was here in Kentucky was the fact that we were all living in the same house with my ex-husband, Bruce, who is also an alcoholic. Bruce and Steve got along great with each other, since my ex is a likable guy, that is unless you’re married to him, lol. The fact that they got along really wasn’t a good thing though, well for me anyways.

Bruce had an extremely bad influence on Steve. He kept him supplied with booze whenever he was around. I know I know, I can’t blame my ex completely for Steve’s behavior, he’s responsible for his own actions. But have a sneaking suspicion that Bruce even got Steve to cheat on me one time too, with some drunk-ass whore he brought home with him one weekend. It would be like my ex to do something like that just to fuck with me.

Over this past weekend, Steve and me had a long talk and discussed some of the issues we had the last time we were together. I know he’s not going to stop drinking overnight, I’m not a complete idiot, lol. But I told him that I didn’t want him getting drunk around the kids at all, and he agreed. He said he DID want to stop drinking and I told him again how much more I love him when he’s sober, and that I think drinking diminishes him

Since my last post when I talked about Steve, I had a long email discussion with one of my 360 friends (thanks again sweety!). She shared with me a part of her life that was parallel with mine, and how she gave up on a long-term relationship with an alcoholic. But then when he moved away for a job, he finally got sober and now they’re even more in love than ever before. She gave me hope.

So here I am, been horny as all hell all weekend and thinking about him all the time now. I close my eyes and relive the lost innocence of my first time again and again while I masturbate, his name on my lips as my pussy squirts hard on my dildo. I think of his hard thick cock fucking my mouth, and how the first cum I ever tasted was his. Damnit, I WANT HIM SOOOO FUCKING BAD NOW!

The good thing about that is that he wants me just as much! When we talked Saturday night (hehehe, and I started talking dirty too) he told me I had better be prepared to stay in bed for at least 3 days when he gets here, lol. I told him we can’t spend ALL our time in bed (though the idea is tempting). I’ve already got him a job lined up when he arrives, so he’ll be working right away. That’ll help him stay sober too, his keeping busy.

With any luck, he’ll be here in less than 2 weeks. Till then, I’m counting down the days . . .

Dreamweaver . . . Entry for November 8, 2006

Apparently it’s not a cold that’s got me under the weather, but something in the damn air is triggering allergies I didn’t know I had. Not only that, but I also get SAD (seasonal affective disorder) when it’s this time of year, on top of my predisposition to depression and now PMS! I just can’t get a fucking break it seems. But I didn’t want to just bitch and moan in this post (well, a little maybe, lol), but I wanted to talk about dreams . . .

I’m pretty sure everyone dreams, and I’ve been told some people dream in black and white but I’ve only ever dreamed in color. Lately, and I’m not sure why, but my dreams have been really intense, one of them waking me up last night from a relationship nightmare, it was kinda fucked. That one was I believe was based on that guy I was dating for a while, Bubby, and the fact of him wanting his brother’s old lady.

In the dream we drove to this really nice house of friends of this guy I was dating (no clue who he was). We were shown around and at first our hostess was really nice to me. But it was just a front, she really turned into a bitch. They had a carnival-type swing ride in their backyard (lol) and I got on it for a spin, but she turned up the speed and it made the swing hit their garage wall.

Her apology was just a front, she really meant to hurt me! And the guy I was with was like "oh it’s no big thing" but it really was. There was some shit going on between them behind my back and I could feel it. We left and then drove to an identical house of other friends of his and I felt his betrayal. I woke up from that one and really had to shake off the bad feelings it left me.

But that was only the first dream of the night, the second one was pretty cool and starred Halle Berry (damn that woman is so freakin’ hot!). We didn’t have sex, but the sensuality between us was there and we flirted with each other, making plans on a future hook up. This was somewhat of a "lucid" dream, as I seem to remember directing some the things that were happening, kind of like a half-asleep fantasy of sorts.

The next dream of the night (I wasn’t done yet) was really strange. It involved Al Pacino and Joe Pesci (and don’t ask me why!). This one was really a trip, cause Al Pacino was dead and stuffed underneath this rectangle island counter in my dream housee, and Joe Pesci along with someone else came to pick up the body. They both were going to be pall bearers at the funeral (I told you it was weird).

They didn’t ask me questions or anything, but I noticed Joe was taking along time looking under the counter at something. The body had already been taken away, and he was still looking under there, so I asked him what he was looking at. He pulled out a spiral notebook of mine that apparently I had been writing my blog entries in and said he was fascinated.

Flattered (and not even wondering why Al Pacino’s dead body was under my counter), we started talking. Joe told me he’d never met someone like me before (I’ll skip all the ego flattering dream crap) and really wanted to get to know me. He’d been looking for someone like me for a very long time and was now glad he found me. I like funny guys, maybe that’s why I dreamed of Joe Pesci.

On to the next dream, this one was really odd as well. I had moved into a studio apartment (with 3 young kids no less) in another town cause this couple I was close friends with (can’t remember how close or who they were) wanted me to move next door so I could be closer to them. But then as soon as I did (like the next day I think) they moved out and I was stuck there.

I only found out that they moved cause after taking my kids to the school bus stop, I noticed that someone else was now living in their old apartment next door! Well, they got high too, so I had some guy friend over (not sure who it was in my dream) and we were all started partying. Other stuff happened and I can’t remember how that dream ended though, I guess I should start writing this shit down as soon as I wake up.

But do you see what I mean? I’ve been having a lot of weird, very realistic dreams that are more like stories, with plots and everything lately. Is it a manifestation of my depression making sleep more pleasurable (or interesting to say the least) than my waking life? Is it the allergy meds I’m taking or maybe cause I fall asleep watching South Park or Futurama or Red Dwarf on my laptop (I don’t watch TV)?

I don’t have a clue, do you have weird dreams like that sometimes too?

When will she ever learn? . . . Entry for November 6, 2006

If you remember a few posts back I was telling y’all about my ex, Steve? You know, the one that got my cherry, wants to marry me, says he’ll quit drinking and move to Kentucky, etc? Well, he hadn’t called me in nearly a week, and was never there at his parent’s house when I tried calling him. So as a last resort I called a neighbor friend of his that I had met nearly ten years ago back in Oakland.

She’s kind of like a second Mom to him and I had called him at her house last Sunday (the last time we talked), so I had her number. It was an interesting conversation to say the least. Apparently Steve got locked up. She had called his mother about something and that’s how she found out. Why does this shit keep happening to me? Though I’m sure Steve’s saying that to himself right now too, lol.

She didn’t have all the details, but we both figure he was riding his bicycle drunk, or some other form of public intoxication. The police brought him home to drop his things off, because he had bench warrants of some kind, probably some old charge relating to his alcoholism. So we supposed he was on his way home from work. We discussed his drinking problem and I found out that he’s been lying to me all along.

He hasn’t stopped or even slowed down his drinking. She told me some other hard truths. Apparently Steve’s Father (who has never really liked me) offered to buy him a one way ticket here. So much for his lies about “getting a good deal”. Come to think of it, that’s probably how he came to Kentucky the first time. He also lied about having a car, not a big deal in itself, but why lie to me?

Needless to say, I’m not going to let myself fall for this bullshit again. I don’t know what the charges are against him, and frankly don’t care enough at this point to really try finding out. The only thing good about the whole deal is now he will HAVE to stop drinking, but for how long? During my conversation with his friend, we both agreed, his drinking is going to kill him someday if he doesn’t stop soon.

My living in a “dry” county (no alcohol sales what so ever) would have helped, and I would have loved to help him, but once again, he’s blown my trust. It would have been nice, a fairy tale really, if things had worked out between us, but I’m not falling for that romantic-love-bullshit again. I’m seriously beginning to think of just turning lesbian and just saying fuck it.

Anyways, here’s the second poem I ever wrote for Steve. I found it going through some old docs of mine. I wrote it when we were having problems back in California about 8 years ago (I used to be a redhead, lol).

What do you want?

Your thoughts are mumbled
Into the tangled knots in my long red hair
Or are you just checking to see
If I’m still there

What was that you said?
My ears are on the sides of my head

You give me the same lame answer
Each and ever time
“Nothing” you reply
Or you’ll sigh, “never mind”

I hate when you say that
And give my tangles a consolation pat

What do you want
From me, of me, with me or without me
Don’t make me guess
At what your cryptic messages mean

Do you love me, hate me
Can’t wait to forget me
Just telling me what’s on your mind
Would save me a lot of wasted time

So I pose you the question
“What are we gonna do about us?”
You silently ponder the query
With a minimum of fuss

What was that you said?
It went completely over my head

I didn’t catch that first part
Then I heard you say two-way street
When I asked you to elaborate
You started dragging your feet

I am not a master psychic
And second guessing you is making me sick, so

What do you want
From me, of me, with me or without me
Don’t make me guess
At what your cryptic messages mean

Do you love me, hate me
Can’t wait to forget me
Why can’t you say what’s on your mind
Or am I just wasting my time

I’d think that by now
You would have learned how to communicate
I guess understanding you
Is not part of my fate

What was that you said?
Oh never mind, I’m going to bed

Life IS like a two-way street
What goes around comes around
And when you finally do want to talk
I might not want to be found

C’mon baby we need to talk
Share with me some of your thoughts, just tell me

What do you want
From me, of me, with me or without me
Don’t make me guess
At what your cryptic messages mean

Do you love me, hate me
Can’t wait to forget me
Please tell me what’s on your mind
Before our love runs out of time

Well, I think time has run out on this one, I’ve got enough problems of my own and the last thing I need is another burden in my life. I’m not Atlas, I can only shoulder so much. (Heavy Sigh) But it sure would have been nice having love in my life again . . .

Damn Cold and Flu season! . . . Entry for November 3, 2006

I totally feel like shit! I caught my first cold of the season (AHHHCHOOO, sniff sniff). I’m drinking Dayquil cocktails for breakfast, Theraflu for lunch and Nyquil shooters for dinner and sleeping in between. With that in mind I went hunting through my e-mail archives for something to cheer me up and found this oldie but goodie on quotes by smart women. What’s your favorite quote?

Smart Women

“I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . . and I also know that I'm not blonde” - Dolly Parton

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy” - Erica Jong

“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours” - Rita Rudner

“I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog” - Wendy Liebman

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth” - Erma Bombeck

“If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them” - Sue Grafton

“I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on” - Roseanne

“I think - therefore I'm single” - Lizz Winstead

“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country” - Elayne Boosler

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman” - Maryon Pearson

“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch” - Gilda Radner

“In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman” - Margaret Thatcher

“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career” - Gloria Steinem

“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry” - Gloria Steinem

“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night” - Marie Corelli

“Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths” – Baroness Edith-Summerskill (My favorite!)

“If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?” - Linda Ellerbee

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house” - Zsa Zsa Gabor-

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission” - Eleanor Roosevelt

When will she ever learn? . . . Entry for November 4, 2006