Reunions . . . Entry for December 12, 2007

It seems to be a time for reunions for me, I had married friends come visit me from Evansville earlier last week, which was a nice surprise. I hadn’t seen them since we had a 3-some on his birthday last year. Even though he was in Louisville for medical tests (back injury) it was a nice visit.

I’m still scheduled to fly to California today for my family reunion, but was at one accidentally this past Saturday. It was an 18th birthday party for my ex-sister-in-law’s daughter. I had forgotten we were both pregnant at the same time and my twins will be 18 in April. All seven brothers and sisters were there, along with most of their kids and their kids and their kids’ kids. The pizza parlor we were at was packed.

I hadn’t seen some of Ed’s relatives for a looooong time, and it seemed all the kids I remembered as being little were all grown up with young children of their own. I didn’t even recognize two of his sisters that I used to be close to. Most surprising, more like shocking, was that fact that Ed’s Mother, a devout Jehovah’s Witness, came to the party!

I say shocking because no one ever expected her to be there, or even knew she had been invited. Being a Jehovah’s Witness they don’t believe in celebrating holidays like the rest of the family, so she never comes to family events, but her religion does let her recognize birthdays and anniversaries.

I felt a little bit out of place, a stranger among family members, but I was cool with it and just watched and enjoyed everyone’s company. I was kinda bummed cause I was driving the kids (not sure how Ed made it there, we had an argument and he was MIA for a day) so I couldn’t have a drink with everyone like I wanted to. But I had a good time anyways, even though we left kind of early.

Only two more days to go before I leave for San Diego and I’m so psyched! I borrowed a carry on suitcase from my favorite niece (gorgeous girl, 31, looks a little like Uma Thurman) this afternoon and had a nice visit with her. I brought over some smoke and we puffed ourselves silly while chatting in the kitchen.

I asked about the pics she took of the party and she brought out her camera. She told me that when she was checking out the pictures she noticed "orbs" in some of the group photos. "Orbs" are spheres of light that can be seen in digital (more often than regular) photography and is suggestive of spirits or ghosts.

I have seen orbs in photos before, on a trip to New Orleans French Quarter when I went on a "ghost tour". At the end of the tour, some of the people were comparing pics and we saw orbs in several of the photos, so I believe. The funny thing in this case is that we get the same orbs from different cameras in some of the pics. Creepy, huh?

When we talked I learned she likes to play pool too, and we both suggested we should hang out more often. Something to look forward to when I get back. I even suggested she hook me up with a date, lol, I’ve been alone way too long. I need some company and can barely tolerate being around Ed here lately. With his blood pressure meds and poor health here lately, he can’t even get it up.

I haven’t really been horny lately though. Since I’m off my bi-polar/depression meds I have upsetting dreams several times every night so I’m not getting any good sleep. I’ve made an appointment for the day after I’ve come back from the reunion to get back on them. That is if I get my medical card back like I’m supposed to.

See you all when I get back! . . .

Sentimental Music . . . Entry for December 1, 2007

Throughout my life I’ve been surrounded by music of all kinds. When I was 16 I "inherited" my ex’s 500 album collection (those are those circular vinyl black things you used to play on a record player). I remember the first 2 albums I bought myself when I was 13, Led Zeppelin’s "Houses of the Holy" and Starz "Violation". I wore a groove into those records, lol.

I can even remember the first 45’s I borrowed from my Mom and played on my Mickey Mouse record player when I was 5 or so. Otis Redding’s "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" was my favorite. Songs can trigger memories and emotions I thought long buried and make me feel just like it was yesterday.

Earlier this week I went shopping at the local Flea Market with my ex Ed and he picked up some used cassette tapes for a buck apiece. We’ve been getting along pretty good lately since I’ve learned he never means what he says when he’s pissed off and it’s best just to ignore it. We brought the tapes home and he played them to make sure they worked.

I was expecting some old country music or classic rock, but I never expected him to find a copy of "The Best of Bread" by (of course) the group Bread. That tape had particular significance to both of us, because it was one of the tapes we played endlessly when we first got together 25 years ago. Talk about bringing up the past.

As I listened to it, all those feeling I had for him in my late teens/early twenties came flooding back like a tsunami. Suddenly I started crying as I remembered how MUCH I loved him back then, loved him with my whole being, body and soul and it made me so sad.

The songs were all written by David Gates, "Make it With You", "Everything I Own", "Diary", "Baby I’m-A Want You", "It Don’t Matter to Me", and "If". We usually only listened to side A, the best of all their ballads, and we both can still recite them all word for word, even though he doesn’t have much of a singing voice, lol.

I got up from where I was sitting and hugged him as tight as I could and I cried, whispering in his ear "I used to love you sooo much". He hugged me back, and I guess through my tears he didn’t hear me right because he said "I love you too". We listened to the whole first side and I cried a little at every song.

It was especially poignant to me, because I used to play the tape and cry my heart out when we were broken up. I remembered our breakups felt like a little death to me back then, and how much I mourned that loss. I was so young and so was he and we both made many mistakes I could never forget, but I still loved him with all my heart.

That was 25 years ago and even though we are both different people now, we can still clearly remember those first years together, good times and bad. I really surprised myself how quickly that music brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. All those hopes and dreams of youth. Never in a million years did I think our lives would turn out like this.

But I have no regrets . . .

She’s baaack . . . Entry for September 6, 2007

See? I didn’t disappear completely, it’s just that the last couple months have been extremely hard on me, but now that we’ve all moved into a 4 bedroom house, I’ve got space, privacy and a little piece of mind. Not that it’s been a smooth transition, I still have the problem of living with my alcoholic ex husband and dealing with his controlling ass.

It’s been 90% of my money that’s been supporting us, since my ex Ed didn’t get his big check like he was supposed to, and I keep hearing how he’s gonna pay me back when the check comes in. He’s even stooped so low that he’s borrowing money from one of our sons to support his beer habit, so I told my son to let me hold his money so no one can ask to borrow it.

And just now we got into a major fight over my dogs’ water dish. Our son was filling it up with water for me and Ed jumped in his shit because it touched the dirty plates in the sink. I told him that was ridiculous, the dishes were dirty anyways, and then he jumped in my shit saying that I was always contradicting him and was sticking his finger in my face while yelling at me.

To me, that was a move of aggravated aggression. Now way back in the day he was physically abusive to me, and has been verbally abusive to me since we moved in together (he likes to call me a fat bitch). I no longer tolerate any aggression towards me, so I told him not to stick his finger in my face again and he did it just to be an ass, so I threw the bowl of water I was holding in his face.

I managed to stay relatively calm considering he came back at me like he was going to hit me, but I stood my ground. Then he tried to play the “I’m the better parent card” and tried to say that at least he didn’t hit the kids, blah blah blah. I told him I haven’t laid a finger on them, or even had a major blow up with them since I’ve been on medication, and just where the fuck was he when I was raising these kids all by myself for years.

That’s when he tried saying I was trying to keep the kids from him (total bullshit) and I reminded him that I’ve always been listed in the phone book, all he had to do was call 411. He had nothing to say to that one, but he ranted and raved none the less. I just ignored him and cleaned up the water then went to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes since I was out.

Guess I picked the wrong day to quit smoking . . .

Like, OMG, she’s writing again! . . . Entry for July 13, 2007

I just realized a few minutes ago that today was Friday the Thirteenth and decided not to press my luck and stay in for the night. It’s been far too long since I’ve posted, but not having my own place has effected me more than I thought it would.

Since I am a Cancer, typically I withdrew into my shell and have kept my thoughts and life to myself. It’s taken me a bit to pull out of my depression and tonight I decided to say "Fuck the World" (I’m listening to 2Pac) and cam and chat on Anywebcam

. Maybe even get a little drunk and horny, hehehe.

Anyways, here’s the last thing I wrote but never finished or posted . . .

Pre-Birthday party! . . . Entry for July 3, 2007

Tomorrow is my birthday, but I went to visit my kids this past weekend and was greeted with a nice surprise when I got there Friday night. My ex Ed was partying in his room with a couple. This chick, Jenny was smoking hot with a small tight little body! And her partner, KC, was pretty sexy too. We participated in a little recreational drug use and pretty soon the clothes started dropping off.

We got started with me pulling out my little bag of toys and started explaining the merits of acrylic dildos, lol. It wasn’t before long that I started licking Jenny’s pussy while KC was sliding my dildo Ruffles in and out of my soaked pussy with my ass high up in the air.

Then Ed started reminiscing about the time he spanked my ass bright red and ended the comment with a solid "whack!" that got my juices running down my leg. Then KC and Jenny started spanking me too and all of a sudden I was cumming all over the place. It was fucking wild! I’m not usually into that kind of kink, but I was that night.

It was a "soft swap" where there’s no actual dick penetration, which was fine with me cause KC had a pretty big cock and I wasn’t in the mood to get stretched out, but I was in the mood to suck the hell out of it! Ed was having some "Mr. Ed" problems, but KC was rock hard and making me gag, but I liked it, lol.

Jenny wasn’t able to get Ed up, which wasn’t her fault cause with all the booze and stuff "Mr. Happy" was malfunctioning, much to Ed’s dismay. I know how Ed is in group sex, and wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to get pissed if I finished KC off.

He said it was cool, and then I really went to work. That thick cock sliding in and out of my mouth while he was making me cum with my dildo, I sucked that dick hard while moaning all over it. It wasn’t long before I was squirting and cumming all over again and again.

Just imagine more of the above all night long and that’s how the evening went . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter two). . . Entry for June 29, 2007

To pick up where I left off . . . The entire week and a half I stayed there was filled with drama daily. To use a cliché “If it wasn’t one thing, it was another”. I didn’t have many problems with the kids, it was friends of my ex’s coming over, borrowing things, offering me free drugs, going to bars, getting high. Basically all the things I moved to the country to get away from.

I went to visit my ex in jail that Saturday I was there, and it was “video visitation” of all things. They use Logitech cams of all things, roflmao. So I felt pretty comfortable and amused during our 20-minute visit, which consisted of him telling me if I didn’t help get him a lawyer, he was going to go away for a while.

I don’t wish that on anyone, but my funds were limited since it was costing me money buying everything for the household and having to spend a lot in gas since I had a couple jobs in my territory I had to drive to. He asked me about his SSI check and I gave him an accounting of all his funds.

One of the dramas I went through was that this friend of his who sometimes stayed there, Terry, had Ed’s SSI check and cashed it. First he gave me only 400 for the rent, and I went upstairs to ask him why, the rent was 495$ and he gave me another 100$ with some excuse about maybe Bruce wanted to hold back on some of the money.

I knew the rent had to be paid before anything else, because he also had a late fee due for not paying on time the previous month. So I knew that was bullshit, and went back up to see what about the rest of the money, and got another 20 bucks out of him, but that was it. So he ended up keeping around 100$ of Ed’s check.

After I explained this, I also told him Randa paid me 40$ that she owed him, and I could kick in 60 bucks, but that was all the money I had. He gave me a number of a friend of his he had helped out of jail once before that knew of an attorney that would take payments. He also knew the guy would kick in 100$ towards the lawyer fee too, so I gave him a call.

We had it set up on Monday and I paid the lawyer the money and apparently this guy does good work cause he got all the charges knocked down to first offense DUI when we went to court on Tuesday. He was released later that afternoon and I picked him up and we spent the day fucking, lol.

During our visitation conversation I had told Ed I would take care of the electric bill if something happened (i.e. him going to jail) cause obviously I would have to stay in Louisville with the kids. But what he heard was that I was going to pay the electric bill.

I told him I might be able to help him some, but I had my own expenses too, and I was trying to save money to get a place. He kept asking me what happened to all the money from the SSI check I get for one of my sons, which is none of his fucking business in the first place. I pointed out to him that it cost me a lot more money staying there instead of being back home in Hartford.

But being the narcissistic beast that he is, he thinks that nothing else matters unless it concerns him. I left the next day having had my fill of “The ‘ville” for a while. Two days later I get a call from Ed saying that if I didn’t come down there with a 100$ pet deposit, they were going to get evicted.

Round trip mileage is over 250 miles there and back. Before I left the last time I had spoken to the apartment manager about the dog situation. I explained that I didn’t have the cash right then but I would be back in a week and a half to visit the kids and pay the pet deposit, but she got a phone call and we never did finish the conversation, so I left to go back home.

Then the call came and I had to go right back and pay it, isn’t that fucked? But I love my dogs, they are my 4-legged children and not just dumb animals. So I turn around and come back home the next day. Of course we had hot sex, I didn’t want the trip to be a total waste of time and money, lol.

But this past Saturday I drove down there to see him and the kids with only $7.00 and what gas I had in my tank. OK, ok, I was half drunk and totally horny since I just got off my period and wanted some guaranteed dick and not have to hunt some “strange” down in a bar, lol.

I got there and he was pretty buzzed too, and we both got a little higher to kick up the mood. You see, with Ed he equates “substance” use with good sex, and it often is (quite often), but sex with he while he’s straight is pretty, well, not boring but definitely vanilla.

I didn’t care how I was going to get the gas money to make it back tomorrow, I wanted to fuck NOW! These days I never travel without my toy bag, and Saturday was no exception. I was in the mood for some hot, sweaty, nasty sex. I was not disappointed, lol.

I didn’t arrive until really late, around 2am, but that was no problem, his dick was pointing at high noon, hehehe. First things first, he started fingering me and licking my clit, soaking the sheets beneath us with my cum. He gets off on the fact that I’m a squirter and he laps it right up.

Ed’s had a hand injury and I could tell it was bothering him so I brought out my toys. Ruffles as usual did the trick and it wasn’t before long my pussy acted like a water fountain and squirted him in the face. He loved every drop and fucked me harder with Ruffles while fingering my ass.

I brought out the vibe that my buddy I8 (thanks sweety!) sent me and started out playing with my clit, but decided to use it on him instead. Ed was the first guy (25 years ago) that introduced me to the art of anal play, and have loved fingering men’s asses ever since.

I wish the uptight people of the world would just realize that just because a guy gets his ass played with, it doesn’t make him gay. So anyways, I start teasing his cock and balls with the vibrator while sucking his cock “69” style. It was driving him crazy, so I gently moved down to his ass.

At first I just played on the outside of his ass (rimmed it, lol) while his dick started swelling more in my mouth. Then I got bolder and inserted the tip. This vibe is an angled g-spot/prostate type and quite a blast to play with. I started fucking his ass while he fucked my mouth and pussy, I was coming so hard and choking on his cock.

He raised off me then and we put the toys away for the main event. On my back, he pulled my ankles up to his shoulders and slipped that stiff dick deep inside me. I was flooding in an instant, while he talked dirty to me, just the way he knew I liked it. Mmmm!

We fucked hard, fast and furious with my pussy squirting on him the whole time. He finally came, gasping and shaking and jumped right off his dick was so sensitive. As usual with him, it’s 1) Sex, 2) Food and 3) Sleep. As predicted, 1 and 2 occurred, but as I kissed him goodnight, I tongue fucked his mouth and we went on to Round 2.

Round 2 was more passionate than the first time, but it was all good and by the time we were all finished, it was already about 7am. Kenny came over then to borrow some tools of Ed’s and gave me a big shit-eatin’ grin when he saw us in bed. Before I finally left to go back home, I agreed to get a place together with Ed.

I’m still wondering if that’s a good idea or not . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter one). . . Entry for June 25, 2007

Editor’s note (lol):
I originally wrote this back on June 4th when I went through a shitload of drama with my ex-husband in Louisville (“the ‘ville” as locals call it, or pronouce it “Louavul” but NEVER like “Lewisville”, you will be corrected, lol). Anyways, better late than never so here it is.

I went to go visit my children this week and take my dog to do his doggie jail time and live with the kids. At first things went well, I left late so I could sneak Strongbad in without the apartment managers seeing him. From that point, things went straight to hell.

Ed, I found out, had landed himself in jail. Again. The charges are reckless driving, no seatbelt, driving on a suspended license, no insurance, no registration, improper plates, defective equipment, and another DUI. The car wasn’t his and I found out later that the plates were reported stolen.

He’s been in prison for a felony DUI (I think it’s 3 or 4 offences within 5 years) and I believe he still has “time on the shelf” for that conviction. So I’m thrust in the middle of all this drama from the moment I arrived, but it was too late to do anything about it, so several friends were over his house and we all ended up partying all night (blame it on the full moon).

At one point some crazy bitch came over and started ranting and raving about how this other friend, Peter, (who happened to be at the apartment) had killed her brother who died of an overdose. It was redneck drama at it’s finest with screaming and cursing and threats of bodily harm.

I told the bitch she needed to calm her ass down cause there were kids in the house, and she was so pissed off at Peter spit was flying as she spoke. Of course that was after she chugged some more of her beer, lol. I managed to defuse the situation and got those people out of the house. I found out later that Peter had slipped into the living room while she was ranting and hid in one of the closets, lol.

When it was time to crash, we had bodies sleeping all over the living room floor and couch. One of the friends that stayed over was Kenny, and he is a fine motherfucker too. I’ve known him since he was 17 (15 years ago), and thought he was hot then, and is still just as hot now. Dressed in only my purple silk Kimono robe, I finally went to sleep in the morning.

Kenny came into the bedroom where I was sleeping in the afternoon wanting to get high and woke me up a few hours later. I realized right then that my robe had fallen open and one tit was fully exposed. I said “Ooops, it peeked out” and he told me “Hell girl, that was no peek, that was in full view!”

I sat up and we all sat in the bedroom catching a buzz, but when everyone else left the room, Kenny stayed. I was a little surprised, but definitely pleased when he started sucking on my re-exposed tit, and I started moaning in pleasure.

I told him I even brought my toys with me if he felt like playing with them, and he told me to take them out. Kenny was hot and took to my toys right away and started licking my clit while slipping my dildo in deep. I showed him how to angle it just right to hit my g-spot, but he was more into going deep, lol.

I was hot and wet, but Kenny was having some “Mr. Ed” problems due to the all night partying, but I didn’t let that bother me, I know I can pretty much suck any dick problems away. In the mean time he wanted to see what other toys I had and I brought out my purple acrylic dildo.

He tried slipping both dildos into my pussy at the same time, but they pinched my pussy lips so that was out. Instead he started using the purple on my ass while I tried relaxing and letting it go in. I reached over into my goodie bag and took out a couple of peppermint Altoids and quickly chewing them up and started working on his cock.

He punished my pussy and ass with both dildos at the same time as I licked and sucked the life back into his dick. Ahhh, the heat and coolness of breath on the peppermint Altoids coating his shaft did its’ work again and pretty soon I was properly choking on his cock.

I was squirting all over the place by then, moaning around the cock in my mouth when I felt his orgasm begin to pulse up from his balls. I grabbed that vibrating dick tight in my hand and jerked it hard as he arched his back and stopped fucking me with my toys and grabbed the sides of the bed.

I stroked him faster and watched his face as the cum shot at me in mine (I almost got it in the eye!). I reached out with my tongue and tickled his “sweet spot” and got it in the mouth this time. I shoved my head all the way down on his throbbing dick and swallowed every last drop as he lay there and trembled.

End of chapter one . . .

Unmotivated and depressed . . . Entry for May 15, 2007

I’ve been sitting here for several days now, having a little private pity party and totally depressed. I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed for more than 15 minutes all day. I really hate packing and moving, but the part I hate the most is still not having a place to live.

My kids I got covered, let all 3 of them drive their Dad crazy instead of me for a while. But for myself, none of my options have panned out and am still looking into the prospect of living in a homeless shelter. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve lived in a shelter, I’m not too proud.

But I’m working and need access to the Internet in order to do my job and to download whatever documents I need. That’s the major problem, and sometimes I get calls in the wee hours in the morning to go fix something first thing that day and I need my Internet.

I’m feeling a little better now, I just got a call and now I’m scheduled for 3 jobs in the next 7 days, so that will be a nice chunk of change. I should have about half I need to get me an apartment after getting paid for those 3 jobs. Maybe by the end of June I’ll have my shit together and this depression will disappear.

That’s what I’m hoping for anyways . . .