Memphis Blues (day 1, scene 1) . . . Entry for May 5, 2007

From my last few posting, you’ve read about TJ whose real name is Travis, my “flavor of the month” as someone calls him, and how he got separated from the band he’s in called “Rodeo Country”. For over a week his band members have been trying to get back from Oklahoma on to Nashville in an old Winnebago RV that keeps breaking down

Also the drivers keep getting pulled over and hassled by the authorities since no one driving has a valid license, which is where we enter this tale. Travis got a phone call from Stan, the lead singer and leader of their band, saying they were stuck at a truck stop in West Memphis Arkansas and couldn’t drive off without a licensed driver or they’d be taken to jail.

Stan asked if it would be possible for me to drive out there and Travis could drive them back to Nashville where Stan’s girlfriend was going to take over as driver. Since it was after the first of the month, I did have money in the bank. But I told him I didn’t have any cash to spare since I have to move somewhere by May 21st and the drive there and back would cost me around 70 bucks.

That’s when he told me that they could pay me when I got there, so I said OK. At least I would have that 5 hour drive to spend with Travis before we had to part, even though I admit, I was kinda ready for him to leave by then. We had established a relationship of sorts, but I still had a problem with all his “white” lies.

Checking out Yahoo Maps online, I saw that I could also drive through Nashville on my way to West Memphis and pick up Stan’s girlfriend Sandy and take her with us. That way I could have Travis drive me back to Nashville instead of driving myself alone.

While Travis was still on the phone, I started sucking his dick (we were still in bed naked when the call came in) and replied to a question that it was kind of hard to talk with my mouth full, lol. I’ve always loved to fuck with my partner sexually to see how long they could stand it before having to hang up.

I sucked Travis good and hard, I wanted to get in one more fuck before we had to shower and leave. His cock was at full attention and he was still on the phone when I mounted him. I yelled at the guys on the phone that Travis had to go, he was about to get laid again, and they hung up.

Mmmm, I was soaking wet and ready to ride when I climbed on his cock. Holding me by my hips, he thrust up fast and furious, just the way he knows it makes me squirt all over his cock. I was cumming loudly when I reached down and started rubbing my clit too, and got wetter still.

Pretty soon my knees were too weak to keep me up in that position, and I laid flat on my back, pulling my knees up and apart as he slid that rock hard young cock inside me. Seconds later I was flooding his dick again with my pussy juices, I could feel it dripping down to my ass.

Moaning loudly, I came and came again, squeezing his cock tighter and tighter with my pussy muscles. I grabbed him by the hair and thrust my hips up too, fucking him harder. I could tell he was about to cum, when I grabbed him by the ass and he came almost immediately. Pulsing my pussy muscles, I drained every last drop of cum from his dick.

Getting up, we took our showers and I packed in my little backpack a little blanket and a sleeping shirt just in case I had to spend the night in the car. That was a distinct possibility if it got too late for me to drive home without being too tired. Travis left a goodbye message on the phone to the kids, and I left them a message saying where we were going.

That all taken care of, we were off to Nashville to pick up their driver, Sandy . . .

You know, its funny . . . Entry for April 30, 2007

You know it’s funny, just when you think you’ve got yourself and your inner life analyzed, sometimes even you can make mistakes. I know that’s kind of confusing, but let me explain. Here I have this handsome, strong, virile young man at my disposal, and I stopped taking “advantage” of him.

I think part of it’s because I saw Mo yesterday and we had coffee, then lunch at the park where he took some nice pix of me (thanks for the great pix Mo). We talked of deeply personal things and how we still plan on remaining friends, strictly platonic this time.

Then he said he had been rereading my blogs and said that I seem to fall into a pattern of “flavor of the month” with the guys in my life. I totally disagree with him, I don’t just use a man then kick him to the curb when I’m done, though it might have feel like it to the guy at the time. Things just don’t work out.

By the end of our nice platonic lengthy afternoon together, I Mo told me he loved me as we were parting. I had already kinda guessed he felt that way, but I already knew I loved him. I love a lot of people just for who they are, but he meant it more complexly, and I just left it at that.

Which got me to thinking of this new quasi-relationship I’ve gotten myself into. My dream guy, right? Triple “H” - hot, horny and handsome and can fuck for days. But for the last few days I’ve wanted to teach him how to eat my pussy and he’s avoided the instruction. He only licked me once since he’s been here, during our first night together.

I know from (being told) that I have a nice tasting pussy, from those connoisseurs who love licking the lily. But I’ve done everything but shove his face in my crotch to get him to eat me, and it’s always something else, like getting fucked first and passing out, or some other reason. But I did talk to him openly about it today.

I bluntly asked him if he just didn’t like eating pussy, and he admitted that after he tried it on nasty pussy, it’s been a turn off for him. Then I explained that most guys only eat pussy to get their dick sucked and that’s it. I told him of the time my ex had become complacent and quit making me cum orally even though I sucked his dick at least 3 times a day.

I explained I thought this was rather rude behavior and I quit giving my ex head altogether until he got the hint and stepped up to the plate again. Bluntly, I looked up at him and said “You know what I’m saying don’t you?” and he said he got it.

I’m still not too happy at the moment though, since I also feel like I’m being neglected for a damn PC video game! I’ve been ignored for a video game before with my ex and it ended up in a big fight, so to avoid this I informed him that I’ve been through this before and didn’t like it. He agreed not to, but yesterday spent more time playing this stupid computer game with my kids (who like him a lot) than he did with me.

Well, I slept on that and have been doing a lot of thinking. This man/boy is my lover, nothing more. I’ve felt no more of that initial “oneness” since the first few days. I’d rather be his friend and mentor (lol) than the love of his young life.

I asked him today how has he been enjoying his weeklong vacation from his normal reality, and he pondered the “why” of it all. Why did I stop for him when no one else would? Why did things turn out to be more than just a ride?

He wanted to know what the rhyme and reason was for this, and I told him “Maybe someone up above just decided you needed a break.” This boy has been living in the streets, working from gig to gig for a while now, according to him. But what I haven’t mentioned yet is that TJ is a pathological embellisher, lol.

I’ve met people like this before, who (for some reason or other) need to make up or “embellish” stories of their life. I think people who have some deep, dark secret they want to hide from themselves have this type of behavior. Like fictionalizing their life will make the ugliness of truth disappear.

My last husband (Ron Arterburn I need a divorce!) had me believing in a whole other life he had that was nothing but a lie, and I busted him on it. That time I talked to my sister-in-law and asked her all these questions, and she was like “He said what?” You should have heard me let him have it, but I digress . . .

Anyways, so I’ve decided to put TJ into the category of “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” and chalk it up to experience. His band mates should be coming to pick him up any day now (according to him), but I’ll have no regrets.

I’m sure I won’t be forgetting him for a quite a while after he’s gone . . .

Free to good home (dos) . . . Entry for April 26, 2007

There’s nothing like a nice hot friendly bath to break the ice I think, also with wine and candles, nothing more seductive. I wanted us both clean and relaxed, and “in the mood” because I wanted this boy BAD. We were already pretty stoned and he was tired on top of that, so I was going to make the first move.

I explained to him that I run around here naked all the time, that is when my sons aren’t home (sure cuts down on laundry) and that it’s just skin, everybody’s got it, and I don’t make a big deal out of it. With that said I stripped naked in front of him and got into the tub.

He was surprisingly shy, I think he was trying to hide his obvious hardon, but I wasn’t embarrassed, I was flattered. Climbing into the hot steamy bath, he seemed nervous, so I started sipping my wine and rubbing his sore, ticklish feet. I was trying to make him more comfortable when he reached for me and we started kissing.

My arm brushed his stiff cock and I thought he was near explosion levels and I didn’t want to fuck in the bathtub cause the water washes away all those lubricating fluids too fast, hehehe. But we kissed and made out while I gently took his hand and guided it to my throbbing pussy.

Ohhh, he fingered me so nicely as I threw back my head and moaned up at the ceiling, arching my back in a plea for more. I pulsed my pussy muscles around his stiff fingers as our tongues danced together in our mouths. That’s when I realized something: I felt absolutely no boundaries or walls between us at all while we were kissing.

I didn’t try to speculate on that fact too much, the fingering I was getting took my mind off it real quick. Then I took my turn and started kissing him all over his chest then stomach and on down to his hips where my little underwater nips seemed to drive him absolutely crazy.

I moved my head on over to his handsome cock and took a taste, but not too much, I wanted to savor this one. The flavor of precum was strong in my mouth as I sucked and moaned on the head of his dick while he fingered me wetter than the water.

I hadn’t done any serious making out in a real long time, not to mention taking a bath with someone. Most trailer bathtubs are ridiculously small, but as you can see from the picture, it’s kind of heart shaped and fits both of us perfectly.

I was relaxed and half-drunk already when after kissing me one time, he told me “I love you” in the sweetest, shyest way. Then he ravaged my mouth with kisses and tried to sit me on top of his cock. “Uh uh uh”, I told him “lets finish getting clean and get in bed.”

Freshly shampooed and still damp all over, we hopped in bed where I ravaged my mouth on his cock. I haven’t felt a steely rod like that in a long time. It was like his passion made him that much harder, or the fact that he was only 20 and a strong wind probably would still give him a stiffy, lol.

I had asked him if he’d ever played with sex toys or been with a squirter before, and he said no, so I brought out Ruffles and the little blue dolphin clit tickler and he went to work. It was so fucking hot, watching his face as he fucked me just right. Then had to jump back, cause I came and squirted right in his face and mouth.

That, as they say, was all she wrote. The next thing I knew, my toys were tossed aside and he was fucking me from above, fast and hard. Lucky for me, his cock is stiff at the perfect angle to hit my g-spot every time and I was squirting, cumming and holding on to him tight with my arms and legs wrapped around his back.

We fucked all night long and even on webcam on AWC which was really fun, cause he had never chatted and cammed before and got a kick out of it. I know the roomies in my chatroom “Swingers R Us” enjoyed it thoroughly. I just love watching me suck his cock on cam, I never get to see what it looks like otherwise.

Well this happened on Saturday night and he is still here waiting to get picked up by his band mates. Yes, we are in love, and it’s hard to explain, but I feel like it’s the real deal. I sense the feelings flowing from him, and all the positive energy associated with love.

And to top it all off, my kids really like him too, since they’re all into video gaming. I mean after all, he’s only 3 years older than my oldest twin son. My youngest son, thinks he’s the coolest and there’s been a lot of male bonding going on between them all, which is a good thing.

I know he’ll be on the road with his band soon, but he’s promised to call me all the time and see me at least once a month for a couple days. I think I can get enough fucking done in a couple days to hold me off for a month if he really comes through with his promises.

I really do have a bad habit of picking up strays though, lol . . .

Free to good home (uno) . . . Entry for April 24, 2007

Friday night I received a call from my contracting company asking if I’d be available to do a job in Louisville Saturday morning at 9am EST (I live in CST). I said sure, I need the money real bad even though it’s a 2.5 hr trip each way.

I had to leave by 5:30 am my time to make it there on time, which of course meant waking up at 4:30. Normally this wouldn't have bothered me, but the work documents were screwed up and I couldn’t go to bed until they got them to me, which took until Midnight.

I got three hours work in but had to leave without resolving the problem, they would have to send someone else on Monday with a different config file. So this left me the whole afternoon free to visit with my son living at my ex husbands place there in town.

I saw he was doing fine, and we had a nice visit. Then drove my ex, Ed, to the liquor store hangout so he could bum some money off someone. Once again I was surprised how many guys I knew hanging out front with their brown paper bags and beers.

Flirting outrageously with one friend, he bought me a Smirnoff Ice Triple Black in my own little brown paper bag. It was a trip, watching all these old roosters strut their stuff, each trying to be the biggest cock of the walk. I sipped on my drink and it tasted so good Ed bought me another one.

The only thing I’d had other than those two bottles of Triple Black, was coffee, and I caught a little buzz pretty quick. I drove Ed back to his apartment and was shocked to realize I had spent a couple of hours just sitting out in the Rock’s (the name of the store) parking lot.

I hung out watching a movie at Ed’s for a while (Skeleton Key, trippy movie) and bullshitted with him and Randa before I had to leave. Ed tried getting me to go to bed with him, but I told him I was on my period and no, no blow job either, lol. For real though, I just didn’t feel like it with him, but I was horny as fuck though.

I finally left in the late afternoon for the long 2 hr drive home, and driving to the freeway I was feeling tense and out of sorts so I dissolved a Xanax under my tongue since I didn’t have a drink. I jumped on the interstate and after about 5 miles or so I saw a figure walking down the highway.

From the quick glimpse I got of him from behind, he looked like a stranded biker wearing a bandana and black leather jacket. It was hot outside and I didn’t think twice, I pulled over to offer him a ride. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw him jog trot for a second then slow down, like he was tired and his feet hurt.

I rolled down the passenger window and asked him where he was going. This guy was real young, and real cute with his nose ring and ear piercings. His name was TJ and he kinda reminded me of a young Leonardo Di Capprio, he’s is that cute. He said he was going to Shepardsville, which was a bit of a distance down the road, so I told him to hop in.

I had to scoot the seat back to fit his 6ft 2in tall frame to fit into my tiny car, and I could tell he was tired. Apparently he’d been walking quite a while without a ride, so I told him to take off his shoes. I listened to him spin out this bullshit story of how he got stranded, but didn’t really care, I liked the company and he was real easy on the eyes.

We got to Shepardsville where the rest of his band was supposed to be (TJ plays lead guitar) but he couldn’t quite remember where the apartments were at. I was very attracted to this 21 year old boy, and really wanted him to come home with me, but I was playing good Samaritan and drove all over the place trying to find landmarks that jogged his memory.

I literally drove for over an hour trying to find this place before we finally found the right apartment complex. Then there was the problem of finding the right apartment cause he had been drunk when he had left with his band mates.

He thought he found the right apartment and said no one was there. I told him I wasn’t going to abandon him with no place to go, that he could come home with me, so we wrote a note with my telephone numbers on it so they could get in touch with him.

Walking around searching for his friends, I got out of my car to check the oil and put some in and struck up a conversation with this lady that lived there. We talked for a good ten minutes and we tried to figure out where TJ had disappeared.

She told me these were low-income apartments and they were really nice looking. I asked to use the bathroom and she offered me a Mountain Dew too. Accepting it gratefully, we went to the rental office and I picked up a rental application, I think I might move there.

We spotted him and he had found where his buddies were staying but they weren’t there right now. The people there said he couldn’t stay, but they’d give his friends the note. I was a little suspicious, but I figured WTF, I was gonna take this young man home and have my way with him, even though I didn’t have gas money to get him back there and he was broke too.

On the long trip back to my place, we talked and I sifted though the bullshit he was trying to feed me and found out he was only 20, and that he could have stayed there, but wanted to come home with me. I knew I was a pervert, but I’d always drew the line at drinking age, but not this time, this innocent bad boy was just too fine.

We flirted with each other during that long trip home but finally he started nodding off. I could tell he was exhausted from all the miles of walking he did in on the highway and just watched him sleep. I started feeling really guilty when I watched his pretty face in slumber. Jeez, he looked like my sons’ age then!

I knew my kids would really like this guy too, he sort of like a younger version of my last boyfriend, and into video games like they are too. I wasn’t sure how long he’d be staying, so that compatibility was a plus in his favor. Arriving after dark, my sons were looking at me like “Who is this guy?” as I introduced TJ to them, and told them “Long story, don’t ask” to their questions.

TJ saw they were playing video games and I asked my youngest to make TJ a sandwich while I twisted one up in the bedroom. When my kids found out he was into gaming, they took to him like a dog after a bone. They just had to explain what game they were playing and show him how to play, young guy type stuff, lol.

I called TJ into the bedroom to smoke the long awaited joint and finally relax after a long day. I poured us some of my watermelon wine (powerful stuff), sipped and puffed away. I knew I was smelly and sweaty from the lengthy hot day, and knew he was too, so we decided on taking a bath in my huge tub.

I ran the water, lit a couple of candles and moved the wine glasses next to the tub . . .

The Eviction Saga (2) . . . Entry for April 23, 2007

I went to court today for my eviction and lost, even with evidence it didn’t matter. According to the Judge it evidence doesn’t count, in this county a landlord has the right to evict you 30 days after giving you only a verbal notice. I had went down to the landfill office, gone through a shitload of papers, and showed my signature that proved I had dumped my own trash on several “free” days in at least several months.

I even went down and subpoenaed my landlady to prove that per verbal agreement she agreed I could keep the dogs in the utility room at night. Because of the short notice, I only had a couple days I could serve her, and her car was always missing from their driveway.

Sunday afternoon I finally caught her at home while bringing my son over there to collect some back pay that was owed him for working in the chicken houses. I walked up and served her the subpoena and said, “It’s nothing personal” when I walked off.

When she saw what it was she called back to me down the driveway “I’m not going to testify for you ‘Techly’.“ I yelled back as I was getting into my car “I’m not asking you to” and closed the door and drove around the corner to home. I just wanted her to tell the truth.

But with all this prep and defense work I did, none of it mattered one bit. I was looking to being evicted on the 2nd of May and my kids are not out of school for several more weeks. So I asked to I be allowed to stay till the 21st instead. I was silently crying and wiping my eyes and my landlord agreed, as long as I paid my rent and utilities, and the Judge signed the agreement.

I’m determined to try to turn this into a blessing instead of curse . . .

The Eviction Saga (1) . . . Entry for April 19, 2007

Well the gloves came off tonight and I received a notice (via the Ohio County Sheriff) that I am being evicted from my residence and am due in court April 23, not even a week from now. The causes stated are that I (the Defendant) “have breached the lease because of the following: Not having trash hauled off and having animals in the house.”

OK, like these are completely different reasons that he gave me after I handed him his rent check on the 3rd . First off, I haul off my own trash to the dump on Wednesdays since it’s free on that day. The garbage service here won’t come down the long driveway, so I would have to haul it up there myself, and I figure “Fuck it, I’ll do it myself for free.”

Not to mention I kept asking the landlord and JD as well to bring a truck down so I could load up the junk and they could drive it up to the chicken houses and I’d dump it. Both of them said they would, and JD even promised after exchanging sexual favors. Exchanging my ass, I wasn’t getting anything from our meetings.

Second, the animal thing. When I moved in, there were mice here, isn’t that an animal? The landlady said something to me about the dogs in the house after I first moved in. I explained that living here, a single Mom out in the country, alone, I had the dogs as protection. So we agreed that I was allowed to have my dogs in the utility room, and there they have been.

My cats all live outside, except for injured ones, like one I have now that has a gaping 3” round hole in the skin of his neck/cheek. The scab came off and it’s so gross! You can see the tendons and muscle, but it’s not infected and smells clean now.

I always wanted to be a vet when I was a kid and I got my chance today. This animal rescue lady told me what to do every step of the way. She was awesome! She told me to go to Rural King (the Extreme Redneck version of Wal-Mart) and buy livestock tetracycline and give him and injection and squirt some in the wound, so I did. He’s responding well and his prognosis is good, but I digress.

So the landlords “animals in the house” isn’t really valid, especially when he allows other tenants (JD up the hill) to have pets in their homes. The thing is the Sheriff had this document for 14 days before I got it, now how fair is that? But then as I read it, it might just be coincidental, but the clerk’s last name is the same as my landlord.

I also filed a complaint today with the KY Board of Human Rights . . .

Kindaplatonic . . . Entry for April 18, 2007

And now for some good news, I got rehired on an old contract job! It’s more pay, mileage, and monthly stipend to be on call for them. Works for me! I’m psyched out, the project manager is the same one that started the project, but got moved to a different department. We became friends over the course of my work for them and I’m glad we’re back in touch.

And speaking of friends, I’ve been “friends” with this guy Mo for over a month now and we’ve decided we’re having a “kindaplatonic” friendship. It can’t be completely platonic cause we’ve had sex twice, though after the last time, we mutually (?) decided that twice was enough without catching any emotional damage.

That “having a fiancé” thing puts quite a damper on things, but we email every day, and cam/chat once in a while. On the average though, we see each other once a week or more. I kid him about feeling like I’m “penciled in” on his calendar.

I really enjoy our time together though, but he’s so anally organized (sorry bud, but you are!) it makes me nervous. I on the other hand, am an organized slob. My shit may lay all over the place, but I know where everything is, lol. So anyways, we’ve been continuing this friendship that almost feels like a courtship and he seems to know all the right buttons to push.

We tease and taunt each other while we both know there’s this g/f (fiancé) in the background. Sure I’d love to fuck him again, my god it was so hot the last time. I danced real dirty for him, and we had some fantastic sex, but still I felt this emotional barrier between us.

He still wants to drown his gaze in the pools of my dark eyes, and I love looking into his color-changing green/gold/brown ones. I know I’ve been lonely for so long for this kind of attention, and I keep hitting myself in the head with a reality brick, but I don’t want to stop seeing him, it’s not painful . . .yet.

I got a surprise call from him this afternoon, he wanted to come by to see me, if only just to kiss me for a second, and I thought “Whoa, that’s a surprise.” But I had to pick up the kids from the library and knew that if he came over, it wasn’t just going to stop with a kiss.

Is it puppy love? Hmmm, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. Other than the physical attraction, there is a strong mental attraction there as well. He appreciates the fact that I’m smart, and finds it sexy, and THAT is a real rarity, in this area anyways.

Out here with all the military bases and the war in Iraq, there’s about 3 women to every man a friend told me the other day. Now divide that with the guys that still have all their teeth, and that narrows the selection even more. The miniscule amount of men that really admire a woman’s intelligence already seem to be taken.

(sigh) I guess what my point here is, is that I’m playing with fire and I’m just wondering when the burn will set in. But I can’t possibly fathom why if Mo has such a great old lady, what’s the attraction that keeps him coming back for more.

And why do I keep letting him . . .

Easter Hostage Drama, News at 12 . . . Entry for April 12, 2007

It felt like I’d just fallen asleep, when my cell phone rang and woke me up. It was Ed’s sister, Cathy wanting to know if I knew what the hell was going on with her brother. Something to do with someone holding him hostage and threatening to beat the shit out of him unless she came down from across town with 100$ to pay them off.

I was like WTF??? She tells me she had been in bed sleeping for about an hour after a really long trip that day when the phone rings, and it’s Ed saying these people were going to beat him up so she wanted to know if I knew where he was. I told her about the whole day’s events, even telling her where we knew his truck was parked.

She started asking me if I knew he gotten 1500$ stolen from him, when her other phone rang and she talked to the “terrorists”(lmao) while I listened to her side of the conversation. She has gotten him out of more trouble than he has ever deserved. I told Cathy that if I were her I wouldn’t, do it, what they were asking her to do sounded risky

These people wanted her to drive alone and throw the money in a parking lot, then drive away. After they picked up the money, then they’d call her back and let her brother loose. I told her that sounded like a bunch of bullshit and privately thought he had probably smoked up 1500$ worth of crack and now owed the dealer another 100 bucks.

I told her not to do it, but then Ed got on the phone and said they had broken his nose. Cathy was frantic, and I told her if she was going to do this thing I’d go with her, since I knew where he was supposed to be. I met her down the road at a gas station, parked my car, and laid down on the back seat of hers so no one would see me.

The sense of unreality was tripping me out, it was almost comical, and I was still pissed as hell at Ed for doing this stupid shit at Easter instead of spending time with his kids. We pulled into the parking lot of a Valvoline Oil Change, and talked to Ed on the phone and Cathy was arguing with him about something, and told him I was in the backseat.

Then something was mentioned about an envelope, and she said they had already said to just wrap it in rubber bands. Ed wasn’t happy that I was in the car and told her to drop me off at the Steak ‘N Shake half a block down the street, so she did against my protests.

I went inside the restaurant and went into the ladies room to kill time, and then stood by the doorway to make sure I saw when she got back. There were some teens outside smoking so I went out and bummed a cigarette. Blowing smoke rings into the cold Easter air, I shook my head in wonder at all the bullshit that had happened that day.

Someone was coming out the door so I moved aside. It was the same chick who lived in the apartment complex that told me where Ed was. I told her of the drama as I puffed away, and she told me the bald guy I saw earlier was that Tammy chick’s boyfriend and yes, he WAS in that apartment, but the truck had been moved about 3 hours ago.

All I could do was shake my head as the girl told me goodnight. I was right, I knew he had been in there! Just then Cathy drove back up and I jumped in out of the cold into the front seat this time. She gets back on her cell phone and calls Ed’s number, apparently it was safe to some pick him up, he was let go and now walking down the street.

We found him just a few blocks away, and we let him in the back. He tried to sound beat up, but I wasn’t buying it. He had a little blood across the bridge of his nose, and it looked like there was some in the crack of the side of one nostril. I thought “Hell, when he broke my nose that one time, I looked a lot worse!”

Ed was going on about how they held a knife to his throat, kicked and punched him, blah blah blah. I still wasn’t buying any of it. I had lived with this man and known him far too long to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Cathy told him that was the last time she would ever help him out, and dropped us off at my car.

Getting in my car he started tell me his sorry-ass story and I didn’t give a shit and told him so. My whole take on the subject was that he should have been home with his kids instead of out running around and he got what he deserved. And now that he had no money, I had to use my own cash to pay for my gas back home.

The bad thing about that is that I’m so strapped for cash, and my twin’s 17th birthday is today and I can’t get one of them a present or the one still living with me what I know he’d like, Guitar Hero II. But Ed (as always) turns an argument into a personal attack on every past deed I’ve ever done to him, what do they call that? Oh yea, projection.

As I drove in silence he told me to pull into this liquor store around the corner from his apartment, his local hangout, so he could get a beer and I told him “Fuck that! I’m driving your home and if you want a beer you can go walk there and walk back, I’m DONE!” I pulled into a parking space, and we both got out.

Ed walked ahead of me and was throwing a hissy fit going up the stairs to the apartment. When we got inside, I told the kids to get their shit together, we were leaving. Ed quit his bitching and said sorry to me (big fucking deal) and went into the kitchen to eat.

I got to check him out under the bright lights of the kitchen and could see he was fucking higher than a kite, his eyes gave it all away. The tale he was telling Randa, Matt and me just wasn’t meshing with what I knew his movements of the day were. In other words, he was lying through his remaining teeth (he’s lost a couple due to fights, lol).

Cathy called Ed’s phone and wanted to talk to me, so I took the conversation into the bathroom. She wanted to go over in detail everything that had happened and the one thing that stood out brightest, if these people has stolen his money, why didn’t he go to the police in the first place, something he refused to do.

I told her the whole ordeal was a crock of shit, and I was thinking of taking my other twin home with me since Ed was bringing dangerous people into his life, but my son opted to stay with his Dad. Probably cause he’s got cable TV now, lol, and his Dad still hasn’t gotten him in school.

The boys took forever getting all their crap together, so it was getting late by the time we left. During the long drive home I reexamined the entire day, and realized it could have also been an elaborate plan to say the money was stolen so I wouldn’t’ be able to get child support in addition to his smoking it up in crack.

With that man, I wouldn’t put anything past him . . .

Easter Hostage Drama, News at 11 . . . Entry for April 11, 2007

I know I’ve said this before, but sometimes it doesn’t pay to be me. The “story” you are about to read is true, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent. As you may (or may not) know, I drove my kids to my ex’s in Louisville for spring break and Easter. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself with all the quiet around here, lol.

When Sunday comes, I try calling Ed’s cell phone and can’t get an answer or leave a message, so that’s the first thing that’s pissing me off. Then I get a call from my kids about 1pm and found out that they hadn’t really seen their Dad since Friday, and had no idea where he was, but there were a couple of his friends watching them.

I knew them both and talked to the chick, Randa and she said she hadn’t seen Ed but for a few minutes on Saturday morning and couldn’t get him on the phone either. I was really pissed and so was she, for him doing his kids like that on Easter Sunday.

Randa said when I got there she would buy groceries for Easter Dinner with her food stamps if I gave her a ride, which was great. She also said she’d buy stuff for Easter baskets too, cause she had to make some for her own kids too, wasn’t that nice?

I decide to leave for the 120 mile drive around 2:30 making a pit stop 45 minutes away to visit a friend in jail, but they’d moved him to a different facility. I finally got there a couple hours later and Ed still hadn’t shown up. But he did end up calling his buddy Matt that was also at the apartment.

When Randa talked to him and told him I was on my way down he said he’d be there in 15 minutes, but she said that was like 3 hours ago and I was REALLY pissed off. The only idea where he might be was in a subdivision behind the old K-Mart with maybe some whore named Tammy and supposedly he’d gotten ripped off for his 1500$ disability payment.

We formulated a plan: 1) go to the grocery store and buy groceries 2) get dinner started and the ham in the oven and 3) go and try to find his sorry ass. I couldn’t wait to get to that number 3, I was furious. If I’d known he’d pull some bullshit like this I wouldn’t have wasted my time letting the kids stay with him.

Throwing together the food took little time, then we were off to go hunt the bastard down. We looked in all the apartment complex parking lots up and down the streets. His vehicle wouldn’t be hard to find, we were looking for a flatbed dual-tire commercial truck colored primer red.

Turning the last corner of the subdivision (of course) we saw the truck parked ambiguously near a group of apartments. We jump out and I start knocking on doors asking if Ed was there and the second door I knocked on this chick answered that knew my ex-husband.

Bingo! He wasn’t there, but she told us where this Tammy chick’s apartment was. Me and Randa start walking over there and Randa sees this shaved headed guy walking towards the back of the building where we’re headed towards and says she’s gonna follow him while I go to the front.

I knock on the first door yelling Ed’s name and the bald guy goes “Who are you looking for” and I told him that I was Ed’s ex, blah blah blah, where the fuck is he? He told us that Ed drove off with some guy and another chick a while ago, but we know he’s in there.

So now I’m REALLY REALLY pissed and I start yelling his name and calling him a pussy motherfucker, but in the end, we drove off without him. I’m mad as hell now and emotionally wiped out, so I take a nap while dinner’s cooking and the kids get are all getting a sugar rush from their Easter baskets.

The dinner turned out fine considering the bullshit we went through and I ate waaay too much. Stuffed to the gills, I laid back down on the little bench type loveseat I took over, and gathered some blankets for a post feast nap. I curled up like a contented kitten, closed my eyes and snuggled in for a snooze before the long 2 hour drive home.

It felt like I had just barely fallen asleep, when my cell phone rings . . .

A letter to my Landlord, butt seriously now . . . Entry for April 9, 2007

I wrote a certified letter to my landlord last week explaining my feelings of unfairness about being told to move out at the end of the month and informing him of the sexual harassment I put up with from his maintenance man. I finally got the postcard back saying that they’d signed for it, so now I know it was read. Here, read it for yourself:

Date: Tuesday, April 03, 2007
To: Landlord
From: Techy
Re: The situation with the trailer.

This letter is to inform you that your employee JD and myself (Techy) have been having a sexual relationship off and on for over a year now while he’s been working for you and during his work hours. I have been trying to deflect his sexual advances in the past few months, but he still kept coming by.

In the past when I have denied his advances, maintenance of the trailer has not been taken care of and times when I have accepted his advances, things were taken care of in a timely manner.

One time after refusing his sexual advances, my water was cut off with no notice due to a supposed "water leak" by the pump house, so my landlady informed me when I called to check on it. I checked and there were no signs of a leak whatsoever and I wasn’t informed when the water was turned back on either.

While searching for a different water leak, JD removed an access door at the end of the trailer and never replaced it with proper insulation (after receiving yet another sexual favor from me) so the pipes froze in the winter and you could see your breath in the bathroom from the cold.

On more than ten occasions that I can remember, I’ve asked JD (and yourself) help me to take away the junk outside to the dump at your chicken houses where I was told it could be dumped. I even offered to help load it up myself, but it’s never been done.
I couldn’t get either you or JD to help me, even though one time after receiving sexual favors from me, JD took all my household garbage up to the dump and got rid of it.

This fall I noticed a space heater in the pump house on while JD was getting yet another sexual favor from me. I turned it off since it wasn’t cold and told him that it was kind of unnecessary since it was warm outside and it was costing me money I didn’t have to spare.

The next day after this happened while I was picking up trash outside, I checked the pump house and yet again, an electric heater was turned on high and I unplugged it, since it was a warm day again.

The next day I noticed there was a keyed lock on the pump house door and from that point on (and the previous month) my electric bills kept getting higher and higher. This was while I was using kerosene to heat the trailer with since my broken furnace, that you the landlord had know was faulty from the year before, never was fixed. I did have electric space heaters to spot heat areas of the house, but never left them running

As far as "over fishing" the lake, when I rented the trailer, I agreed that I would fish, but wouldn’t, and haven’t, over fished the lake. That lake is so full of fish it would take a long time of daily fishing to accomplish over fishing.

When my ex husband was visiting with our children, he fished for our dinner while doing some father/son bonding. Other than those few fish, that that’s the only fish that have been caught and kept this year. I even feed the fish in the lake because I like to watch them.

Last year the only fish I ever kept were the ones that swallowed the hooks and were going to die, which I cooked for our own dinner. So whoever told you I was emptying the lake of fish is telling you a lie.

I’ve enjoyed living here even though times have been rough for me, and up until now you have been fair to me. You profess to like helping people out, but now here you are telling me to move while I have no job and school isn’t even out yet, so my kids won’t be able to finish out their school year.

That’s not very Christian of you in my eyes.

Stated plain, and simple, and factual. I know people have motives going on all the time and I truly believe JD is the source of my housing problem, or at least contributed to it. A friend of mine said I shouldn’t post the letter in my blog, but I don’t see any reason why not to. Besides, I tell you guys everything anyways, lol.

I don’t know what effect my letter has had, no one has contacted me. Or they might have tried, I’ve been screening my phone calls, I don’t feel I can handle talking to anyone right now. Since my medical card was suspended I’ve been unable to get my meds and I’m starting to feel the difference.

But today I went down to the clinic for medication samples (one of my scripts is 350$ a month!) and got my medical card situation partly straightened out. It seems they now require you to have a birth certificate on file in order to prove citizenship and get benefits, which is some new policy. Apparently just my driver’s license and Social Security card isn’t enough anymore.

I got the social services agency to accept a faxed note from my Mother in California saying that I am who I am. LOL! A note from my Mom, that cracks me up, but during the talk with my Mother, I was telling her that I needed my medical card to see my psychiatrist about my bi-polar disorder and depression, and to pay for my medications.

After we hung up, she must have called my sister in Wisconsin, cause when I checked my email later, there was a note from her. She said my Mom was a little freaked out about my bi-polar diagnosis and I’m thinking "Shit, where does she think I get it from?" As I’ve stated before, I love my Mom to death, but she is a little psycho sometimes.

So now I have to "order" a certified copy of my birth certificate, which is a pain in the ass. And speaking of pains in the ass, to top it all off, my hemorrhoid has flared up! There is a guy out there right now that is reading this with tears in his eyes from laughing, lol, butt seriously, hemorrhoids are no joke to women that have born children.

I think 99% of all women that have given vaginal birth have suffered from hemorrhoids afterwards. And even the ones that haven’t birthed vaginally, those iron pills they give you during pregnancy can give em to you too, it’s a cruel joke! I mean aren’t kids a pain in the ass (at one time or other) as it is without the curse of a real pain in your ass?

I just can’t seem to think of my butt hurting as one of the joys of Motherhood . . .

Easter Bunny “Kiss my ass” . . . Entry for April 8, 2007

I had a pretty non-eventful weekend, other than getting some mixed message emails I’m still trying to untangle in my head. Why do people say one thing, and repeatedly do the opposite? This never ceases to amaze me, even though I’ve fallen into the same bad habit myself a time or two, cause Lord knows I’m not perfect.

My only plans for the evening were jumping on AWC and having a little webcam/chat fun in my chatroom “Swingers R Us”. I was feeling horny and played with my pussy, getting it soaked but not fulfilled, I had other plans in mind and didn’t want to cum just yet.

I was sitting here getting drunk and stoned and realized there was a slight possibility that I could get me some dick tonight, delivered even, if I played my cards right. I’ve been in a horny funk all evening, cause I I’m tired of playing by myself and I was horny! I’m getting tired of driving solo, I want someone else to chauffeur me for a mile or two.

So what does my half drunken/fully lit ass do? I made a booty call to the nearest handy male at 2:30 in the morning (he works at a bar). I was going to leave him a naughty message and to my surprise he answers his phone. I was already close to cumming and hearing his voice did me in and I thrust Ruffles in faster.

I heard my pussy getting even wetter as I gasped into the phone and heard him intently listening as I tumbled over the edge into an orgasm. My moans and whimpers filled my bedroom and his ears as I as I kept on fucking myself faster with my dildo, then slowly as I backed off down.

I told him my kids were gone and I was alone, but I’d leave my backdoor unlocked and that I wanted to cum all over his cock. He said he’d call when he was on his way home, and right now just when I typed that, the phone rang. It was him, saying he couldn’t make it, and I was like “Nooooooooooo”.

Then he said he just got pulled over or some other bullshit, gf was on the other line and would call me back (yea right). SHIT! I know he won’t make it now damnit! I knew I shouldn’t have called in the first place, but I’m pretty wasted and confused at the same time, so was trying to think of a way to escape when he came to mind. I never said I made good decisions when I’m conflicted, I know.

Damn, I just heard his pickup pass by my driveway, oh well no Easter candy for me . . .

Just one night . . . Entry for April 7, 2007

Just one night
Perhaps a chance to see
Was it real or just make-believe?
Hot wet sweaty sex
Private dancing that’s for sure
Well worth the wait
But I was hoping for much more
Silly for me to do
Who wants what is taken?
Everyone it seems
And they are all mistaken
It’s not really sweeter
Because it’s forbidden
It is what it is
No motives are hidden
But it in the end is was wishes
Evaporating with the dawn
I knew in the morning
It was time to move on
Nothing but smiles
Glowing at the table
Even though no fairytale
Ending for this fable
Reality has a bad habit
Of throwing a brick at your head
Don’t you know better?
Is what I hear it said
2 weeks invested
With one hell of a return
A friend for life
And a love that was yearned

Thanks for the pics Mo . . .

And now on to the bad times . . . Entry for April 4, 2007

Well, just when ya think things are going pretty good for ya, WHAM, someone has to throw a reality brick at your head. That’s ’s the story of my life, I swear, it never fails. Here, everything was going fine and dandy, I’d applied for a good job with a good chance of getting it, then my landlord gives me 30 days notice to move out.

Yesterday when I went to the landlord to pay my rent, and as soon as I gave him my rent check, he informs me I’ve got to get out at the end of the month. He says I’m not keeping the outside of the trailer property up, since there’s a bunch of junk outside and I’m “over fishing” the lake and all that is a bunch of shit.

The junk that’s piled up a little, I’ve been asking the Maintenance/Chickenhouse guy (the infamous JD of my blogs) to take to the farm dump site at the chicken houses, and he said he would, but never has picked it up. I asked him about hauling it away once again the other day when he came over to smoke one with me.

He also tried to get some head, but I turned him down again. Doesn’t he get the hint? He was sitting there with this odd look on his face now that I think about it, he was paranoid and actually drove the Gator into the woods behind the trailer and hiked in so no one would see. I also mentioned in passing that if I didn’t find a job around here soon, I’d be looking to relocate.

As far as “over-fishing” when I very first moved in, that’s what sold the trailer, was the fact that there was a lake I could fish in. The landlady mentioned she didn’t want a lot of fish pulled out of it and I told her not to worry. Hell, I even feed the damn fish just to watch them come swirling in towards the food. So that reason is a sack of bullshit!

And who could possibly be telling my landlord these lies? JD up the road, probably. Or who knows, I’ve pissed several people off around here. JD ran up my electric bill sky high though after turning him down for some head by the putting electric heaters in the pump house that pumps the lake water to the chicken houses on all the time, instead of just in case it freezes.

To top off this lovely day I’m having, I found out that my daughter might be pregnant earlier that same morning, before all the landlord drama started. It was a false alarm (thank your deity here), but she’s not ready to have another child. Besides, she’d only be doing for security reasons. I’ve preached birth control at her time and again, but does she listen? Nooo . . .

Oh, and remember Mo who wanted to cool things off between us? Well, that separation didn’t last long, lol. He was supposed to take me riding earlier in the afternoon, after all the bullshit I went threw, I needed to get away, but we didn’t get to go. He tried calling me, but couldn’t get me on the phone.

I was busy calling every agency I could think of to help me with this unwarranted unfairness. I was on hold to legal aid alone for over 30 min, not to mention the fair housing council and other agencies to help me fight this eviction. So I messaged him, and he called me back. I practically begged him to come get me, cause I just had to get away. For just a little while I wanted to forget my whirlwind life had just become a hurricane.

He met me again at the same IGA parking lot we first met at and went off in his car, parking mine. By this time I’d taken about 3 Xanax to try to calm down and was drinking a tea/wine cooler (I know, that probably wasn’t a good idea). Stopping at Dairy Queen for burgers and hot fudge Sundaes didn’t help much to sober me up either.

From there we went to his place to watch some TV, but I was wanting a little more than Star Trek. I had brought my toy bag with me just in case he felt like fooling around later and I was hoping to spend the night, even though my ex husband was still visiting our kids at my place.

I hadn’t fucked my ex since he’s gotten here, though gave him head on my webcam on AWC one night just to fuck with my chatroom friends heads. I really wanted Mo, not my ex, and I wanted some comfort too, and more. I thought he could help me numb the external turmoil inside me.

When we got there I had been sipping my homemade tea/wine cooler (I’ll call it T-wine, lol) while lighting up a fatty in the back yard. He doesn’t smoke, but doesn’t mind if I do. Well the smoke, and the T-wine and that last Xanax seemed to kick in all at once and I was floating somewhere near the ceiling.

I took off my skirt to get more comfortable (yea, like that ploy wasn’t as transparent as my blouse) while he showed me his house in my unbuttoned blouse and white cotton boy leg panties that show half my ass. We wandered into his PC room and he put on some MP3’s and I stood with my ass facing him and started shakin’ my booty to the music.

I could feel his cock getting harder the more I gyrated my hips into his (remember I was a stripper waaay back in the day). He started playing with my nipples as I molded my back up against him as my ass tried to eat his cock through our clothes. Man, I was fucking high and it felt goood!

We went into his bedroom (I think it was my idea) and as he was getting a towel (you know us squirters!) I grabbed my toy bag and put it next to the bed. Ohhh, I wanted him BAD as I lay back down on the towel with my legs spread open wide. That was all the invitation he needed.

He started teasing my pussy with his tongue, touching it deliciously, delicately and driving me abso-fucking-lutely-crazy, I wanted to FUCK! But being the polite, refined middle aged lady that I am, I restrained myself from blurting that out loud. Instead I moaned loudly, and twisted and squirmed under the tutelage of his tongue.

Then he asks me about my toys, at which I giggle and I said “Already brought em in”. He wasted no time and brought our ruffles to juice my g-spot. I love to watch his face as he enjoys my orgasms, it’s so cool! I remember telling him to stick his cock in my mouth and at this point my memory starts to gets fuzzy. I mean I was totally fucked up.

He ended up really surprising me though, I really must be “Temptress of the Faithful” because he finally broke his vow of non-penetration (Yea me!). I wasn’t expecting that at all, but had hopes we would someday fuck, or even better, make love.

I lay on my back with my feet on his shoulders and he starts kissing them. During one of our discussions I mentioned that my feet are another erogenous zone and you can almost make me cum by playing with them. What I forgot to mention was that sucking on my toes (like you would a tit) is the way to get my juices flowing. Not everyone’s into feet though, lol.

He started getting closer and closer to my pussy with his dick, and I tried so damn hard not to just shove my throbbing wet hole down on it HARD, but I let him drive that boy himself. At first he just barely inserted his cock in me, like a little hit and miss while rubbing his rock hardon on my swollen clit.

Then when he was finally fully inside me, I got him in even deeper by squeezing my pussy muscles down tight, and shoving my whole body up and down. I was hitting that g-spot just right and squirting my cum down his cock and dripped it on his balls.

Reaching for my little blue dolphin clit tickler, I rubbed the small vibrator down his cock and up to my clit, back and forth. I held the vibrator the full length of his cock and felt the vibrations inside me and came all over again and again, moving the vibe around.

In my wasted state, and being dizzy from cumming so much, I don’t remember his orgasm, isn’t that terrible of me? And our first time too, but I think he enjoyed it as much as I did and even let me drift off to sleep for a while (ok, I passed out). I remember him stroking my hair as I dozed, something that will straight up put me to sleep, I know I was smiling blissfully.

He covered me up with this awesomely soft comforter and watched me sleep for a little while. He says I snore kind of softly, but I think he was being nice, I’ve been having sinus issues lately and probably rattled the windows, lol. But I will admit it, booze makes me snore.

Let me ask all you ladies out there: Do the guys you have relations with ever watch you when you sleep? I’ve had several relationships where my old man would just lay there and watch me sleep, and I would wake up staring in his eyes and smile, but I just wondered if all guys do that.

Anyways, I couldn’t spend the night at his house (damnit!) so he very nicely and politely got me awake in stages and started helping me dress. Luckily the drive home was a long one so we chatted and held hands, as Mo helped wake me up. I was good to drive by the time we made it back to my car in the IGA parking lot (is a small town grocery chain).

Our lips and our ways parted at the same time as we said goodbye . . .

Personal growth is a good thing . . . Entry for March 31, 2007

I had a very nice lunch yesterday with my friend Mo. He caught me on my cell on while I was on my way into town to get my sons medical records for his Job Corps admissions counselor. We decided to leave my car parked where I got the records at, and drove off in his car to get some fast food (I recommend Arby’s Chicken Salad Wrap, lol).

He’d said “we needed to talk” (Uh Oh) and he wanted to do it face to face. Of course alarm bells went off in every direction. I know he reads my blog all the time, so I knew he was aware of my inner thoughts and feelings. But I guess I did my curbside therapy went a little too well, because he decided it would be better to end it like this with lunch in Ben Hawes State park.

It was a beautiful overcast day outside as I sat across from him at the red painted picnic table and tried to nibble delicately on my American burrito, but I was hungry, lol! After the food was all consumed with small talk, he finally got down to the point: He decided that our deliciously tempting plans for early next week were going to have to be cancelled.

His explanation being he wanted to take the higher road, and do the right thing. I joke about it, but I do have another nickname, it’s “Temptress of the Faithful”(it’s in my profile, lol) that even predates thesexy.tech nickname. As I’ve said before, I can be a little spoiled brat when I don’t get my way.

People will tell you, I stomp my foot and stick out my bottom lip in a big pout if I don’t get what I want sometimes. Believe you me, I’m well aware of my faults, lol. But I could tell this was really hurting Mo to tell me this cause in the short time we’ve known each other, we’ve really enjoyed each other’s company and on many different levels too, not just sexually..

He said what got him to thinking was when I was pondering in my last post if I was the only one he “cheated” with, and to be technical, we never really did fuck. But oh was it awesome anyways, mmmm. . . well he said he didn’t want there to be any doubts between us, just in case after he gets his life back together and we see each other again.

I’ll give him one thing, he’s got a lot more moral strength than most men in his situation, that’s for damn sure. I watched his color changing green/brown/gold eyes swim in liquid color. He says I have very dark sensuous eyes, of course that melts me and we talk some more, but I don’t try to talk him out of his decision.

Mo made the right choice of course, but I still don’t have to like it . . .

And the answers are in . . . Entry for March 30, 2007

You know how sometimes you just got to get everything out in the open, to have it stare you blindly in the face, before you finally listen to your own self, even though it’s a reflection of everyone’s thoughts around you? I probably knew the answer to my last post’s question from the day I read his email about having a girlfriend, but it felt so good to be with someone again, even if just for a little while.
He says he’s getting hammered in the polls (lol), but he’s hammering himself as well. Intensity rushed in, alongside longing, desire and affection, unlooked for, but there, nevertheless. But could I ever trust someone who would cheat, even if it was just to be with me (or was I one of many)? I am by no means secure in my self-image stability. But that doesn’t matter now.

Being “just friends” will be OK with me, one can never have too many friends. This whole situation got me to thinking about my last ex, Shawn, who I still keep in touch with though when he left me he went back to his ex-wife and kids. He was also over ten years younger than me, like the situation with my friend and his girlfriend, and also we were together nearly 3 years kind of like Mo and his girlfriend too.

It got me starting to wonder if Shawn was thinking of our future and our age difference, is that when our relationship fell apart? I dunno, but Shawn has been emailing me several times this week, I’m gonna ask him. Mo and me have been discussing our hopeless situation, and we’ve decided that he’s a dumbass, lol. He reads my blog (as well as his buddy) so I have to make him pretty anonymous, but talk about him I shall (waves to Mo, gives buddy the finger, lol).

We know that in his current state of affairs (no pun intended) continuing a “physical” relationship wouldn’t work for either of us, emotions would drift in for sure, and feelings would get hurt. So now we’re trying to keep the banter light and stay away from the heavy stuff underneath. Neither of us expected this strong attraction that suddenly built up.

But I put up my self-built protective wall and haven’t released the full depth of my being during passion play (not to mention technically we haven’t had sex), that would be unfair on my part. But we do enjoy each other’s “stimulating” company, though this week’s pleasant pastime has to come to an end soon, and we both know it. The ending date is set for Tuesday morning or night, depending on my schedule. I might end up in court that day.

Well, wish me luck as I travail though this emotional quicksand I call my life story . . .

Too much to think tonight (again). . . Entry for March 27, 2007

You ever been in one of those situations where you have this premonition that things just aren’t going to turn out the way you want, but you still go on hoping? Why can’t I just find a man who is unattached that I like, is that so hard to ask??? I know I’m setting myself up for a let down, and yet like an avalanche, it’s unstoppable

I probably shouldn’t be listening to the Blues right now (Susan Tedeschi) while I write this, but her music is just so fitting to my present state of mind. I met this new guy, Mo, that I really like. We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about a week now, and it’s been pure heaven . . . and hell.

I really don’t care for secret romances, but yet again, this guy is taken (sigh). Another story of a happy relationship, but he has a need for something more that’s not being met by his old lady. And I fit the bill. I really like this guy too, and (of course) don’t want to be hurt.

I love it when he comes over, and to his credit, we’ve only had masturbatory and oral sex, due to his personal conviction of being in a relationship with someone. I could understand that, since recently I wouldn’t sleep with married men till asshole down the street sweet-talked me into it.

We see each other and I’m elated, but then when it’s his time to leave, I’m deflated and depressed. I shouldn’t be, I knew what was what before we met. But it seems like I’m attracting men who are already with other people and can't figure out why. Is it a writing pheremone I’m giving out over the Internet or something? I dunno.

No matter how much I like him, I know what I should do, just tell him “Well, it’s been fun, but I only date single men” and let that be the end of it, let him sort his life out. But then again there’s an undeniable attraction I have for him, and it’s not just physical, it’s mental and emotional too.

Can someone give me the answer, please?

Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon . . . Entry for March 26, 2007

A warm March wind gets stirred by the window-box fan, the afternoon has went well
So far that is, but not far enough, queries about the clock sets spirits deflating
An evil plan forms, an old after hours trick to get the ball rolling
“Ouch, my back sure hurts, would you mind rubbing it a little for me?” (innocent look)
As I hand him the bottle of baby oil, and coil my lengthy hair up in a clip
I slip off the dress, standing completely naked, outside and in
Tension released and expanded as slick hands meet mural-ed flesh
Slipping down to the soft mounds of my tense ass, twitching at the touch
I feel the wetness of anticipation, still wondering how far will you go?
Desire has an opinion, and Libido agrees, but Fate (conscience) steps in to save the day
Even with placed boundaries, there’s still room to play, taken ain’t dead so they say
Toy instruction completed in seconds, the buzz and the ridges, but OH I want that cock
To wrap my lips and tenderly suck, taking it all the way, “Can I suck your cock, please?”
The wanting making me beg, the acquiescence, nibbling on that sweet spot
Right there at your hip, I trace my tongue down, down suckling those balls like Tootsie-Pops
Teasing, savoring the moment before I swallowed you whole
Ahhhh looking up from the base of your cock, I see the look in your eyes
Pleasure mounting and I just want MORE! If I can’t have your cock, fuck me by proxy
I hand you the toy, teaching the angle and watched his intent gaze make me cum
Noticed his surprise as wetness grew to flood, splashing waves of passion
Building and building, exploding again, trying to still the screams wanting to escape
Again and again, I watched his beauteous face stuck in permagrin
Soaked sheets, arms and body parts attesting to the claim that I post fact, not fiction
Thirty second break, then I asking again as I grabbed his hips forward
“I want to suck your cock” and moaned my pleasure on his cock again
Grabbing hips, making him fuck my face, tasting bits of pleasure on my tongue
Wanting to have that orgasm, to feel it explode in my mouth in bitter-sweetness
Like melting Dove chocolate on my tongue, but that pleasure was denied me
So I invented compromise, I had to see him cum, to share it with him
I squeezed my tender titties up by his cock, and inserted the dildo inside me
I matched him stroke for stroke, and fucked myself harder, the harder he became
Too soon I was cumming, soaking my ass while he jacked that cock in my face
Pussy cum fountaining, his final stroke explosive and wonderful to see
Watching his face cumming, I drank it in like I was dehydrated, beautiful white puddles
Arranged attractively across my chest, I dip digits in to finger paint and taste
Sliding down eroticly as I rise up to cap a pic
Hi Sweety, do you still like what you see?

When you were young . . . Entry for March 24, 2007

The Killers have this new song out, titled “When you were young” that I liked but never really listened to the lyrics very close until now. When it finally hit me I recognized something inside me, cause I paused and overlaid the lyrics onto my life:

When You Were Young (The Killers)


You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I dont know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now
Watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane
That started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And you see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water
It ain't so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young
(Talks like a gentleman)
(Like you imagined)
When you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know


I realized I’d been looking towards my ex’s, and trying to fill some of the emptiness inside by reliving old times. But I see now that’s just what they are, the past, not the present, and told myself “There’s a very good reason you made them your ex’s in the first place, dumb ass!” and have now ended pursuit of what once was, once and for all.

I’ve been yearning for someone to share so much more than just fantastic sex (that’s out there for the picking sometimes). Yet sometimes I don’t feel like picking any at all. Of course I say this now that it seems I might have to resort to local bar hopping to fulfil my need for social interaction. Though that kind of sux if I have to drive myself, I just won’t drink and drive.

But of course there is more than one way to intoxicate one’s self. Intelligent conversation is one way. Intelligence is sexy and appreciation of my intelligence is a plus, but that’s hard to find here in Redneck Land (sigh). I’ve tried Yahoo personals, and even cleverly managed to hide my e-mail address in the profile message, but that hasn’t worked too well.

A little bit of Ganja also works well to stimulate . . . uh, what was I talking about? My train of though just got derailed, but I want to tell you about this guy I started e-mailing named VB. His first email was about my blog and that newspaper’s article about the group that kicked me out. He slipped in an invitation to go riding on his bike sometime and I was going to take him up on that for sure.

He works in an IT department and I told him us geeks need to stick together, lol. Well over the weekend a few of his emails got unread because my ex was visiting me. But as I was playing email catch up the other day when it was pretty outside, he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride, so of course I said “Hell yea!”

We were meeting at the local IGA parking lot (a safe place) cause sometimes you just never know about people you meet on line. I’m not adverse to meeting people, but I have to feel comfortable with them online first and then a face to face in a safe place. I saw him pull into the parking lot from the road while I dropped off a prescription refill.

I saw you before you first saw me
I was peeking through the window from the pharmacy
Walking outside trying to cross your path
cause I saw you looking for me east and west
when a car finally moved out of your way
I waved and you smiled, forever brightening my day

Well, we rode for a bit, then made a water stop and talked a little bit about everything particular. He’s a handsome man, a just few years older than me and said he remembered my profile saying something about liking younger men, but you guys know me, I’m flexible, lol. During our conversation, I heard him mention something about “girlfriend” but honestly I liked looking in his eyes and face, so didn’t pay attention.

I enjoying the ride back to the car, wind rushing by, holding on to him tight, tickling his belly-button and squeezing my thighs tight against his sides, and my clit feeling the vibration of the bike was making me wet. I though about dildo attachments could be creative passenger accessories, there’s probably a market for it, lol.

Getting off his bike, I went around and told him I just had to kiss him goodbye. It was a sweet kiss, and I played nice and didn’t slip him the tongue. We talked for a minute more after that, and I kissed him goodbye again, and drove across the lot to the pharmacy, watching his back shrink in the distance.

We both had a nice afternoon, but I probably wouldn’t have kissed him if I knew he had a girlfriend . . .

WTF was I thinking?!?!?(Curtain Call) . . . Entry for March 22, 2007

During that long first night/morning together, I read him off my blog entry that discussed the possibility of us getting back together, and we both said we’d think about it. Now this "great idea" of mine was created without remembering that "Oh yea, he’s an alcoholic and control freak!" Well, to give him credit, he’s not really a control "freak" but he THINKS he’s always right, not a very endearing quality for me to swallow.

Also, I was reminded of other faults and failures of his (they are in my eyes) and the big one being racism. I wasn’t raised racist and didn’t teach my children to be either. But I have to remind the kids this is the South and when that kind of ignorance is shown, nothing you say will change their mind and it’s best just to ignore it and know that you are the better person.

My son and his Dad got into a HUGE fight over him using the "N" word, and I applauded my son (it would be my problem child too, lol) for standing up to his father. I told Ed, Shayne was in the right in the first place and to just fucking drop it. We did have fun off and on all weekend, but that "honeymoon" period lasted all of 48 hours and I was kind of ready for him to go home.

But the kids were having fun fishing and spending time with him, and Ed pulled off the ultimate coup, he got our sons to finish cleaning their room. He had to stand there and yell and threaten them the whole time, but I had to laugh, at least it wasn’t me, I’d done my tour of duty on that job! Ed blamed me for the kids’ behavior at first, but then saw that both boys were exactly like himself at that age.

I had a nice visit with my son Vaughan though, he managed to stay out of most of the arguments, lol. He missed all our pets (four new baby kittens too damnit!), not to mention he got to gather a few of his things to take with him, and wander around the woods and play with the dogs.

It took him 2 days, but my ex finally caught enough fish for dinner one night. He even caught a small bass that I didn’t even know lived in the lake, lol. The last 2 days of his visit we didn’t have sex at all. I was tired of his drunken, opinionated, smart ass by then, and throw PMS in the mix and it makes for a cranky Techy.

Ed is one of those types of drunks who can drink all day long and not really show it unless you know them well, and I know him extremely well. No way was he ever going to change and no way could I live with someone that drinks ALL the time, is ALLWAYS right, doesn’t like my music, and thinks he’s God, amongst other negative things. Occasional great sex ain’t worth all that!

Now that I’ve put any ideas of getting back together with my 1^st husband to bed for good, I just remembered that over the weekend I hand my oldest ex boyfriend Steve call me while he was drunk. Remember him from this past Fall’s posts? He was supposed to come out here from the SF Bay Area but never made it because he went to jail for a little bit . . .twice . . . and never made it out here?

He knows my ex back from when he moved out here for a while in 2000, and they got along great (since they’re both alcoholics). Well Steve calls right in the middle of us fucking, and needs to talk to me (according to him) and wanted to say Hi to Ed too. Needless to say I’m like "Go away, tell him I’ll call tomorrow" and damnit had to say it three times too because Steve was drunk.

I was crashed out the next afternoon when Steve called, and surprise surprise, he was drunk again! It’s always been my rule with him that I refuse to talk to him when he’s been drinking because I don’t like who he becomes and he knows this. But still he tries, and once again, I told him I’m hanging up, and to call me when he’s sober. And then he usually never does, like this time.

The weekend ended up lasting 5 very long days, but at least I got laid for a few days in a row , hehehhe!

WTF was I thinking?!?!?(Act Two) . . . Entry for March 21, 2007

When I said my ex husband “Ed” wasn’t through with me yet, I should have said we hadn’t even gotten started, lol. At the height of our physical passion for each other, we thought we created marathon sex, lol. But that was decades ago now, but still, as middle-aged divorced fuckfests go, it was a pretty good one!

I’ve talked about anal play before, and how I enjoy giving it to a man and taking him to peaks of expert ecstasy, haven’t I? So for the last time, honestly guys, it really does feel good and it doesn’t make you gay, all right? Good! Well Ed and me always indulged each other, and that night was no exception.

See that pic up there? That’s Ruffles (cause it has ridges) and notice the wide end can be used as a vaginal plug so it can be used like a double dildo, kewl huh? I laid flat on my back while Ed licked me up good and wet and I slipped the big end s l o w l y into my pussy. He throbbed the toy in and out of that slick hole fast, making me squirt again, before lay on his back and scooted down so I could penetrate him.

Very carefully, I inserted the first bead of Ruffles the magic wand (those “ridges” are called beads) and stroked his cock. He reached across our shared toy and started playing with my clit. That did it, and I was off squirting again, slipping another bead or two in and out of his ass. I was fucking cumming all over the place, but had to try hard to stay in control so I wouldn’t hurt him.

I fucked my own pussy while I fucked his ass and pictured it while my pussy spasmed around that doorknob-like plug. I watched him jack himself off and took out my little pocket rocket vibe and hit my clit with it and was cumming HARD, when he un-impaled himself from our toy and whispered “I want that ass baby” into my ear. I was ready for it too!

I gently removed that fat knob from inside my pussy and reached for the lube. He knew the drill, and we both laid on our sides, the little buzzing tongue of the vibe keeping my juices flowing as I gently inserted the head of his cock in my ass. My hands were behind me, pushing back on his hips just in case he got a little “over enthused”, lol.

Little by little I relaxed my ass onto his cock, and kept cumming the whole time. After he was fully inside, he handed me Ruffles and whisped to me again “Mmmm, put this in your pussy too”. He held the vibe on my clit while I slipped the toy partway in, fucking myself slowly, feeling his cock through my pussy wall.

I took out the dildo and tossed the vibe aside and fingered my g-spot, and felt him fucking my ass. I was screaming into the pillow again and again as the tidal wave orgasms ripped through me. He felt my pussy cum splash down on his thighs and felt my fingers rubbing his cock from inside of me and that was all it took.

I bucked my hips fast and hard into the cock in my ass and I felt him start to shiver, then I grabbed his balls, pulling on them, extending that pre-orgasm tension, then screamed at him to rub my clit, and fucked even faster. As my pussy exploded again, so did my ass and his cock followed suit. I reached behind me and held him tighter to my body while I squeezed my ass cheeks, draining every drop.

That was it for the night, but there was more to cum over the long weekend . . .