Friday, December 29, 2006

Turnips anyone? . . . Entry for December 29, 2006


OK, I know you’re saying to yourselves "WTF is up with the Mario sized veggies?" (only Nintendo gamers will get that reference, lol) The old man down the road just picked these huge beauties from his garden and now I can say I have the biggest turnips in town, hehehe (yea, smoke another one Techy!). But really this is a commentary on how wonderfully warm the weather has been so far this winter here in Kentucky.

It’s been more like "What winter?" We’ve only had one cold snap that brought a little snow, then some rain, but damn, here it is almost January and I had the front door open today to cool off the house. The temperature had to be in the mid 60’s at least, I went out walking in just my t-shirt, and it’s been like that for several weeks now.

In the over 15 years I’ve lived in Kentucky, I’ve never seen it stay this nice for this long. This warm weather kinda sux though, my son’s 15th birthday is Thursday and I bought him a snowboard. Now it looks like he won’t get a chance to use it this year. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m eating up all this gorgeous sunshine.

But it’s kinda creepy when you think about global warming and all. Besides, I’m from the "TANSTAAFL" school of thought (Their Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch) and I think we’ll probably end up paying for this nice weather in one way or another. I just wish my kids were already back in school so I could lay outside naked one last time this year.

Maybe I’ll put my giant turnips up for sale on eBay, lol . . .




Thursday, December 28, 2006

What a way to end the year . . . Entry for December 28, 2006

It figures my alternator would go out right after Christmas when I can’t afford to fix it, grrrr. I was planning on going to another swing party this Saturday, but unless I can get a ride, it looks like I’ll be staying home for the New Year. Anyways, thanks go to Vic for these insults, I want to put about half of them on t-shirts, lol.

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
25. Allow me to introduce my selves.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
28. Better living through denial.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
39. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
42. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
44. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
46. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
48. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
50. Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-Screw You!
51. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
52. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
53. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
54. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
55. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
56. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
57. Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.
58. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
60. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
61. This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!
62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
63. Earth is full. Go home.
64. Is it time for your medication or mine?
65. Aw, did I step on your poor itty-bitty ego?
66. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
67. I plead contemporary insanity.
68. And which dwarf are you?
69. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
70. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
71. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
72. It ain't the size, it's... no, I'm sorry, it really is the size.
73. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
74. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
75. Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

White Trash Christmas . . . Entry for December 23, 2006

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
We'll decorate the mobile home
There'll be cousin's kissin'
And front teeth missin'
And you'll hear grandpa peein' in the snow

I'm dreamin' of a white trash Christmas
No Christmas card from my ex-wife
I did get a subpoena though
Our family tree is leanin' to the right
And we'll all be playin' poker Christmas night

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the Three Wise Men on harmonica!
(Harmonica Solo)

Lets pick out a few presents now

We're gonna celebrate another white trash Christmas
With mad dog wine and miller light
And when our hound dog is howlin' through the night
He says may all your Christmases be white

Oh, ah, pay no attention to that "all trespassers will be shot" sign
That don't apply to you Santa

Nice rack on Blitzen though


Thursday, December 21, 2006

I told you I was stupid . . . Entry for December 20, 2006

I came to the door and the only thing I was wearing was a black and white striped fringed scarf tied around my hips, concealing little but my old baby belly bulge. He was duly impressed with the view from behind as I led him into my bedroom. I nonchalantly (but purposefully sexy) stretched out on the bed and we commenced to catch a little buzz and chat.

His hand stroked my naked thigh as I whispered in anticipation "Touch me . . ." which he did with skillful fingers. He seemed surprised I was already soaking wet, but I had been thinking of nothing else since we made a date for this morning the night before.

I spread my legs further as I arched my back and moaned when my juices started to flow, and that was all it took. He jumped up and took off his clothes and as he stood there, I leaned over the edge of the bed facing him, and swallowed his cock whole. I looked up with his cock still in my mouth and drank in his ecstatic expression like fine homemade wine, strong and sweet!

He ran his palms down my back and cupped an ass cheek in each hand as I fluttered my tongue on the hardening cock inside my mouth. I sucked and tasted, and using some of my special tricks drove him absolutely wild! Taking my mouth off after some minutes, I looked up at him from my all fours position and said, "Oh did I mention I LOVE sucking cock?"

Smiling I laid back and stretched, running my own hands down my skin and parted my pussy lips (hint hint), but I can see he wants to feel his cock in my pussy right away, so I think "Why not?" and pulled my legs wider apart. The only problem was his dick was only half hard but really wanting in, and I’m thinking "Oh no! Not fucking again!"

I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it seems nearly EVERY time this year these guys I’ve been with get a visit from Mr. ED (Erectile Dysfunction) just when things start going good! I’m starting to think that maybe it’s me. I asked myself "Am I sexually intimidating or something? Do I make guys nervous in bed?"

I’m a very modest person, when ever someone compliments me with "Wow, you’re awesome" types of compliments, I always reply "Nah, I’m just me." And it’s true, I don’t think I’m anyone special, but parts of me are exceptional, lol. I take pride in the fact that I give mind blowing head jobs and really enjoy sucking cock (even though sometimes they are not deserved). That and having a nice ass considering it’s size is my other vanity.

I’ve had a lot of repressed sexual energy and tension that hasn’t really been released in quite a while. Sure, I see my fuck buddy Bubby maybe once a month or so, but unless he’s fucked up the sex just isn’t worth it. And he doesn’t give head unless he’s drinking, and that is a BIG turn off, not to mention his hang up about him being "undersized".

But when Lars and I started molesting each other and he finally got his semi in, I gave him some pussy probably like he’s never had before. Once again, I’m not bragging, it’s just the truth, but I have a tight, small pussy with excellent control. I can contract and expand my pussy walls quick or slow at will, and with some guys it takes them right over the edge.

It was close, but I squeezed his cock out and it wasn’t cooperating to go back in, so I laid him back down and lowered my head to his cock while turning my hips towards his hands. Reaching over for my toy bag, I extracted Ruffles and put it in his hand. I could see the grin on his face as my mouth enveloped his stiffening cock again, and he inserted the smaller end in my pussy, little by little.

I squirmed under the toy in his hands and moaned around the dick in my mouth, shoving my face down and biting gently at the base. His back arched and I gobbled that cock further, my pussy getting wetter listening to his moans. I was dripping pussy juices down the dildo and onto his hand as turned back around so he could watch me suck his cock. He held my long draping hair back as I gave my full attention to making his hard on last long and strong.

Alas, even though I found the "sweet spot" on his cock and probably gave him one of the best blowjobs he ever had in his life, he never got fully rock hard (sigh). He said it might be a combination of the meds he’s taking and the fact that I made him a little nervous. Why does this keep happening to me? He’s 46 and I figured age might have had something to do with it too.

After a brief rest, and chatting a little I molested him again, cause I was in no way finished. I brought out my little blue dolphin vibe and using my toys he made me cum expertly time and time again. I even managed to make him cum again as well, so a good time was had by one and all, lol.

Too much of a good time for me, I got greedy and wanted it again! I so missed the physical contact and passion (and orgasms), that we planned on hooking up several times this week before the kids were out of school for Winter break. I even lucked into a Viagra to see if that wouldn’t help his libido, but of course it didn’t end up happening, and now I’m kinda pissed at him.

Have I mentioned that I stomp my foot and act like a little spoiled brat when I don’t get my way? Lol. The first time we talked at my place, he was going to stop by later that day but didn’t, and didn’t call either. I know how shit can happen so it was no big deal. The second day he was supposed to come back and fuck my brains out, he didn’t show up, but finally called and left a message on my machine cause I was gone by then.

Funny thing though, he’s got my cell phone number and didn’t try that. And last, but not least, he was supposed to call me to come over at 7:30 yesterday morning, and once again was a no call/no show. Now in my book, that’s just rude and impolite. I mean if he wanted to turn what could have been some semi steady fun into a one night (day) stand, that’s cool, I’m a big girl with my head on straight.

Even though he was spouting all that "where have you been all my life", "I want to live down here" and "I should be married to you" kind of garbage when we were fucking, I didn’t fall for it though. I mean after all, guys always speak with their dicks when they’re getting it real good, lol.
But not to call and cancel is just fucking thoughtless and bad mannered. So I left him a voice mail basically saying thanks for the fuck but you’re a rude bastard for not calling to cancel. He called me later yesterday evening and tried to explain but I was like "Dude, that was just plain rude not to call." and he got off the phone quick and hasn’t called back.

Fuck em, there are plenty more fish in the sea that are SINGLE, lol.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

On being stupid . . . Entry for December 17, 2006

Yea, I’m getting ready to do something really dumb. I know it, but I’m doing it anyways, my body is over-riding my head this time. This unhappily married guy my friend introduced me to, Lars, has recently entered my circle of friends. I liked him right away, but put my protective "wall" up cause he was married. Though I did feel some chemistry there, I decided to ignore it.

That was until this past weekend. I’ve been thinking about this guy for a few days and now that I’ve gotten to know him a little better, my restriction on married guys has faltered. I went out Saturday night with my girlfriend to a swing party, but it was kind of slow so we left and went to the club for a while where Lars is the bouncer.

It’s a small redneck world out here and let me tell you how small. He’s the uncle of my girlfriend but only a few years older than she is. He was married to my occasional fuck buddy’s (Bubby) brother (Cowboy). His ex wife and I share the same name and I know her and she can’t stand me.

Last night at the club (my first time there), who should be there but Bubby and his brother Cowboy with another friend of theirs. I wanted to flirt with Lars, but since he was working the door, didn’t get much of a chance to talk. I went over and said Hi to Bubby and chatted for a couple minutes about the guitar he was restringing for me, then went back to my table.

That’s when my friend told me that Lars was planning on kicking Cowboys ass that night. Men! I just don’t understand what motivates them sometimes. I guess I would if I had a penis, lol. Well it was pretty dead there too, so we decided to go back to the swing party. But before I left the club I did tell Lars that I’d like to see him if he wanted to stop by after he got off work.

Well, he never came by but it was no biggee. I went over to my friend’s house this afternoon with some smoke and told her to call him over from next door to share it with us and she did. We were getting stoned and talking in the computer room, when she left the room to take a call and we were finally alone. I immediately went into flirt mode, lol.

I told him that he really missed out by not coming when I was drunk and horny last night. He grabbed his head in his hands and said "Nooo, don’t tell me that!" and explained how he didn’t get home until 5am this morning. I laughed and said it was ok, and noticing he was still standing, I got off the chair I was sitting in and moved to the one by the window, purposely sticking my velour clad ass up in the air for his viewing pleasure.

He had already told me he liked my ass, so I got the response from him I was hoping for. I continued to flirt with him, and stood up with some lame excuse so I could get closer to him when he didn’t sit down. He reached for me and I was a little surprised he didn’t try to kiss me right away, but whispered into my neck "I’d love to just lick you from head to toe" and I melted, I have to have this man!

We stand there chatting
I feel the attraction pulling me closer
Invading my personal space
But who cares?
Soon I’m encircled in your arms
Your breath on my neck
Whispering words to the fastly beating pulse
Hands traveling
Gently caressing
Lips meet and part together
Hmmm, that electric taste
My head is screaming NO!
But chemistry tells my body fuck YEA!
A scheduled date for the morn’
Forbidden fruit for breakfast
Long absent from my diet
I think I could get used to its taste

We made out for a while in my friend’s computer room and I was really tempted just to drag his ass in her bathroom and rip his pants off and play vacuum cleaner, but I resisted the temptation. It was cute when we finally broke apart, he put his hands together like he was praying and looking up to God and said "Thank you, I know I’ve been a bad boy, but thank you!" He’s coming over in the morning after my boys go to school.

I can’t wait for breakfast!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Untitled . . . Entry for December 14, 2006

No title on today’s post, I usually have them thought up before I start writing, but not today. I’ve been lax on my blogging mainly cause all I would do is bitch about these fucking kids of mine, and I know you have better things to do than listen to me complain, lol. I’ve been depressed, but rather busy lately, so that’s a bonus.

Over the weekend my occasional "fuck buddy" Bubby (that’s him in the pic) spent the night, but I haven’t really felt like writing about it, even though it was his first time making a woman really squirt. And it’s not like I didn’t have a good time, worthy of posting. But I’m starting to wonder if "Tales of My Sex Life" doesn’t get stale and repetitious sometimes.

I’ve been in a weird mood these days. Being alone is really starting to bug me, but I don’t want to settle for less, know what I mean? There are several married guys out there right now that I could fuck in a heartbeat, but I will not fuck a married man. Oral sex and masturbation I will do however, but dick penetration, no way Jose’.

Some of you may not understand why I think one is OK and the other is not, but you have to look at it this way. Say I decide to fuck a married guy and the sex is the best beyond belief. All of a sudden I start to get emotionally attached and I end up fucked in the end (again). Why even bother putting myself at risk for that, just for a few moments of pleasure? I don’t believe in "cheating" or having affairs anymore, whether it’s in real life or online, so I try to steer clear of guys that are "taken".

The last time I had an "affair" with a married man was over a dozen years ago. I met him online back when local BBS’s were still around and Internet access was hard to find (and expensive). We started a friendship that was based on him wanting to have a 3-some with his wife to make up for her cheating on him.

I was attracted to him before I ever saw him, which was a good thing cause he was definitely not my "type" (I’ve always been into "bad boys"). Well the 3-some turned out badly with her getting jealous but we ended hooking up and having a relationship. Long story short, he’s now my 2nd ex husband. I realize now that that’s a relationship I never should have started in the first place.

I was lonely and got involved for all the wrong reasons. He was a control freak and I was not allowed to be my real self when we were together. Not to mention he was abusive at times, mentally and emotionally but the physical abuse did our relationship in for good. Actually I was glad he hit me, I must confess, cause then I had a solid reason to kick his ass out permanently.

Not that that situation is likely to repeat itself. But I would be wasting my emotional well being if I got intimately involved with married man, or even one in a "live-in" relationship. And you say "Oral sex and masturbation isn’t intimate?" and my answer is no, because the part of me that makes me a woman is not being penetrated by the part of him that makes him a man.

I haven’t always been this way, I didn’t use to care who I slept with, as long as I was having fun. But then I started feeling a little "used" and I didn’t have as much fun anymore. And that made me rethink my sexual habits. So here I sit, still horny as hell with ready, willing and able horny men within arms reach, and I turn em down.

I need love

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The 12 Days of Yahoo . . . Entry for December 13, 2006

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas Yahoo gave to me
Twelve Yahoo idiots I'm ignoring
Eleven narcissists blogging
Ten fake bi-females messaging
Nine Spam deleted
Eight webcamers requesting
Seven perverts watching
Six new emails waiting
Five Friends online!
Four empty profiles
Three 360 invites
Two new blog entries
. . . And a guy on cam showing his pee pee

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Life according to South Park . . . Entry for December 9, 2006

People often ask "What’s your guilty pleasure?" and I must say South Park would be mine. I’ve owned and watched every episode of South Park ever made, over and over again. I download the new ones off of the Internet the day after they premiere. Yes, South Park’s comedy contains a lot of tasteless toilet humor, but I like the fact they take nothing seriously and trash EVERYONE, including them selves. They don’t bow down to pressure not to parody such hot topics as religion and politics, and even satirize the latest tragic headlines.

Well I watched episode #1007 again last night, "TSST". It was about Cartman being out of control, and they parody those Nanny reality TV shows and the "Dog Whisperer" too. It was pretty funny, but it got me to thinking . . . In the cartoon they aren’t acknowledging Cartman’s bad behavior at all and it reminded me of my son’s "silent treatment" of me a couple days ago. We’ve been fighting because I’m having serious issues with him not finishing the dishes and I’m not backing down.

He started saying some shit when we were argueing about how I never do anything around the house (he said it in pig latin though, his balls aren’t that big, lol) just because I’ve got the household chores divided up between the 3 of them. After all, they are the ones making most of the messes. I clean up after myself. So today I washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen that my problem child never finished. He was threatened with it and has now earned himself the chore of doing dishes until next year as punishment.

I also cleaned the living room mess that my dogs made when youngest son didn’t put the dogs in their bathroom for the night. They got a hold of the only present underneath the Christmas tree and chewed it open (2 years ago they opened a PS2 controller and half ate it). It was for me from my problem child, a box of chocolate cordial cherries, a candy I happen to detest, yuk! They’ve never seen me eat one!

When he first put the present under the tree, he goes "I get a brownie point for first one to get Mom a gift!" I told him "If you got me something just to earn brownie points, then you can just take it back." Well he came in my room first this morning and showed me the ripped box saying "Look at what the dogs did to the present I got you". I looked at him in the eye and said "Good thing I don’t like chocolate covered cherries" and he tossed them in my trash.

Yes, I was being a bitch, I knew he didn’t finish the kitchen again and damnit I was pissed off! So today I decided to take the South Park approach and just not acknowledge him at all, the silent treatment back in his face. I cleaned the kitchen to my satisfaction, and was still working on it when they came home from school. He didn't thank me or say a word about my finishing his job, the little jerk.
I’m kind of ignoring all three of them now, unless it’s to give them direction. I’m sick and tired of them fucking off their responsibilities. They have absolutely no clue how lucky they are to have me as a Mom. As open, understanding, caring and loving as I am to these boys they just don’t know how closed minded and strict other parents can be.

Though I do try to remind them they’re helluv lucky I didn’t turn out to be a psycho bitch like their Grandmother, and at least they have the courtesy to say AMEN to that. Ain’t it a bitch though that during this Christmas when can afford to do a few nice things for them (for a change), it seems like they go out of their way just to piss me off. I just wish I could try and capture another one of those happy moments we used to share when they were little and so easy to please, even if Santa did get all the credit.

I’m so tired and frustrated
This weight feeling like boulders
Carried alone on injured shoulders
Tasks never seem to get fully done
Their only interests are having fun
Duties unfinished so it seems
Giving precedence to their own things
My three pre-man sons
Jealous of their freedom?
I became a mother at their age
Now hoping they just pass this phase
And finally gain some common sense
Least common of all the senses
An oxymoron to the Nth degree

Friday, December 08, 2006

What’s Christmas without drama . . . Entry for December 8, 2006

It wouldn’t be the Christmas season without family drama, and this year is no exception. If I’m not constantly fighting with my teenage sons about their chores, then I’m intervening in fights between my Mom and my Daughter, Erica. Erica and my 8 year old Granddaughter have been living with my Mom for quite a while now, and like I’ve said, my mother can be kind of a psycho bitch sometimes. Last night Mom called me and started venting about their latest fight.

Mom is one of those “It’s my way or no fucking way!” types of people and my only daughter has a problem with taking personal responsibility for her own actions. Needless to say it’s not a good combo to have underneath one roof. Long story short, my Mom was going to “punish” my daughter for having made them wait over an hour to pick her up from the BART station (the Bay Area’s above/below ground train system) the evening before.

My mother wanted to teach her a lesson by making her take the bus home after riding BART, instead of picking her up as usual. Well I listened to my Mom bitch and moan (again) about all of Erica’s shortcomings (some of which she blames on me, but do I blame her for my faults?) and their problems. After a while I did the usual holding-the-phone-away-from-my-ear and saying “Uh huh”, “Really?” and “You don’t say” at appropriate intervals then passed the phone to my boys so they could talk to her.

They hung up after a few minutes then probably not half an hour later Mom calls me back, livid. So what has my Daughter done this time? She called her boyfriend and tells him about their fight and he says he’s going to pick her up. Erica knows better than to pull something like this, and of course when she calls Mom to tell her, Mom goes ballistic and says she better be on that bus or she can get the fuck out.

For real, she should have been out of my Mom’s house ages ago and I’ve told her this. Hell, I left home at 13 just to get away from the crazy bitch (but I still love her). All 3 of us kids got out before our 18th birthdays, and my Daughter is going on 26. Lately their arguments have been escalating to violence, my Mom being the aggressor. But now that Erica’s gotten a steady boyfriend with a good job, I told her she really needs to get her shit together and out on her own.

So now Mom tells me that Erica’s boyfriend called her, and he her that he doesn’t want Erica taking the bus at night alone (this is in Oakland, CA btw). Of course my Mom tries to explain she’s trying to prove a point to Erica, but he tells her he doesn’t care, he’s picking her up. Not something you tell my Mother if you’re trying to stay on her good side.

Well I listened to my Mom bitch and moan (again) about all of Erica’s shortcomings (some of which she blames on me, but do I blame her for my faults?) and I tried to calm her down. Much to my dismay she goes “Well, are you going to call her?” I was stunned, “What do you want me to say Mom? It’s not like she’s ever listened to me before.” But my Mom wasn’t going to be happy until I called her, so I hung up and got my Daughter on the phone.

I was pissed off for getting dragged in the middle of their fight and immediately went into “preach” mode, something I despise. Of course I let her have it, not that it did any good. The child blames nothing on herself, it’s always everybody else’s fault. I told her to call her boyfriend and tell him not to come pick her up, but it was already too late, she was riding in his car.

So I explained to her that the bottom line was if she didn’t take the bus home and showed up with him in his car, she was going to have to pack their bags and get the fuck out when she got home, no ifs ands or buts. Somehow I think that was her plan all along so he could come to her rescue, because my Mother called me back a little while later to tell me that Erica and my granddaughter have moved out.

I hate to think that she would be that manipulative, but I remember how she used to be in her teens and she hasn’t changed that much. My mother behaved evilly though when they were leaving. Erica’s boyfriend was taking their things to the car and my Mom tells him “You know she had herpes, don’t you?” When Mom confessed to me that she said that I could NOT believe it!

My mouth dropped open, literally, and I was speechless. My daughter had contracted it from her baby’s Daddy, the bastard. I think that’s why she went lesbian for years and this is the first guy she’s had a relationship with since him. But for my Mom to blurt out something like that just to hurt Erica is just way too low a blow. No matter how pissed she was, she should never have gone there.

No wonder I’m as fucked up in the head as I am, aren’t families wonderful?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Ben Stein on Christmas . . . Entry for December 4, 2006




I first saw this excerpt from a post on my good friend Peachycoco’s blog and thought in the spirit of Christmas I’d steal it and share the warmth. But first I decided to do a little research and find out if it’s really was true before posting it. And sure enough, after a short google search, I found a link to it on Ben Stein’s website under "Stuff Ben Wrote" . I hope he doesn’t mind the reprint.


12/18/05 CBS Sunday Morning Commentary:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.


© Ben Stein

Of course Nick and Jessica are no more, neither are Brittany and K-Fed, which goes to show celebrities suck ass at relationships just like we do, lol. But I mean c’mon people, some people can be WAY too politically correct, and would it kill ya once a year to just let people be people and be good to each other, and keep your personal offendedness (yea, I made up that word) to yourself?


If you don’t want to believe in Jesus and Christmas, that’s cool, but don’t ruin it for those who do and want to celebrate. And the same goes for Chanukah (Dreidel dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay), and Kwanza for that matter. I could use some more info on Kwanza if someone would care to comment with it.


But whatever your belief or faith, can’t we all just celebrate being good to each other in the middle of winter for no particular reason? Or in the middle of summer for those of our friends in the Land of OZ and EnZed? Is that so wrong? All yearlong would be great too, but I know that’s asking for too much, lol.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

No luck at all sometimes . . . Entry for December 2, 2006

Damnit, December is barely here and I’ve just slipped on the deck stairs outside! I tried to catch myself but I think that made my fall worse. My slippered foot went right out from under me and I grabbed harder at the rail, trying to break my fall. Then my other foot slipped too and bent kinda in half then my ass hit the step hard, I’ll probably have one helluva sunset colored bruise tomorrow. I hurt my left foot, wrentched my already sore shoulder, hurt my thumb, and I don’t know what else, I’m tired and it hurts a little all over.

I had worked in Indiana tonight until almost 11pm at a Merrill Lynch site finishing up an IP phone project. Then I went over the river to Henderson, Ky and chilled out at a girlfriends' house for a bit, then got home at about 2:30am. I was hoping my 3 high school age sons would be asleep by then so I could hide my Christmas shopping in the shed out back and lock it. But of course they slept right after getting home from school so now are up for the night.

It stormed all day yesterday but it was still kind of warm, but that didn’t last for long. When night came, the cold front blew loudly and this morning we got our first sprinkle dusting of snow. But for the rest of today, it was just very cold and windy. When I got home I didn’t have a problem coming up the steps at all. After coming in the house and changing I put on my slippers and went to get my laptop out of the trunk and holler for my dogs to come in.

The deck wasn’t icy, just a little frosty looking, kind of sparkly and pretty actually. A light frost rimed everything but my feet were steady until I got to the stairs and down I went. Ain’t that about a bitch? I feel like Rodney Dangerfield sometimes, shit always seems to keep happening to me. The fall I just took just now is in addition to another injury I sustained earlier today while I was getting dressed.

I accidentally ripped most of the remaining half of my right pinky toenail when I put on my pants and it snagged on a seam. I grabbed my foot and cussed like hell. The scrap of toenail hung by just a shred of cuticle, so I yanked hard and took it all off. It hurt like fuck too! Then as I limped my bleeding toe into the bathroom, I jammed it right into the doorframe. Damn, I just noticed it even left a bloodstain. I swear, I got no luck at all sometimes . . .