Untitled . . . Entry for December 14, 2006

No title on today’s post, I usually have them thought up before I start writing, but not today. I’ve been lax on my blogging mainly cause all I would do is bitch about these fucking kids of mine, and I know you have better things to do than listen to me complain, lol. I’ve been depressed, but rather busy lately, so that’s a bonus.

Over the weekend my occasional "fuck buddy" Bubby (that’s him in the pic) spent the night, but I haven’t really felt like writing about it, even though it was his first time making a woman really squirt. And it’s not like I didn’t have a good time, worthy of posting. But I’m starting to wonder if "Tales of My Sex Life" doesn’t get stale and repetitious sometimes.

I’ve been in a weird mood these days. Being alone is really starting to bug me, but I don’t want to settle for less, know what I mean? There are several married guys out there right now that I could fuck in a heartbeat, but I will not fuck a married man. Oral sex and masturbation I will do however, but dick penetration, no way Jose’.

Some of you may not understand why I think one is OK and the other is not, but you have to look at it this way. Say I decide to fuck a married guy and the sex is the best beyond belief. All of a sudden I start to get emotionally attached and I end up fucked in the end (again). Why even bother putting myself at risk for that, just for a few moments of pleasure? I don’t believe in "cheating" or having affairs anymore, whether it’s in real life or online, so I try to steer clear of guys that are "taken".

The last time I had an "affair" with a married man was over a dozen years ago. I met him online back when local BBS’s were still around and Internet access was hard to find (and expensive). We started a friendship that was based on him wanting to have a 3-some with his wife to make up for her cheating on him.

I was attracted to him before I ever saw him, which was a good thing cause he was definitely not my "type" (I’ve always been into "bad boys"). Well the 3-some turned out badly with her getting jealous but we ended hooking up and having a relationship. Long story short, he’s now my 2nd ex husband. I realize now that that’s a relationship I never should have started in the first place.

I was lonely and got involved for all the wrong reasons. He was a control freak and I was not allowed to be my real self when we were together. Not to mention he was abusive at times, mentally and emotionally but the physical abuse did our relationship in for good. Actually I was glad he hit me, I must confess, cause then I had a solid reason to kick his ass out permanently.

Not that that situation is likely to repeat itself. But I would be wasting my emotional well being if I got intimately involved with married man, or even one in a "live-in" relationship. And you say "Oral sex and masturbation isn’t intimate?" and my answer is no, because the part of me that makes me a woman is not being penetrated by the part of him that makes him a man.

I haven’t always been this way, I didn’t use to care who I slept with, as long as I was having fun. But then I started feeling a little "used" and I didn’t have as much fun anymore. And that made me rethink my sexual habits. So here I sit, still horny as hell with ready, willing and able horny men within arms reach, and I turn em down.

I need love