It’s my prerogative . . . Entry for November 13, 2006

Another long and pretty much boring weekend has passed, though I did get a lot of pre-holiday house cleaning done. I’m trying to get everything looking nice before Steve comes. Yea, you heard right, I changed my mind about letting him come live with us. After all, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, though lord only knows whether or not I’m making the right decision.

He got out of jail last week, and all his bench warrants were for some stupid stuff and now he’s free and clear with time served for the few days he spent in jail. We talked over the weekend and he sounded really good. If he was drinking (he said he wasn’t), then it wasn’t very much. He says he still really needs to get out of California and wants to start a new life with me again.

One of the problems we had the last time Steve was here in Kentucky was the fact that we were all living in the same house with my ex-husband, Bruce, who is also an alcoholic. Bruce and Steve got along great with each other, since my ex is a likable guy, that is unless you’re married to him, lol. The fact that they got along really wasn’t a good thing though, well for me anyways.

Bruce had an extremely bad influence on Steve. He kept him supplied with booze whenever he was around. I know I know, I can’t blame my ex completely for Steve’s behavior, he’s responsible for his own actions. But have a sneaking suspicion that Bruce even got Steve to cheat on me one time too, with some drunk-ass whore he brought home with him one weekend. It would be like my ex to do something like that just to fuck with me.

Over this past weekend, Steve and me had a long talk and discussed some of the issues we had the last time we were together. I know he’s not going to stop drinking overnight, I’m not a complete idiot, lol. But I told him that I didn’t want him getting drunk around the kids at all, and he agreed. He said he DID want to stop drinking and I told him again how much more I love him when he’s sober, and that I think drinking diminishes him

Since my last post when I talked about Steve, I had a long email discussion with one of my 360 friends (thanks again sweety!). She shared with me a part of her life that was parallel with mine, and how she gave up on a long-term relationship with an alcoholic. But then when he moved away for a job, he finally got sober and now they’re even more in love than ever before. She gave me hope.

So here I am, been horny as all hell all weekend and thinking about him all the time now. I close my eyes and relive the lost innocence of my first time again and again while I masturbate, his name on my lips as my pussy squirts hard on my dildo. I think of his hard thick cock fucking my mouth, and how the first cum I ever tasted was his. Damnit, I WANT HIM SOOOO FUCKING BAD NOW!

The good thing about that is that he wants me just as much! When we talked Saturday night (hehehe, and I started talking dirty too) he told me I had better be prepared to stay in bed for at least 3 days when he gets here, lol. I told him we can’t spend ALL our time in bed (though the idea is tempting). I’ve already got him a job lined up when he arrives, so he’ll be working right away. That’ll help him stay sober too, his keeping busy.

With any luck, he’ll be here in less than 2 weeks. Till then, I’m counting down the days . . .