Well, I got some goodbye sex this weekend (and spilled my guts out after quite a bit of tequila). I just wish I could remember if the sex was any good. I guess that means it wasn’t, lol. Deciding to try to end it isn’t the problem, trying to keep him as a friend is. Though now I’m not sure it’s worth the trouble. But for real, how can you break up with someone you were never really going with in the first place? Actually, I have done that before, with someone I dated off and on for about 4 years, though according to him we were never really “going together”. Coulda fooled me . . . these are two of the poems/songs I wrote about it 10 years ago:
Early Morning Ramblings
Lying here, thinking of you
Can't get you out of my mind.
Wondering where this thing is leading to,
Wondering what I'm gonna find. . .
Many sleepless nights thoughts of you
Keep me tossing and turning, alone in my bed.
Visions of making sweet love to you
Go swirling through my head. . .
I wonder what you really think of me.
Am I just another way of killing time?
And whether or not someday I'll be
The one that you call 'mine'. . .
Do you ever think that it's fated
That love becomes created
Just to save us from being alone?
Love can be so complicated,
And sometimes not appreciated
Till it's too late and then it's gone.
So in the morning I call just to hear your voice
Curious to see if you're doing fine.
But you'll call me back later, or so you say,
Like you've done so many other times. . .
You'll get busy and forget, it's happened before.
There just aren't enough hours in the day. . .
But I can't help thinking, maybe I'm bothering you
And you really wish I would just go away. . .
I really wish I could just read your mind,
And get rid of these doubts going through my head.
Cause then I might sleep better at night,
Instead of tossing and turning, alone in my bed. . .
Do you ever think that it's fated
That love becomes created
Just to save us from being alone?
Love can be so complicated,
And sometimes not appreciated
Till it's too late and then it's gone.
So another day goes by and I'm still in the dark.
No wiser for all my early morning reflections. . .
Maybe I'm better not knowing the truth,
At least I have hope keeping me from depression.
You've really got a hold on me, I don't know what is it.
But I can't get you out of my mind.
Not that I really want to any way,
Even though the future doesn't look kind.
So I'll just take my chances and hedge my bets
Hoping that one day you might see
That loving me wouldn't be so bad,
It might even set you free. . .
Do you ever think that it's fated
That love becomes created
Just to save us from being alone?
Love can be so complicated,
And sometimes not appreciated
Till it's too late and then it's gone.
Just how it goes
The Moon is high in the sky tonight
So why am I feeling so low?
The time is right
To say goodnight
But I don’t really want to go
The stars are shining bright in the sky
Their glow reflects in my eyes
As I’m watching you
I start feeling blue
Cause I know I’m not being wise
When I laid in your arms the other night
I didn’t dare move or roll
I was afraid you’d wake
And give me a shake
And tell me it’s time to go
I love you baby, with all of my might
But your love it just doesn’t show
I guess it’s because
It’s not me you love
So why do you hold me so?
My head is a mass of confusion . . .
I’m not sure which way to turn
What I would do
Ain’t what I should do
Either way I’m sure to get burned . . .
Why oh why isn’t love ever easy?
All I wanted was to call you mine . . .
To share your love
Just to love you my love
And with you spend all of my time
It’s the end of the same old story
Girl meets boy and falls in love
But it’s not returned
And in the end she’s burned
Someone must not like her up above
There’s no such thing as a happy ending
For a girl with stars in her eyes
It’s just not fated
For this love to be created
But it’s so hard to break the ties
I can’t lay down and just give you this body
And not give you my heart
So I guess this is it
And I must admit
It’s really tearing me apart
So I guess it’s time to finally say goodnight
And this story comes to a close
As we turn the page
The actors leave the stage
No one’s to blame, that’s just how it goes.
So now I have the task of getting him out of my system. I’ve made the first step, I put up another personal on Yahoo. I figured I’d give it one more try, they can’t all be jerks, ya know? Here’s my personal ad:
Thought I'd give this another try
I'm a sensual, intelligent, creative, honest and very loving person who is really tired of being alone. I'm cuddly, funny, and sexy, into computers and a pretty good cook too. I love to fish, camp, and do anything outdoors. I like listening to music, playing pool and partying when the mood is right. I'm a firm believer in instant chemistry and attraction between people, and without it a relationship is just not possible. And yes, I am looking for a relationship. I didn't think I was until a recent semi-relationship. I realized then that I shouldn't waste my time on someone that can't "be into me" as much as I am into them. I'm also a hopeless romantic that gives as good as she gets. I'm not sure at all what I'm looking for in a person, everyone is individual. They must have a good sense of humor and like to have fun though, and lots of stamina helps, lol. Oh, and honesty and trust is a must, I really hate liars. There's never any reason to lie to me anyways, I'm very non-judgmental. If this arouses your curiosity, let get to know each other and see what happens.
. . . and if you know anyone interested living near Owensboro, KY, tell them to message me, lol.
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