Dear Mama . . . Entry for February 20, 2007

I started writing my post about the party but that was until drama hit me full in the face, so to speak. First off, I’m on the rag, so not really in the best of moods. Add one phone call with my irrational mother then two teen boys arguing over food (again) and one smart ass trying to act like his view of the world is actually reality and you end up with one fucked up night.

The fight with my Mom was inevitable after I told my son to go away with some stupid question from his homework that he could figure out if he wasn’t so damn lazy. Her whole take on the matter is that I’m not sacrificing myself for my children. WTF is she talking about? My whole sanity has been sacrificed for these kids. What does she want my flesh and blood too? Well they’ve had that from birth.

Then the fight with the boys . . . Now mind you I have warned them both that I’m on my period and not to fuck with me, but then listening to them fight like 2 little bitches over who has the biggest pieces of chicken, it drove me over the edge. Then my problem child was like "I only had 2 sandwiches to eat today!" When he finally did fix himself a sandwich this afternoon it was when I told him to move his PC back into the living room.

That was a stupid move, cause then I took it and put it up in the shed. Finally the last straw was when he tried to tell me I never do anything. Uh HELLO? Who cleaned all these carpets in the house and switched rooms? I really flipped a switch then, and thank GOD I had taken my meds earlier, cause I confronted him in his room and threw his plate of food out of his hand (which shouldn’t have had in there anyway.

He grabbed my sleeve then twisted it, and I think he was trying to hurt my arm, but missed. But, once again, stick a fork in me I’m done. I’m going to the court-designated worker in the morning, I’m not taking any more of this shit from him. It may take 2 months to get him into the job corps, but if he lays a hand on me again, I’m going to lay him out.

As for the title of this post, after sending them both to bed, I went into my room to play my favorite 2Pac song, from his "Me Against The World" CD, "Dear Mama". That song has a lot of meaning for me, it was such a struggle raising these kids alone. And now to have my son disrespect me so much, I hope that someday he appreciates the things I did for him that he refuses to see now.