Tuesday, November 13, 2007

@#^$%#$ ex-husbands! (but some good news too). . . Entry for November 13, 2007

I just got into an argument with my ex, Ed. My youngest son is starting to get into Emo, a form of Goth without the Gothic attitude, but similar in dress, hair, etc. He got a pair of "Trips" pants from a friend, black baggy jeans sewn with turguiose thread and a bunch of metal rings and laces that clink when he walks. A few days ago he painted his nails black over a friend’s house and tonight his Dad was telling him to take the polish off.

I explained to Ed that it’s just a freedom of expression and should be allowed to change his appearance anyway he wants. We got into a big fight and he tried to turn it around, arguing against my earlier punishment of the same son (I yanked his internet privileges for the night for verbally objecting to having to do a chore) and said he didn’t object to my discipline.

I told him there was a difference between discipline problems and him wanting to dictate how they dress. One of my twins used to like wearing nothing but sweat pants, but when he went to live with Ed, he was made to get rid of them and wear jeans or slacks. I thought that was bullshit, but he wasn’t living with me then, so I couldn’t say anything about it.

So now Ed comes downstairs to my basement lair and said "I’m not going to fight with you, but from now on I’m not going to discipline them at all from now on, I’ll just leave it to you." To which I replied "What good are you then?" as he walked back ups stairs.

I believe in freedom of expression in all it’s many forms, whether I approve of it or not. And with kids (as you probably know) the more you disapprove of something, the more they want to do it. I figure this Emo thing is just a passing phase and no big deal, but it seems that to Ed it’s a reflection on him. How idiotic!

From this little tiff about some stupid nail polish to abandoning your parental duties just seems so absurd. He just came downstairs again (with dirty laundry) and we got into another fight about the same thing. He said I could handle all the disciplinary issues for a full month and I told him I’d been doing it alone for 17 years and that was bullshit.

I told him there was no comparison between disagreements on discipline issues and our son’s right to express him self, it was like comparing apples to eggs (though they both are food). We fought back and forth and he brought back up an argument we had last week.

That fight started when he removed a cow skull that my ex boyfriend and my son found in creek that had sentimental value to me. I had just brought home a skull castle for my aquarium to go with the cow skull on the wall when my son told me it wasn’t there anymore, Ed had taken it upstairs to his room.

When I found out I got pissed! I have very few possessions that have sentimental value and he had no right to take it. That’s when he told me he took it on purpose just to get a reaction out of me. I told him that Shawn (my ex) had given it to me and his reply was "Fuck Shawn" and I retorted "Fuck you, find your own ride to your DUI class!"

Then the fighting really commenced and he threw up in my face (again) that all the furniture in my bedroom came from him. So I took every last bit of furniture (futon, table, lamp, dresser, etc.) and put it all in the family area of the basement cause I didn’t want it thrown in my face anymore. He tried to tell me to put it back in my room, but I told him I have my own things still in storage and didn’t need his things.

I can be a stubborn bitch when it comes to principles and I get so sick and tired of him bringing up ancient history. It’s like he doesn’t understand "That was then, this is now". Why I let him get under my skin I don’t know, but he just what buttons to push to piss me off. I know I should just ignore his ridiculous behavior, but it’s just so hard not to.

OK, I’ve vented long enough, on to the good news! My Nana (grandmother) will be turning 90 this December and the family is planning a reunion the Saturday after her birthday in San Diego. I made my Nana a crocheted granny square quilt last year for her birthday, but what I’ve always wanted to get is a portrait of me, my Mom, Nana, my daughter and grand daughter, all 5 generations of women in our family.

I was talking to my Mom about it when she offered to buy me a ticket to see the family before it’s too late to see them all together again. I’ll be visiting for 4 days in the middle of December and seeing loved ones I haven’t seen in decades. Not to mention trying to find my first "real" love, the father of the daughter I had when I was 16 and he was 23.
That should be an interesting meeting . . .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree with you on letting kids express themselfes It's only polish and clothes for goodness sake he's not robbing any one, raping somebody on drugs or comminting any sorta crime. have a safe and nice trip in December I have a 5 generation pic with my son it's nice to have but it's not all women it was my Grandfathers side.