Forcing myself to write . . . Entry for May 5, 2008

I’m forcing myself to write this while stoned and watching "Deadliest Catch". Holding everything in like I have been is doing me no good. Recently my ex boyfriend got back in touch with me and we talked for hours over several days and passed an email or two. I had sent him hello messages and replied to some supposedly by him, but were actually written by his ex who knew his password.

I had thought so just by the way she typed, Darkshard can’t spell for shit and she could, lol. We reminisced about good times and touched on the bad ones and how we had everything going wrong all at the same time and how our break up inevitable, but not due to lack of love.

So for a week, I was happy, even though he had a new girlfriend (who was in jail at the time). It was heaven being able to talk to him again, to feel his love. I decided then that I was going to save all my money for months and move myself, dogs and remaining minor son to Louisiana. I had made myself a goal and was going to stick to it.

The last time he called me, it was in the evening and he was at his ex’s with his girlfriend, but he sneaked off to talk to me. He told me how much he loved me but was giving me mixed messages, saying how he can’t make it alone in LA. I told him I understood, but I still wanted to move there, I didn’t care who he was with as long as I got to share some life with him. He told me again how much he loved me and said he’d call the next day.

Well I’ve been waiting a couple weeks now for that "next day" and still no call or email. . .