This past week I’ve come across a couple of different bloggers that have posted about their problems with “Loss of Affection”. Both guys have been married for quite a long time, 10+ years. For them, divorce is not an option, mainly due to the fact that they want to keep the family unit together for their children’s sake. Now I applaud any man who makes sacrifices for his children, but I can’t understand how their home situation could have gotten so bad that they are completely miserable in their relationship.In one case, it was the old “I thought she would change” scenario, which of course didn’t happen. But saying “Don’t you know any better than that?” does little to resolve the situation. When will people learn that they must accept the ones they love, including all their faults good and bad, and be willing to live with it and not expect them to change? I’ve tried to remember if I’ve ever fallen into that trap of “if he loves me he will change” and I don’t think I have, I’m pretty realistic (OK, so I’m a pessimist, wanna fight about it? lol).
From what I know of their situations, neither one has resorted to cheating on their spouse, though they both have turned to the Internet to try to help fill that empty void (camming, chatting, etc). They are both still getting sex from their partners, but think it’s more of a “duty” thing for their wives, for at least one of them anyways., no affection, just plain sex. I can sympathize, but not really relate to their problems, cause to me, no relationship is worth it if it makes me miserable in some way or other (just ask my 3 ex husbands, lol).
I could see divorce as a viable solution if their spouse were abusive, alcoholic or had some other serious flaws, but they are still getting laid and everything else in their marriage is OK. But married life feels affectionless to them, leaving this big empty hole in their lives. The standard answer “Marriage Counseling” has been tried, but that hasn’t seemed resolve the issue. I’m kind of at a loss here how to help these guys other than saying, “it’s time to get a lawyer dude”. Like I said, that’s just not an option for them.
Has “Loss of Affection” ever happened to you (or someone you know) in a relationship? What did you do to get it back? Any thoughts or suggestions on this topic would be appreciated.
1 comment:
In fact, this has happened to me, though rather worse than these guys. My first marriage had a loss of affection and also no sex for years at a time (which was a huge problem for me). There was also a growing sense that my purpose was to make lots of money and give it to her, which wasn't the way things were initially (I'm not that stupid, though nearly so.) I stuck around far longer than I might've, but I'd finally had enough when I realized that all the trying I'd been doing was one-sided and that I'd used up all my affection and interest as well.
As someone who had sex with my wife like 8 times in 15 years of marriage, it isn't the lack of sex, although that's a big problem. It's being treated like shit that'll really push someone out the door. It sounds like these guys aren't getting the emotional support in their relationships and there's not a lot that will make that better. The kids will notice this, too, and it won't do them any good. As hard as it is--boy, don't we know it?--it's probably better to go separate ways.
Post a Comment