Reunions . . . Entry for December 12, 2007

It seems to be a time for reunions for me, I had married friends come visit me from Evansville earlier last week, which was a nice surprise. I hadn’t seen them since we had a 3-some on his birthday last year. Even though he was in Louisville for medical tests (back injury) it was a nice visit.

I’m still scheduled to fly to California today for my family reunion, but was at one accidentally this past Saturday. It was an 18th birthday party for my ex-sister-in-law’s daughter. I had forgotten we were both pregnant at the same time and my twins will be 18 in April. All seven brothers and sisters were there, along with most of their kids and their kids and their kids’ kids. The pizza parlor we were at was packed.

I hadn’t seen some of Ed’s relatives for a looooong time, and it seemed all the kids I remembered as being little were all grown up with young children of their own. I didn’t even recognize two of his sisters that I used to be close to. Most surprising, more like shocking, was that fact that Ed’s Mother, a devout Jehovah’s Witness, came to the party!

I say shocking because no one ever expected her to be there, or even knew she had been invited. Being a Jehovah’s Witness they don’t believe in celebrating holidays like the rest of the family, so she never comes to family events, but her religion does let her recognize birthdays and anniversaries.

I felt a little bit out of place, a stranger among family members, but I was cool with it and just watched and enjoyed everyone’s company. I was kinda bummed cause I was driving the kids (not sure how Ed made it there, we had an argument and he was MIA for a day) so I couldn’t have a drink with everyone like I wanted to. But I had a good time anyways, even though we left kind of early.

Only two more days to go before I leave for San Diego and I’m so psyched! I borrowed a carry on suitcase from my favorite niece (gorgeous girl, 31, looks a little like Uma Thurman) this afternoon and had a nice visit with her. I brought over some smoke and we puffed ourselves silly while chatting in the kitchen.

I asked about the pics she took of the party and she brought out her camera. She told me that when she was checking out the pictures she noticed "orbs" in some of the group photos. "Orbs" are spheres of light that can be seen in digital (more often than regular) photography and is suggestive of spirits or ghosts.

I have seen orbs in photos before, on a trip to New Orleans French Quarter when I went on a "ghost tour". At the end of the tour, some of the people were comparing pics and we saw orbs in several of the photos, so I believe. The funny thing in this case is that we get the same orbs from different cameras in some of the pics. Creepy, huh?

When we talked I learned she likes to play pool too, and we both suggested we should hang out more often. Something to look forward to when I get back. I even suggested she hook me up with a date, lol, I’ve been alone way too long. I need some company and can barely tolerate being around Ed here lately. With his blood pressure meds and poor health here lately, he can’t even get it up.

I haven’t really been horny lately though. Since I’m off my bi-polar/depression meds I have upsetting dreams several times every night so I’m not getting any good sleep. I’ve made an appointment for the day after I’ve come back from the reunion to get back on them. That is if I get my medical card back like I’m supposed to.

See you all when I get back! . . .

Sentimental Music . . . Entry for December 1, 2007

Throughout my life I’ve been surrounded by music of all kinds. When I was 16 I "inherited" my ex’s 500 album collection (those are those circular vinyl black things you used to play on a record player). I remember the first 2 albums I bought myself when I was 13, Led Zeppelin’s "Houses of the Holy" and Starz "Violation". I wore a groove into those records, lol.

I can even remember the first 45’s I borrowed from my Mom and played on my Mickey Mouse record player when I was 5 or so. Otis Redding’s "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" was my favorite. Songs can trigger memories and emotions I thought long buried and make me feel just like it was yesterday.

Earlier this week I went shopping at the local Flea Market with my ex Ed and he picked up some used cassette tapes for a buck apiece. We’ve been getting along pretty good lately since I’ve learned he never means what he says when he’s pissed off and it’s best just to ignore it. We brought the tapes home and he played them to make sure they worked.

I was expecting some old country music or classic rock, but I never expected him to find a copy of "The Best of Bread" by (of course) the group Bread. That tape had particular significance to both of us, because it was one of the tapes we played endlessly when we first got together 25 years ago. Talk about bringing up the past.

As I listened to it, all those feeling I had for him in my late teens/early twenties came flooding back like a tsunami. Suddenly I started crying as I remembered how MUCH I loved him back then, loved him with my whole being, body and soul and it made me so sad.

The songs were all written by David Gates, "Make it With You", "Everything I Own", "Diary", "Baby I’m-A Want You", "It Don’t Matter to Me", and "If". We usually only listened to side A, the best of all their ballads, and we both can still recite them all word for word, even though he doesn’t have much of a singing voice, lol.

I got up from where I was sitting and hugged him as tight as I could and I cried, whispering in his ear "I used to love you sooo much". He hugged me back, and I guess through my tears he didn’t hear me right because he said "I love you too". We listened to the whole first side and I cried a little at every song.

It was especially poignant to me, because I used to play the tape and cry my heart out when we were broken up. I remembered our breakups felt like a little death to me back then, and how much I mourned that loss. I was so young and so was he and we both made many mistakes I could never forget, but I still loved him with all my heart.

That was 25 years ago and even though we are both different people now, we can still clearly remember those first years together, good times and bad. I really surprised myself how quickly that music brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. All those hopes and dreams of youth. Never in a million years did I think our lives would turn out like this.

But I have no regrets . . .

Surviving Black Friday . . . Entry for November 27, 2007

For those of you that don’t know (mostly outside the US), Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is the official kickoff of the Christmas shopping season. Stores open VERY early, usually 5am, with limited spectacular deals. I’ve waited in line with the other shoppers at Wal-Mart on Black Friday morning before, but this year they had such good deals at Best Buy (electronics/appliance superstore) I couldn’t resist.

I decided to sneak out the house around midnight so my sons wouldn’t know, and stashed a blanket and folding chair outside to take with me so I’d be warm and at least somewhat comfortable. When I arrived at 12:30 in the morning, the parking lot was already half full and a ton of people were lined up for about a block it seemed, and that’s no exaggeration.

I struck up a conversation with 3 young ladies that were sitting next to me after this man with a Caribbean accent started sermonizing to them and others up and down the line. My "Motherhood" instinct jumped out and I told them they should just blow people off like that next time since they were young (2 high school girl and a nursing student), and you just never know. I mean crazy people preach too.

That’s when I found out that the girls all knew each other from the Unitarian Church, otherwise known as Moonies for Reverend Sun Yun Moon. Those of you around my age might remember the Mass Unitarian wedding they had in New York in the 80’s and as it turns out the high school girls’ parents were married there.

I found it fascinating and wanted to know more about the Unitarian Church, so we got into a religious discussion. As we all sat and shivered in late night/early morning cold we talked about a lot of things to kill the time. Well, I did most of the talking since I had had several strong cups of coffee to keep me awake and I was wired.

Finally 3am came along and that’s when they started passing out "tickets" (vouchers) for the "doorbuster" specials. If you didn’t have a ticket for the item, you wouldn’t be able to buy it at that price. I wanted to buy a laptop for $229 and 160 gig hard drives for 49$ and kept hoping they would make it down to my end of the line before running out but alas! No luck.

Well I wasn’t going to leave empty handed, so I went in when the doors officially opened at 5am. By that time people were trying to cut in line and I was bitching very loudly at this one old jerk who had cut in ahead of us when the cop watching the door told me to shut up so I did, I’m no dummy. The Best Buy workers didn’t seem to care either, which pissed me off even more since we had been standing in line all night.

The store really had their shit together though, I will admit. They had passed out maps of the store and had everything really organized and plenty of employees on hand to help the customers. I found the video game console I wanted and hunted down the girls I had been talking to all night and said how much I enjoyed our talk and hoped they found what they were shopping for.

Did you get all your Christmas shopping done yet? . . .

@#^$%#$ ex-husbands! (but some good news too). . . Entry for November 13, 2007

I just got into an argument with my ex, Ed. My youngest son is starting to get into Emo, a form of Goth without the Gothic attitude, but similar in dress, hair, etc. He got a pair of "Trips" pants from a friend, black baggy jeans sewn with turguiose thread and a bunch of metal rings and laces that clink when he walks. A few days ago he painted his nails black over a friend’s house and tonight his Dad was telling him to take the polish off.

I explained to Ed that it’s just a freedom of expression and should be allowed to change his appearance anyway he wants. We got into a big fight and he tried to turn it around, arguing against my earlier punishment of the same son (I yanked his internet privileges for the night for verbally objecting to having to do a chore) and said he didn’t object to my discipline.

I told him there was a difference between discipline problems and him wanting to dictate how they dress. One of my twins used to like wearing nothing but sweat pants, but when he went to live with Ed, he was made to get rid of them and wear jeans or slacks. I thought that was bullshit, but he wasn’t living with me then, so I couldn’t say anything about it.

So now Ed comes downstairs to my basement lair and said "I’m not going to fight with you, but from now on I’m not going to discipline them at all from now on, I’ll just leave it to you." To which I replied "What good are you then?" as he walked back ups stairs.

I believe in freedom of expression in all it’s many forms, whether I approve of it or not. And with kids (as you probably know) the more you disapprove of something, the more they want to do it. I figure this Emo thing is just a passing phase and no big deal, but it seems that to Ed it’s a reflection on him. How idiotic!

From this little tiff about some stupid nail polish to abandoning your parental duties just seems so absurd. He just came downstairs again (with dirty laundry) and we got into another fight about the same thing. He said I could handle all the disciplinary issues for a full month and I told him I’d been doing it alone for 17 years and that was bullshit.

I told him there was no comparison between disagreements on discipline issues and our son’s right to express him self, it was like comparing apples to eggs (though they both are food). We fought back and forth and he brought back up an argument we had last week.

That fight started when he removed a cow skull that my ex boyfriend and my son found in creek that had sentimental value to me. I had just brought home a skull castle for my aquarium to go with the cow skull on the wall when my son told me it wasn’t there anymore, Ed had taken it upstairs to his room.

When I found out I got pissed! I have very few possessions that have sentimental value and he had no right to take it. That’s when he told me he took it on purpose just to get a reaction out of me. I told him that Shawn (my ex) had given it to me and his reply was "Fuck Shawn" and I retorted "Fuck you, find your own ride to your DUI class!"

Then the fighting really commenced and he threw up in my face (again) that all the furniture in my bedroom came from him. So I took every last bit of furniture (futon, table, lamp, dresser, etc.) and put it all in the family area of the basement cause I didn’t want it thrown in my face anymore. He tried to tell me to put it back in my room, but I told him I have my own things still in storage and didn’t need his things.

I can be a stubborn bitch when it comes to principles and I get so sick and tired of him bringing up ancient history. It’s like he doesn’t understand "That was then, this is now". Why I let him get under my skin I don’t know, but he just what buttons to push to piss me off. I know I should just ignore his ridiculous behavior, but it’s just so hard not to.

OK, I’ve vented long enough, on to the good news! My Nana (grandmother) will be turning 90 this December and the family is planning a reunion the Saturday after her birthday in San Diego. I made my Nana a crocheted granny square quilt last year for her birthday, but what I’ve always wanted to get is a portrait of me, my Mom, Nana, my daughter and grand daughter, all 5 generations of women in our family.

I was talking to my Mom about it when she offered to buy me a ticket to see the family before it’s too late to see them all together again. I’ll be visiting for 4 days in the middle of December and seeing loved ones I haven’t seen in decades. Not to mention trying to find my first "real" love, the father of the daughter I had when I was 16 and he was 23.

That should be an interesting meeting . . .

Wake and bake on a Fall day (part deaux). . . Entry for November 10, 2007

Well on with my tale . . . Me and James knew we were gonna fuck for sure, even when Ed and his girlfriend came down stairs to party a little and perv with us on AWC . After they went upstairs, I was really wasted and wanted to stuff his cock in my mouth on cam. So I did (grin), but he didn’t let me suck it for long after I brought out my toys,

He may have been young (20), but he sure knew how to use his hands. We continued to party during our little sessions, as we got higher and higher. He worked my beaded dildo till my cum was flooding his hand and splashed him on the chest.

I arranged my webcam to get a good shot of my bed, and brought out the love glove. He seemed reluctant to use one at first, but I told him no way without it. Then he asked me for lube but I was out. I told him he wouldn’t need lube, I get wet enough on my own, but he went upstairs do find something. I was so trashed by this time, I didn’t pay attention what he brought down and wet my toy with it.

After getting fucked with my dildo for a few minutes, I noticed my pussy was starting to sting a little bit and I looked at what he used for lube and saw he has grabbed a bottle of dish soap!!! I though he borrowed some lotion from Ed upstairs, but never though dish soap!

My pussy walls were smarting so I told him he better fuck me now or it was going to hurt too much, and opened the condom and handed it to him and laid back down. He put it on and saw him fumble with something and said no way Jose’ to the dish soap, and he wouldn’t need lube anyways.

He then grabbed an ankle in each had and pulled my legs apart, shoving his thick cock deep inside me, making me immediately squirt. He pounded away as my pussy juices leaked down and covered my ass. He literally punished my hot pussy again and again for several hours.

In my fucked up state it wasn’t until he finally came that I realized somewhere during our sex romp that I noticed the condom was gone. Uh oh. I wasn’t too thrilled and actually was quite pissed off, I take safe sex seriously. Not to mention my pussy was sore as fuck!

I kicked myself in the ass and told him I was tired and wanted to be alone so he left. I lay in my bed for the next two days berating myself for being so stupid and ended up catching a nasty yeast infection (ewwww, gross!). I cleared that up with some over the counter medicine, but then started thinking, so made a Dr. appointment.

The test results came back in and I went back to the Doctor for the good and or bad news. Well she gave me the good news, negative on HIV, the clap, syphilis and other STD’s . . . except for one. Apparently I had contracted the herpes virus.

Even though I had no symptoms, she explained to me that it still showed up in my blood and I may never have any symptoms, so I guess all those herpes medication commercials were accurate. She gave me a daily prescription to lessen any chance of outbreak, but when I tried to get it filled I found out it was over $200!

How in the hell can drug companies expect people to afford that? Well, so here I am, coming out of the closet, and I’ve come to terms with it. I use condoms anyways, and haven’t been sexually active except for my toys and giving head, which is the way I like it anyways.

Was I stupid or what . . .

Wake and bake on a Fall day . . . Entry for November 1, 2007

I didn’t do anything yesterday on Halloween this year (it was my ex husband Ed’s grandson’s birthday and we went to visit), but got this Skeleton vid from Wendy (thanks again hun!) that was really cool.

My dog’s barking woke me up from my basement room about 6:30 this morning, and of course I got up and went to pee. I passed my kids getting ready for school, and after our usual morning banter (E.I. playing referee about some disagreement they are having), went back downstairs and tried going back to sleep.

My usual wake time is around noon, so I lay there, and lay there, and lay there trying to fall back asleep. But after nearly 2 hrs trying, I decided to get up and "wake and bake". Now stoned with fresh coffee in hand, I decided to play a little catch up and do a little writing.

I had kinda quit getting high for a little while, but picked that habit back up this week. It has a positive effect on my writing and keeps me from lying in bed all morning, so that’s a good thing. That’s about the only good thing that’s been going on lately.

After I moved, being the honest food stamp and medical card recipient that I am, I reported my change of address and the fact that me and my ex hubby signed a lease on this house, but live separately, him upstairs and me downstairs. Unfortunately since we share children, my caseworker said we would have to count his income (SSI) along with mine and so I lost my medical coverage.

I immediately made an appointment so I could get in a last Doctor’s visit before it expired and to get some tests done and get a prescription for my anti-depressant/bi-polar meds. I hadn’t had a PAP smear (guys don’t know what that is, lol) in several years, and I wanted to know something.

A few weeks ago when my ex’s girlfriend was here (they’ve broken up now) she brought with her this 20 year old friend of hers. We were all getting drunk and high and talking and he mentioned he’s never really gotten a good blow job. Pervert that I am, I wanted that boy even though he was a wannabe young punk.

We moved the party down in my room in the basement and I logged into Anywebcam cause he wanted to see some Internet porn. He asked me to show him my pussy and it wasn’t long before I changed into a lacy white teddy that left nothing to the imagination and covered very little.

Well, it’s night now and getting late so I guess I’ll finish this later. . . night y’all . . .

A fresh start . . . Entry for October 17, 2007

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

She’s baaack . . . Entry for September 6, 2007

See? I didn’t disappear completely, it’s just that the last couple months have been extremely hard on me, but now that we’ve all moved into a 4 bedroom house, I’ve got space, privacy and a little piece of mind. Not that it’s been a smooth transition, I still have the problem of living with my alcoholic ex husband and dealing with his controlling ass.

It’s been 90% of my money that’s been supporting us, since my ex Ed didn’t get his big check like he was supposed to, and I keep hearing how he’s gonna pay me back when the check comes in. He’s even stooped so low that he’s borrowing money from one of our sons to support his beer habit, so I told my son to let me hold his money so no one can ask to borrow it.

And just now we got into a major fight over my dogs’ water dish. Our son was filling it up with water for me and Ed jumped in his shit because it touched the dirty plates in the sink. I told him that was ridiculous, the dishes were dirty anyways, and then he jumped in my shit saying that I was always contradicting him and was sticking his finger in my face while yelling at me.

To me, that was a move of aggravated aggression. Now way back in the day he was physically abusive to me, and has been verbally abusive to me since we moved in together (he likes to call me a fat bitch). I no longer tolerate any aggression towards me, so I told him not to stick his finger in my face again and he did it just to be an ass, so I threw the bowl of water I was holding in his face.

I managed to stay relatively calm considering he came back at me like he was going to hit me, but I stood my ground. Then he tried to play the “I’m the better parent card” and tried to say that at least he didn’t hit the kids, blah blah blah. I told him I haven’t laid a finger on them, or even had a major blow up with them since I’ve been on medication, and just where the fuck was he when I was raising these kids all by myself for years.

That’s when he tried saying I was trying to keep the kids from him (total bullshit) and I reminded him that I’ve always been listed in the phone book, all he had to do was call 411. He had nothing to say to that one, but he ranted and raved none the less. I just ignored him and cleaned up the water then went to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes since I was out.

Guess I picked the wrong day to quit smoking . . .

Like, OMG, she’s writing again! . . . Entry for July 13, 2007

I just realized a few minutes ago that today was Friday the Thirteenth and decided not to press my luck and stay in for the night. It’s been far too long since I’ve posted, but not having my own place has effected me more than I thought it would.

Since I am a Cancer, typically I withdrew into my shell and have kept my thoughts and life to myself. It’s taken me a bit to pull out of my depression and tonight I decided to say "Fuck the World" (I’m listening to 2Pac) and cam and chat on Anywebcam

. Maybe even get a little drunk and horny, hehehe.

Anyways, here’s the last thing I wrote but never finished or posted . . .

Pre-Birthday party! . . . Entry for July 3, 2007

Tomorrow is my birthday, but I went to visit my kids this past weekend and was greeted with a nice surprise when I got there Friday night. My ex Ed was partying in his room with a couple. This chick, Jenny was smoking hot with a small tight little body! And her partner, KC, was pretty sexy too. We participated in a little recreational drug use and pretty soon the clothes started dropping off.

We got started with me pulling out my little bag of toys and started explaining the merits of acrylic dildos, lol. It wasn’t before long that I started licking Jenny’s pussy while KC was sliding my dildo Ruffles in and out of my soaked pussy with my ass high up in the air.

Then Ed started reminiscing about the time he spanked my ass bright red and ended the comment with a solid "whack!" that got my juices running down my leg. Then KC and Jenny started spanking me too and all of a sudden I was cumming all over the place. It was fucking wild! I’m not usually into that kind of kink, but I was that night.

It was a "soft swap" where there’s no actual dick penetration, which was fine with me cause KC had a pretty big cock and I wasn’t in the mood to get stretched out, but I was in the mood to suck the hell out of it! Ed was having some "Mr. Ed" problems, but KC was rock hard and making me gag, but I liked it, lol.

Jenny wasn’t able to get Ed up, which wasn’t her fault cause with all the booze and stuff "Mr. Happy" was malfunctioning, much to Ed’s dismay. I know how Ed is in group sex, and wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to get pissed if I finished KC off.

He said it was cool, and then I really went to work. That thick cock sliding in and out of my mouth while he was making me cum with my dildo, I sucked that dick hard while moaning all over it. It wasn’t long before I was squirting and cumming all over again and again.

Just imagine more of the above all night long and that’s how the evening went . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter two). . . Entry for June 29, 2007

To pick up where I left off . . . The entire week and a half I stayed there was filled with drama daily. To use a cliché “If it wasn’t one thing, it was another”. I didn’t have many problems with the kids, it was friends of my ex’s coming over, borrowing things, offering me free drugs, going to bars, getting high. Basically all the things I moved to the country to get away from.

I went to visit my ex in jail that Saturday I was there, and it was “video visitation” of all things. They use Logitech cams of all things, roflmao. So I felt pretty comfortable and amused during our 20-minute visit, which consisted of him telling me if I didn’t help get him a lawyer, he was going to go away for a while.

I don’t wish that on anyone, but my funds were limited since it was costing me money buying everything for the household and having to spend a lot in gas since I had a couple jobs in my territory I had to drive to. He asked me about his SSI check and I gave him an accounting of all his funds.

One of the dramas I went through was that this friend of his who sometimes stayed there, Terry, had Ed’s SSI check and cashed it. First he gave me only 400 for the rent, and I went upstairs to ask him why, the rent was 495$ and he gave me another 100$ with some excuse about maybe Bruce wanted to hold back on some of the money.

I knew the rent had to be paid before anything else, because he also had a late fee due for not paying on time the previous month. So I knew that was bullshit, and went back up to see what about the rest of the money, and got another 20 bucks out of him, but that was it. So he ended up keeping around 100$ of Ed’s check.

After I explained this, I also told him Randa paid me 40$ that she owed him, and I could kick in 60 bucks, but that was all the money I had. He gave me a number of a friend of his he had helped out of jail once before that knew of an attorney that would take payments. He also knew the guy would kick in 100$ towards the lawyer fee too, so I gave him a call.

We had it set up on Monday and I paid the lawyer the money and apparently this guy does good work cause he got all the charges knocked down to first offense DUI when we went to court on Tuesday. He was released later that afternoon and I picked him up and we spent the day fucking, lol.

During our visitation conversation I had told Ed I would take care of the electric bill if something happened (i.e. him going to jail) cause obviously I would have to stay in Louisville with the kids. But what he heard was that I was going to pay the electric bill.

I told him I might be able to help him some, but I had my own expenses too, and I was trying to save money to get a place. He kept asking me what happened to all the money from the SSI check I get for one of my sons, which is none of his fucking business in the first place. I pointed out to him that it cost me a lot more money staying there instead of being back home in Hartford.

But being the narcissistic beast that he is, he thinks that nothing else matters unless it concerns him. I left the next day having had my fill of “The ‘ville” for a while. Two days later I get a call from Ed saying that if I didn’t come down there with a 100$ pet deposit, they were going to get evicted.

Round trip mileage is over 250 miles there and back. Before I left the last time I had spoken to the apartment manager about the dog situation. I explained that I didn’t have the cash right then but I would be back in a week and a half to visit the kids and pay the pet deposit, but she got a phone call and we never did finish the conversation, so I left to go back home.

Then the call came and I had to go right back and pay it, isn’t that fucked? But I love my dogs, they are my 4-legged children and not just dumb animals. So I turn around and come back home the next day. Of course we had hot sex, I didn’t want the trip to be a total waste of time and money, lol.

But this past Saturday I drove down there to see him and the kids with only $7.00 and what gas I had in my tank. OK, ok, I was half drunk and totally horny since I just got off my period and wanted some guaranteed dick and not have to hunt some “strange” down in a bar, lol.

I got there and he was pretty buzzed too, and we both got a little higher to kick up the mood. You see, with Ed he equates “substance” use with good sex, and it often is (quite often), but sex with he while he’s straight is pretty, well, not boring but definitely vanilla.

I didn’t care how I was going to get the gas money to make it back tomorrow, I wanted to fuck NOW! These days I never travel without my toy bag, and Saturday was no exception. I was in the mood for some hot, sweaty, nasty sex. I was not disappointed, lol.

I didn’t arrive until really late, around 2am, but that was no problem, his dick was pointing at high noon, hehehe. First things first, he started fingering me and licking my clit, soaking the sheets beneath us with my cum. He gets off on the fact that I’m a squirter and he laps it right up.

Ed’s had a hand injury and I could tell it was bothering him so I brought out my toys. Ruffles as usual did the trick and it wasn’t before long my pussy acted like a water fountain and squirted him in the face. He loved every drop and fucked me harder with Ruffles while fingering my ass.

I brought out the vibe that my buddy I8 (thanks sweety!) sent me and started out playing with my clit, but decided to use it on him instead. Ed was the first guy (25 years ago) that introduced me to the art of anal play, and have loved fingering men’s asses ever since.

I wish the uptight people of the world would just realize that just because a guy gets his ass played with, it doesn’t make him gay. So anyways, I start teasing his cock and balls with the vibrator while sucking his cock “69” style. It was driving him crazy, so I gently moved down to his ass.

At first I just played on the outside of his ass (rimmed it, lol) while his dick started swelling more in my mouth. Then I got bolder and inserted the tip. This vibe is an angled g-spot/prostate type and quite a blast to play with. I started fucking his ass while he fucked my mouth and pussy, I was coming so hard and choking on his cock.

He raised off me then and we put the toys away for the main event. On my back, he pulled my ankles up to his shoulders and slipped that stiff dick deep inside me. I was flooding in an instant, while he talked dirty to me, just the way he knew I liked it. Mmmm!

We fucked hard, fast and furious with my pussy squirting on him the whole time. He finally came, gasping and shaking and jumped right off his dick was so sensitive. As usual with him, it’s 1) Sex, 2) Food and 3) Sleep. As predicted, 1 and 2 occurred, but as I kissed him goodnight, I tongue fucked his mouth and we went on to Round 2.

Round 2 was more passionate than the first time, but it was all good and by the time we were all finished, it was already about 7am. Kenny came over then to borrow some tools of Ed’s and gave me a big shit-eatin’ grin when he saw us in bed. Before I finally left to go back home, I agreed to get a place together with Ed.

I’m still wondering if that’s a good idea or not . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter one). . . Entry for June 25, 2007

Editor’s note (lol):
I originally wrote this back on June 4th when I went through a shitload of drama with my ex-husband in Louisville (“the ‘ville” as locals call it, or pronouce it “Louavul” but NEVER like “Lewisville”, you will be corrected, lol). Anyways, better late than never so here it is.

I went to go visit my children this week and take my dog to do his doggie jail time and live with the kids. At first things went well, I left late so I could sneak Strongbad in without the apartment managers seeing him. From that point, things went straight to hell.

Ed, I found out, had landed himself in jail. Again. The charges are reckless driving, no seatbelt, driving on a suspended license, no insurance, no registration, improper plates, defective equipment, and another DUI. The car wasn’t his and I found out later that the plates were reported stolen.

He’s been in prison for a felony DUI (I think it’s 3 or 4 offences within 5 years) and I believe he still has “time on the shelf” for that conviction. So I’m thrust in the middle of all this drama from the moment I arrived, but it was too late to do anything about it, so several friends were over his house and we all ended up partying all night (blame it on the full moon).

At one point some crazy bitch came over and started ranting and raving about how this other friend, Peter, (who happened to be at the apartment) had killed her brother who died of an overdose. It was redneck drama at it’s finest with screaming and cursing and threats of bodily harm.

I told the bitch she needed to calm her ass down cause there were kids in the house, and she was so pissed off at Peter spit was flying as she spoke. Of course that was after she chugged some more of her beer, lol. I managed to defuse the situation and got those people out of the house. I found out later that Peter had slipped into the living room while she was ranting and hid in one of the closets, lol.

When it was time to crash, we had bodies sleeping all over the living room floor and couch. One of the friends that stayed over was Kenny, and he is a fine motherfucker too. I’ve known him since he was 17 (15 years ago), and thought he was hot then, and is still just as hot now. Dressed in only my purple silk Kimono robe, I finally went to sleep in the morning.

Kenny came into the bedroom where I was sleeping in the afternoon wanting to get high and woke me up a few hours later. I realized right then that my robe had fallen open and one tit was fully exposed. I said “Ooops, it peeked out” and he told me “Hell girl, that was no peek, that was in full view!”

I sat up and we all sat in the bedroom catching a buzz, but when everyone else left the room, Kenny stayed. I was a little surprised, but definitely pleased when he started sucking on my re-exposed tit, and I started moaning in pleasure.

I told him I even brought my toys with me if he felt like playing with them, and he told me to take them out. Kenny was hot and took to my toys right away and started licking my clit while slipping my dildo in deep. I showed him how to angle it just right to hit my g-spot, but he was more into going deep, lol.

I was hot and wet, but Kenny was having some “Mr. Ed” problems due to the all night partying, but I didn’t let that bother me, I know I can pretty much suck any dick problems away. In the mean time he wanted to see what other toys I had and I brought out my purple acrylic dildo.

He tried slipping both dildos into my pussy at the same time, but they pinched my pussy lips so that was out. Instead he started using the purple on my ass while I tried relaxing and letting it go in. I reached over into my goodie bag and took out a couple of peppermint Altoids and quickly chewing them up and started working on his cock.

He punished my pussy and ass with both dildos at the same time as I licked and sucked the life back into his dick. Ahhh, the heat and coolness of breath on the peppermint Altoids coating his shaft did its’ work again and pretty soon I was properly choking on his cock.

I was squirting all over the place by then, moaning around the cock in my mouth when I felt his orgasm begin to pulse up from his balls. I grabbed that vibrating dick tight in my hand and jerked it hard as he arched his back and stopped fucking me with my toys and grabbed the sides of the bed.

I stroked him faster and watched his face as the cum shot at me in mine (I almost got it in the eye!). I reached out with my tongue and tickled his “sweet spot” and got it in the mouth this time. I shoved my head all the way down on his throbbing dick and swallowed every last drop as he lay there and trembled.

End of chapter one . . .

Long time no see . . . Entry for June 21, 2007

(Sigh) Where do I pick back up? I had a pretty good post written for over a week now, but haven’t finished it yet. It was a trying and dramatic week and a half that I had to spend at my ex’s place in Louisville and it took a lot out of me, kinda like writer’s shock instead of writers block. I knew the words, but couldn’t get myself to type them, not to mention no Internet.

Anyways, I’m back and look for the next installment soon . . .

Capture of Fort Hartford . . . Entry for June 3, 2007

I’m now living in the city of Hartford, once the site of Fort Hartford. I’m not sure what the bronze historical landmark sign says because I’m always driving by it too fast (lol), but my guess is that it’s Civil War related. Anyways, until the other day I didn’t know there was an actual wooden fort in here in Hartford kind of depicting the original one I guess.

I went to this downsized fort today to have some pictures taken of me by a new friend. His name is CW and he’s a “little person”. I don’t like using the word “midget” cause it has so many negative connotations, and for real they are no different than you or me, just smaller in stature.

CW’s second profession is a photographer and is a good friend of my roommate Mandy. Actually I had met CW while he was doing his first job as an inspector and have nodded hello to him when I’ve seen him in our local Wal-Mart. So when my friend said she was trying to find a date for this friend of hers, I said sure.

Yesterday I had gotten a little buzz going on after drinking a couple of bitch beers (Smirnoff Ice) and decided to text message him on my friend’s cell phone. After a few messages I told him to call me and we had a nice chat and made a date to take pictures at this fort in the afternoon.

I gathered a couple outfits to change into for different shots, but nothing too provocative since this wooden fort was a public place. I also tucked in my toy bag with my acrylic dildos and vibrator because I haven’t gotten off due to lack of privacy when I’m in the mood, which hasn’t been often lately

But now I’m starting to feel this pent up horniness and . . . well . . . I’ve never been with a little person before and in all honesty I was curious. I met CW at the door with a big hello and a kiss on the lips, which surprised him a lot. He told me he’s never met someone with a kiss, but I reminded him we had met before.

I was pretty buzzed at the time because I wanted to completely lower all my inhibitions and get some good pictures taken. Also, it would make me braver in my seduction plan. I had a plan, yes, I will admit. I could already tell I excited him when we kissed several times while I was getting ready.

We got in his truck and headed off the beaten path where this fort was right out in the open. I had lived in the area for nearly a year and a half and never knew it existed. It was cool looking, all rough lumber held together with some kind of mud or concrete.

There were a couple kids walking around when we arrived, but we scared em off when we went into the main, 2-story building. We took a couple of pics downstairs then went up the steep steps to the second floor that had a single beam running up to the roof right in the middle of it.

We took a few more pics then I looked through the chinks in the walls and saw the two boys were off in another direction, so I unzipped my black velveteen mini sleeveless jumper and stood there in my turquoise lace bra and hipster panty set.

I thought CW was going to drop his camera but he snapped back and quickly took several poses of me with his cock standing stiff out in his pants. I checked for prying eyes and pulled on my dress, zipped it up, and went back downstairs.

CW kissed me again and I felt his hard cock pressed against my leg and I could feel him trembling. I dug through my little backpack and went to the convenient ladies room at one corner of the fort. I removed my dress and bra and put on the dress I’m wearing in my profile pic with my titties hanging out, lol.

As I walked into the main building again CW’s eyes widened in surprise and I knew we’d get some good cleavage shots, lol. He posed me in several doorways, corners and windows, then I had an idea. I sat in one windowsill and spread my skirt and moved my panties aside for a different view.

Sweat seemed to break out on his forehead (it was hot outside) and once again I noticed his hard dick poking straight out in his pants. We only took one real naughty pic, just in case the developers turned into censors and we come out with black negatives.

I sat on the wooden picnic bench in there, facing him across from me and gave him another beaver shot and he dove right in with his Gene Simmons-like tongue, I shit you not! His tongue is the longest I’ve ever seen in person! It was helluv cool, hehehe.

I didn’t let him lick me long, cause I heard voices nearby and sat up, straightening my clothes. He pulled first one, then the other tit out and started sucking them, completely blocking the view from outside., it was hot. With only a few shots left, I changed into a long mauve/pink multicolored velvet shift with no panties on this time.

We climbed back up to the upper level and I only let him take a shot or two before taking off my shift dress and standing there completely nude, and grabbing the rail with my arms I had him take pics of my back side and tattoo. But this time his desire was so strong I could smell it in the humid air.

I threw the dress back on and we walked out of the main building and climbed into one of the little corner forts with ladders to a loft. He left his camera equipment at the bottom, but I took my bag up with me. I laid on the long shift and pulled the side slit over, exposing my bush while I reached into my bag for my dildo.

I was already soaked and the clear toy slid in my pussy wetly. I fucked myself quickly into an orgasm and tried to keep the noise down just in case anyone wandered by. I came again and again in my excitement at possibly getting caught while CW stood there with his dick out,

There was no possible way we could have a “proper” fuck, so I opted for masturbation and a blowjob. I told him to come over and stick his cock in my face and he apologized for his small dick size. I said “Who cares? Come here!” and swallowed his dick whole.

His hands were on my head as I fucked myself silly and moaned around the cock in my mouth as I came again, squirting wetly as he watched. I could feel his legs trembling as his dick swelled and I tasted precum. I swallowed his cock completely and massaged it with my tongue, base to head and he was off like a rocket.

I came hard then as I swallowed the pulsing cum filling my mouth, it seemed to go on for a long time before stopping. He kissed me after putting all his clothes back in place, and I thanked him for the good time. We climbed back down from the loft and tried to compose our sweaty selves, lol.

Hopefully the pics come out good . . .

Growing a new set of scars . . . Entry for June 1, 2007

I got about 5 inches of scraggly ends cut off my hair, can you tell from the pic? This week has really had its share of major downs, and not many ups. First off, I got bit by a tick near my knee and didn’t notice for over a day and then 2 days later went to the ER cause it was swelling and wouldn’t stop seeping.

The Doc gave me the usual antibiotics and told me to watch for a bullseye type of rash that indicates Lyme Disease, but I lucked out there. What I didn’t luck out on is the tick wound itself is now leaving an unhealthy looking mound of scar tissue on the inside of my knee.

A few days after that I was also lucky enough to get between one of my dogs and his rope while I feeding them and wearing sandals. The end result was that I got a nasty rope burn across the front of both ankles. My left ankle has only a small friction burn a little over an inch and it still hurts, but is starting to heal.

My right leg is another story. The dog sawed the rope back and forth across the front of that ankle leaving a 3-inch wound and now it looks like its getting infected. What’s worse is that it hurts like hell and I can’t wear any kind of shoes that come near it. I figured the meds I’m taking for the tick bite would help, but apparently not.

It’s almost funny cause it looks like I was in a bondage accident, but it sure doesn’t feel funny at all. I can’t wait to see how that scar turns out. Then to top it all off, that very same dog got his rope tangled up and slipped out of his collar and in his agitated state bit my friends’ son on his butt. It was entirely my fault, if I had only checked on him before leaving for a jobsite this morning it would have never happened.

I got both my dogs 3 year shots last year so I’m sure he’s rabies free, but they still have to have him quarantined for 10 days. In any case my dog Strongbad, who I love like one of my kids, has to go. I decided to take him with me when I visit my kids this weekend and leave him with my ex husband. Of course he doesn’t know I’m coming with the dog, but what else can I do?

So all this thinking of scars made me take an inventory of the ones I already have and the lessons I learned from them. Scars from falls, cuts, burns, and the memories attached. Childhood scars, Chicken Pox scars, scars from fighting. Little pieces of life leaving their mark on me. Scars of wisdom and scars of stupidity, we all have them.

Do you have any interesting scars? . . .

Moved, at last!!! . . . Entry for May 24, 2007

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Unmotivated and depressed . . . Entry for May 15, 2007

I’ve been sitting here for several days now, having a little private pity party and totally depressed. I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed for more than 15 minutes all day. I really hate packing and moving, but the part I hate the most is still not having a place to live.

My kids I got covered, let all 3 of them drive their Dad crazy instead of me for a while. But for myself, none of my options have panned out and am still looking into the prospect of living in a homeless shelter. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve lived in a shelter, I’m not too proud.

But I’m working and need access to the Internet in order to do my job and to download whatever documents I need. That’s the major problem, and sometimes I get calls in the wee hours in the morning to go fix something first thing that day and I need my Internet.

I’m feeling a little better now, I just got a call and now I’m scheduled for 3 jobs in the next 7 days, so that will be a nice chunk of change. I should have about half I need to get me an apartment after getting paid for those 3 jobs. Maybe by the end of June I’ll have my shit together and this depression will disappear.

That’s what I’m hoping for anyways . . .

Un-Happy Mothers Day to me . . . Entry for May 13, 2007

Why do our children test us so? On the one day of the year I’m supposed to be appreciated for giving birth and raising and loving my offspring through thick and thin, and all I got was bitching and moaning. I asked them to pick up the living room after all the mess that got left after emptying the bookcases and you still can’t walk across the floor without stepping on something.

I asked my son twice to put away the dishes and the third time I told him he blew it, and now he has to wash them. This was around 6pm, it’s now after 9 and they’re still not done. Nothing was taken out to prepare for a nice meal and every time I asked for cooperation, all I got was excuses on why they shouldn’t have to.

A few days ago I drove the 250 mile round trip just to talk to my ex husband (who has my other 17 year old twin son living with him) because I’d been trying to get a hold of him for 2 weeks with no luck. I had to finalize the details of my kids staying with him for the summer and my time before eviction is quickly running out.

I also wanted my son to sign the Mother’s Day card I bought for my Mom, then thought since he isn’t in school, I could take him home and he could help me with packing while my other 2 boys were gone during the day. And besides, I really wanted him home for Mother’s Day. (I also stopped at a girl friend’s house, but that’s an adventure for a different post.)

I had taken a big tub of the kids’ books with me to drop off at my ex’s and the only bag of clothes they’ve packed so far. I had my son go through the tub to check for any of my books and he found a few, and one very special one. It was a postcard book of scenes from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, one of my favorite movies.

One of my twins had given it to me as a present way back in grade school, and it’s now missing it’s cover, but all the postcards were still intact in the book. I was happy to see it again and took it back home with me so nothing could happen to it and I could pack it away proper.

So now here I have all three of my boys at home again, and can’t get any cooperation from them without getting a bunch of grief on the one day I was always extra nice to my Mother because I cared. But the incident that drove me crying into my room was when I found out my 15 year old son wrote BORED on the back of every last postcard in the book.

I treasured that little book and couldn’t believe he did it. He had some stupid lame excuse, but he probably did it because he thought it was one of twins’ and was just being and asshole and wanted to ruin something of theirs. But in any case he knew the book wasn’t his, even if he didn’t remember it was mine.

I don’t think I want to “celebrate” Mother’s Day anymore, thanks for letting me vent . . .

Expected and Unexpected . . . Entry for May 10, 2007

Some readers will remember my neighbor Lars from earlier posts, though I haven’t seen him in a while. Well I had borrowed a push mower from his wife the other day. Last night he drove down to see if I was done mowing my grass with it (wink wink) and we agreed to meet for “coffee” early this morning.

With that idea in mind, I got up real early this morning, partly due to the fault of one of my cats using my bedroom window as a side entrance. But that was cool, because I was awake when the phone rang. I thought “Who the fuck is calling at 5:45 in the morning?” and answered.

At first I thought no one was on the line (sometimes I get these “silent” phone calls all too often) but then I heard a voice at the end of the tunnel. It was Travis, but I could hardly hear him. I felt like that Verizon guy yelling, “Can ya hear me now?”

Even though I could barely hear, I found out that yes, his “friends” did leave him behind and he was somewhere in Arkansas. I told him he could hitchhike his way back here if he wanted, but I wasn’t coming to get him. The connection on the phone was so bad that nothing was really said before he hung up so I don’t know what’s going on with him.

Needless to say I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I readied myself for my early morning booty call. Lars showed up at around 9:30 and liked what I was wearing: bathing suit bottoms and a wife beater T-shirt and that was all. I made us both coffee and twisted one up. I always get hornier when stoned, lol.

It wasn’t long before both of us were naked and I was sucking on his above average sized dick. It may not get as hard as a 20-year-old’s, but it was definitely longer. Not that length matters much with me, except when I’m trying to see how much cock I can take without choking on it (grin).

I licked and sucked and drove him crazy with my tongue, before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to feel him in my pussy. He fucked me long and slow as I tightened down on his cock, he told me to slack off or he was gonna cum too soon, and I didn’t want that to happen.

But I rubbed my clit fast and furious until I was cumming all over that hard dick, then he couldn’t hold back any longer and slammed it into me good. I ground my pussy into that pulsing cock, drowning my heartache with a good dose of cum. I promised to bring the lawnmower back tomorrow, after I was done with it and then he left.

I wonder where Travis is tonight though . . .

Have a “Punny” Hump Day . . . Entry for May 9, 2007

These were sent to me in an email and now that I’ve gotten all that drama crap out of my system, I thought I’d try to pass on a smile or two.

A good pun is it’s own reword
Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-Negative
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your Mother
Shotgun Weddings: A case of wife or death
I used to work in a blanket factory, but they folded
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Banning the bra was a big flop
Sea Captains don’t like crew cuts
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor
Without geometry, life is pointless
When you dream in color it’s a pigment of your imagination
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
When two egotists meet, it’s and I for and I
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.>
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done

Hope your hump day is a happy one . . .

Memphis Blues (day 2, scene 2) . . . Entry for May 8, 2007

By the time we all pulled into the Pilot Truck Stop in Nashville all three of us in the car were pissed off as hell and I wanted something to drink. But the only alcoholic drink they had inside was beer, and I like “bitch beer” i.e. Smirnoff Ice or Bacardi Silver. But I noticed there was another gas station a half a block away, so I walked there to get me some.

I ended up buying a six pack of Bacardi Strawberry for me and Travis and Patrick, complete with little brown paper bags to drink them in. I walked back to the car and opened one up and took a long pull on the bottle. Ahhh, it went down so good, and I passed it to the guys for a sip.

That’s when the trouble started: the rent a cop from the truck stop caught me drinking and started giving us shit. He was an ex cop (the worst kind) and was even more of a prick than the real cop at the welcome center. He made me pour it out and told us we had to leave.

I poured it out and put the rest of the six pack in my trunk, and walked back into the store to talk to the security guard, and tell him we were waiting on our friends in the RV and I apologized once again for drinking on “his” lot. Things were cool again and I went back to the car, another disaster avoided.

I saw Stan and Sandy taking stuff out of the back of the Winnebago and wondered what the fuck was going on. That’s when Travis told me they were taking showers and I couldn’t believe it. Here I hadn’t gotten more than ten bucks and they wanted to waste time taking showers instead of hurrying up and getting me my gas money.

To say I was really pissed off was an understatement, I knew the security guard wasn’t going to let them sell anything to the truckers and their nonchalant attitude about my gas money had me furious. So I went back to the guard and asked him if they could be allowed to sell something to the truckers and was told flatly NO and if that’s what they were trying to do, we all had 5 minutes to get off the lot.

I went back over to Stan and told him what he said and got into a big argument with him about the gas money. I said I know Sandy’s got jewelry and a boom box and VCR with her, I’d take some of that in lieu of gas money, but she wouldn’t give up any of her stuff. The guard came over while I was arguing with them and said we had to go now.

Their RV still needed a jump and a hammer to bang their starter, which of course I supplied and told them to meet us back at the Stadium in so Travis and Patrick could switch vehicles. They followed us there until we got into the parking lot then they took off in another direction.

It was unbelievable, we had to chase them down, running around circles in Nashville. At one stop light that bitch Sandy gets out of the RV and tells us to wait at the Inn until they made some money and they’d be back. Yea, right, like after all those times they tried to lose us we were going to trust them.

All this time the guys in the car were talking about them and I told them if this was how they were treating them now, they might as well bail and come home with me, cause sooner or later they were going to get left behind. They had both decided to come home with me when Sandy finally pulled over and stopped.

The guys got out and said they were leaving and started getting their shit, and I yelled back to them to get all the food I had bought too. I popped open my trunk and got a bag and gathered the food myself, all the while berating the guys in the RV for the way they were treating Travis and Patrick.

I go to put the food in my trunk and the RV took off. It was then I looked up and noticed that I was standing there alone in the parking lot, Travis and Patrick had left with them, but Patrick’s backpack was still in my trunk. So I jumped back in my car and ran after them again.

If they wanted to stay with them, that was just fine with me, but I didn’t want Patrick to be without his stuff. So I went on this wild goose chase following the RV all over downtown Nashville until finally they were stuck behind a horse-drawn carriage and I made em roll down their window.

I yelled out that Patrick still had his backpack in my trunk, but Stan said when they took off, both Travis and Patrick went walking back over this bridge, which I knew was a lie, because Travis wanted to go home with me, or so I thought.

At that point I gave up, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and still had a 2 hr trip home, so I said fuck it and took off towards the freeway. I pulled over before I jumped on the highway and got me one of my strawberry bitch beers from the trunk and poured it into my sports bottle. I chugged a little to calm me down, but wasn’t going to drive drunk.

On the long drive home, I shored up that wall that’s keeping me from feeling that pain that Travis caused me, being a pussy like that and not even having enough balls to say he was staying with them. His loss, because I know sooner or later they are going to dump him and leave him up shit creek without a paddle.

Travis-ty

Travis came into my life
On the side of the road
In leathers under the sun
It looked like a heavy load

I pulled over and he walked up
Then I saw his young, smiling face
Where are you going, I asked
And drove him to that place

I wanted him
And he wanted me
Even to a blind man
That was plain to see

(chorus)
I sit here alone again,
just holding it all in
You were my Travis-ty
of perfect lover and friend
Why did you leave me so?
All you had to do was say,
And I would have simply let you slip away


Welcome to my lair
Said the spider to the fly
When I invited him home
And he didn’t ask why

Nearly two weeks of mentoring
Sensually, sexually guiding him
In the oh so many ways of love
And not caring if it felt like sin

We knew it couldn’t last forever
But not exactly when
This vacation from reality
Would finally come to an end

(Chorus)
I sit here alone again,
just holding it all in
You were my Travis-ty
of perfect lover and friend
But why did you leave me so?
All you had to do was say,
And I would have simply let you slip away

I’m not looking forward to the day when he says to himself “She told me so” . . .

Memphis Blues (day 2, scene 1) . . . Entry for May 7, 2007

To continue on . . . all six of us spent the rainy night inside the RV waiting until morning so we could fix the broken fan belt. We were parked in a lot across from a train station and that morning’s 6:40 train woke me up. I know it was 6:40 cause I reached for my cell phone to check the time, then I couldn’t doze off again damnit!

So I lay there quite a while waiting for everybody else to wake up when some asshole pounds on the side of the Winnebago and yells “Get your asses up and park this thing right stupid!” That was the exactly WRONG thing to yell out at us after me having a sleepless night, so I yelled back “Fuck you asshole!” to the retreating back of some fat bastard in a shirt and tie.

This dickhead turns back around and goes “That’s it, you made a big mistake, I’m calling the office and taking care of you” or something like that, I was so pissed I wasn’t listening cause by this time everyone had woken up once that fat fuck started yelling.

The fucker walks back to his car and puts his headlight strobe lights on. Uh Oh, we realized then this officious little prick was a cop. But I didn’t care, he had no right to do what he did, there was another RV parked taking up four spaces in the same lot and he didn’t say anything to them.

Stan jumped out and talked to the asshole who was still yelling as he walked a way “You need to take care of your wife” and I was like “Wife? Even if I was mother fucker no one tells me what to do” but instead I yelled “Oh fuck you asshole, you’re so goddamn fat you probably haven’t seen your dick in years!”

So of course now we’re all up and getting dressed and found the nearest Napa parts store to exchange the belt. I drove one of the guys to the parts store and went across the street and bought all 6 of us coffee, out of the kindness of my pocket cause I know I can’t function without it in the morning.

We get back to the parking lot and find out that they got hassled by the parking attendant while we were gone, so we had to fix it in a hurry, this time not over-tightening the belt and causing breakage. Unfortunately the starter decided to act up and we still couldn’t start it until we took a hammer to it and the RV finally started. That all done we were back on the road again.

This time we were in search of a truck stop to pawn some shit for gas money. While they were doing that Travis was driving my car and once again held hands and made goo-goo eyes at each other when our gazes met, lol. There was a little sadness there, knowing we didn’t have much more time together, but I tried not to think about it too much. I didn’t want to get more bummed than I already was.

The trip was taking forever with all the stops, and I kept looking for stores that took Food Stamps so I could feed us all. Finally we found a salvage food store and I spent 35$ worth in groceries. We all pigged out, cause none of us had eaten from the night or day before.

Well fed now we all felt better, and on this part of the trip to Nashville, Patrick, Travis’ buddy, was riding in the car with us. Our traveling “protocol” all the way from Memphis has been that they wait for us at the truck stop exit and we drive behind them, because of some broken taillights.

I also forgot to mention that I had not taken any of my medicines that day at all and on top of the insomnia, I wasn’t feeling my best, I was wiped out actually. But on this leg of the trip Patrick and Travis talked about the change in the band dynamics, and how personalities were changing, and not for the good.

The last truck stop we were at they sold enough in DVD’s to get them over half a tank of gas, so finally there would be no more stopping. We walked away from the gas pump island and over to my car. Travis took off his gloves then leather jacket, and put the gloves back on and backed the car up to pull in behind them, and the Winnebago was gone.

We were all like “What the fuck, they were just there” and we drove around the truck stop looking for them, but they were no where to be found. We didn’t want to think it, but it was like they left us. They weren’t by the highway entrance ramp but we got on anyways.

We tried calling their cell phone but it was turned off. Luckily I had asked Stan earlier where we were ending up, and he said the same place we picked up Sandy. So Travis just drove on and after an hour we caught up with them, and passed em by waving. They knew we weren’t behind them.

So we get to Nashville ahead of them and park at the Stadium Inn, where all this started. We were all pissed off for them leaving us like that and wondered what was going on. About a half an hour later they finally pull up into the truck stop behind the hotel.

Travis and Patrick both jump out and ask them what the fuck is going on, leaving us like that, and Stan gives them this totally bullshit story everyone knows is a lie, but why? They were band mates, why did it seem like they were trying to shake us? And what about my 70$ in gas money that was still owed me?

I kept hearing bullshit “Oh you’ll get it, you’ll get it” but hadn’t seen a dime since that first 10 bucks, and I spent that much just in coffee! I was starting to feel badly used and my non-medicated mood was not helping any. Then they decide to go to another truck stop and lead us on a wild goose chase where we had to tell them to pull over and follow us.

We got in front of them and led them to the Pilot Truck Stop they couldn’t find . . .

Memphis Blues (day 1, scene 2) . . . Entry for May 6, 2007

So off we go down to Nashville, a 2-hour drive from my house. Both of us were kind of quiet and thoughtful, thinking of our pending separation, but we held hands all the way there. Once we got to Nashville, Travis wasn’t exactly sure what exit we were supposed to take, but the hotel Sandy was staying at was next door to Titan Stadium.

I jumped off the interstate at the first exit or so into Nashville and headed right to the nearest gas station for directions, which happened to be right on the corner. A wino bumming change in the parking lot told me to go straight on the road I got off on and I’d run right into it. I gave him a dollar for his trouble, and took off. Sure enough, it was right were he said it was.

We got to the Stadium Inn and found Sandy in the bar, drinking with some guys. Apparently her rent was paid up only until that morning, so she was hanging out on borrowed time. She told us to wait while she got her stuff from her room, and as she walked off with one of the guys she was drinking with, me and Travis just looked at each other thinking “how much stuff does she got?”

My car is pretty small, a little Toyota Paseo, and doesn’t have a lot of trunk space, so if there was too much in the way of luggage, it was going to have to stay there. Luckily for her, it all just fit, but barely. I was a little surprised that when the guy Sandy was drinking with in the bar helped her load up the car, then she gave him what looked like a deep throat kiss goodbye.

Both Travis and me looked at each other with raised eyebrows, thinking together again “This is Stan’s girlfriend?” But I figured it was none of my business, so I ignored it. The trip was going to be a long one, a little over 3 hrs, but with Travis there holding my hand all the way, I knew time would fly faster.

It was dusk when we left, and by the time it was full dark, it had started raining some off and on. When the rain was really coming down about an hour later, Sandy in the back started having a panic attack and sobbing. Apparently she “said” she was in Katrina and now being in bad weather upset her, but personally I thought she just liked being a Drama Queen.

It was hard enough to see where I was going, without having someone in the back seat telling me what a bad job I was doing driving and to slow down. I was thinking “Bitch, you need to shut the fuck up and just let me drive!” cause her attitude was really pissing me off and I could hardly see where I was going as it was.

The rain finally slacked off the closer we got to West Memphis, but she was still in the backseat curled up in the corner sniffling. We tried cheering her up, but I think she just liked the attention, so I said fuck it and just kept on driving. Travis and me were singing songs in the front seat cause the radio wasn’t working and just passed her a couple napkins for her runny nose and teary eyes and ignored her.

As we got closer there was some debate as to where the band was located. As it was, my cell phone (a Tracfone) was extremely low on minutes, so I didn’t want to call them again. I remembered him saying the Flying J Truck Stop 10 miles over the Tennessee state line, but Sandy was an ex truck driver and she was saying something different, but I drove there my way anyways.

Finally we got there and I met the rest of the band, who seemed like a bunch of pretty cool guys for the most part. Their RV battery was dead so they needed a jump-start. Lucky for them, I carry jumper cables with me all the time and I got them started.

At that point I was given only ten dollars by Stan, but he said he’d get it to me once we got there, that they were going to sell stuff at the truck stops we went through to get up some of the money. That first stab of doubt now entered my mind that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, but Travis got in the car with me and off we were back to Nashville.

As soon as we drove back over the Arkansas/Tennessee Bridge (a beautiful site) they pulled into the welcome center there on the riverfront. Puzzled, I pulled over with them and we wondered what was going on. They stopped and popped open their hood and we got the bad news: the fan belt they had put on not 2 days ago had broken.

So as it turns out we were going to be stuck until morning when we could take the fan belt back to Napa auto parts for a new one. It was a good thing they kept the receipt, cause they didn’t have money at the moment for a new one.

So we sat there in a parking lot underneath some overhead railroad tracks, and watched a few of the homeless wander across the asphalt and bed down in the area for the night. Then a police car rolled into the welcome center and parked which made everyone nervous.

To forestall any legal entanglements, Stan went over there and told the cop that we were broke down, and the cop said it was no problem, we were in a public lot. There also was another RV parked nearby, so with our minds eased, we made sleeping arrangements for the night and sat around bullshitting, singing and telling jokes for a while.

Me and Travis were bedding down in the back of the trailer on the floor with a sheet across the aisle for our privacy. A similar curtain was erected, lol, across the bed where Stan and Sandy were sleeping, to a lot of jokes and ribbing for all of us from Patrick and Allen, the single guys in the group.

Finally there was quiet, and I took off my sleeping shirt and was naked underneath. Travis took his pants and boxers off, and we covered ourselves with the sheet. I heard muttering from the front, so we rocked the Winnebago from side to side and I started moaning and making orgasm noises to the laughter of everyone.

Settling down for real this time, I start making love to Travis, kissing him all over his neck and chest. It was then that I sniffed it: the carpet smelled offensively like old dog. I forgot to mention they were travelling with an old miniature Wiener Dog (I don’t know how to spell that Dachshund word, lol)

It really bothered me, cause one of the eroticism’s of sex is the smells, well for me anyways. I tried ignoring it the best I could while I sucked away on his throbbing cock. Now stiffer than the railroad rails above us, I mounted his cock and tried not to rock the RV too much, but with my weight, that’s kind of hard.

So after a little too much rocking and a giggle from the peanut gallery up front, I decided to get on the bottom instead. Travis climbed on top but slowed his strokes down from his normal fast, hard pace. It wasn’t as good for either of us, since we weren’t able to let loose like we usually do.

I felt him starting to get a little soft after a while (we’re used to fucking a long time, lol) so I offered to do it “doggy style” with my ass up in the air. I reached behind me and spread my cheeks apart so he could get a better view of my pussy as he slid his cock inside me.

I tightened up my inner muscles, matching him stroke for stroke, and felt him begin to tense up as I reached in front of me and rubbed my clit and his cock at the same time. I heard him softly gasp and grab my hips tight to his as his dick spasmed in orgasm inside me.

I ground my ass into him, making my pussy swallow every drop. He bent down and kissed me on my back and on my cheek and whispered into my ear “But you didn’t cum, did you?” I whispered back that I had cum a little, just not like I usually do because I had to be so quiet.

I told him it was no problem though, I was happy and we snuggled down in the sheets and tried to go to sleep. Now that I wasn’t having sex I really could smell the dog odor back there and it was keeping me awake as Travis wrapped me in his arms in a spoon position, and I tried falling asleep.

I was having a hard time ignoring the smell, when I felt Travis seem to start crying behind me. I thought maybe he was upset at my pending departure, and that’s why he was crying. I tried to silently comfort him at first, then I asked what was wrong, but he didn't reply.

I figured it was a private thing, but turned over and held him to my breasts and felt tears dampen my nipples as I hugged him and told him it was going to be ok, whatever it was that was bothering him. I held him like that for a little while, and when he still wouldn’t answer me, I turned over and spooned with him again.

As I laid there and held the arms holding me close, I immediately noticed something odd. His hands were starting to cramp up, kind of like a praying mantis’. It was then that I remembered Travis mentioning that he used to have seizures and realized he was having one now.

It was a grand mal type seizure, cause it had been going on for some minutes before I realized it. I yelled to the front “Hey, I think Travis is having a seizure! Look, I’m naked back here but somebody throw me something to put in his mouth!” and Sandy tossed back one of Travis’ black leather fingerless half gloves and I put it between his teeth as Stan called 911 on the cell phone.

I threw on my shirt and covered his nakedness with a sheet and pulled down our makeshift curtain to let some light in and I could see what was happening to him. I lit one of the votive candles we had used earlier and got a good look at him while his whole body was seized up like one giant cramp.

Luckily I’d been around 2 other people who had seizures and knew what to do. His hands started relaxing and then I noticed he’d stopped breathing, so I took the glove out of his mouth, abstractly noticing the teeth marks in it, and started mouth to mouth resuscitation.

After that first lungfull of air I breathed into him, he gulped in a lungfull of air, his breathing reflex kicking in again. Stan was still trying to tell the 911 operator where we were when Travis started becoming coherent, mumbling “No hospital, I don’t want to go to the hospital . . .”

All of us in the RV told him he needed medical attention, and we waited, listening for the sounds of the paramedics and ambulance that would be coming soon. We opened the backdoor and moved Sandy’s huge suitcase out of the way so the paramedics could get to Travis.

I stood outside the door in the parking lot in a light rain wearing only my nightshirt and barefoot, when the fire truck first arrived. I stepped aside and let them do their work, breathing a sigh of relief. I bummed a cigarette from one of the guys and smoked it, trying to calm down from the adrenaline rush.

Next the ambulance arrived and out came these two guys who were really beefy and hot looking. One of em had these cool flames tattooed up from his wrist. I know, not an appropriate time to be checking out the men, but I needed distraction from the stress I just went through.

Finally, against the paramedics medical advice, Travis didn’t go to the hospital and I had to sign as a witness that this was his choice. I wanted him to go to the hospital, but he absolutely refused. I think he was worried cause he’s got a warrant in the state and didn’t want to take the risk of going to jail.

So we all lay back down for the night, and by this time it’s 3am. I’m emotionally exhausted by now and when we lay back down, I started crying on Travis’ shoulder. He held me and kissed my hair and told me he was fine and there was nothing to worry about, and how much he loved me.

But I worried anyway and only got about an hour’s worth of sleep . . .