Yesterday I called an old ex of mine, Steve, after seeing that user name on someone’s 360 page. Steve was my first lover, though he wasn’t my boyfriend. I was a runaway hanging out at a girlfriend’s house (he was just hanging there) and we both got busted hiding inside her closet after her Dad got home. He was 16 and went to High School with my older sister and I was only 13, still in Junior High.
When my friend’s Dad busted us, I had no where to go, so Steve told me I could crash at his place. Steve is average height, blond hair, blue eys, good looking and has this kinda deep, slightly gravelly voice that’s so sexy (and an above average dick!). To make a long story short, I lost my virginity that night, and gave my first blowjob. I fell instantly in love with him (of course), and wrote my very first love poem to him later that year when I was locked up in Juvenile Hall (that’s another story for my book, lol).
This is the only one of my poems I have ever memorized:
Long ago and far away
I used to frown
At the thought
Of falling in love
It really got me down
But now it’s happened to me
And I’m not so sad
Cause I found out
That falling in love
Really isn't that bad
It wouldn’t work out
I know that now
You go your way
I ‘ll go mine
We’ll see each other again somehow
Time so short
Eternity how long
Someone, long ago
Once said
Love is forever
It’ll still live on
Long after
We are dead
Not too bad for 13 year old juvenile delinquent, even it I do say so myself ;)
Throughout the years we’ve seen each other and lived together a few times, one time he even came to Kentucky to live with us. My youngest son is also named after him, I wanted to name my last child after my first lover, lol. The one main problem that has kept our relationship from being "Happily Ever After", is the fact that he’s an alcoholic.
He’s one of those types of drunks whose personality completely changes when he drinks and I can’t stand the person he becomes. That’s just not the "My Steve" I know and love, and he knows this. He’s tried quitting before, and even went to an alcohol rehab center while we were living together one time. We were serious about working things out between us, but unfortunately the lessons he learned never did stick.
His parents have had the same phone number for over 30 years, and occasionally thoughts of him cross my mind, and I’ll call and see if he’s there. The last time I talked to Steve was probably six months or so ago, when he asked me to marry him (!!!). Of course I said no, he was drunk, also there it the situation with the other little problem with our relationship that hasn’t changed, Sexual Compatibility.
He’s got a really, REALLY nice cock, and it kinda surprised me when got together 20 odd years later that my tight little virgin pussy took all of that (and wanted more, I admit, lol)! Erectile Dysfunction was never a problem either, even with his drinking. The problem was he liked just plain vanilla ordinary sex, and I liked it Habanero hot! I’ve never seen him look at porn, he doesn’t like to use toys on me, I even asked him to restrain me in this strap device one time and he declined.
It was so hard for me to ask him to do that, and then to be turned down instead of turned on? I knew it was finally over the last time when I went out of town and ended up fucking around on him. As soon as I came back I told him he had to leave, that we just weren’t sexually compatible. I wasn’t satisfied and I was tired of it, and his drinking. He left, and we didn’t speak for a couple years. He called me when my boyfriend was still living with me, and hadn’t been able to touch base with him until early this year.
When he proposed to me the last time I talked to him, I was in total shock! I will love this man for the rest of my life, but after being with a few alcoholics and/or substance abusers and knowing the difficulties I had with him sexually, I wasn’t going to settle for less ever again. There was a time when I would have leap lightning quick at the chance to be his wife, but I’m older and wiser now, though lonelier (sigh).
So yesterday when thoughts of him crossed my mind and I grabbed for the phone, he was there at his parents’ house. He was sober and sounded great! He told me he had been thinking about me the other day, and we laughed because we’ve done this so many times to each other over the years, think of each other then call. There’s a deep, internal connection there that both of us acknowledge.
After catching up for about half an hour, (and listening to him call me "Babe" and making my heart melt, lol) we got off the phone. I gave him both my phone numbers, and told him my cell doesn’t get a signal down here, but if I was on the internet (more likely than not) he could leave a message if he really wanted to get in touch with me. I laid there on my bed reminiscing about all the good times we used to have, the love we shared, and I know I must’ve worn a silly smile on my face, but it felt so good to hear my name on his tongue again.
This morning I noticed I had a missed call message displayed on my cell phone, but I didn’t recognize the number. I walked outside in the rain in order to get a signal, and listened to my voice mail, it was from Steve (yay!). He left it the day before and said wasn’t at home, but he just "wanted to get back to me" and that he’d call me tomorrow (today!). The tone I heard in his recorded voice was the same one that I had been hearing and echoing in my head ever since we got off the phone; that of old love.
(Heavy Sigh) The dreams I had of him 30 years ago have never dimmed; he will forever be that Golden Shining Knight that thoroughly ravished me sexually, introducing me to my woman hood, underneath the blankets in his boyhood bedroom. The sexual differences that we have, I might be able to overcome (by bringing him over to the dark side, BWAHHH HAAA HAAA), but the alcoholism, no way.
As I sit here, thinking about all this (OK, OK and waiting for his call, lol), I wondered how many of you have had those old loves reappear into your lives and did you ever have a "Happily Ever After" . . .
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