These were sent to me in an email and now that I’ve gotten all that drama crap out of my system, I thought I’d try to pass on a smile or two.
A good pun is it’s own reword
Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-Negative
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your Mother
Shotgun Weddings: A case of wife or death
I used to work in a blanket factory, but they folded
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Banning the bra was a big flop
Sea Captains don’t like crew cuts
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor
Without geometry, life is pointless
When you dream in color it’s a pigment of your imagination
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
When two egotists meet, it’s and I for and I
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.>
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
Hope your hump day is a happy one . . .
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