Reunions . . . Entry for December 12, 2007

It seems to be a time for reunions for me, I had married friends come visit me from Evansville earlier last week, which was a nice surprise. I hadn’t seen them since we had a 3-some on his birthday last year. Even though he was in Louisville for medical tests (back injury) it was a nice visit.

I’m still scheduled to fly to California today for my family reunion, but was at one accidentally this past Saturday. It was an 18th birthday party for my ex-sister-in-law’s daughter. I had forgotten we were both pregnant at the same time and my twins will be 18 in April. All seven brothers and sisters were there, along with most of their kids and their kids and their kids’ kids. The pizza parlor we were at was packed.

I hadn’t seen some of Ed’s relatives for a looooong time, and it seemed all the kids I remembered as being little were all grown up with young children of their own. I didn’t even recognize two of his sisters that I used to be close to. Most surprising, more like shocking, was that fact that Ed’s Mother, a devout Jehovah’s Witness, came to the party!

I say shocking because no one ever expected her to be there, or even knew she had been invited. Being a Jehovah’s Witness they don’t believe in celebrating holidays like the rest of the family, so she never comes to family events, but her religion does let her recognize birthdays and anniversaries.

I felt a little bit out of place, a stranger among family members, but I was cool with it and just watched and enjoyed everyone’s company. I was kinda bummed cause I was driving the kids (not sure how Ed made it there, we had an argument and he was MIA for a day) so I couldn’t have a drink with everyone like I wanted to. But I had a good time anyways, even though we left kind of early.

Only two more days to go before I leave for San Diego and I’m so psyched! I borrowed a carry on suitcase from my favorite niece (gorgeous girl, 31, looks a little like Uma Thurman) this afternoon and had a nice visit with her. I brought over some smoke and we puffed ourselves silly while chatting in the kitchen.

I asked about the pics she took of the party and she brought out her camera. She told me that when she was checking out the pictures she noticed "orbs" in some of the group photos. "Orbs" are spheres of light that can be seen in digital (more often than regular) photography and is suggestive of spirits or ghosts.

I have seen orbs in photos before, on a trip to New Orleans French Quarter when I went on a "ghost tour". At the end of the tour, some of the people were comparing pics and we saw orbs in several of the photos, so I believe. The funny thing in this case is that we get the same orbs from different cameras in some of the pics. Creepy, huh?

When we talked I learned she likes to play pool too, and we both suggested we should hang out more often. Something to look forward to when I get back. I even suggested she hook me up with a date, lol, I’ve been alone way too long. I need some company and can barely tolerate being around Ed here lately. With his blood pressure meds and poor health here lately, he can’t even get it up.

I haven’t really been horny lately though. Since I’m off my bi-polar/depression meds I have upsetting dreams several times every night so I’m not getting any good sleep. I’ve made an appointment for the day after I’ve come back from the reunion to get back on them. That is if I get my medical card back like I’m supposed to.

See you all when I get back! . . .

Sentimental Music . . . Entry for December 1, 2007

Throughout my life I’ve been surrounded by music of all kinds. When I was 16 I "inherited" my ex’s 500 album collection (those are those circular vinyl black things you used to play on a record player). I remember the first 2 albums I bought myself when I was 13, Led Zeppelin’s "Houses of the Holy" and Starz "Violation". I wore a groove into those records, lol.

I can even remember the first 45’s I borrowed from my Mom and played on my Mickey Mouse record player when I was 5 or so. Otis Redding’s "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" was my favorite. Songs can trigger memories and emotions I thought long buried and make me feel just like it was yesterday.

Earlier this week I went shopping at the local Flea Market with my ex Ed and he picked up some used cassette tapes for a buck apiece. We’ve been getting along pretty good lately since I’ve learned he never means what he says when he’s pissed off and it’s best just to ignore it. We brought the tapes home and he played them to make sure they worked.

I was expecting some old country music or classic rock, but I never expected him to find a copy of "The Best of Bread" by (of course) the group Bread. That tape had particular significance to both of us, because it was one of the tapes we played endlessly when we first got together 25 years ago. Talk about bringing up the past.

As I listened to it, all those feeling I had for him in my late teens/early twenties came flooding back like a tsunami. Suddenly I started crying as I remembered how MUCH I loved him back then, loved him with my whole being, body and soul and it made me so sad.

The songs were all written by David Gates, "Make it With You", "Everything I Own", "Diary", "Baby I’m-A Want You", "It Don’t Matter to Me", and "If". We usually only listened to side A, the best of all their ballads, and we both can still recite them all word for word, even though he doesn’t have much of a singing voice, lol.

I got up from where I was sitting and hugged him as tight as I could and I cried, whispering in his ear "I used to love you sooo much". He hugged me back, and I guess through my tears he didn’t hear me right because he said "I love you too". We listened to the whole first side and I cried a little at every song.

It was especially poignant to me, because I used to play the tape and cry my heart out when we were broken up. I remembered our breakups felt like a little death to me back then, and how much I mourned that loss. I was so young and so was he and we both made many mistakes I could never forget, but I still loved him with all my heart.

That was 25 years ago and even though we are both different people now, we can still clearly remember those first years together, good times and bad. I really surprised myself how quickly that music brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. All those hopes and dreams of youth. Never in a million years did I think our lives would turn out like this.

But I have no regrets . . .