The Good times, Bad times of The Sexy Tech

Forcing myself to write . . . Entry for May 5, 2008

2008-05-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

I’m forcing myself to write this while stoned and watching "Deadliest Catch". Holding everything in like I have been is doing me no good. Recently my ex boyfriend got back in touch with me and we talked for hours over several days and passed an email or two. I had sent him hello messages and replied to some supposedly by him, but were actually written by his ex who knew his password.

I had thought so just by the way she typed, Darkshard can’t spell for shit and she could, lol. We reminisced about good times and touched on the bad ones and how we had everything going wrong all at the same time and how our break up inevitable, but not due to lack of love.

So for a week, I was happy, even though he had a new girlfriend (who was in jail at the time). It was heaven being able to talk to him again, to feel his love. I decided then that I was going to save all my money for months and move myself, dogs and remaining minor son to Louisiana. I had made myself a goal and was going to stick to it.

The last time he called me, it was in the evening and he was at his ex’s with his girlfriend, but he sneaked off to talk to me. He told me how much he loved me but was giving me mixed messages, saying how he can’t make it alone in LA. I told him I understood, but I still wanted to move there, I didn’t care who he was with as long as I got to share some life with him. He told me again how much he loved me and said he’d call the next day.

Well I’ve been waiting a couple weeks now for that "next day" and still no call or email. . .

Down in a Hole . . . Entry for April 20, 2008

2008-04-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

This video from Alice in Chains (Down in a Hole) represents what my life has been like for months now. No good news to report really, my depression has been getting the better of me. My job history has been nearly non existent for months, so cash flow has been bringing me down and I don’t really have a love life to speak of. It seems the couple of guys I hooked up with only call me when they’re drunk, which is another bummer.

Even writing has gotten to be something that has suffered due to my mood, and that was always my one outlet that never let me down. Winter is over and spring is here, but it gives me no comfort either. Living in the same house with my ex husband has turned out to be more difficult than I imagined. His alcoholism and attitude has taken a toll on my mental/emotional well being.
I’m trying to pull myself out of this hole, but it’s harder than a man’s dick while watching a porn flick. I’m still on my meds, but the benefits have worn off.

One major problem is that I miss living in the country so much. That really surprised me since I've lived in the city most of my life, but I had peace living in that trailer next to the little lake. Being able to walk outside naked (or nearly so) and commune with nature, fishing whenever I wanted, taking walks through the woods, I miss it all so much. But I don’t miss the slow dialup anymore, lol.

Anyways, Happy 420 y’all . . .

I’ve just realized my sex life is like a . . . Entry for January 17, 2008

2008-01-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to the conclusion that moving back to the city has stifled my writing creativity and that really sux ass dude. Now I find that it takes getting myself really stoned to motivate me, to write so here I am. I got really stoned with a certain married Cuban male I’ve had some fun with over the summer and once in the fall in my basement, but I can’t remember if I blogged about it or not.

Anyways, I get this call early this evening from Frank (mmmm, that sexy Latino way he has) and we chit chat for a bit and I thought he was calling for Ed since he’s done some carpet and floor work for him, but Ed was sleeping. I asked him if he knew where to get some decent smoke. He said he only had a little, but I could come over to his house and smoke it with him.

You don’t have to ask me twice so I said sure, but I was still in my PJ’s and would have to get dressed and stuff, but he said no problem. Now mind you I have been sick in bed all day with a cold, nursing my cough with Codeine cough medicine and look like shit, but time was ticking.

I took a quick whore’s bath and threw on a two piece black crushed velvet looking pant outfit. A little eyebrows, some eyeliner and deep colored lip gloss, grab my coat and I was out the door. I was now a woman on a mission, lol. I had only been to his house once before and it was in the daylight, but I was sure I would be able to spot his van with work trailer attached.

It was misty-rainy while I drove, and I was nervous, trying to remember where the house was. I didn’t have his cell phone number to call and ask for directions either, so I was on my own. Just when I thought I had driven too far down the road, I spotted the house and pulled in the driveway. As I got out of the car, I wondered just how much time we would have together before his wife got home.

He answered the door with a smile and after closing the door behind me, we hugged saying it had been a long time, with him running his hand down to my ass. I took off my trench coat (mine looks a little better than Colombo’s) and wasted no time asking where the pot was.

We went into the kitchen and smoked some killer bud from his gravity bong (google gravity bong) and got really stoned. While he loaded the bowl, I lowered my hand down his body and stroked his stiffening cock through his shorts. I kept coughing though, cause it was some strong shit and I do have a cold, but lowered his shorts little by little.

Another toke on the bong and subsequent coughing fit later, I had his shorts half off and his cock in my mouth. I bent low and licked and sucked while he guided the back of my head down with one hand as the other hand played with my tits. Not that I needed to be guided, but I liked it anyways (grin).

When I finally came up for air, I said "We need a better place to do this and I want to smoke one more hit first". I guess I was in super suck mode, because when I inhaled the bong hit I sucked up some water. Good thing Frank had just changed the water. He gestured over to the sink and spit the bong-water out as I exhaled and had another coughing fit.

My head was spinning in a good way as I walked into the living room and started taking off my boots, then my clothes. I sat naked on the couch and watched him undress. I admired his tight young body, well muscled and sexy. My pussy got wet as he came over to me and my waiting mouth.

I swallowed his cock as far as I could, but Frank is well endowed and my throat was sore from my cold. It wasn’t long before I grabbed for my purse and started hunting for my "lucky" condom (lucky because if I used it, it meant I was getting lucky, lol). Purses gather so many old receipts and insurance and business cards, among other junk and though I’d seen it in my purse a million times before, I couldn’t find it now.

That was no problem though, Frank had his own and we got busy. I was going to lay on my back on the living room carpet when he whispered "No, on all fours, I like it that way" and I grinned. I think his main attraction to me is my ass, he likes to look at it from above he told me, so I was glad to comply.

I stuck my ass up in the air and balanced myself with one arm while the other hand fed his cock to my hungry pussy. I tilted my hips back so he could penetrate me deeper and started playing with my clit while he fucked me and got the juices flowing.

Moans escaped as I rubbed my clit faster in time with his thrusts, and after only a few minutes, he pulls out and says "I can’t do this now, I keep looking at the clock." I turned my head and looked at him and it seemed that the tip was filled to me, so I guess he was embarrassed he came so fast. I think the danger of it all took him over the edge too soon

He said "This is wrong . . ." (which of course it was) and some other stuff, but I didn’t let that bother me. I started dressing while he went into the bathroom to clean up and get rid of the evidence. By the time he came out I had my trench back on and was reaching for my purse.

He was apologizing and he said it was just the place, blah blah blah, so I told him to call me tomorrow. I got a piece of the small bud he had left so I could get stoned later and put it in my cigarette pack and headed towards the door. I hugged him and grabbed his ass and invited him over tomorrow.

And that’s why I’ve just realized my sex life is like a porn movie script . . .

Reunions . . . Entry for December 12, 2007

2007-12-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

It seems to be a time for reunions for me, I had married friends come visit me from Evansville earlier last week, which was a nice surprise. I hadn’t seen them since we had a 3-some on his birthday last year. Even though he was in Louisville for medical tests (back injury) it was a nice visit.

I’m still scheduled to fly to California today for my family reunion, but was at one accidentally this past Saturday. It was an 18th birthday party for my ex-sister-in-law’s daughter. I had forgotten we were both pregnant at the same time and my twins will be 18 in April. All seven brothers and sisters were there, along with most of their kids and their kids and their kids’ kids. The pizza parlor we were at was packed.

I hadn’t seen some of Ed’s relatives for a looooong time, and it seemed all the kids I remembered as being little were all grown up with young children of their own. I didn’t even recognize two of his sisters that I used to be close to. Most surprising, more like shocking, was that fact that Ed’s Mother, a devout Jehovah’s Witness, came to the party!

I say shocking because no one ever expected her to be there, or even knew she had been invited. Being a Jehovah’s Witness they don’t believe in celebrating holidays like the rest of the family, so she never comes to family events, but her religion does let her recognize birthdays and anniversaries.

I felt a little bit out of place, a stranger among family members, but I was cool with it and just watched and enjoyed everyone’s company. I was kinda bummed cause I was driving the kids (not sure how Ed made it there, we had an argument and he was MIA for a day) so I couldn’t have a drink with everyone like I wanted to. But I had a good time anyways, even though we left kind of early.

Only two more days to go before I leave for San Diego and I’m so psyched! I borrowed a carry on suitcase from my favorite niece (gorgeous girl, 31, looks a little like Uma Thurman) this afternoon and had a nice visit with her. I brought over some smoke and we puffed ourselves silly while chatting in the kitchen.

I asked about the pics she took of the party and she brought out her camera. She told me that when she was checking out the pictures she noticed "orbs" in some of the group photos. "Orbs" are spheres of light that can be seen in digital (more often than regular) photography and is suggestive of spirits or ghosts.

I have seen orbs in photos before, on a trip to New Orleans French Quarter when I went on a "ghost tour". At the end of the tour, some of the people were comparing pics and we saw orbs in several of the photos, so I believe. The funny thing in this case is that we get the same orbs from different cameras in some of the pics. Creepy, huh?

When we talked I learned she likes to play pool too, and we both suggested we should hang out more often. Something to look forward to when I get back. I even suggested she hook me up with a date, lol, I’ve been alone way too long. I need some company and can barely tolerate being around Ed here lately. With his blood pressure meds and poor health here lately, he can’t even get it up.

I haven’t really been horny lately though. Since I’m off my bi-polar/depression meds I have upsetting dreams several times every night so I’m not getting any good sleep. I’ve made an appointment for the day after I’ve come back from the reunion to get back on them. That is if I get my medical card back like I’m supposed to.

See you all when I get back! . . .

Sentimental Music . . . Entry for December 1, 2007

2007-12-01T05:03:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life I’ve been surrounded by music of all kinds. When I was 16 I "inherited" my ex’s 500 album collection (those are those circular vinyl black things you used to play on a record player). I remember the first 2 albums I bought myself when I was 13, Led Zeppelin’s "Houses of the Holy" and Starz "Violation". I wore a groove into those records, lol.

I can even remember the first 45’s I borrowed from my Mom and played on my Mickey Mouse record player when I was 5 or so. Otis Redding’s "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" was my favorite. Songs can trigger memories and emotions I thought long buried and make me feel just like it was yesterday.

Earlier this week I went shopping at the local Flea Market with my ex Ed and he picked up some used cassette tapes for a buck apiece. We’ve been getting along pretty good lately since I’ve learned he never means what he says when he’s pissed off and it’s best just to ignore it. We brought the tapes home and he played them to make sure they worked.

I was expecting some old country music or classic rock, but I never expected him to find a copy of "The Best of Bread" by (of course) the group Bread. That tape had particular significance to both of us, because it was one of the tapes we played endlessly when we first got together 25 years ago. Talk about bringing up the past.

As I listened to it, all those feeling I had for him in my late teens/early twenties came flooding back like a tsunami. Suddenly I started crying as I remembered how MUCH I loved him back then, loved him with my whole being, body and soul and it made me so sad.

The songs were all written by David Gates, "Make it With You", "Everything I Own", "Diary", "Baby I’m-A Want You", "It Don’t Matter to Me", and "If". We usually only listened to side A, the best of all their ballads, and we both can still recite them all word for word, even though he doesn’t have much of a singing voice, lol.

I got up from where I was sitting and hugged him as tight as I could and I cried, whispering in his ear "I used to love you sooo much". He hugged me back, and I guess through my tears he didn’t hear me right because he said "I love you too". We listened to the whole first side and I cried a little at every song.

It was especially poignant to me, because I used to play the tape and cry my heart out when we were broken up. I remembered our breakups felt like a little death to me back then, and how much I mourned that loss. I was so young and so was he and we both made many mistakes I could never forget, but I still loved him with all my heart.

That was 25 years ago and even though we are both different people now, we can still clearly remember those first years together, good times and bad. I really surprised myself how quickly that music brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. All those hopes and dreams of youth. Never in a million years did I think our lives would turn out like this.

But I have no regrets . . .

Surviving Black Friday . . . Entry for November 27, 2007

2007-11-27T22:34:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don’t know (mostly outside the US), Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is the official kickoff of the Christmas shopping season. Stores open VERY early, usually 5am, with limited spectacular deals. I’ve waited in line with the other shoppers at Wal-Mart on Black Friday morning before, but this year they had such good deals at Best Buy (electronics/appliance superstore) I couldn’t resist.

I decided to sneak out the house around midnight so my sons wouldn’t know, and stashed a blanket and folding chair outside to take with me so I’d be warm and at least somewhat comfortable. When I arrived at 12:30 in the morning, the parking lot was already half full and a ton of people were lined up for about a block it seemed, and that’s no exaggeration.

I struck up a conversation with 3 young ladies that were sitting next to me after this man with a Caribbean accent started sermonizing to them and others up and down the line. My "Motherhood" instinct jumped out and I told them they should just blow people off like that next time since they were young (2 high school girl and a nursing student), and you just never know. I mean crazy people preach too.

That’s when I found out that the girls all knew each other from the Unitarian Church, otherwise known as Moonies for Reverend Sun Yun Moon. Those of you around my age might remember the Mass Unitarian wedding they had in New York in the 80’s and as it turns out the high school girls’ parents were married there.

I found it fascinating and wanted to know more about the Unitarian Church, so we got into a religious discussion. As we all sat and shivered in late night/early morning cold we talked about a lot of things to kill the time. Well, I did most of the talking since I had had several strong cups of coffee to keep me awake and I was wired.

Finally 3am came along and that’s when they started passing out "tickets" (vouchers) for the "doorbuster" specials. If you didn’t have a ticket for the item, you wouldn’t be able to buy it at that price. I wanted to buy a laptop for $229 and 160 gig hard drives for 49$ and kept hoping they would make it down to my end of the line before running out but alas! No luck.

Well I wasn’t going to leave empty handed, so I went in when the doors officially opened at 5am. By that time people were trying to cut in line and I was bitching very loudly at this one old jerk who had cut in ahead of us when the cop watching the door told me to shut up so I did, I’m no dummy. The Best Buy workers didn’t seem to care either, which pissed me off even more since we had been standing in line all night.

The store really had their shit together though, I will admit. They had passed out maps of the store and had everything really organized and plenty of employees on hand to help the customers. I found the video game console I wanted and hunted down the girls I had been talking to all night and said how much I enjoyed our talk and hoped they found what they were shopping for.

Did you get all your Christmas shopping done yet? . . .

@#^$%#$ ex-husbands! (but some good news too). . . Entry for November 13, 2007

2007-11-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

I just got into an argument with my ex, Ed. My youngest son is starting to get into Emo, a form of Goth without the Gothic attitude, but similar in dress, hair, etc. He got a pair of "Trips" pants from a friend, black baggy jeans sewn with turguiose thread and a bunch of metal rings and laces that clink when he walks. A few days ago he painted his nails black over a friend’s house and tonight his Dad was telling him to take the polish off.

I explained to Ed that it’s just a freedom of expression and should be allowed to change his appearance anyway he wants. We got into a big fight and he tried to turn it around, arguing against my earlier punishment of the same son (I yanked his internet privileges for the night for verbally objecting to having to do a chore) and said he didn’t object to my discipline.

I told him there was a difference between discipline problems and him wanting to dictate how they dress. One of my twins used to like wearing nothing but sweat pants, but when he went to live with Ed, he was made to get rid of them and wear jeans or slacks. I thought that was bullshit, but he wasn’t living with me then, so I couldn’t say anything about it.

So now Ed comes downstairs to my basement lair and said "I’m not going to fight with you, but from now on I’m not going to discipline them at all from now on, I’ll just leave it to you." To which I replied "What good are you then?" as he walked back ups stairs.

I believe in freedom of expression in all it’s many forms, whether I approve of it or not. And with kids (as you probably know) the more you disapprove of something, the more they want to do it. I figure this Emo thing is just a passing phase and no big deal, but it seems that to Ed it’s a reflection on him. How idiotic!

From this little tiff about some stupid nail polish to abandoning your parental duties just seems so absurd. He just came downstairs again (with dirty laundry) and we got into another fight about the same thing. He said I could handle all the disciplinary issues for a full month and I told him I’d been doing it alone for 17 years and that was bullshit.

I told him there was no comparison between disagreements on discipline issues and our son’s right to express him self, it was like comparing apples to eggs (though they both are food). We fought back and forth and he brought back up an argument we had last week.

That fight started when he removed a cow skull that my ex boyfriend and my son found in creek that had sentimental value to me. I had just brought home a skull castle for my aquarium to go with the cow skull on the wall when my son told me it wasn’t there anymore, Ed had taken it upstairs to his room.

When I found out I got pissed! I have very few possessions that have sentimental value and he had no right to take it. That’s when he told me he took it on purpose just to get a reaction out of me. I told him that Shawn (my ex) had given it to me and his reply was "Fuck Shawn" and I retorted "Fuck you, find your own ride to your DUI class!"

Then the fighting really commenced and he threw up in my face (again) that all the furniture in my bedroom came from him. So I took every last bit of furniture (futon, table, lamp, dresser, etc.) and put it all in the family area of the basement cause I didn’t want it thrown in my face anymore. He tried to tell me to put it back in my room, but I told him I have my own things still in storage and didn’t need his things.

I can be a stubborn bitch when it comes to principles and I get so sick and tired of him bringing up ancient history. It’s like he doesn’t understand "That was then, this is now". Why I let him get under my skin I don’t know, but he just what buttons to push to piss me off. I know I should just ignore his ridiculous behavior, but it’s just so hard not to.

OK, I’ve vented long enough, on to the good news! My Nana (grandmother) will be turning 90 this December and the family is planning a reunion the Saturday after her birthday in San Diego. I made my Nana a crocheted granny square quilt last year for her birthday, but what I’ve always wanted to get is a portrait of me, my Mom, Nana, my daughter and grand daughter, all 5 generations of women in our family.

I was talking to my Mom about it when she offered to buy me a ticket to see the family before it’s too late to see them all together again. I’ll be visiting for 4 days in the middle of December and seeing loved ones I haven’t seen in decades. Not to mention trying to find my first "real" love, the father of the daughter I had when I was 16 and he was 23.

That should be an interesting meeting . . .

Wake and bake on a Fall day (part deaux). . . Entry for November 10, 2007

2007-11-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well on with my tale . . . Me and James knew we were gonna fuck for sure, even when Ed and his girlfriend came down stairs to party a little and perv with us on AWC . After they went upstairs, I was really wasted and wanted to stuff his cock in my mouth on cam. So I did (grin), but he didn’t let me suck it for long after I brought out my toys,

He may have been young (20), but he sure knew how to use his hands. We continued to party during our little sessions, as we got higher and higher. He worked my beaded dildo till my cum was flooding his hand and splashed him on the chest.

I arranged my webcam to get a good shot of my bed, and brought out the love glove. He seemed reluctant to use one at first, but I told him no way without it. Then he asked me for lube but I was out. I told him he wouldn’t need lube, I get wet enough on my own, but he went upstairs do find something. I was so trashed by this time, I didn’t pay attention what he brought down and wet my toy with it.

After getting fucked with my dildo for a few minutes, I noticed my pussy was starting to sting a little bit and I looked at what he used for lube and saw he has grabbed a bottle of dish soap!!! I though he borrowed some lotion from Ed upstairs, but never though dish soap!

My pussy walls were smarting so I told him he better fuck me now or it was going to hurt too much, and opened the condom and handed it to him and laid back down. He put it on and saw him fumble with something and said no way Jose’ to the dish soap, and he wouldn’t need lube anyways.

He then grabbed an ankle in each had and pulled my legs apart, shoving his thick cock deep inside me, making me immediately squirt. He pounded away as my pussy juices leaked down and covered my ass. He literally punished my hot pussy again and again for several hours.

In my fucked up state it wasn’t until he finally came that I realized somewhere during our sex romp that I noticed the condom was gone. Uh oh. I wasn’t too thrilled and actually was quite pissed off, I take safe sex seriously. Not to mention my pussy was sore as fuck!

I kicked myself in the ass and told him I was tired and wanted to be alone so he left. I lay in my bed for the next two days berating myself for being so stupid and ended up catching a nasty yeast infection (ewwww, gross!). I cleared that up with some over the counter medicine, but then started thinking, so made a Dr. appointment.

The test results came back in and I went back to the Doctor for the good and or bad news. Well she gave me the good news, negative on HIV, the clap, syphilis and other STD’s . . . except for one. Apparently I had contracted the herpes virus.

Even though I had no symptoms, she explained to me that it still showed up in my blood and I may never have any symptoms, so I guess all those herpes medication commercials were accurate. She gave me a daily prescription to lessen any chance of outbreak, but when I tried to get it filled I found out it was over $200!

How in the hell can drug companies expect people to afford that? Well, so here I am, coming out of the closet, and I’ve come to terms with it. I use condoms anyways, and haven’t been sexually active except for my toys and giving head, which is the way I like it anyways.

Was I stupid or what . . .

Wake and bake on a Fall day . . . Entry for November 1, 2007

2007-11-01T22:21:00.000-07:00

I didn’t do anything yesterday on Halloween this year (it was my ex husband Ed’s grandson’s birthday and we went to visit), but got this Skeleton vid from Wendy (thanks again hun!) that was really cool.

My dog’s barking woke me up from my basement room about 6:30 this morning, and of course I got up and went to pee. I passed my kids getting ready for school, and after our usual morning banter (E.I. playing referee about some disagreement they are having), went back downstairs and tried going back to sleep.

My usual wake time is around noon, so I lay there, and lay there, and lay there trying to fall back asleep. But after nearly 2 hrs trying, I decided to get up and "wake and bake". Now stoned with fresh coffee in hand, I decided to play a little catch up and do a little writing.

I had kinda quit getting high for a little while, but picked that habit back up this week. It has a positive effect on my writing and keeps me from lying in bed all morning, so that’s a good thing. That’s about the only good thing that’s been going on lately.

After I moved, being the honest food stamp and medical card recipient that I am, I reported my change of address and the fact that me and my ex hubby signed a lease on this house, but live separately, him upstairs and me downstairs. Unfortunately since we share children, my caseworker said we would have to count his income (SSI) along with mine and so I lost my medical coverage.

I immediately made an appointment so I could get in a last Doctor’s visit before it expired and to get some tests done and get a prescription for my anti-depressant/bi-polar meds. I hadn’t had a PAP smear (guys don’t know what that is, lol) in several years, and I wanted to know something.

A few weeks ago when my ex’s girlfriend was here (they’ve broken up now) she brought with her this 20 year old friend of hers. We were all getting drunk and high and talking and he mentioned he’s never really gotten a good blow job. Pervert that I am, I wanted that boy even though he was a wannabe young punk.

We moved the party down in my room in the basement and I logged into Anywebcam cause he wanted to see some Internet porn. He asked me to show him my pussy and it wasn’t long before I changed into a lacy white teddy that left nothing to the imagination and covered very little.

Well, it’s night now and getting late so I guess I’ll finish this later. . . night y’all . . .

A fresh start . . . Entry for October 17, 2007

2007-10-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

You don’t know how hard it has been for me to start writing again. Since May my life has been going through so many changes and most of them not good. I’ve struggled just to regain a “normal” life, and it’s kept me away from the keyboard. That and cable TV.

It’s been years since I’ve had cable and I only got it because I wanted the internet and phone that came along with the package, but I’ve turned into a TV junkie. My whole morning and afternoon is dictated by what’s on. I get up at noon to watch Homicide: Life on the streets (a show that never should have been canceled), then People’s Court, then Law and Order, then whatever else catches my eye. See what I mean?

I’m hooked on Mythbusters, Futurama and South Park (though I’ve downloaded every episode) and not to mention it’s Football season! My whole Sunday is now up watching the games! I’ve even taken to watching the college games. Like this Saturday, the University of Kentucky (booo, I’m a U of L fan) was playing against LSU (I’m for Louisiana) and the guy next door came over to watch the game with me and my ex husband, both UK fans.

They were both giving me a hard time because UK was ahead of LSU, but it was a close game. I took the ribbing they gave me, then after the game was over, I went to my room in the basement to check on the Red Dwarf files I was downloading off of Limewire, when my neighbor came down to give me a hard time again.

He asked what I was doing and noticed that several files listed were porn, one of Limewire’s drawbacks. This led (naturally) to the discussion of internet porn. He was half drunk and is young and married, but kinda cute so I brought up Anywebcam.com and started showing him the live webcams.

He was fascinated and told me his wife kept too tight of a leash on him and he couldn’t perv the internet at home, so I gave him a tour of the whole site. This led to a discussion that started “Don’t be offended if I say this . . . “ Those kind of talks only mean one thing, something immoral is about to be discussed.

As we watched a couple of couples were going at it hot and heavy on cam, he asked me if I’d ever done that on cam to which I answered “All the time”. He asked me if I liked giving head (hell yea!), then complained that his wife didn’t (I saw that one coming).

Then he courteously asked if he could see my boobs, but with kids coming in and out of the basement I didn’t want to take the chance right then. Or at least that was what I told him, but for real I’ve got a history of sleeping with married neighbors as you may know, and am not sure it’s a good idea anymore.

He then told me that he’d like to go on cam with me sometime when his wife was gone, and I left that possibility open. I mean even though he was half drunk it was still a turn on. On his way out I reminded him that my bedroom window is right next to his driveway and he told me if I ever saw just his car in the driveway, to come on over (wink)(wink)..

After he left I started thinking about it and realized the last 4 places I’ve lived, married neighbors (and a room mate) have wanted to sleep with me. Wassup with that? Am I only attractive to men that are already taken? Or is infidelity the hobby of men in Kentucky?

I dunno, what do you think? . . .

She’s baaack . . . Entry for September 6, 2007

2007-09-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

See? I didn’t disappear completely, it’s just that the last couple months have been extremely hard on me, but now that we’ve all moved into a 4 bedroom house, I’ve got space, privacy and a little piece of mind. Not that it’s been a smooth transition, I still have the problem of living with my alcoholic ex husband and dealing with his controlling ass.

It’s been 90% of my money that’s been supporting us, since my ex Ed didn’t get his big check like he was supposed to, and I keep hearing how he’s gonna pay me back when the check comes in. He’s even stooped so low that he’s borrowing money from one of our sons to support his beer habit, so I told my son to let me hold his money so no one can ask to borrow it.

And just now we got into a major fight over my dogs’ water dish. Our son was filling it up with water for me and Ed jumped in his shit because it touched the dirty plates in the sink. I told him that was ridiculous, the dishes were dirty anyways, and then he jumped in my shit saying that I was always contradicting him and was sticking his finger in my face while yelling at me.

To me, that was a move of aggravated aggression. Now way back in the day he was physically abusive to me, and has been verbally abusive to me since we moved in together (he likes to call me a fat bitch). I no longer tolerate any aggression towards me, so I told him not to stick his finger in my face again and he did it just to be an ass, so I threw the bowl of water I was holding in his face.

I managed to stay relatively calm considering he came back at me like he was going to hit me, but I stood my ground. Then he tried to play the “I’m the better parent card” and tried to say that at least he didn’t hit the kids, blah blah blah. I told him I haven’t laid a finger on them, or even had a major blow up with them since I’ve been on medication, and just where the fuck was he when I was raising these kids all by myself for years.

That’s when he tried saying I was trying to keep the kids from him (total bullshit) and I reminded him that I’ve always been listed in the phone book, all he had to do was call 411. He had nothing to say to that one, but he ranted and raved none the less. I just ignored him and cleaned up the water then went to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes since I was out.

Guess I picked the wrong day to quit smoking . . .

Like, OMG, she’s writing again! . . . Entry for July 13, 2007

2007-07-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

I just realized a few minutes ago that today was Friday the Thirteenth and decided not to press my luck and stay in for the night. It’s been far too long since I’ve posted, but not having my own place has effected me more than I thought it would.

Since I am a Cancer, typically I withdrew into my shell and have kept my thoughts and life to myself. It’s taken me a bit to pull out of my depression and tonight I decided to say "Fuck the World" (I’m listening to 2Pac) and cam and chat on Anywebcam

. Maybe even get a little drunk and horny, hehehe.

Anyways, here’s the last thing I wrote but never finished or posted . . .

Pre-Birthday party! . . . Entry for July 3, 2007

Tomorrow is my birthday, but I went to visit my kids this past weekend and was greeted with a nice surprise when I got there Friday night. My ex Ed was partying in his room with a couple. This chick, Jenny was smoking hot with a small tight little body! And her partner, KC, was pretty sexy too. We participated in a little recreational drug use and pretty soon the clothes started dropping off.

We got started with me pulling out my little bag of toys and started explaining the merits of acrylic dildos, lol. It wasn’t before long that I started licking Jenny’s pussy while KC was sliding my dildo Ruffles in and out of my soaked pussy with my ass high up in the air.

Then Ed started reminiscing about the time he spanked my ass bright red and ended the comment with a solid "whack!" that got my juices running down my leg. Then KC and Jenny started spanking me too and all of a sudden I was cumming all over the place. It was fucking wild! I’m not usually into that kind of kink, but I was that night.

It was a "soft swap" where there’s no actual dick penetration, which was fine with me cause KC had a pretty big cock and I wasn’t in the mood to get stretched out, but I was in the mood to suck the hell out of it! Ed was having some "Mr. Ed" problems, but KC was rock hard and making me gag, but I liked it, lol.

Jenny wasn’t able to get Ed up, which wasn’t her fault cause with all the booze and stuff "Mr. Happy" was malfunctioning, much to Ed’s dismay. I know how Ed is in group sex, and wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to get pissed if I finished KC off.

He said it was cool, and then I really went to work. That thick cock sliding in and out of my mouth while he was making me cum with my dildo, I sucked that dick hard while moaning all over it. It wasn’t long before I was squirting and cumming all over again and again.

Just imagine more of the above all night long and that’s how the evening went . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter two). . . Entry for June 29, 2007

2007-06-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

To pick up where I left off . . . The entire week and a half I stayed there was filled with drama daily. To use a cliché “If it wasn’t one thing, it was another”. I didn’t have many problems with the kids, it was friends of my ex’s coming over, borrowing things, offering me free drugs, going to bars, getting high. Basically all the things I moved to the country to get away from.

I went to visit my ex in jail that Saturday I was there, and it was “video visitation” of all things. They use Logitech cams of all things, roflmao. So I felt pretty comfortable and amused during our 20-minute visit, which consisted of him telling me if I didn’t help get him a lawyer, he was going to go away for a while.

I don’t wish that on anyone, but my funds were limited since it was costing me money buying everything for the household and having to spend a lot in gas since I had a couple jobs in my territory I had to drive to. He asked me about his SSI check and I gave him an accounting of all his funds.

One of the dramas I went through was that this friend of his who sometimes stayed there, Terry, had Ed’s SSI check and cashed it. First he gave me only 400 for the rent, and I went upstairs to ask him why, the rent was 495$ and he gave me another 100$ with some excuse about maybe Bruce wanted to hold back on some of the money.

I knew the rent had to be paid before anything else, because he also had a late fee due for not paying on time the previous month. So I knew that was bullshit, and went back up to see what about the rest of the money, and got another 20 bucks out of him, but that was it. So he ended up keeping around 100$ of Ed’s check.

After I explained this, I also told him Randa paid me 40$ that she owed him, and I could kick in 60 bucks, but that was all the money I had. He gave me a number of a friend of his he had helped out of jail once before that knew of an attorney that would take payments. He also knew the guy would kick in 100$ towards the lawyer fee too, so I gave him a call.

We had it set up on Monday and I paid the lawyer the money and apparently this guy does good work cause he got all the charges knocked down to first offense DUI when we went to court on Tuesday. He was released later that afternoon and I picked him up and we spent the day fucking, lol.

During our visitation conversation I had told Ed I would take care of the electric bill if something happened (i.e. him going to jail) cause obviously I would have to stay in Louisville with the kids. But what he heard was that I was going to pay the electric bill.

I told him I might be able to help him some, but I had my own expenses too, and I was trying to save money to get a place. He kept asking me what happened to all the money from the SSI check I get for one of my sons, which is none of his fucking business in the first place. I pointed out to him that it cost me a lot more money staying there instead of being back home in Hartford.

But being the narcissistic beast that he is, he thinks that nothing else matters unless it concerns him. I left the next day having had my fill of “The ‘ville” for a while. Two days later I get a call from Ed saying that if I didn’t come down there with a 100$ pet deposit, they were going to get evicted.

Round trip mileage is over 250 miles there and back. Before I left the last time I had spoken to the apartment manager about the dog situation. I explained that I didn’t have the cash right then but I would be back in a week and a half to visit the kids and pay the pet deposit, but she got a phone call and we never did finish the conversation, so I left to go back home.

Then the call came and I had to go right back and pay it, isn’t that fucked? But I love my dogs, they are my 4-legged children and not just dumb animals. So I turn around and come back home the next day. Of course we had hot sex, I didn’t want the trip to be a total waste of time and money, lol.

But this past Saturday I drove down there to see him and the kids with only $7.00 and what gas I had in my tank. OK, ok, I was half drunk and totally horny since I just got off my period and wanted some guaranteed dick and not have to hunt some “strange” down in a bar, lol.

I got there and he was pretty buzzed too, and we both got a little higher to kick up the mood. You see, with Ed he equates “substance” use with good sex, and it often is (quite often), but sex with he while he’s straight is pretty, well, not boring but definitely vanilla.

I didn’t care how I was going to get the gas money to make it back tomorrow, I wanted to fuck NOW! These days I never travel without my toy bag, and Saturday was no exception. I was in the mood for some hot, sweaty, nasty sex. I was not disappointed, lol.

I didn’t arrive until really late, around 2am, but that was no problem, his dick was pointing at high noon, hehehe. First things first, he started fingering me and licking my clit, soaking the sheets beneath us with my cum. He gets off on the fact that I’m a squirter and he laps it right up.

Ed’s had a hand injury and I could tell it was bothering him so I brought out my toys. Ruffles as usual did the trick and it wasn’t before long my pussy acted like a water fountain and squirted him in the face. He loved every drop and fucked me harder with Ruffles while fingering my ass.

I brought out the vibe that my buddy I8 (thanks sweety!) sent me and started out playing with my clit, but decided to use it on him instead. Ed was the first guy (25 years ago) that introduced me to the art of anal play, and have loved fingering men’s asses ever since.

I wish the uptight people of the world would just realize that just because a guy gets his ass played with, it doesn’t make him gay. So anyways, I start teasing his cock and balls with the vibrator while sucking his cock “69” style. It was driving him crazy, so I gently moved down to his ass.

At first I just played on the outside of his ass (rimmed it, lol) while his dick started swelling more in my mouth. Then I got bolder and inserted the tip. This vibe is an angled g-spot/prostate type and quite a blast to play with. I started fucking his ass while he fucked my mouth and pussy, I was coming so hard and choking on his cock.

He raised off me then and we put the toys away for the main event. On my back, he pulled my ankles up to his shoulders and slipped that stiff dick deep inside me. I was flooding in an instant, while he talked dirty to me, just the way he knew I liked it. Mmmm!

We fucked hard, fast and furious with my pussy squirting on him the whole time. He finally came, gasping and shaking and jumped right off his dick was so sensitive. As usual with him, it’s 1) Sex, 2) Food and 3) Sleep. As predicted, 1 and 2 occurred, but as I kissed him goodnight, I tongue fucked his mouth and we went on to Round 2.

Round 2 was more passionate than the first time, but it was all good and by the time we were all finished, it was already about 7am. Kenny came over then to borrow some tools of Ed’s and gave me a big shit-eatin’ grin when he saw us in bed. Before I finally left to go back home, I agreed to get a place together with Ed.

I’m still wondering if that’s a good idea or not . . .

The Drama of “The ‘ville” (chapter one). . . Entry for June 25, 2007

2007-06-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

Editor’s note (lol):
I originally wrote this back on June 4th when I went through a shitload of drama with my ex-husband in Louisville (“the ‘ville” as locals call it, or pronouce it “Louavul” but NEVER like “Lewisville”, you will be corrected, lol). Anyways, better late than never so here it is.

I went to go visit my children this week and take my dog to do his doggie jail time and live with the kids. At first things went well, I left late so I could sneak Strongbad in without the apartment managers seeing him. From that point, things went straight to hell.

Ed, I found out, had landed himself in jail. Again. The charges are reckless driving, no seatbelt, driving on a suspended license, no insurance, no registration, improper plates, defective equipment, and another DUI. The car wasn’t his and I found out later that the plates were reported stolen.

He’s been in prison for a felony DUI (I think it’s 3 or 4 offences within 5 years) and I believe he still has “time on the shelf” for that conviction. So I’m thrust in the middle of all this drama from the moment I arrived, but it was too late to do anything about it, so several friends were over his house and we all ended up partying all night (blame it on the full moon).

At one point some crazy bitch came over and started ranting and raving about how this other friend, Peter, (who happened to be at the apartment) had killed her brother who died of an overdose. It was redneck drama at it’s finest with screaming and cursing and threats of bodily harm.

I told the bitch she needed to calm her ass down cause there were kids in the house, and she was so pissed off at Peter spit was flying as she spoke. Of course that was after she chugged some more of her beer, lol. I managed to defuse the situation and got those people out of the house. I found out later that Peter had slipped into the living room while she was ranting and hid in one of the closets, lol.

When it was time to crash, we had bodies sleeping all over the living room floor and couch. One of the friends that stayed over was Kenny, and he is a fine motherfucker too. I’ve known him since he was 17 (15 years ago), and thought he was hot then, and is still just as hot now. Dressed in only my purple silk Kimono robe, I finally went to sleep in the morning.

Kenny came into the bedroom where I was sleeping in the afternoon wanting to get high and woke me up a few hours later. I realized right then that my robe had fallen open and one tit was fully exposed. I said “Ooops, it peeked out” and he told me “Hell girl, that was no peek, that was in full view!”

I sat up and we all sat in the bedroom catching a buzz, but when everyone else left the room, Kenny stayed. I was a little surprised, but definitely pleased when he started sucking on my re-exposed tit, and I started moaning in pleasure.

I told him I even brought my toys with me if he felt like playing with them, and he told me to take them out. Kenny was hot and took to my toys right away and started licking my clit while slipping my dildo in deep. I showed him how to angle it just right to hit my g-spot, but he was more into going deep, lol.

I was hot and wet, but Kenny was having some “Mr. Ed” problems due to the all night partying, but I didn’t let that bother me, I know I can pretty much suck any dick problems away. In the mean time he wanted to see what other toys I had and I brought out my purple acrylic dildo.

He tried slipping both dildos into my pussy at the same time, but they pinched my pussy lips so that was out. Instead he started using the purple on my ass while I tried relaxing and letting it go in. I reached over into my goodie bag and took out a couple of peppermint Altoids and quickly chewing them up and started working on his cock.

He punished my pussy and ass with both dildos at the same time as I licked and sucked the life back into his dick. Ahhh, the heat and coolness of breath on the peppermint Altoids coating his shaft did its’ work again and pretty soon I was properly choking on his cock.

I was squirting all over the place by then, moaning around the cock in my mouth when I felt his orgasm begin to pulse up from his balls. I grabbed that vibrating dick tight in my hand and jerked it hard as he arched his back and stopped fucking me with my toys and grabbed the sides of the bed.

I stroked him faster and watched his face as the cum shot at me in mine (I almost got it in the eye!). I reached out with my tongue and tickled his “sweet spot” and got it in the mouth this time. I shoved my head all the way down on his throbbing dick and swallowed every last drop as he lay there and trembled.

End of chapter one . . .

Long time no see . . . Entry for June 21, 2007

2007-06-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

(Sigh) Where do I pick back up? I had a pretty good post written for over a week now, but haven’t finished it yet. It was a trying and dramatic week and a half that I had to spend at my ex’s place in Louisville and it took a lot out of me, kinda like writer’s shock instead of writers block. I knew the words, but couldn’t get myself to type them, not to mention no Internet.

Anyways, I’m back and look for the next installment soon . . .

Capture of Fort Hartford . . . Entry for June 3, 2007

2007-06-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

I’m now living in the city of Hartford, once the site of Fort Hartford. I’m not sure what the bronze historical landmark sign says because I’m always driving by it too fast (lol), but my guess is that it’s Civil War related. Anyways, until the other day I didn’t know there was an actual wooden fort in here in Hartford kind of depicting the original one I guess.

I went to this downsized fort today to have some pictures taken of me by a new friend. His name is CW and he’s a “little person”. I don’t like using the word “midget” cause it has so many negative connotations, and for real they are no different than you or me, just smaller in stature.

CW’s second profession is a photographer and is a good friend of my roommate Mandy. Actually I had met CW while he was doing his first job as an inspector and have nodded hello to him when I’ve seen him in our local Wal-Mart. So when my friend said she was trying to find a date for this friend of hers, I said sure.

Yesterday I had gotten a little buzz going on after drinking a couple of bitch beers (Smirnoff Ice) and decided to text message him on my friend’s cell phone. After a few messages I told him to call me and we had a nice chat and made a date to take pictures at this fort in the afternoon.

I gathered a couple outfits to change into for different shots, but nothing too provocative since this wooden fort was a public place. I also tucked in my toy bag with my acrylic dildos and vibrator because I haven’t gotten off due to lack of privacy when I’m in the mood, which hasn’t been often lately

But now I’m starting to feel this pent up horniness and . . . well . . . I’ve never been with a little person before and in all honesty I was curious. I met CW at the door with a big hello and a kiss on the lips, which surprised him a lot. He told me he’s never met someone with a kiss, but I reminded him we had met before.

I was pretty buzzed at the time because I wanted to completely lower all my inhibitions and get some good pictures taken. Also, it would make me braver in my seduction plan. I had a plan, yes, I will admit. I could already tell I excited him when we kissed several times while I was getting ready.

We got in his truck and headed off the beaten path where this fort was right out in the open. I had lived in the area for nearly a year and a half and never knew it existed. It was cool looking, all rough lumber held together with some kind of mud or concrete.

There were a couple kids walking around when we arrived, but we scared em off when we went into the main, 2-story building. We took a couple of pics downstairs then went up the steep steps to the second floor that had a single beam running up to the roof right in the middle of it.

We took a few more pics then I looked through the chinks in the walls and saw the two boys were off in another direction, so I unzipped my black velveteen mini sleeveless jumper and stood there in my turquoise lace bra and hipster panty set.

I thought CW was going to drop his camera but he snapped back and quickly took several poses of me with his cock standing stiff out in his pants. I checked for prying eyes and pulled on my dress, zipped it up, and went back downstairs.

CW kissed me again and I felt his hard cock pressed against my leg and I could feel him trembling. I dug through my little backpack and went to the convenient ladies room at one corner of the fort. I removed my dress and bra and put on the dress I’m wearing in my profile pic with my titties hanging out, lol.

As I walked into the main building again CW’s eyes widened in surprise and I knew we’d get some good cleavage shots, lol. He posed me in several doorways, corners and windows, then I had an idea. I sat in one windowsill and spread my skirt and moved my panties aside for a different view.

Sweat seemed to break out on his forehead (it was hot outside) and once again I noticed his hard dick poking straight out in his pants. We only took one real naughty pic, just in case the developers turned into censors and we come out with black negatives.

I sat on the wooden picnic bench in there, facing him across from me and gave him another beaver shot and he dove right in with his Gene Simmons-like tongue, I shit you not! His tongue is the longest I’ve ever seen in person! It was helluv cool, hehehe.

I didn’t let him lick me long, cause I heard voices nearby and sat up, straightening my clothes. He pulled first one, then the other tit out and started sucking them, completely blocking the view from outside., it was hot. With only a few shots left, I changed into a long mauve/pink multicolored velvet shift with no panties on this time.

We climbed back up to the upper level and I only let him take a shot or two before taking off my shift dress and standing there completely nude, and grabbing the rail with my arms I had him take pics of my back side and tattoo. But this time his desire was so strong I could smell it in the humid air.

I threw the dress back on and we walked out of the main building and climbed into one of the little corner forts with ladders to a loft. He left his camera equipment at the bottom, but I took my bag up with me. I laid on the long shift and pulled the side slit over, exposing my bush while I reached into my bag for my dildo.

I was already soaked and the clear toy slid in my pussy wetly. I fucked myself quickly into an orgasm and tried to keep the noise down just in case anyone wandered by. I came again and again in my excitement at possibly getting caught while CW stood there with his dick out,

There was no possible way we could have a “proper” fuck, so I opted for masturbation and a blowjob. I told him to come over and stick his cock in my face and he apologized for his small dick size. I said “Who cares? Come here!” and swallowed his dick whole.

His hands were on my head as I fucked myself silly and moaned around the cock in my mouth as I came again, squirting wetly as he watched. I could feel his legs trembling as his dick swelled and I tasted precum. I swallowed his cock completely and massaged it with my tongue, base to head and he was off like a rocket.

I came hard then as I swallowed the pulsing cum filling my mouth, it seemed to go on for a long time before stopping. He kissed me after putting all his clothes back in place, and I thanked him for the good time. We climbed back down from the loft and tried to compose our sweaty selves, lol.

Hopefully the pics come out good . . .

Growing a new set of scars . . . Entry for June 1, 2007

2007-05-31T22:24:00.000-07:00

I got about 5 inches of scraggly ends cut off my hair, can you tell from the pic? This week has really had its share of major downs, and not many ups. First off, I got bit by a tick near my knee and didn’t notice for over a day and then 2 days later went to the ER cause it was swelling and wouldn’t stop seeping.

The Doc gave me the usual antibiotics and told me to watch for a bullseye type of rash that indicates Lyme Disease, but I lucked out there. What I didn’t luck out on is the tick wound itself is now leaving an unhealthy looking mound of scar tissue on the inside of my knee.

A few days after that I was also lucky enough to get between one of my dogs and his rope while I feeding them and wearing sandals. The end result was that I got a nasty rope burn across the front of both ankles. My left ankle has only a small friction burn a little over an inch and it still hurts, but is starting to heal.

My right leg is another story. The dog sawed the rope back and forth across the front of that ankle leaving a 3-inch wound and now it looks like its getting infected. What’s worse is that it hurts like hell and I can’t wear any kind of shoes that come near it. I figured the meds I’m taking for the tick bite would help, but apparently not.

It’s almost funny cause it looks like I was in a bondage accident, but it sure doesn’t feel funny at all. I can’t wait to see how that scar turns out. Then to top it all off, that very same dog got his rope tangled up and slipped out of his collar and in his agitated state bit my friends’ son on his butt. It was entirely my fault, if I had only checked on him before leaving for a jobsite this morning it would have never happened.

I got both my dogs 3 year shots last year so I’m sure he’s rabies free, but they still have to have him quarantined for 10 days. In any case my dog Strongbad, who I love like one of my kids, has to go. I decided to take him with me when I visit my kids this weekend and leave him with my ex husband. Of course he doesn’t know I’m coming with the dog, but what else can I do?

So all this thinking of scars made me take an inventory of the ones I already have and the lessons I learned from them. Scars from falls, cuts, burns, and the memories attached. Childhood scars, Chicken Pox scars, scars from fighting. Little pieces of life leaving their mark on me. Scars of wisdom and scars of stupidity, we all have them.

Do you have any interesting scars? . . .

Moved, at last!!! . . . Entry for May 24, 2007

2007-05-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

It’s 1 am in the morning and I just finished getting the last load out of my trailer, don’t I look wiped out? I Hate Moving, I HATE MOVING, I HATE MOVING! My God I swear, moving your entire household’s belongings from one place to another has to be one of the more traumatic experiences imaginable . . . if you’re a single parent with no family to help that is.

You would think that with 3 male teenage sons, it would be a breeze! But you would be wrong. They were too busy keeping watch on what each other was or wasn’t doing, or playing on the computer, or reading to get much work done without me snapping into “Super Bitch Mom” mode.

I was supposed to be out Monday the 21st, so I wanted to rent a truck on Sunday, but they weren’t open then, so I had to pick it up early Saturday morning. Bear in mind that 2 out of 3 sons just had their last day of school the day before so not much packing had gotten done before I brought the truck home.

My hauling needs weren’t a lot, I don’t have much in the way of big furniture or appliances. But I wanted to get all the beds and big crap like that loaded in the truck first. That way I could load the furniture and refrigerator I was taking with me last and drop it off first at my friends’ trailer that I’m staying at before taking the other stuff to the storage space I d rented.

I really am lucky as fuck that I recently moved from one end of my trailer to the other and most of my “stuff” was still packed and/or organized, or I would have been basket case. The biggest mess for me is my clothes and I will be the first one to admit I have an entirely extraneous wardrobe.

But I love clothes, even though I like being naked (or nearly so) most the time. Weird isn’t it? Anyways, with these lazy sons of mine, the entire move took from Saturday morning until Wednesday, just before midnight to empty the trailer completely. Isn’t that ridiculous?

I’m so fucking tired and dusty and dirty right now, that I’m drinking some of my wine to try to mellow me out. I think it’s starting to work, lol. OK, now that I’ve vented and bitched to you about how shitty moving is (thanks for listening, lol), let me tell you where I moved to with all 3 of my dogs and 2 of my cats.

I was looking at the very real possibility of moving into a homeless shelter because I couldn’t find any friends with a room to rent for a couple of months while I get my shit together. I happened to know someone staying at the shelter I was looking into and I went to visit her, and she told me it wasn’t too bad.

I started mentally preparing myself for moving in there when I ran into a girlfriend at the local IGA store. She was behind me in line and I did a double take and said hi and hugged her, and all that good stuff. This is like the second time I’ve ran into her in town, and it was kinda funny, because of where I know her from.

The first time I saw her in town, it was at the food stamp office of all places. She was picking someone up and I looked at her, thinking ”Where do I know this chick from?” She was grinning at me, holding the door open for someone and I smiled back and then she left before I remembered her and her husband from the swinger’s group we were in.

At the next group party I talked to her about it and we laughed, but later on in the evening I ate her pussy out while she was bent over giving this one guy a blowjob. It was incredibly hot with her husband standing there watching me make her cum (I asked his permission first, lol).

Well this time when she was behind me in line at the grocery store, she asked how I was and I told her life sucked at the moment, I was getting ready to be homeless. She was very sympathetic and we chatted. I paid for my groceries and left, but while I put my cart back, she stopped me in her pickup.

She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call her in about 4 hours, she might know of a place for me to stay. I thanked her, then walked around to the driver side window where she was sitting and kissed her on the mouth and whispered in her ear that the last time we were together was fucking hot. She laughed and drove off.

So four hours later I called and talked to her husband and we settled the details of my moving in to their trailer. I was ecstatic, they were even letting me bring my dogs and a couple of my outdoor cats, my original pair that I’ve had as long as my dogs. The though of having to give them all up was tearing me up, and now I didn’t have to.

So now here I am, moved and not quite settled in yet, but content . . .

Unmotivated and depressed . . . Entry for May 15, 2007

2007-05-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve been sitting here for several days now, having a little private pity party and totally depressed. I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed for more than 15 minutes all day. I really hate packing and moving, but the part I hate the most is still not having a place to live.

My kids I got covered, let all 3 of them drive their Dad crazy instead of me for a while. But for myself, none of my options have panned out and am still looking into the prospect of living in a homeless shelter. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve lived in a shelter, I’m not too proud.

But I’m working and need access to the Internet in order to do my job and to download whatever documents I need. That’s the major problem, and sometimes I get calls in the wee hours in the morning to go fix something first thing that day and I need my Internet.

I’m feeling a little better now, I just got a call and now I’m scheduled for 3 jobs in the next 7 days, so that will be a nice chunk of change. I should have about half I need to get me an apartment after getting paid for those 3 jobs. Maybe by the end of June I’ll have my shit together and this depression will disappear.

That’s what I’m hoping for anyways . . .

Un-Happy Mothers Day to me . . . Entry for May 13, 2007

2007-05-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Why do our children test us so? On the one day of the year I’m supposed to be appreciated for giving birth and raising and loving my offspring through thick and thin, and all I got was bitching and moaning. I asked them to pick up the living room after all the mess that got left after emptying the bookcases and you still can’t walk across the floor without stepping on something.

I asked my son twice to put away the dishes and the third time I told him he blew it, and now he has to wash them. This was around 6pm, it’s now after 9 and they’re still not done. Nothing was taken out to prepare for a nice meal and every time I asked for cooperation, all I got was excuses on why they shouldn’t have to.

A few days ago I drove the 250 mile round trip just to talk to my ex husband (who has my other 17 year old twin son living with him) because I’d been trying to get a hold of him for 2 weeks with no luck. I had to finalize the details of my kids staying with him for the summer and my time before eviction is quickly running out.

I also wanted my son to sign the Mother’s Day card I bought for my Mom, then thought since he isn’t in school, I could take him home and he could help me with packing while my other 2 boys were gone during the day. And besides, I really wanted him home for Mother’s Day. (I also stopped at a girl friend’s house, but that’s an adventure for a different post.)

I had taken a big tub of the kids’ books with me to drop off at my ex’s and the only bag of clothes they’ve packed so far. I had my son go through the tub to check for any of my books and he found a few, and one very special one. It was a postcard book of scenes from “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, one of my favorite movies.

One of my twins had given it to me as a present way back in grade school, and it’s now missing it’s cover, but all the postcards were still intact in the book. I was happy to see it again and took it back home with me so nothing could happen to it and I could pack it away proper.

So now here I have all three of my boys at home again, and can’t get any cooperation from them without getting a bunch of grief on the one day I was always extra nice to my Mother because I cared. But the incident that drove me crying into my room was when I found out my 15 year old son wrote BORED on the back of every last postcard in the book.

I treasured that little book and couldn’t believe he did it. He had some stupid lame excuse, but he probably did it because he thought it was one of twins’ and was just being and asshole and wanted to ruin something of theirs. But in any case he knew the book wasn’t his, even if he didn’t remember it was mine.

I don’t think I want to “celebrate” Mother’s Day anymore, thanks for letting me vent . . .

Expected and Unexpected . . . Entry for May 10, 2007

2007-05-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

Some readers will remember my neighbor Lars from earlier posts, though I haven’t seen him in a while. Well I had borrowed a push mower from his wife the other day. Last night he drove down to see if I was done mowing my grass with it (wink wink) and we agreed to meet for “coffee” early this morning.

With that idea in mind, I got up real early this morning, partly due to the fault of one of my cats using my bedroom window as a side entrance. But that was cool, because I was awake when the phone rang. I thought “Who the fuck is calling at 5:45 in the morning?” and answered.

At first I thought no one was on the line (sometimes I get these “silent” phone calls all too often) but then I heard a voice at the end of the tunnel. It was Travis, but I could hardly hear him. I felt like that Verizon guy yelling, “Can ya hear me now?”

Even though I could barely hear, I found out that yes, his “friends” did leave him behind and he was somewhere in Arkansas. I told him he could hitchhike his way back here if he wanted, but I wasn’t coming to get him. The connection on the phone was so bad that nothing was really said before he hung up so I don’t know what’s going on with him.

Needless to say I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I readied myself for my early morning booty call. Lars showed up at around 9:30 and liked what I was wearing: bathing suit bottoms and a wife beater T-shirt and that was all. I made us both coffee and twisted one up. I always get hornier when stoned, lol.

It wasn’t long before both of us were naked and I was sucking on his above average sized dick. It may not get as hard as a 20-year-old’s, but it was definitely longer. Not that length matters much with me, except when I’m trying to see how much cock I can take without choking on it (grin).

I licked and sucked and drove him crazy with my tongue, before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to feel him in my pussy. He fucked me long and slow as I tightened down on his cock, he told me to slack off or he was gonna cum too soon, and I didn’t want that to happen.

But I rubbed my clit fast and furious until I was cumming all over that hard dick, then he couldn’t hold back any longer and slammed it into me good. I ground my pussy into that pulsing cock, drowning my heartache with a good dose of cum. I promised to bring the lawnmower back tomorrow, after I was done with it and then he left.

I wonder where Travis is tonight though . . .

Have a “Punny” Hump Day . . . Entry for May 9, 2007

2007-05-09T04:47:00.000-07:00

These were sent to me in an email and now that I’ve gotten all that drama crap out of my system, I thought I’d try to pass on a smile or two.

A good pun is it’s own reword
Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-Negative
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your Mother
Shotgun Weddings: A case of wife or death
I used to work in a blanket factory, but they folded
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Banning the bra was a big flop
Sea Captains don’t like crew cuts
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor
Without geometry, life is pointless
When you dream in color it’s a pigment of your imagination
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
When two egotists meet, it’s and I for and I
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.>
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done

Hope your hump day is a happy one . . .

Memphis Blues (day 2, scene 2) . . . Entry for May 8, 2007

2007-05-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

By the time we all pulled into the Pilot Truck Stop in Nashville all three of us in the car were pissed off as hell and I wanted something to drink. But the only alcoholic drink they had inside was beer, and I like “bitch beer” i.e. Smirnoff Ice or Bacardi Silver. But I noticed there was another gas station a half a block away, so I walked there to get me some.

I ended up buying a six pack of Bacardi Strawberry for me and Travis and Patrick, complete with little brown paper bags to drink them in. I walked back to the car and opened one up and took a long pull on the bottle. Ahhh, it went down so good, and I passed it to the guys for a sip.

That’s when the trouble started: the rent a cop from the truck stop caught me drinking and started giving us shit. He was an ex cop (the worst kind) and was even more of a prick than the real cop at the welcome center. He made me pour it out and told us we had to leave.

I poured it out and put the rest of the six pack in my trunk, and walked back into the store to talk to the security guard, and tell him we were waiting on our friends in the RV and I apologized once again for drinking on “his” lot. Things were cool again and I went back to the car, another disaster avoided.

I saw Stan and Sandy taking stuff out of the back of the Winnebago and wondered what the fuck was going on. That’s when Travis told me they were taking showers and I couldn’t believe it. Here I hadn’t gotten more than ten bucks and they wanted to waste time taking showers instead of hurrying up and getting me my gas money.

To say I was really pissed off was an understatement, I knew the security guard wasn’t going to let them sell anything to the truckers and their nonchalant attitude about my gas money had me furious. So I went back to the guard and asked him if they could be allowed to sell something to the truckers and was told flatly NO and if that’s what they were trying to do, we all had 5 minutes to get off the lot.

I went back over to Stan and told him what he said and got into a big argument with him about the gas money. I said I know Sandy’s got jewelry and a boom box and VCR with her, I’d take some of that in lieu of gas money, but she wouldn’t give up any of her stuff. The guard came over while I was arguing with them and said we had to go now.

Their RV still needed a jump and a hammer to bang their starter, which of course I supplied and told them to meet us back at the Stadium in so Travis and Patrick could switch vehicles. They followed us there until we got into the parking lot then they took off in another direction.

It was unbelievable, we had to chase them down, running around circles in Nashville. At one stop light that bitch Sandy gets out of the RV and tells us to wait at the Inn until they made some money and they’d be back. Yea, right, like after all those times they tried to lose us we were going to trust them.

All this time the guys in the car were talking about them and I told them if this was how they were treating them now, they might as well bail and come home with me, cause sooner or later they were going to get left behind. They had both decided to come home with me when Sandy finally pulled over and stopped.

The guys got out and said they were leaving and started getting their shit, and I yelled back to them to get all the food I had bought too. I popped open my trunk and got a bag and gathered the food myself, all the while berating the guys in the RV for the way they were treating Travis and Patrick.

I go to put the food in my trunk and the RV took off. It was then I looked up and noticed that I was standing there alone in the parking lot, Travis and Patrick had left with them, but Patrick’s backpack was still in my trunk. So I jumped back in my car and ran after them again.

If they wanted to stay with them, that was just fine with me, but I didn’t want Patrick to be without his stuff. So I went on this wild goose chase following the RV all over downtown Nashville until finally they were stuck behind a horse-drawn carriage and I made em roll down their window.

I yelled out that Patrick still had his backpack in my trunk, but Stan said when they took off, both Travis and Patrick went walking back over this bridge, which I knew was a lie, because Travis wanted to go home with me, or so I thought.

At that point I gave up, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and still had a 2 hr trip home, so I said fuck it and took off towards the freeway. I pulled over before I jumped on the highway and got me one of my strawberry bitch beers from the trunk and poured it into my sports bottle. I chugged a little to calm me down, but wasn’t going to drive drunk.

On the long drive home, I shored up that wall that’s keeping me from feeling that pain that Travis caused me, being a pussy like that and not even having enough balls to say he was staying with them. His loss, because I know sooner or later they are going to dump him and leave him up shit creek without a paddle.

Travis-ty

Travis came into my life
On the side of the road
In leathers under the sun
It looked like a heavy load

I pulled over and he walked up
Then I saw his young, smiling face
Where are you going, I asked
And drove him to that place

I wanted him
And he wanted me
Even to a blind man
That was plain to see

(chorus)
I sit here alone again,
just holding it all in
You were my Travis-ty
of perfect lover and friend
Why did you leave me so?
All you had to do was say,
And I would have simply let you slip away

Welcome to my lair
Said the spider to the fly
When I invited him home
And he didn’t ask why

Nearly two weeks of mentoring
Sensually, sexually guiding him
In the oh so many ways of love
And not caring if it felt like sin

We knew it couldn’t last forever
But not exactly when
This vacation from reality
Would finally come to an end

(Chorus)
I sit here alone again,
just holding it all in
You were my Travis-ty
of perfect lover and friend
But why did you leave me so?
All you had to do was say,
And I would have simply let you slip away

I’m not looking forward to the day when he says to himself “She told me so” . . .

Memphis Blues (day 2, scene 1) . . . Entry for May 7, 2007

2007-05-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

To continue on . . . all six of us spent the rainy night inside the RV waiting until morning so we could fix the broken fan belt. We were parked in a lot across from a train station and that morning’s 6:40 train woke me up. I know it was 6:40 cause I reached for my cell phone to check the time, then I couldn’t doze off again damnit!

So I lay there quite a while waiting for everybody else to wake up when some asshole pounds on the side of the Winnebago and yells “Get your asses up and park this thing right stupid!” That was the exactly WRONG thing to yell out at us after me having a sleepless night, so I yelled back “Fuck you asshole!” to the retreating back of some fat bastard in a shirt and tie.

This dickhead turns back around and goes “That’s it, you made a big mistake, I’m calling the office and taking care of you” or something like that, I was so pissed I wasn’t listening cause by this time everyone had woken up once that fat fuck started yelling.

The fucker walks back to his car and puts his headlight strobe lights on. Uh Oh, we realized then this officious little prick was a cop. But I didn’t care, he had no right to do what he did, there was another RV parked taking up four spaces in the same lot and he didn’t say anything to them.

Stan jumped out and talked to the asshole who was still yelling as he walked a way “You need to take care of your wife” and I was like “Wife? Even if I was mother fucker no one tells me what to do” but instead I yelled “Oh fuck you asshole, you’re so goddamn fat you probably haven’t seen your dick in years!”

So of course now we’re all up and getting dressed and found the nearest Napa parts store to exchange the belt. I drove one of the guys to the parts store and went across the street and bought all 6 of us coffee, out of the kindness of my pocket cause I know I can’t function without it in the morning.

We get back to the parking lot and find out that they got hassled by the parking attendant while we were gone, so we had to fix it in a hurry, this time not over-tightening the belt and causing breakage. Unfortunately the starter decided to act up and we still couldn’t start it until we took a hammer to it and the RV finally started. That all done we were back on the road again.

This time we were in search of a truck stop to pawn some shit for gas money. While they were doing that Travis was driving my car and once again held hands and made goo-goo eyes at each other when our gazes met, lol. There was a little sadness there, knowing we didn’t have much more time together, but I tried not to think about it too much. I didn’t want to get more bummed than I already was.

The trip was taking forever with all the stops, and I kept looking for stores that took Food Stamps so I could feed us all. Finally we found a salvage food store and I spent 35$ worth in groceries. We all pigged out, cause none of us had eaten from the night or day before.

Well fed now we all felt better, and on this part of the trip to Nashville, Patrick, Travis’ buddy, was riding in the car with us. Our traveling “protocol” all the way from Memphis has been that they wait for us at the truck stop exit and we drive behind them, because of some broken taillights.

I also forgot to mention that I had not taken any of my medicines that day at all and on top of the insomnia, I wasn’t feeling my best, I was wiped out actually. But on this leg of the trip Patrick and Travis talked about the change in the band dynamics, and how personalities were changing, and not for the good.

The last truck stop we were at they sold enough in DVD’s to get them over half a tank of gas, so finally there would be no more stopping. We walked away from the gas pump island and over to my car. Travis took off his gloves then leather jacket, and put the gloves back on and backed the car up to pull in behind them, and the Winnebago was gone.

We were all like “What the fuck, they were just there” and we drove around the truck stop looking for them, but they were no where to be found. We didn’t want to think it, but it was like they left us. They weren’t by the highway entrance ramp but we got on anyways.

We tried calling their cell phone but it was turned off. Luckily I had asked Stan earlier where we were ending up, and he said the same place we picked up Sandy. So Travis just drove on and after an hour we caught up with them, and passed em by waving. They knew we weren’t behind them.

So we get to Nashville ahead of them and park at the Stadium Inn, where all this started. We were all pissed off for them leaving us like that and wondered what was going on. About a half an hour later they finally pull up into the truck stop behind the hotel.

Travis and Patrick both jump out and ask them what the fuck is going on, leaving us like that, and Stan gives them this totally bullshit story everyone knows is a lie, but why? They were band mates, why did it seem like they were trying to shake us? And what about my 70$ in gas money that was still owed me?

I kept hearing bullshit “Oh you’ll get it, you’ll get it” but hadn’t seen a dime since that first 10 bucks, and I spent that much just in coffee! I was starting to feel badly used and my non-medicated mood was not helping any. Then they decide to go to another truck stop and lead us on a wild goose chase where we had to tell them to pull over and follow us.

We got in front of them and led them to the Pilot Truck Stop they couldn’t find . . .

Memphis Blues (day 1, scene 2) . . . Entry for May 6, 2007

2007-05-06T17:03:00.000-07:00

So off we go down to Nashville, a 2-hour drive from my house. Both of us were kind of quiet and thoughtful, thinking of our pending separation, but we held hands all the way there. Once we got to Nashville, Travis wasn’t exactly sure what exit we were supposed to take, but the hotel Sandy was staying at was next door to Titan Stadium.

I jumped off the interstate at the first exit or so into Nashville and headed right to the nearest gas station for directions, which happened to be right on the corner. A wino bumming change in the parking lot told me to go straight on the road I got off on and I’d run right into it. I gave him a dollar for his trouble, and took off. Sure enough, it was right were he said it was.

We got to the Stadium Inn and found Sandy in the bar, drinking with some guys. Apparently her rent was paid up only until that morning, so she was hanging out on borrowed time. She told us to wait while she got her stuff from her room, and as she walked off with one of the guys she was drinking with, me and Travis just looked at each other thinking “how much stuff does she got?”

My car is pretty small, a little Toyota Paseo, and doesn’t have a lot of trunk space, so if there was too much in the way of luggage, it was going to have to stay there. Luckily for her, it all just fit, but barely. I was a little surprised that when the guy Sandy was drinking with in the bar helped her load up the car, then she gave him what looked like a deep throat kiss goodbye.

Both Travis and me looked at each other with raised eyebrows, thinking together again “This is Stan’s girlfriend?” But I figured it was none of my business, so I ignored it. The trip was going to be a long one, a little over 3 hrs, but with Travis there holding my hand all the way, I knew time would fly faster.

It was dusk when we left, and by the time it was full dark, it had started raining some off and on. When the rain was really coming down about an hour later, Sandy in the back started having a panic attack and sobbing. Apparently she “said” she was in Katrina and now being in bad weather upset her, but personally I thought she just liked being a Drama Queen.

It was hard enough to see where I was going, without having someone in the back seat telling me what a bad job I was doing driving and to slow down. I was thinking “Bitch, you need to shut the fuck up and just let me drive!” cause her attitude was really pissing me off and I could hardly see where I was going as it was.

The rain finally slacked off the closer we got to West Memphis, but she was still in the backseat curled up in the corner sniffling. We tried cheering her up, but I think she just liked the attention, so I said fuck it and just kept on driving. Travis and me were singing songs in the front seat cause the radio wasn’t working and just passed her a couple napkins for her runny nose and teary eyes and ignored her.

As we got closer there was some debate as to where the band was located. As it was, my cell phone (a Tracfone) was extremely low on minutes, so I didn’t want to call them again. I remembered him saying the Flying J Truck Stop 10 miles over the Tennessee state line, but Sandy was an ex truck driver and she was saying something different, but I drove there my way anyways.

Finally we got there and I met the rest of the band, who seemed like a bunch of pretty cool guys for the most part. Their RV battery was dead so they needed a jump-start. Lucky for them, I carry jumper cables with me all the time and I got them started.

At that point I was given only ten dollars by Stan, but he said he’d get it to me once we got there, that they were going to sell stuff at the truck stops we went through to get up some of the money. That first stab of doubt now entered my mind that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, but Travis got in the car with me and off we were back to Nashville.

As soon as we drove back over the Arkansas/Tennessee Bridge (a beautiful site) they pulled into the welcome center there on the riverfront. Puzzled, I pulled over with them and we wondered what was going on. They stopped and popped open their hood and we got the bad news: the fan belt they had put on not 2 days ago had broken.

So as it turns out we were going to be stuck until morning when we could take the fan belt back to Napa auto parts for a new one. It was a good thing they kept the receipt, cause they didn’t have money at the moment for a new one.

So we sat there in a parking lot underneath some overhead railroad tracks, and watched a few of the homeless wander across the asphalt and bed down in the area for the night. Then a police car rolled into the welcome center and parked which made everyone nervous.

To forestall any legal entanglements, Stan went over there and told the cop that we were broke down, and the cop said it was no problem, we were in a public lot. There also was another RV parked nearby, so with our minds eased, we made sleeping arrangements for the night and sat around bullshitting, singing and telling jokes for a while.

Me and Travis were bedding down in the back of the trailer on the floor with a sheet across the aisle for our privacy. A similar curtain was erected, lol, across the bed where Stan and Sandy were sleeping, to a lot of jokes and ribbing for all of us from Patrick and Allen, the single guys in the group.

Finally there was quiet, and I took off my sleeping shirt and was naked underneath. Travis took his pants and boxers off, and we covered ourselves with the sheet. I heard muttering from the front, so we rocked the Winnebago from side to side and I started moaning and making orgasm noises to the laughter of everyone.

Settling down for real this time, I start making love to Travis, kissing him all over his neck and chest. It was then that I sniffed it: the carpet smelled offensively like old dog. I forgot to mention they were travelling with an old miniature Wiener Dog (I don’t know how to spell that Dachshund word, lol)

It really bothered me, cause one of the eroticism’s of sex is the smells, well for me anyways. I tried ignoring it the best I could while I sucked away on his throbbing cock. Now stiffer than the railroad rails above us, I mounted his cock and tried not to rock the RV too much, but with my weight, that’s kind of hard.

So after a little too much rocking and a giggle from the peanut gallery up front, I decided to get on the bottom instead. Travis climbed on top but slowed his strokes down from his normal fast, hard pace. It wasn’t as good for either of us, since we weren’t able to let loose like we usually do.

I felt him starting to get a little soft after a while (we’re used to fucking a long time, lol) so I offered to do it “doggy style” with my ass up in the air. I reached behind me and spread my cheeks apart so he could get a better view of my pussy as he slid his cock inside me.

I tightened up my inner muscles, matching him stroke for stroke, and felt him begin to tense up as I reached in front of me and rubbed my clit and his cock at the same time. I heard him softly gasp and grab my hips tight to his as his dick spasmed in orgasm inside me.

I ground my ass into him, making my pussy swallow every drop. He bent down and kissed me on my back and on my cheek and whispered into my ear “But you didn’t cum, did you?” I whispered back that I had cum a little, just not like I usually do because I had to be so quiet.

I told him it was no problem though, I was happy and we snuggled down in the sheets and tried to go to sleep. Now that I wasn’t having sex I really could smell the dog odor back there and it was keeping me awake as Travis wrapped me in his arms in a spoon position, and I tried falling asleep.

I was having a hard time ignoring the smell, when I felt Travis seem to start crying behind me. I thought maybe he was upset at my pending departure, and that’s why he was crying. I tried to silently comfort him at first, then I asked what was wrong, but he didn't reply.

I figured it was a private thing, but turned over and held him to my breasts and felt tears dampen my nipples as I hugged him and told him it was going to be ok, whatever it was that was bothering him. I held him like that for a little while, and when he still wouldn’t answer me, I turned over and spooned with him again.

As I laid there and held the arms holding me close, I immediately noticed something odd. His hands were starting to cramp up, kind of like a praying mantis’. It was then that I remembered Travis mentioning that he used to have seizures and realized he was having one now.

It was a grand mal type seizure, cause it had been going on for some minutes before I realized it. I yelled to the front “Hey, I think Travis is having a seizure! Look, I’m naked back here but somebody throw me something to put in his mouth!” and Sandy tossed back one of Travis’ black leather fingerless half gloves and I put it between his teeth as Stan called 911 on the cell phone.

I threw on my shirt and covered his nakedness with a sheet and pulled down our makeshift curtain to let some light in and I could see what was happening to him. I lit one of the votive candles we had used earlier and got a good look at him while his whole body was seized up like one giant cramp.

Luckily I’d been around 2 other people who had seizures and knew what to do. His hands started relaxing and then I noticed he’d stopped breathing, so I took the glove out of his mouth, abstractly noticing the teeth marks in it, and started mouth to mouth resuscitation.

After that first lungfull of air I breathed into him, he gulped in a lungfull of air, his breathing reflex kicking in again. Stan was still trying to tell the 911 operator where we were when Travis started becoming coherent, mumbling “No hospital, I don’t want to go to the hospital . . .”

All of us in the RV told him he needed medical attention, and we waited, listening for the sounds of the paramedics and ambulance that would be coming soon. We opened the backdoor and moved Sandy’s huge suitcase out of the way so the paramedics could get to Travis.

I stood outside the door in the parking lot in a light rain wearing only my nightshirt and barefoot, when the fire truck first arrived. I stepped aside and let them do their work, breathing a sigh of relief. I bummed a cigarette from one of the guys and smoked it, trying to calm down from the adrenaline rush.

Next the ambulance arrived and out came these two guys who were really beefy and hot looking. One of em had these cool flames tattooed up from his wrist. I know, not an appropriate time to be checking out the men, but I needed distraction from the stress I just went through.

Finally, against the paramedics medical advice, Travis didn’t go to the hospital and I had to sign as a witness that this was his choice. I wanted him to go to the hospital, but he absolutely refused. I think he was worried cause he’s got a warrant in the state and didn’t want to take the risk of going to jail.

So we all lay back down for the night, and by this time it’s 3am. I’m emotionally exhausted by now and when we lay back down, I started crying on Travis’ shoulder. He held me and kissed my hair and told me he was fine and there was nothing to worry about, and how much he loved me.

But I worried anyway and only got about an hour’s worth of sleep . . .

Memphis Blues (day 1, scene 1) . . . Entry for May 5, 2007

2007-05-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

From my last few posting, you’ve read about TJ whose real name is Travis, my “flavor of the month” as someone calls him, and how he got separated from the band he’s in called “Rodeo Country”. For over a week his band members have been trying to get back from Oklahoma on to Nashville in an old Winnebago RV that keeps breaking down

Also the drivers keep getting pulled over and hassled by the authorities since no one driving has a valid license, which is where we enter this tale. Travis got a phone call from Stan, the lead singer and leader of their band, saying they were stuck at a truck stop in West Memphis Arkansas and couldn’t drive off without a licensed driver or they’d be taken to jail.

Stan asked if it would be possible for me to drive out there and Travis could drive them back to Nashville where Stan’s girlfriend was going to take over as driver. Since it was after the first of the month, I did have money in the bank. But I told him I didn’t have any cash to spare since I have to move somewhere by May 21st and the drive there and back would cost me around 70 bucks.

That’s when he told me that they could pay me when I got there, so I said OK. At least I would have that 5 hour drive to spend with Travis before we had to part, even though I admit, I was kinda ready for him to leave by then. We had established a relationship of sorts, but I still had a problem with all his “white” lies.

Checking out Yahoo Maps online, I saw that I could also drive through Nashville on my way to West Memphis and pick up Stan’s girlfriend Sandy and take her with us. That way I could have Travis drive me back to Nashville instead of driving myself alone.

While Travis was still on the phone, I started sucking his dick (we were still in bed naked when the call came in) and replied to a question that it was kind of hard to talk with my mouth full, lol. I’ve always loved to fuck with my partner sexually to see how long they could stand it before having to hang up.

I sucked Travis good and hard, I wanted to get in one more fuck before we had to shower and leave. His cock was at full attention and he was still on the phone when I mounted him. I yelled at the guys on the phone that Travis had to go, he was about to get laid again, and they hung up.

Mmmm, I was soaking wet and ready to ride when I climbed on his cock. Holding me by my hips, he thrust up fast and furious, just the way he knows it makes me squirt all over his cock. I was cumming loudly when I reached down and started rubbing my clit too, and got wetter still.

Pretty soon my knees were too weak to keep me up in that position, and I laid flat on my back, pulling my knees up and apart as he slid that rock hard young cock inside me. Seconds later I was flooding his dick again with my pussy juices, I could feel it dripping down to my ass.

Moaning loudly, I came and came again, squeezing his cock tighter and tighter with my pussy muscles. I grabbed him by the hair and thrust my hips up too, fucking him harder. I could tell he was about to cum, when I grabbed him by the ass and he came almost immediately. Pulsing my pussy muscles, I drained every last drop of cum from his dick.

Getting up, we took our showers and I packed in my little backpack a little blanket and a sleeping shirt just in case I had to spend the night in the car. That was a distinct possibility if it got too late for me to drive home without being too tired. Travis left a goodbye message on the phone to the kids, and I left them a message saying where we were going.

That all taken care of, we were off to Nashville to pick up their driver, Sandy . . .

You know, its funny . . . Entry for April 30, 2007

2007-04-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

You know it’s funny, just when you think you’ve got yourself and your inner life analyzed, sometimes even you can make mistakes. I know that’s kind of confusing, but let me explain. Here I have this handsome, strong, virile young man at my disposal, and I stopped taking “advantage” of him.

I think part of it’s because I saw Mo yesterday and we had coffee, then lunch at the park where he took some nice pix of me (thanks for the great pix Mo). We talked of deeply personal things and how we still plan on remaining friends, strictly platonic this time.

Then he said he had been rereading my blogs and said that I seem to fall into a pattern of “flavor of the month” with the guys in my life. I totally disagree with him, I don’t just use a man then kick him to the curb when I’m done, though it might have feel like it to the guy at the time. Things just don’t work out.

By the end of our nice platonic lengthy afternoon together, I Mo told me he loved me as we were parting. I had already kinda guessed he felt that way, but I already knew I loved him. I love a lot of people just for who they are, but he meant it more complexly, and I just left it at that.

Which got me to thinking of this new quasi-relationship I’ve gotten myself into. My dream guy, right? Triple “H” - hot, horny and handsome and can fuck for days. But for the last few days I’ve wanted to teach him how to eat my pussy and he’s avoided the instruction. He only licked me once since he’s been here, during our first night together.

I know from (being told) that I have a nice tasting pussy, from those connoisseurs who love licking the lily. But I’ve done everything but shove his face in my crotch to get him to eat me, and it’s always something else, like getting fucked first and passing out, or some other reason. But I did talk to him openly about it today.

I bluntly asked him if he just didn’t like eating pussy, and he admitted that after he tried it on nasty pussy, it’s been a turn off for him. Then I explained that most guys only eat pussy to get their dick sucked and that’s it. I told him of the time my ex had become complacent and quit making me cum orally even though I sucked his dick at least 3 times a day.

I explained I thought this was rather rude behavior and I quit giving my ex head altogether until he got the hint and stepped up to the plate again. Bluntly, I looked up at him and said “You know what I’m saying don’t you?” and he said he got it.

I’m still not too happy at the moment though, since I also feel like I’m being neglected for a damn PC video game! I’ve been ignored for a video game before with my ex and it ended up in a big fight, so to avoid this I informed him that I’ve been through this before and didn’t like it. He agreed not to, but yesterday spent more time playing this stupid computer game with my kids (who like him a lot) than he did with me.

Well, I slept on that and have been doing a lot of thinking. This man/boy is my lover, nothing more. I’ve felt no more of that initial “oneness” since the first few days. I’d rather be his friend and mentor (lol) than the love of his young life.

I asked him today how has he been enjoying his weeklong vacation from his normal reality, and he pondered the “why” of it all. Why did I stop for him when no one else would? Why did things turn out to be more than just a ride?

He wanted to know what the rhyme and reason was for this, and I told him “Maybe someone up above just decided you needed a break.” This boy has been living in the streets, working from gig to gig for a while now, according to him. But what I haven’t mentioned yet is that TJ is a pathological embellisher, lol.

I’ve met people like this before, who (for some reason or other) need to make up or “embellish” stories of their life. I think people who have some deep, dark secret they want to hide from themselves have this type of behavior. Like fictionalizing their life will make the ugliness of truth disappear.

My last husband (Ron Arterburn I need a divorce!) had me believing in a whole other life he had that was nothing but a lie, and I busted him on it. That time I talked to my sister-in-law and asked her all these questions, and she was like “He said what?” You should have heard me let him have it, but I digress . . .

Anyways, so I’ve decided to put TJ into the category of “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” and chalk it up to experience. His band mates should be coming to pick him up any day now (according to him), but I’ll have no regrets.

I’m sure I won’t be forgetting him for a quite a while after he’s gone . . .

Free to good home (dos) . . . Entry for April 26, 2007

2007-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

There’s nothing like a nice hot friendly bath to break the ice I think, also with wine and candles, nothing more seductive. I wanted us both clean and relaxed, and “in the mood” because I wanted this boy BAD. We were already pretty stoned and he was tired on top of that, so I was going to make the first move.

I explained to him that I run around here naked all the time, that is when my sons aren’t home (sure cuts down on laundry) and that it’s just skin, everybody’s got it, and I don’t make a big deal out of it. With that said I stripped naked in front of him and got into the tub.

He was surprisingly shy, I think he was trying to hide his obvious hardon, but I wasn’t embarrassed, I was flattered. Climbing into the hot steamy bath, he seemed nervous, so I started sipping my wine and rubbing his sore, ticklish feet. I was trying to make him more comfortable when he reached for me and we started kissing.

My arm brushed his stiff cock and I thought he was near explosion levels and I didn’t want to fuck in the bathtub cause the water washes away all those lubricating fluids too fast, hehehe. But we kissed and made out while I gently took his hand and guided it to my throbbing pussy.

Ohhh, he fingered me so nicely as I threw back my head and moaned up at the ceiling, arching my back in a plea for more. I pulsed my pussy muscles around his stiff fingers as our tongues danced together in our mouths. That’s when I realized something: I felt absolutely no boundaries or walls between us at all while we were kissing.

I didn’t try to speculate on that fact too much, the fingering I was getting took my mind off it real quick. Then I took my turn and started kissing him all over his chest then stomach and on down to his hips where my little underwater nips seemed to drive him absolutely crazy.

I moved my head on over to his handsome cock and took a taste, but not too much, I wanted to savor this one. The flavor of precum was strong in my mouth as I sucked and moaned on the head of his dick while he fingered me wetter than the water.

I hadn’t done any serious making out in a real long time, not to mention taking a bath with someone. Most trailer bathtubs are ridiculously small, but as you can see from the picture, it’s kind of heart shaped and fits both of us perfectly.

I was relaxed and half-drunk already when after kissing me one time, he told me “I love you” in the sweetest, shyest way. Then he ravaged my mouth with kisses and tried to sit me on top of his cock. “Uh uh uh”, I told him “lets finish getting clean and get in bed.”

Freshly shampooed and still damp all over, we hopped in bed where I ravaged my mouth on his cock. I haven’t felt a steely rod like that in a long time. It was like his passion made him that much harder, or the fact that he was only 20 and a strong wind probably would still give him a stiffy, lol.

I had asked him if he’d ever played with sex toys or been with a squirter before, and he said no, so I brought out Ruffles and the little blue dolphin clit tickler and he went to work. It was so fucking hot, watching his face as he fucked me just right. Then had to jump back, cause I came and squirted right in his face and mouth.

That, as they say, was all she wrote. The next thing I knew, my toys were tossed aside and he was fucking me from above, fast and hard. Lucky for me, his cock is stiff at the perfect angle to hit my g-spot every time and I was squirting, cumming and holding on to him tight with my arms and legs wrapped around his back.

We fucked all night long and even on webcam on AWC which was really fun, cause he had never chatted and cammed before and got a kick out of it. I know the roomies in my chatroom “Swingers R Us” enjoyed it thoroughly. I just love watching me suck his cock on cam, I never get to see what it looks like otherwise.

Well this happened on Saturday night and he is still here waiting to get picked up by his band mates. Yes, we are in love, and it’s hard to explain, but I feel like it’s the real deal. I sense the feelings flowing from him, and all the positive energy associated with love.

And to top it all off, my kids really like him too, since they’re all into video gaming. I mean after all, he’s only 3 years older than my oldest twin son. My youngest son, thinks he’s the coolest and there’s been a lot of male bonding going on between them all, which is a good thing.

I know he’ll be on the road with his band soon, but he’s promised to call me all the time and see me at least once a month for a couple days. I think I can get enough fucking done in a couple days to hold me off for a month if he really comes through with his promises.

I really do have a bad habit of picking up strays though, lol . . .

Free to good home (uno) . . . Entry for April 24, 2007

2007-04-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

Friday night I received a call from my contracting company asking if I’d be available to do a job in Louisville Saturday morning at 9am EST (I live in CST). I said sure, I need the money real bad even though it’s a 2.5 hr trip each way.

I had to leave by 5:30 am my time to make it there on time, which of course meant waking up at 4:30. Normally this wouldn't have bothered me, but the work documents were screwed up and I couldn’t go to bed until they got them to me, which took until Midnight.

I got three hours work in but had to leave without resolving the problem, they would have to send someone else on Monday with a different config file. So this left me the whole afternoon free to visit with my son living at my ex husbands place there in town.

I saw he was doing fine, and we had a nice visit. Then drove my ex, Ed, to the liquor store hangout so he could bum some money off someone. Once again I was surprised how many guys I knew hanging out front with their brown paper bags and beers.

Flirting outrageously with one friend, he bought me a Smirnoff Ice Triple Black in my own little brown paper bag. It was a trip, watching all these old roosters strut their stuff, each trying to be the biggest cock of the walk. I sipped on my drink and it tasted so good Ed bought me another one.

The only thing I’d had other than those two bottles of Triple Black, was coffee, and I caught a little buzz pretty quick. I drove Ed back to his apartment and was shocked to realize I had spent a couple of hours just sitting out in the Rock’s (the name of the store) parking lot.

I hung out watching a movie at Ed’s for a while (Skeleton Key, trippy movie) and bullshitted with him and Randa before I had to leave. Ed tried getting me to go to bed with him, but I told him I was on my period and no, no blow job either, lol. For real though, I just didn’t feel like it with him, but I was horny as fuck though.

I finally left in the late afternoon for the long 2 hr drive home, and driving to the freeway I was feeling tense and out of sorts so I dissolved a Xanax under my tongue since I didn’t have a drink. I jumped on the interstate and after about 5 miles or so I saw a figure walking down the highway.

From the quick glimpse I got of him from behind, he looked like a stranded biker wearing a bandana and black leather jacket. It was hot outside and I didn’t think twice, I pulled over to offer him a ride. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw him jog trot for a second then slow down, like he was tired and his feet hurt.

I rolled down the passenger window and asked him where he was going. This guy was real young, and real cute with his nose ring and ear piercings. His name was TJ and he kinda reminded me of a young Leonardo Di Capprio, he’s is that cute. He said he was going to Shepardsville, which was a bit of a distance down the road, so I told him to hop in.

I had to scoot the seat back to fit his 6ft 2in tall frame to fit into my tiny car, and I could tell he was tired. Apparently he’d been walking quite a while without a ride, so I told him to take off his shoes. I listened to him spin out this bullshit story of how he got stranded, but didn’t really care, I liked the company and he was real easy on the eyes.

We got to Shepardsville where the rest of his band was supposed to be (TJ plays lead guitar) but he couldn’t quite remember where the apartments were at. I was very attracted to this 21 year old boy, and really wanted him to come home with me, but I was playing good Samaritan and drove all over the place trying to find landmarks that jogged his memory.

I literally drove for over an hour trying to find this place before we finally found the right apartment complex. Then there was the problem of finding the right apartment cause he had been drunk when he had left with his band mates.

He thought he found the right apartment and said no one was there. I told him I wasn’t going to abandon him with no place to go, that he could come home with me, so we wrote a note with my telephone numbers on it so they could get in touch with him.

Walking around searching for his friends, I got out of my car to check the oil and put some in and struck up a conversation with this lady that lived there. We talked for a good ten minutes and we tried to figure out where TJ had disappeared.

She told me these were low-income apartments and they were really nice looking. I asked to use the bathroom and she offered me a Mountain Dew too. Accepting it gratefully, we went to the rental office and I picked up a rental application, I think I might move there.

We spotted him and he had found where his buddies were staying but they weren’t there right now. The people there said he couldn’t stay, but they’d give his friends the note. I was a little suspicious, but I figured WTF, I was gonna take this young man home and have my way with him, even though I didn’t have gas money to get him back there and he was broke too.

On the long trip back to my place, we talked and I sifted though the bullshit he was trying to feed me and found out he was only 20, and that he could have stayed there, but wanted to come home with me. I knew I was a pervert, but I’d always drew the line at drinking age, but not this time, this innocent bad boy was just too fine.

We flirted with each other during that long trip home but finally he started nodding off. I could tell he was exhausted from all the miles of walking he did in on the highway and just watched him sleep. I started feeling really guilty when I watched his pretty face in slumber. Jeez, he looked like my sons’ age then!

I knew my kids would really like this guy too, he sort of like a younger version of my last boyfriend, and into video games like they are too. I wasn’t sure how long he’d be staying, so that compatibility was a plus in his favor. Arriving after dark, my sons were looking at me like “Who is this guy?” as I introduced TJ to them, and told them “Long story, don’t ask” to their questions.

TJ saw they were playing video games and I asked my youngest to make TJ a sandwich while I twisted one up in the bedroom. When my kids found out he was into gaming, they took to him like a dog after a bone. They just had to explain what game they were playing and show him how to play, young guy type stuff, lol.

I called TJ into the bedroom to smoke the long awaited joint and finally relax after a long day. I poured us some of my watermelon wine (powerful stuff), sipped and puffed away. I knew I was smelly and sweaty from the lengthy hot day, and knew he was too, so we decided on taking a bath in my huge tub.

I ran the water, lit a couple of candles and moved the wine glasses next to the tub . . .

The Eviction Saga (2) . . . Entry for April 23, 2007

2007-04-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

I went to court today for my eviction and lost, even with evidence it didn’t matter. According to the Judge it evidence doesn’t count, in this county a landlord has the right to evict you 30 days after giving you only a verbal notice. I had went down to the landfill office, gone through a shitload of papers, and showed my signature that proved I had dumped my own trash on several “free” days in at least several months.

I even went down and subpoenaed my landlady to prove that per verbal agreement she agreed I could keep the dogs in the utility room at night. Because of the short notice, I only had a couple days I could serve her, and her car was always missing from their driveway.

Sunday afternoon I finally caught her at home while bringing my son over there to collect some back pay that was owed him for working in the chicken houses. I walked up and served her the subpoena and said, “It’s nothing personal” when I walked off.

When she saw what it was she called back to me down the driveway “I’m not going to testify for you ‘Techly’.“ I yelled back as I was getting into my car “I’m not asking you to” and closed the door and drove around the corner to home. I just wanted her to tell the truth.

But with all this prep and defense work I did, none of it mattered one bit. I was looking to being evicted on the 2nd of May and my kids are not out of school for several more weeks. So I asked to I be allowed to stay till the 21st instead. I was silently crying and wiping my eyes and my landlord agreed, as long as I paid my rent and utilities, and the Judge signed the agreement.

I’m determined to try to turn this into a blessing instead of curse . . .

The Eviction Saga (1) . . . Entry for April 19, 2007

2007-04-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

Well the gloves came off tonight and I received a notice (via the Ohio County Sheriff) that I am being evicted from my residence and am due in court April 23, not even a week from now. The causes stated are that I (the Defendant) “have breached the lease because of the following: Not having trash hauled off and having animals in the house.”

OK, like these are completely different reasons that he gave me after I handed him his rent check on the 3rd . First off, I haul off my own trash to the dump on Wednesdays since it’s free on that day. The garbage service here won’t come down the long driveway, so I would have to haul it up there myself, and I figure “Fuck it, I’ll do it myself for free.”

Not to mention I kept asking the landlord and JD as well to bring a truck down so I could load up the junk and they could drive it up to the chicken houses and I’d dump it. Both of them said they would, and JD even promised after exchanging sexual favors. Exchanging my ass, I wasn’t getting anything from our meetings.

Second, the animal thing. When I moved in, there were mice here, isn’t that an animal? The landlady said something to me about the dogs in the house after I first moved in. I explained that living here, a single Mom out in the country, alone, I had the dogs as protection. So we agreed that I was allowed to have my dogs in the utility room, and there they have been.

My cats all live outside, except for injured ones, like one I have now that has a gaping 3” round hole in the skin of his neck/cheek. The scab came off and it’s so gross! You can see the tendons and muscle, but it’s not infected and smells clean now.

I always wanted to be a vet when I was a kid and I got my chance today. This animal rescue lady told me what to do every step of the way. She was awesome! She told me to go to Rural King (the Extreme Redneck version of Wal-Mart) and buy livestock tetracycline and give him and injection and squirt some in the wound, so I did. He’s responding well and his prognosis is good, but I digress.

So the landlords “animals in the house” isn’t really valid, especially when he allows other tenants (JD up the hill) to have pets in their homes. The thing is the Sheriff had this document for 14 days before I got it, now how fair is that? But then as I read it, it might just be coincidental, but the clerk’s last name is the same as my landlord.

I also filed a complaint today with the KY Board of Human Rights . . .

Kindaplatonic . . . Entry for April 18, 2007

2007-04-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

And now for some good news, I got rehired on an old contract job! It’s more pay, mileage, and monthly stipend to be on call for them. Works for me! I’m psyched out, the project manager is the same one that started the project, but got moved to a different department. We became friends over the course of my work for them and I’m glad we’re back in touch.

And speaking of friends, I’ve been “friends” with this guy Mo for over a month now and we’ve decided we’re having a “kindaplatonic” friendship. It can’t be completely platonic cause we’ve had sex twice, though after the last time, we mutually (?) decided that twice was enough without catching any emotional damage.

That “having a fiancé” thing puts quite a damper on things, but we email every day, and cam/chat once in a while. On the average though, we see each other once a week or more. I kid him about feeling like I’m “penciled in” on his calendar.

I really enjoy our time together though, but he’s so anally organized (sorry bud, but you are!) it makes me nervous. I on the other hand, am an organized slob. My shit may lay all over the place, but I know where everything is, lol. So anyways, we’ve been continuing this friendship that almost feels like a courtship and he seems to know all the right buttons to push.

We tease and taunt each other while we both know there’s this g/f (fiancé) in the background. Sure I’d love to fuck him again, my god it was so hot the last time. I danced real dirty for him, and we had some fantastic sex, but still I felt this emotional barrier between us.

He still wants to drown his gaze in the pools of my dark eyes, and I love looking into his color-changing green/gold/brown ones. I know I’ve been lonely for so long for this kind of attention, and I keep hitting myself in the head with a reality brick, but I don’t want to stop seeing him, it’s not painful . . .yet.

I got a surprise call from him this afternoon, he wanted to come by to see me, if only just to kiss me for a second, and I thought “Whoa, that’s a surprise.” But I had to pick up the kids from the library and knew that if he came over, it wasn’t just going to stop with a kiss.

Is it puppy love? Hmmm, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. Other than the physical attraction, there is a strong mental attraction there as well. He appreciates the fact that I’m smart, and finds it sexy, and THAT is a real rarity, in this area anyways.

Out here with all the military bases and the war in Iraq, there’s about 3 women to every man a friend told me the other day. Now divide that with the guys that still have all their teeth, and that narrows the selection even more. The miniscule amount of men that really admire a woman’s intelligence already seem to be taken.

(sigh) I guess what my point here is, is that I’m playing with fire and I’m just wondering when the burn will set in. But I can’t possibly fathom why if Mo has such a great old lady, what’s the attraction that keeps him coming back for more.

And why do I keep letting him . . .

Easter Hostage Drama, News at 12 . . . Entry for April 12, 2007

2007-04-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

It felt like I’d just fallen asleep, when my cell phone rang and woke me up. It was Ed’s sister, Cathy wanting to know if I knew what the hell was going on with her brother. Something to do with someone holding him hostage and threatening to beat the shit out of him unless she came down from across town with 100$ to pay them off.

I was like WTF??? She tells me she had been in bed sleeping for about an hour after a really long trip that day when the phone rings, and it’s Ed saying these people were going to beat him up so she wanted to know if I knew where he was. I told her about the whole day’s events, even telling her where we knew his truck was parked.

She started asking me if I knew he gotten 1500$ stolen from him, when her other phone rang and she talked to the “terrorists”(lmao) while I listened to her side of the conversation. She has gotten him out of more trouble than he has ever deserved. I told Cathy that if I were her I wouldn’t, do it, what they were asking her to do sounded risky

These people wanted her to drive alone and throw the money in a parking lot, then drive away. After they picked up the money, then they’d call her back and let her brother loose. I told her that sounded like a bunch of bullshit and privately thought he had probably smoked up 1500$ worth of crack and now owed the dealer another 100 bucks.

I told her not to do it, but then Ed got on the phone and said they had broken his nose. Cathy was frantic, and I told her if she was going to do this thing I’d go with her, since I knew where he was supposed to be. I met her down the road at a gas station, parked my car, and laid down on the back seat of hers so no one would see me.

The sense of unreality was tripping me out, it was almost comical, and I was still pissed as hell at Ed for doing this stupid shit at Easter instead of spending time with his kids. We pulled into the parking lot of a Valvoline Oil Change, and talked to Ed on the phone and Cathy was arguing with him about something, and told him I was in the backseat.

Then something was mentioned about an envelope, and she said they had already said to just wrap it in rubber bands. Ed wasn’t happy that I was in the car and told her to drop me off at the Steak ‘N Shake half a block down the street, so she did against my protests.

I went inside the restaurant and went into the ladies room to kill time, and then stood by the doorway to make sure I saw when she got back. There were some teens outside smoking so I went out and bummed a cigarette. Blowing smoke rings into the cold Easter air, I shook my head in wonder at all the bullshit that had happened that day.

Someone was coming out the door so I moved aside. It was the same chick who lived in the apartment complex that told me where Ed was. I told her of the drama as I puffed away, and she told me the bald guy I saw earlier was that Tammy chick’s boyfriend and yes, he WAS in that apartment, but the truck had been moved about 3 hours ago.

All I could do was shake my head as the girl told me goodnight. I was right, I knew he had been in there! Just then Cathy drove back up and I jumped in out of the cold into the front seat this time. She gets back on her cell phone and calls Ed’s number, apparently it was safe to some pick him up, he was let go and now walking down the street.

We found him just a few blocks away, and we let him in the back. He tried to sound beat up, but I wasn’t buying it. He had a little blood across the bridge of his nose, and it looked like there was some in the crack of the side of one nostril. I thought “Hell, when he broke my nose that one time, I looked a lot worse!”

Ed was going on about how they held a knife to his throat, kicked and punched him, blah blah blah. I still wasn’t buying any of it. I had lived with this man and known him far too long to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Cathy told him that was the last time she would ever help him out, and dropped us off at my car.

Getting in my car he started tell me his sorry-ass story and I didn’t give a shit and told him so. My whole take on the subject was that he should have been home with his kids instead of out running around and he got what he deserved. And now that he had no money, I had to use my own cash to pay for my gas back home.

The bad thing about that is that I’m so strapped for cash, and my twin’s 17th birthday is today and I can’t get one of them a present or the one still living with me what I know he’d like, Guitar Hero II. But Ed (as always) turns an argument into a personal attack on every past deed I’ve ever done to him, what do they call that? Oh yea, projection.

As I drove in silence he told me to pull into this liquor store around the corner from his apartment, his local hangout, so he could get a beer and I told him “Fuck that! I’m driving your home and if you want a beer you can go walk there and walk back, I’m DONE!” I pulled into a parking space, and we both got out.

Ed walked ahead of me and was throwing a hissy fit going up the stairs to the apartment. When we got inside, I told the kids to get their shit together, we were leaving. Ed quit his bitching and said sorry to me (big fucking deal) and went into the kitchen to eat.

I got to check him out under the bright lights of the kitchen and could see he was fucking higher than a kite, his eyes gave it all away. The tale he was telling Randa, Matt and me just wasn’t meshing with what I knew his movements of the day were. In other words, he was lying through his remaining teeth (he’s lost a couple due to fights, lol).

Cathy called Ed’s phone and wanted to talk to me, so I took the conversation into the bathroom. She wanted to go over in detail everything that had happened and the one thing that stood out brightest, if these people has stolen his money, why didn’t he go to the police in the first place, something he refused to do.

I told her the whole ordeal was a crock of shit, and I was thinking of taking my other twin home with me since Ed was bringing dangerous people into his life, but my son opted to stay with his Dad. Probably cause he’s got cable TV now, lol, and his Dad still hasn’t gotten him in school.

The boys took forever getting all their crap together, so it was getting late by the time we left. During the long drive home I reexamined the entire day, and realized it could have also been an elaborate plan to say the money was stolen so I wouldn’t’ be able to get child support in addition to his smoking it up in crack.

With that man, I wouldn’t put anything past him . . .

Easter Hostage Drama, News at 11 . . . Entry for April 11, 2007

2007-04-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

I know I’ve said this before, but sometimes it doesn’t pay to be me. The “story” you are about to read is true, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent. As you may (or may not) know, I drove my kids to my ex’s in Louisville for spring break and Easter. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself with all the quiet around here, lol.

When Sunday comes, I try calling Ed’s cell phone and can’t get an answer or leave a message, so that’s the first thing that’s pissing me off. Then I get a call from my kids about 1pm and found out that they hadn’t really seen their Dad since Friday, and had no idea where he was, but there were a couple of his friends watching them.

I knew them both and talked to the chick, Randa and she said she hadn’t seen Ed but for a few minutes on Saturday morning and couldn’t get him on the phone either. I was really pissed and so was she, for him doing his kids like that on Easter Sunday.

Randa said when I got there she would buy groceries for Easter Dinner with her food stamps if I gave her a ride, which was great. She also said she’d buy stuff for Easter baskets too, cause she had to make some for her own kids too, wasn’t that nice?

I decide to leave for the 120 mile drive around 2:30 making a pit stop 45 minutes away to visit a friend in jail, but they’d moved him to a different facility. I finally got there a couple hours later and Ed still hadn’t shown up. But he did end up calling his buddy Matt that was also at the apartment.

When Randa talked to him and told him I was on my way down he said he’d be there in 15 minutes, but she said that was like 3 hours ago and I was REALLY pissed off. The only idea where he might be was in a subdivision behind the old K-Mart with maybe some whore named Tammy and supposedly he’d gotten ripped off for his 1500$ disability payment.

We formulated a plan: 1) go to the grocery store and buy groceries 2) get dinner started and the ham in the oven and 3) go and try to find his sorry ass. I couldn’t wait to get to that number 3, I was furious. If I’d known he’d pull some bullshit like this I wouldn’t have wasted my time letting the kids stay with him.

Throwing together the food took little time, then we were off to go hunt the bastard down. We looked in all the apartment complex parking lots up and down the streets. His vehicle wouldn’t be hard to find, we were looking for a flatbed dual-tire commercial truck colored primer red.

Turning the last corner of the subdivision (of course) we saw the truck parked ambiguously near a group of apartments. We jump out and I start knocking on doors asking if Ed was there and the second door I knocked on this chick answered that knew my ex-husband.

Bingo! He wasn’t there, but she told us where this Tammy chick’s apartment was. Me and Randa start walking over there and Randa sees this shaved headed guy walking towards the back of the building where we’re headed towards and says she’s gonna follow him while I go to the front.

I knock on the first door yelling Ed’s name and the bald guy goes “Who are you looking for” and I told him that I was Ed’s ex, blah blah blah, where the fuck is he? He told us that Ed drove off with some guy and another chick a while ago, but we know he’s in there.

So now I’m REALLY REALLY pissed and I start yelling his name and calling him a pussy motherfucker, but in the end, we drove off without him. I’m mad as hell now and emotionally wiped out, so I take a nap while dinner’s cooking and the kids get are all getting a sugar rush from their Easter baskets.

The dinner turned out fine considering the bullshit we went through and I ate waaay too much. Stuffed to the gills, I laid back down on the little bench type loveseat I took over, and gathered some blankets for a post feast nap. I curled up like a contented kitten, closed my eyes and snuggled in for a snooze before the long 2 hour drive home.

It felt like I had just barely fallen asleep, when my cell phone rings . . .

A letter to my Landlord, butt seriously now . . . Entry for April 9, 2007

2007-04-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

I wrote a certified letter to my landlord last week explaining my feelings of unfairness about being told to move out at the end of the month and informing him of the sexual harassment I put up with from his maintenance man. I finally got the postcard back saying that they’d signed for it, so now I know it was read. Here, read it for yourself:

Date: Tuesday, April 03, 2007
To: Landlord
From: Techy
Re: The situation with the trailer.

This letter is to inform you that your employee JD and myself (Techy) have been having a sexual relationship off and on for over a year now while he’s been working for you and during his work hours. I have been trying to deflect his sexual advances in the past few months, but he still kept coming by.

In the past when I have denied his advances, maintenance of the trailer has not been taken care of and times when I have accepted his advances, things were taken care of in a timely manner.

One time after refusing his sexual advances, my water was cut off with no notice due to a supposed "water leak" by the pump house, so my landlady informed me when I called to check on it. I checked and there were no signs of a leak whatsoever and I wasn’t informed when the water was turned back on either.

While searching for a different water leak, JD removed an access door at the end of the trailer and never replaced it with proper insulation (after receiving yet another sexual favor from me) so the pipes froze in the winter and you could see your breath in the bathroom from the cold.

On more than ten occasions that I can remember, I’ve asked JD (and yourself) help me to take away the junk outside to the dump at your chicken houses where I was told it could be dumped. I even offered to help load it up myself, but it’s never been done.
I couldn’t get either you or JD to help me, even though one time after receiving sexual favors from me, JD took all my household garbage up to the dump and got rid of it.

This fall I noticed a space heater in the pump house on while JD was getting yet another sexual favor from me. I turned it off since it wasn’t cold and told him that it was kind of unnecessary since it was warm outside and it was costing me money I didn’t have to spare.

The next day after this happened while I was picking up trash outside, I checked the pump house and yet again, an electric heater was turned on high and I unplugged it, since it was a warm day again.

The next day I noticed there was a keyed lock on the pump house door and from that point on (and the previous month) my electric bills kept getting higher and higher. This was while I was using kerosene to heat the trailer with since my broken furnace, that you the landlord had know was faulty from the year before, never was fixed. I did have electric space heaters to spot heat areas of the house, but never left them running

As far as "over fishing" the lake, when I rented the trailer, I agreed that I would fish, but wouldn’t, and haven’t, over fished the lake. That lake is so full of fish it would take a long time of daily fishing to accomplish over fishing.

When my ex husband was visiting with our children, he fished for our dinner while doing some father/son bonding. Other than those few fish, that that’s the only fish that have been caught and kept this year. I even feed the fish in the lake because I like to watch them.

Last year the only fish I ever kept were the ones that swallowed the hooks and were going to die, which I cooked for our own dinner. So whoever told you I was emptying the lake of fish is telling you a lie.

I’ve enjoyed living here even though times have been rough for me, and up until now you have been fair to me. You profess to like helping people out, but now here you are telling me to move while I have no job and school isn’t even out yet, so my kids won’t be able to finish out their school year.

That’s not very Christian of you in my eyes.

Stated plain, and simple, and factual. I know people have motives going on all the time and I truly believe JD is the source of my housing problem, or at least contributed to it. A friend of mine said I shouldn’t post the letter in my blog, but I don’t see any reason why not to. Besides, I tell you guys everything anyways, lol.

I don’t know what effect my letter has had, no one has contacted me. Or they might have tried, I’ve been screening my phone calls, I don’t feel I can handle talking to anyone right now. Since my medical card was suspended I’ve been unable to get my meds and I’m starting to feel the difference.

But today I went down to the clinic for medication samples (one of my scripts is 350$ a month!) and got my medical card situation partly straightened out. It seems they now require you to have a birth certificate on file in order to prove citizenship and get benefits, which is some new policy. Apparently just my driver’s license and Social Security card isn’t enough anymore.

I got the social services agency to accept a faxed note from my Mother in California saying that I am who I am. LOL! A note from my Mom, that cracks me up, but during the talk with my Mother, I was telling her that I needed my medical card to see my psychiatrist about my bi-polar disorder and depression, and to pay for my medications.

After we hung up, she must have called my sister in Wisconsin, cause when I checked my email later, there was a note from her. She said my Mom was a little freaked out about my bi-polar diagnosis and I’m thinking "Shit, where does she think I get it from?" As I’ve stated before, I love my Mom to death, but she is a little psycho sometimes.

So now I have to "order" a certified copy of my birth certificate, which is a pain in the ass. And speaking of pains in the ass, to top it all off, my hemorrhoid has flared up! There is a guy out there right now that is reading this with tears in his eyes from laughing, lol, butt seriously, hemorrhoids are no joke to women that have born children.

I think 99% of all women that have given vaginal birth have suffered from hemorrhoids afterwards. And even the ones that haven’t birthed vaginally, those iron pills they give you during pregnancy can give em to you too, it’s a cruel joke! I mean aren’t kids a pain in the ass (at one time or other) as it is without the curse of a real pain in your ass?

I just can’t seem to think of my butt hurting as one of the joys of Motherhood . . .

Easter Bunny “Kiss my ass” . . . Entry for April 8, 2007

2007-04-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty non-eventful weekend, other than getting some mixed message emails I’m still trying to untangle in my head. Why do people say one thing, and repeatedly do the opposite? This never ceases to amaze me, even though I’ve fallen into the same bad habit myself a time or two, cause Lord knows I’m not perfect.

My only plans for the evening were jumping on AWC and having a little webcam/chat fun in my chatroom “Swingers R Us”. I was feeling horny and played with my pussy, getting it soaked but not fulfilled, I had other plans in mind and didn’t want to cum just yet.

I was sitting here getting drunk and stoned and realized there was a slight possibility that I could get me some dick tonight, delivered even, if I played my cards right. I’ve been in a horny funk all evening, cause I I’m tired of playing by myself and I was horny! I’m getting tired of driving solo, I want someone else to chauffeur me for a mile or two.

So what does my half drunken/fully lit ass do? I made a booty call to the nearest handy male at 2:30 in the morning (he works at a bar). I was going to leave him a naughty message and to my surprise he answers his phone. I was already close to cumming and hearing his voice did me in and I thrust Ruffles in faster.

I heard my pussy getting even wetter as I gasped into the phone and heard him intently listening as I tumbled over the edge into an orgasm. My moans and whimpers filled my bedroom and his ears as I as I kept on fucking myself faster with my dildo, then slowly as I backed off down.

I told him my kids were gone and I was alone, but I’d leave my backdoor unlocked and that I wanted to cum all over his cock. He said he’d call when he was on his way home, and right now just when I typed that, the phone rang. It was him, saying he couldn’t make it, and I was like “Nooooooooooo”.

Then he said he just got pulled over or some other bullshit, gf was on the other line and would call me back (yea right). SHIT! I know he won’t make it now damnit! I knew I shouldn’t have called in the first place, but I’m pretty wasted and confused at the same time, so was trying to think of a way to escape when he came to mind. I never said I made good decisions when I’m conflicted, I know.

Damn, I just heard his pickup pass by my driveway, oh well no Easter candy for me . . .

Just one night . . . Entry for April 7, 2007

2007-04-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

Just one night
Perhaps a chance to see
Was it real or just make-believe?
Hot wet sweaty sex
Private dancing that’s for sure
Well worth the wait
But I was hoping for much more
Silly for me to do
Who wants what is taken?
Everyone it seems
And they are all mistaken
It’s not really sweeter
Because it’s forbidden
It is what it is
No motives are hidden
But it in the end is was wishes
Evaporating with the dawn
I knew in the morning
It was time to move on
Nothing but smiles
Glowing at the table
Even though no fairytale
Ending for this fable
Reality has a bad habit
Of throwing a brick at your head
Don’t you know better?
Is what I hear it said
2 weeks invested
With one hell of a return
A friend for life
And a love that was yearned

Thanks for the pics Mo . . .

And now on to the bad times . . . Entry for April 4, 2007

2007-04-04T02:32:00.000-07:00

Well, just when ya think things are going pretty good for ya, WHAM, someone has to throw a reality brick at your head. That’s ’s the story of my life, I swear, it never fails. Here, everything was going fine and dandy, I’d applied for a good job with a good chance of getting it, then my landlord gives me 30 days notice to move out.

Yesterday when I went to the landlord to pay my rent, and as soon as I gave him my rent check, he informs me I’ve got to get out at the end of the month. He says I’m not keeping the outside of the trailer property up, since there’s a bunch of junk outside and I’m “over fishing” the lake and all that is a bunch of shit.

The junk that’s piled up a little, I’ve been asking the Maintenance/Chickenhouse guy (the infamous JD of my blogs) to take to the farm dump site at the chicken houses, and he said he would, but never has picked it up. I asked him about hauling it away once again the other day when he came over to smoke one with me.

He also tried to get some head, but I turned him down again. Doesn’t he get the hint? He was sitting there with this odd look on his face now that I think about it, he was paranoid and actually drove the Gator into the woods behind the trailer and hiked in so no one would see. I also mentioned in passing that if I didn’t find a job around here soon, I’d be looking to relocate.

As far as “over-fishing” when I very first moved in, that’s what sold the trailer, was the fact that there was a lake I could fish in. The landlady mentioned she didn’t want a lot of fish pulled out of it and I told her not to worry. Hell, I even feed the damn fish just to watch them come swirling in towards the food. So that reason is a sack of bullshit!

And who could possibly be telling my landlord these lies? JD up the road, probably. Or who knows, I’ve pissed several people off around here. JD ran up my electric bill sky high though after turning him down for some head by the putting electric heaters in the pump house that pumps the lake water to the chicken houses on all the time, instead of just in case it freezes.

To top off this lovely day I’m having, I found out that my daughter might be pregnant earlier that same morning, before all the landlord drama started. It was a false alarm (thank your deity here), but she’s not ready to have another child. Besides, she’d only be doing for security reasons. I’ve preached birth control at her time and again, but does she listen? Nooo . . .

Oh, and remember Mo who wanted to cool things off between us? Well, that separation didn’t last long, lol. He was supposed to take me riding earlier in the afternoon, after all the bullshit I went threw, I needed to get away, but we didn’t get to go. He tried calling me, but couldn’t get me on the phone.

I was busy calling every agency I could think of to help me with this unwarranted unfairness. I was on hold to legal aid alone for over 30 min, not to mention the fair housing council and other agencies to help me fight this eviction. So I messaged him, and he called me back. I practically begged him to come get me, cause I just had to get away. For just a little while I wanted to forget my whirlwind life had just become a hurricane.

He met me again at the same IGA parking lot we first met at and went off in his car, parking mine. By this time I’d taken about 3 Xanax to try to calm down and was drinking a tea/wine cooler (I know, that probably wasn’t a good idea). Stopping at Dairy Queen for burgers and hot fudge Sundaes didn’t help much to sober me up either.

From there we went to his place to watch some TV, but I was wanting a little more than Star Trek. I had brought my toy bag with me just in case he felt like fooling around later and I was hoping to spend the night, even though my ex husband was still visiting our kids at my place.

I hadn’t fucked my ex since he’s gotten here, though gave him head on my webcam on AWC one night just to fuck with my chatroom friends heads. I really wanted Mo, not my ex, and I wanted some comfort too, and more. I thought he could help me numb the external turmoil inside me.

When we got there I had been sipping my homemade tea/wine cooler (I’ll call it T-wine, lol) while lighting up a fatty in the back yard. He doesn’t smoke, but doesn’t mind if I do. Well the smoke, and the T-wine and that last Xanax seemed to kick in all at once and I was floating somewhere near the ceiling.

I took off my skirt to get more comfortable (yea, like that ploy wasn’t as transparent as my blouse) while he showed me his house in my unbuttoned blouse and white cotton boy leg panties that show half my ass. We wandered into his PC room and he put on some MP3’s and I stood with my ass facing him and started shakin’ my booty to the music.

I could feel his cock getting harder the more I gyrated my hips into his (remember I was a stripper waaay back in the day). He started playing with my nipples as I molded my back up against him as my ass tried to eat his cock through our clothes. Man, I was fucking high and it felt goood!

We went into his bedroom (I think it was my idea) and as he was getting a towel (you know us squirters!) I grabbed my toy bag and put it next to the bed. Ohhh, I wanted him BAD as I lay back down on the towel with my legs spread open wide. That was all the invitation he needed.

He started teasing my pussy with his tongue, touching it deliciously, delicately and driving me abso-fucking-lutely-crazy, I wanted to FUCK! But being the polite, refined middle aged lady that I am, I restrained myself from blurting that out loud. Instead I moaned loudly, and twisted and squirmed under the tutelage of his tongue.

Then he asks me about my toys, at which I giggle and I said “Already brought em in”. He wasted no time and brought our ruffles to juice my g-spot. I love to watch his face as he enjoys my orgasms, it’s so cool! I remember telling him to stick his cock in my mouth and at this point my memory starts to gets fuzzy. I mean I was totally fucked up.

He ended up really surprising me though, I really must be “Temptress of the Faithful” because he finally broke his vow of non-penetration (Yea me!). I wasn’t expecting that at all, but had hopes we would someday fuck, or even better, make love.

I lay on my back with my feet on his shoulders and he starts kissing them. During one of our discussions I mentioned that my feet are another erogenous zone and you can almost make me cum by playing with them. What I forgot to mention was that sucking on my toes (like you would a tit) is the way to get my juices flowing. Not everyone’s into feet though, lol.

He started getting closer and closer to my pussy with his dick, and I tried so damn hard not to just shove my throbbing wet hole down on it HARD, but I let him drive that boy himself. At first he just barely inserted his cock in me, like a little hit and miss while rubbing his rock hardon on my swollen clit.

Then when he was finally fully inside me, I got him in even deeper by squeezing my pussy muscles down tight, and shoving my whole body up and down. I was hitting that g-spot just right and squirting my cum down his cock and dripped it on his balls.

Reaching for my little blue dolphin clit tickler, I rubbed the small vibrator down his cock and up to my clit, back and forth. I held the vibrator the full length of his cock and felt the vibrations inside me and came all over again and again, moving the vibe around.

In my wasted state, and being dizzy from cumming so much, I don’t remember his orgasm, isn’t that terrible of me? And our first time too, but I think he enjoyed it as much as I did and even let me drift off to sleep for a while (ok, I passed out). I remember him stroking my hair as I dozed, something that will straight up put me to sleep, I know I was smiling blissfully.

He covered me up with this awesomely soft comforter and watched me sleep for a little while. He says I snore kind of softly, but I think he was being nice, I’ve been having sinus issues lately and probably rattled the windows, lol. But I will admit it, booze makes me snore.

Let me ask all you ladies out there: Do the guys you have relations with ever watch you when you sleep? I’ve had several relationships where my old man would just lay there and watch me sleep, and I would wake up staring in his eyes and smile, but I just wondered if all guys do that.

Anyways, I couldn’t spend the night at his house (damnit!) so he very nicely and politely got me awake in stages and started helping me dress. Luckily the drive home was a long one so we chatted and held hands, as Mo helped wake me up. I was good to drive by the time we made it back to my car in the IGA parking lot (is a small town grocery chain).

Our lips and our ways parted at the same time as we said goodbye . . .

Personal growth is a good thing . . . Entry for March 31, 2007

2007-03-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

I had a very nice lunch yesterday with my friend Mo. He caught me on my cell on while I was on my way into town to get my sons medical records for his Job Corps admissions counselor. We decided to leave my car parked where I got the records at, and drove off in his car to get some fast food (I recommend Arby’s Chicken Salad Wrap, lol).

He’d said “we needed to talk” (Uh Oh) and he wanted to do it face to face. Of course alarm bells went off in every direction. I know he reads my blog all the time, so I knew he was aware of my inner thoughts and feelings. But I guess I did my curbside therapy went a little too well, because he decided it would be better to end it like this with lunch in Ben Hawes State park.

It was a beautiful overcast day outside as I sat across from him at the red painted picnic table and tried to nibble delicately on my American burrito, but I was hungry, lol! After the food was all consumed with small talk, he finally got down to the point: He decided that our deliciously tempting plans for early next week were going to have to be cancelled.

His explanation being he wanted to take the higher road, and do the right thing. I joke about it, but I do have another nickname, it’s “Temptress of the Faithful”(it’s in my profile, lol) that even predates thesexy.tech nickname. As I’ve said before, I can be a little spoiled brat when I don’t get my way.

People will tell you, I stomp my foot and stick out my bottom lip in a big pout if I don’t get what I want sometimes. Believe you me, I’m well aware of my faults, lol. But I could tell this was really hurting Mo to tell me this cause in the short time we’ve known each other, we’ve really enjoyed each other’s company and on many different levels too, not just sexually..

He said what got him to thinking was when I was pondering in my last post if I was the only one he “cheated” with, and to be technical, we never really did fuck. But oh was it awesome anyways, mmmm. . . well he said he didn’t want there to be any doubts between us, just in case after he gets his life back together and we see each other again.

I’ll give him one thing, he’s got a lot more moral strength than most men in his situation, that’s for damn sure. I watched his color changing green/brown/gold eyes swim in liquid color. He says I have very dark sensuous eyes, of course that melts me and we talk some more, but I don’t try to talk him out of his decision.

Mo made the right choice of course, but I still don’t have to like it . . .

And the answers are in . . . Entry for March 30, 2007

2007-03-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you just got to get everything out in the open, to have it stare you blindly in the face, before you finally listen to your own self, even though it’s a reflection of everyone’s thoughts around you? I probably knew the answer to my last post’s question from the day I read his email about having a girlfriend, but it felt so good to be with someone again, even if just for a little while.
He says he’s getting hammered in the polls (lol), but he’s hammering himself as well. Intensity rushed in, alongside longing, desire and affection, unlooked for, but there, nevertheless. But could I ever trust someone who would cheat, even if it was just to be with me (or was I one of many)? I am by no means secure in my self-image stability. But that doesn’t matter now.

Being “just friends” will be OK with me, one can never have too many friends. This whole situation got me to thinking about my last ex, Shawn, who I still keep in touch with though when he left me he went back to his ex-wife and kids. He was also over ten years younger than me, like the situation with my friend and his girlfriend, and also we were together nearly 3 years kind of like Mo and his girlfriend too.

It got me starting to wonder if Shawn was thinking of our future and our age difference, is that when our relationship fell apart? I dunno, but Shawn has been emailing me several times this week, I’m gonna ask him. Mo and me have been discussing our hopeless situation, and we’ve decided that he’s a dumbass, lol. He reads my blog (as well as his buddy) so I have to make him pretty anonymous, but talk about him I shall (waves to Mo, gives buddy the finger, lol).

We know that in his current state of affairs (no pun intended) continuing a “physical” relationship wouldn’t work for either of us, emotions would drift in for sure, and feelings would get hurt. So now we’re trying to keep the banter light and stay away from the heavy stuff underneath. Neither of us expected this strong attraction that suddenly built up.

But I put up my self-built protective wall and haven’t released the full depth of my being during passion play (not to mention technically we haven’t had sex), that would be unfair on my part. But we do enjoy each other’s “stimulating” company, though this week’s pleasant pastime has to come to an end soon, and we both know it. The ending date is set for Tuesday morning or night, depending on my schedule. I might end up in court that day.

Well, wish me luck as I travail though this emotional quicksand I call my life story . . .

Too much to think tonight (again). . . Entry for March 27, 2007

2007-03-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

You ever been in one of those situations where you have this premonition that things just aren’t going to turn out the way you want, but you still go on hoping? Why can’t I just find a man who is unattached that I like, is that so hard to ask??? I know I’m setting myself up for a let down, and yet like an avalanche, it’s unstoppable

I probably shouldn’t be listening to the Blues right now (Susan Tedeschi) while I write this, but her music is just so fitting to my present state of mind. I met this new guy, Mo, that I really like. We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about a week now, and it’s been pure heaven . . . and hell.

I really don’t care for secret romances, but yet again, this guy is taken (sigh). Another story of a happy relationship, but he has a need for something more that’s not being met by his old lady. And I fit the bill. I really like this guy too, and (of course) don’t want to be hurt.

I love it when he comes over, and to his credit, we’ve only had masturbatory and oral sex, due to his personal conviction of being in a relationship with someone. I could understand that, since recently I wouldn’t sleep with married men till asshole down the street sweet-talked me into it.

We see each other and I’m elated, but then when it’s his time to leave, I’m deflated and depressed. I shouldn’t be, I knew what was what before we met. But it seems like I’m attracting men who are already with other people and can't figure out why. Is it a writing pheremone I’m giving out over the Internet or something? I dunno.

No matter how much I like him, I know what I should do, just tell him “Well, it’s been fun, but I only date single men” and let that be the end of it, let him sort his life out. But then again there’s an undeniable attraction I have for him, and it’s not just physical, it’s mental and emotional too.

Can someone give me the answer, please?

Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon . . . Entry for March 26, 2007

2007-03-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

A warm March wind gets stirred by the window-box fan, the afternoon has went well
So far that is, but not far enough, queries about the clock sets spirits deflating
An evil plan forms, an old after hours trick to get the ball rolling
“Ouch, my back sure hurts, would you mind rubbing it a little for me?” (innocent look)
As I hand him the bottle of baby oil, and coil my lengthy hair up in a clip
I slip off the dress, standing completely naked, outside and in
Tension released and expanded as slick hands meet mural-ed flesh
Slipping down to the soft mounds of my tense ass, twitching at the touch
I feel the wetness of anticipation, still wondering how far will you go?
Desire has an opinion, and Libido agrees, but Fate (conscience) steps in to save the day
Even with placed boundaries, there’s still room to play, taken ain’t dead so they say
Toy instruction completed in seconds, the buzz and the ridges, but OH I want that cock
To wrap my lips and tenderly suck, taking it all the way, “Can I suck your cock, please?”
The wanting making me beg, the acquiescence, nibbling on that sweet spot
Right there at your hip, I trace my tongue down, down suckling those balls like Tootsie-Pops
Teasing, savoring the moment before I swallowed you whole
Ahhhh looking up from the base of your cock, I see the look in your eyes
Pleasure mounting and I just want MORE! If I can’t have your cock, fuck me by proxy
I hand you the toy, teaching the angle and watched his intent gaze make me cum
Noticed his surprise as wetness grew to flood, splashing waves of passion
Building and building, exploding again, trying to still the screams wanting to escape
Again and again, I watched his beauteous face stuck in permagrin
Soaked sheets, arms and body parts attesting to the claim that I post fact, not fiction
Thirty second break, then I asking again as I grabbed his hips forward
“I want to suck your cock” and moaned my pleasure on his cock again
Grabbing hips, making him fuck my face, tasting bits of pleasure on my tongue
Wanting to have that orgasm, to feel it explode in my mouth in bitter-sweetness
Like melting Dove chocolate on my tongue, but that pleasure was denied me
So I invented compromise, I had to see him cum, to share it with him
I squeezed my tender titties up by his cock, and inserted the dildo inside me
I matched him stroke for stroke, and fucked myself harder, the harder he became
Too soon I was cumming, soaking my ass while he jacked that cock in my face
Pussy cum fountaining, his final stroke explosive and wonderful to see
Watching his face cumming, I drank it in like I was dehydrated, beautiful white puddles
Arranged attractively across my chest, I dip digits in to finger paint and taste
Sliding down eroticly as I rise up to cap a pic
Hi Sweety, do you still like what you see?

When you were young . . . Entry for March 24, 2007

2007-03-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

The Killers have this new song out, titled “When you were young” that I liked but never really listened to the lyrics very close until now. When it finally hit me I recognized something inside me, cause I paused and overlaid the lyrics onto my life:

When You Were Young (The Killers)

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I dont know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now
Watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane
That started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And you see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water
It ain't so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young
(Talks like a gentleman)
(Like you imagined)
When you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

I realized I’d been looking towards my ex’s, and trying to fill some of the emptiness inside by reliving old times. But I see now that’s just what they are, the past, not the present, and told myself “There’s a very good reason you made them your ex’s in the first place, dumb ass!” and have now ended pursuit of what once was, once and for all.

I’ve been yearning for someone to share so much more than just fantastic sex (that’s out there for the picking sometimes). Yet sometimes I don’t feel like picking any at all. Of course I say this now that it seems I might have to resort to local bar hopping to fulfil my need for social interaction. Though that kind of sux if I have to drive myself, I just won’t drink and drive.

But of course there is more than one way to intoxicate one’s self. Intelligent conversation is one way. Intelligence is sexy and appreciation of my intelligence is a plus, but that’s hard to find here in Redneck Land (sigh). I’ve tried Yahoo personals, and even cleverly managed to hide my e-mail address in the profile message, but that hasn’t worked too well.

A little bit of Ganja also works well to stimulate . . . uh, what was I talking about? My train of though just got derailed, but I want to tell you about this guy I started e-mailing named VB. His first email was about my blog and that newspaper’s article about the group that kicked me out. He slipped in an invitation to go riding on his bike sometime and I was going to take him up on that for sure.

He works in an IT department and I told him us geeks need to stick together, lol. Well over the weekend a few of his emails got unread because my ex was visiting me. But as I was playing email catch up the other day when it was pretty outside, he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride, so of course I said “Hell yea!”

We were meeting at the local IGA parking lot (a safe place) cause sometimes you just never know about people you meet on line. I’m not adverse to meeting people, but I have to feel comfortable with them online first and then a face to face in a safe place. I saw him pull into the parking lot from the road while I dropped off a prescription refill.

I saw you before you first saw me
I was peeking through the window from the pharmacy
Walking outside trying to cross your path
cause I saw you looking for me east and west
when a car finally moved out of your way
I waved and you smiled, forever brightening my day

Well, we rode for a bit, then made a water stop and talked a little bit about everything particular. He’s a handsome man, a just few years older than me and said he remembered my profile saying something about liking younger men, but you guys know me, I’m flexible, lol. During our conversation, I heard him mention something about “girlfriend” but honestly I liked looking in his eyes and face, so didn’t pay attention.

I enjoying the ride back to the car, wind rushing by, holding on to him tight, tickling his belly-button and squeezing my thighs tight against his sides, and my clit feeling the vibration of the bike was making me wet. I though about dildo attachments could be creative passenger accessories, there’s probably a market for it, lol.

Getting off his bike, I went around and told him I just had to kiss him goodbye. It was a sweet kiss, and I played nice and didn’t slip him the tongue. We talked for a minute more after that, and I kissed him goodbye again, and drove across the lot to the pharmacy, watching his back shrink in the distance.

We both had a nice afternoon, but I probably wouldn’t have kissed him if I knew he had a girlfriend . . .

WTF was I thinking?!?!?(Curtain Call) . . . Entry for March 22, 2007

2007-03-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

During that long first night/morning together, I read him off my blog entry that discussed the possibility of us getting back together, and we both said we’d think about it. Now this "great idea" of mine was created without remembering that "Oh yea, he’s an alcoholic and control freak!" Well, to give him credit, he’s not really a control "freak" but he THINKS he’s always right, not a very endearing quality for me to swallow.

Also, I was reminded of other faults and failures of his (they are in my eyes) and the big one being racism. I wasn’t raised racist and didn’t teach my children to be either. But I have to remind the kids this is the South and when that kind of ignorance is shown, nothing you say will change their mind and it’s best just to ignore it and know that you are the better person.

My son and his Dad got into a HUGE fight over him using the "N" word, and I applauded my son (it would be my problem child too, lol) for standing up to his father. I told Ed, Shayne was in the right in the first place and to just fucking drop it. We did have fun off and on all weekend, but that "honeymoon" period lasted all of 48 hours and I was kind of ready for him to go home.

But the kids were having fun fishing and spending time with him, and Ed pulled off the ultimate coup, he got our sons to finish cleaning their room. He had to stand there and yell and threaten them the whole time, but I had to laugh, at least it wasn’t me, I’d done my tour of duty on that job! Ed blamed me for the kids’ behavior at first, but then saw that both boys were exactly like himself at that age.

I had a nice visit with my son Vaughan though, he managed to stay out of most of the arguments, lol. He missed all our pets (four new baby kittens too damnit!), not to mention he got to gather a few of his things to take with him, and wander around the woods and play with the dogs.

It took him 2 days, but my ex finally caught enough fish for dinner one night. He even caught a small bass that I didn’t even know lived in the lake, lol. The last 2 days of his visit we didn’t have sex at all. I was tired of his drunken, opinionated, smart ass by then, and throw PMS in the mix and it makes for a cranky Techy.

Ed is one of those types of drunks who can drink all day long and not really show it unless you know them well, and I know him extremely well. No way was he ever going to change and no way could I live with someone that drinks ALL the time, is ALLWAYS right, doesn’t like my music, and thinks he’s God, amongst other negative things. Occasional great sex ain’t worth all that!

Now that I’ve put any ideas of getting back together with my 1^st husband to bed for good, I just remembered that over the weekend I hand my oldest ex boyfriend Steve call me while he was drunk. Remember him from this past Fall’s posts? He was supposed to come out here from the SF Bay Area but never made it because he went to jail for a little bit . . .twice . . . and never made it out here?

He knows my ex back from when he moved out here for a while in 2000, and they got along great (since they’re both alcoholics). Well Steve calls right in the middle of us fucking, and needs to talk to me (according to him) and wanted to say Hi to Ed too. Needless to say I’m like "Go away, tell him I’ll call tomorrow" and damnit had to say it three times too because Steve was drunk.

I was crashed out the next afternoon when Steve called, and surprise surprise, he was drunk again! It’s always been my rule with him that I refuse to talk to him when he’s been drinking because I don’t like who he becomes and he knows this. But still he tries, and once again, I told him I’m hanging up, and to call me when he’s sober. And then he usually never does, like this time.

The weekend ended up lasting 5 very long days, but at least I got laid for a few days in a row , hehehhe!

WTF was I thinking?!?!?(Act Two) . . . Entry for March 21, 2007

2007-03-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

When I said my ex husband “Ed” wasn’t through with me yet, I should have said we hadn’t even gotten started, lol. At the height of our physical passion for each other, we thought we created marathon sex, lol. But that was decades ago now, but still, as middle-aged divorced fuckfests go, it was a pretty good one!

I’ve talked about anal play before, and how I enjoy giving it to a man and taking him to peaks of expert ecstasy, haven’t I? So for the last time, honestly guys, it really does feel good and it doesn’t make you gay, all right? Good! Well Ed and me always indulged each other, and that night was no exception.

See that pic up there? That’s Ruffles (cause it has ridges) and notice the wide end can be used as a vaginal plug so it can be used like a double dildo, kewl huh? I laid flat on my back while Ed licked me up good and wet and I slipped the big end s l o w l y into my pussy. He throbbed the toy in and out of that slick hole fast, making me squirt again, before lay on his back and scooted down so I could penetrate him.

Very carefully, I inserted the first bead of Ruffles the magic wand (those “ridges” are called beads) and stroked his cock. He reached across our shared toy and started playing with my clit. That did it, and I was off squirting again, slipping another bead or two in and out of his ass. I was fucking cumming all over the place, but had to try hard to stay in control so I wouldn’t hurt him.

I fucked my own pussy while I fucked his ass and pictured it while my pussy spasmed around that doorknob-like plug. I watched him jack himself off and took out my little pocket rocket vibe and hit my clit with it and was cumming HARD, when he un-impaled himself from our toy and whispered “I want that ass baby” into my ear. I was ready for it too!

I gently removed that fat knob from inside my pussy and reached for the lube. He knew the drill, and we both laid on our sides, the little buzzing tongue of the vibe keeping my juices flowing as I gently inserted the head of his cock in my ass. My hands were behind me, pushing back on his hips just in case he got a little “over enthused”, lol.

Little by little I relaxed my ass onto his cock, and kept cumming the whole time. After he was fully inside, he handed me Ruffles and whisped to me again “Mmmm, put this in your pussy too”. He held the vibe on my clit while I slipped the toy partway in, fucking myself slowly, feeling his cock through my pussy wall.

I took out the dildo and tossed the vibe aside and fingered my g-spot, and felt him fucking my ass. I was screaming into the pillow again and again as the tidal wave orgasms ripped through me. He felt my pussy cum splash down on his thighs and felt my fingers rubbing his cock from inside of me and that was all it took.

I bucked my hips fast and hard into the cock in my ass and I felt him start to shiver, then I grabbed his balls, pulling on them, extending that pre-orgasm tension, then screamed at him to rub my clit, and fucked even faster. As my pussy exploded again, so did my ass and his cock followed suit. I reached behind me and held him tighter to my body while I squeezed my ass cheeks, draining every drop.

That was it for the night, but there was more to cum over the long weekend . . .

WTF was I thinking?!?!?(Act One) . . . Entry for March 20, 2007

2007-03-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

Damnit! I swear to the Goddess that I must have lost every last ounce of common and uncommon sense she ever gave me for thinking about getting back with my ex husband, ROFLMAO and PMSL! The “Sideshow” was everything and more. Don’t get me wrong now, we had some mind-blowing sex (I’ll get to that in a minute), and it blindsided me, but only briefly (thank god).

Well, I’ve been “busy” with my first husband (father of my 3 sons) for the last 5 days and have now come back down to reality. I drove the 250 mile round trip and picked up him and my other twin son, to bring them home for the weekend, or that was the the plan anyways, in addition to discussing cohabitation (and lots of fornication, lol).

Since he just got his disability back pay, he just had to go pay off a couple of his buddies that hang out with him at his favorite bar before he left town. It was a trip into nostalgia for me, I hadn’t been in that bar in years, but had known a lot of these people since ’87 when we first lived in the neighborhood.

I was getting hugs and lots of ego stroking compliments from all these guys and I realized something. I may have put on the pounds, but my face hasn’t put on the years. It’s a fair trade don’t you think? That “quick stop” lasted a couple of hours at least, hanging out with the local drunks. By the time I dragged him out, he’d worked up quite a buzz, which ain’t too bad a thing. (wink)

By the time two hour drive home was through, he’s polished off a ’40 and a few cans of beer and was fine ‘n frisky. He rushed me into the bedroom (“Hi boys, love you, talk to you in a bit”) and brought out the “party favors” (that’s a euphanisim and if you didn’t get it, sorry, lol) and we got good and high and horny as fuck.

He had my clothes already half off before the buzzing in my head faded, threw me back and yanked my pants straight off. He immediately did a muff dive that would’ve have scored a 10.0 by any judge! He’s a great pussy eater and always has been, that’s how he entraps his women, the “Gigolo Spider”, and entangles her in his web of multiple orgasms.

Unfortunately the same Gigolo Spider finds it necessary to spread his seed far and wide, while his last prey is still twitching happily in his webs. It’s his ego stroke I guess, but anyway for the moment it was working on me, lol. His burning lips were sucking on my nether ones, dripping pleasure on his tongue, knowing it’s one of his weaknesses.

“Stick your fingers in me!” I gasp and my pussy grasps at the two fingers now probing for my g-spot he knows is there. He must have remembered from a couple weeks ago, because he found it pretty fast, and started milking for my pussy cum right into his mouth.

I handed him Ruffles (my acrylic dildo) and showed him how to angle it to rub me just right, while he sucked on my clit. I moaned, thrashed and splashed all over his arm, face and chest. I took a breather to let him dry off and started sucking his raging cock taking it deep down my throat and choking on his full erection now, it was pretty fucking hot!

Now both of us have been partial to anal play from waaaaay back, but the only time he likes to do it if he’s drugged out, kinda like right then, lol. So I turned my body around and inserted “Captain Hook” slowly and gently in his ass as I sucked harder on his dick.

“Captain Hook” is a glass (well, Pyrex really) J shaped g-spotter, that can be used to better hit the g-spot, but it can be used on men for much the same purpose. Anyhoo, back to the blow job . . . I felt his response to this direct stimulation to his male g-spot and shifted gears faster towards orgasm-overdrive and he took out Ruffles and stuck in his fingers.

I gasped deep and arched my back hard as he started fingering my pussy and ass at the same time. I felt the flood begin to flow out of me and I hit his s-pot faster and took my mouth off his cock. I had to bite into a pillow as the triple orgasm hit me and I screamed it into the bound feathers.

My pussy literally fountained and he drove his digits in deeper, just to watch me twitch. Every time his skin touched my clit, I squirted and came and couldn’t stop the reflex. Finally I had to pull his hands away from my pussy, or I’d pass out from the pleasure I told him, so we took a little break.

But he wasn’t through with me yet . . .

Let the Sideshow Begin . . . Entry for March 16, 2007

2007-03-16T05:35:00.001-07:00

“Step right up, hurry hurry, before the show begins . . . my friends” (Man I love the Stylistics!). If you remember about a month and a half ago I wrote about dropping off one of my twin sons at this Father’s and dropping in for a quick “Booty Call” at the same time, lol. Since then (of course) I’ve been talking to my son and my ex-husband as well. Recently he called and said he might need to stay here for a week.

Apparently his stable situation got a shake up and he was staying with friends. I said sure, no problem, and waited all the next day for him, forgetting my son’s (and mine) therapist appointments in the process. Well the day next after his no-call/no-show, I contacted his sister in Louisville and found out he was staying with my son at his nieces’ place.

When I called him there, he sounded pretty sick and was talking about still coming to stay for a week (and also leaving more booty call hints), but he was waiting on a nice sized government disability check. Ever aware of the benefits of ex’s having money, and also aware he was horny as a three-testicled goat, I decided not to bitch TOO much about him leaving me hanging.

I even asked him about helping me get my car fixed before it becomes too late to fix, and he said he’d see what he could do. I was in a pretty damn good mood all day after that. Or it could be the Xannies (them powder blues work wonders!) and other meds are finally taking full effect, but I had a very productive day. The kitchen got clean, I baked a lemon chicken and home-made brownies with swirled peanut butter/choc chips in em, yummy!

The kids came home and I left to do the grocery shopping and go borrow a cordless drill for this job I got tomorrow (Yea!), and the drive back and forth got me to thinking about the “ulterior motives”, both his and mine, if he came back for good. I was balancing both the benefits and assets, and playing devil’s advocate for both our sides.

Sexually:
1) For me (and for him), a steady source of very well known hot, nasty, sex, since we’ve knocked boots on and off for over 25 years.
2) The swinging lifestyle. I remember the first time we did the “partner swap” thing in my hotel room and I was a little too emotional to really participate, though I did watch. I think he might have been the one to introduce me to threesomes too, if I’m not mistaken. But the only problem with that is that he would get bitchy and act ignored if the other chick and me started getting into each other. I’m sure he’s gotten over that by now, lol.
3) I’m not really the jealous type, but he used to be. But now that I’m a BBW and not a size 9, he probably doesn’t care anymore.

Financially:
1) Well, with his fixed income and my son’s fixed income, it wouldn’t be hard to live out here in the sticks.
2) If we did get back together that would also mean he wouldn’t have to pay anymore child support. Like I wasn’t really getting any money in the first place, so that’s more of a benefit for him than me, but wtf.

Responsibility:
1) I wouldn’t be a single parent and wouldn’t get the fucking crap my boys try to pull just because I’m female and they’re bigger than me
2) He would be able to watch them while I went out of town on jobs, and wouldn’t have to pay a sitter.

I would have to put up with his annoying habits, like taking more time than I do to get ready, lol. Also, if that jealousy bug has given him a permanent bite, he can kiss my motherfucking ass, cause I’m not dumping my male friends for anyone! I’ve done that before and have always regretted it. Not to mention the fact he’s never been faithful to me, but in and OPEN relationship he wouldn’t have to be, as long as his dick stays covered, lol.

So there ya go, let the Sideshow begin, lets see if it’s worth the 50 cents to see . . . Oh, did I mention today is his 50th birthday too? hehehe

Let the Sideshow Begin . . . Entry for March 16, 2007

2007-03-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

A letter to my Dad in the Hospital . . . March 14, 2007

2007-03-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

This is pic from Christmas of ’72 that my Dad sent me. I’m the short one with glasses, I think I was probably 9. My Father recently went into the hospital for problems with his emphysema, and I’ve been very worried, but now he’s getting better. My Stepsister thought it would cheer him up if I wrote him a little something to make his day a little brighter, so I’m going to share it with you.

Dad,

I remember when pigtails and rabbit fur hand muffs were in fashion
And Santa Claus was REAL
Doing somersaults for the 8mm camera
And acting silly Christmas morning
Pulling my cheese with the popup mice behind me
Was all part of the game
The purple Schwinn bike you gave me
For Christmas in my 5th year was “previously owned”
But it might as well have been made of gold
Because you bought it for me

Easter bonnets and egg hunts at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s
I’d always end up with the least
But you made my tears go away
Swinging me around in circles
It’s hard to be sad when you’re dizzy

I remember my first fishing trip to the Berkeley Pier
When I actual fished and caught a shiner
Ok, I hooked it in the eye, but wasn’t that appropriate?
You taught my how to bait the hook and to be very careful
OK, the screaming kid with the hook in his hand taught me that
But do you remember?

I wasn’t always good
As the fork-tine scars on your hand will attest
I remember with confusion the explanation of divorce
And I’ll never forget the day you left
My brother and sister made you breakfast
I said I wanted to make it for your next week
And sadly with tears in your eyes
You tried to explain to a 6-year-old
Why that wasn’t going to happen

True, we never saw you enough
But I knew you still loved us
Over the years, our relationship has waxed and waned
And right now I embrace the fact it’s at an all-time high
I wish I could see you now
Even in ill health
I know that smile and love is still there
So as soon as you get back home
I’m mailing you a webcam
Cause next time I tell you a joke
I want to SEE you laugh, damnit!

I love you Dad.

Un-Motherf*cking! Believable! (Blows) . . . Entry for March 7, 2007

2007-03-07T16:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, you’re really not gonna believe this one! ! I think anyone that’s been a long time reader knows how I feel about censorship, the 1^st amendment and the freedoms we Americans are given there. But there’s been a lot of flack from the media about the local swingers group and during one of the chat sessions with the swingers in that group, the "host" pulled me aside into an IM and had this to say to me:

thesexytech: yes sweety?

group host : ok about that...lol...i forgot til u mentioned it

group host :have to go to serious mode now...yuckk

thesexytech

: ok hun

group host: the blogs...auntie emm

group host: u know ***** was trashed and didnt mean to piss u off right?

thesexytech: this isn't the first time she's done something like that, but there is more than one EM" that goes there

thesexytech: I didn't really trash her

thesexytech: I stated facts

thesexytech: I don't know why she has never liked me

thesexytech: I'm friendly with everyone

thesexytech: I've never done a thing to her

thesexytech: and tell her hi and everything

group host : i know u like to post and is like your diary which is fine....but specific details which pertain to us....hits home cause they all writre me about it

thesexytech: but if it was just me, I would have let it go, but she did it to F, and that just wasn't right

thesexytech: I said I was in Indiana

group host: but if u look..F is laid back and blows shit off easily though

group host: lol doenst matter to those who know better...the ones who go

thesexytech: yes, but he shouldn't have to, it was disrespectful of her to him

group host : u know there are alot of ppl that have no life out there readin your blog

group host: we like to lol

group host: your one sick bitch and have great stories lkmao

thesexytech : I know, and I try to keep it anon

thesexytech: and you are right, of course, about the aunty em thing

thesexytech: does she want an appology?

group host : ok can i ask u one thing....and i know it is slightly degrading but would u plz do it anyway

thesexytech: what's that?

group host : its not her that wants it actually its the ppl that wrote about it to me

group host: saying they think that an apology in the blog would be agood idea....not a groveling one

group host: just a....ok so maybe we all blew it out of proportion one ....

group host: that make sense?

group host: something like ...ok we were all drunk and things got carired away and now that we all look back on it it was nothin

thesexytech: I will leave a note in my comments, it was not meant to really hurt anyone, I'm, not that type of person

group host:i dont know

group host : ty techy i really do appreciate it

group host : i want everyone to come have fun

group host: and not to dread seing each other

thesexytech: and it's not degrading, if I did hurt her feelings, I will apologize

group host: and yeah eevryone gonna have cliques

group host: ty really

We chatted a little more then yahoo booted me again, so I closed it. Not wanting to jeopardize my relationship with the group owners, I immediately went to my blog page comments section and wrote a sincere apology here (http://360.yahoo.com/profile-JG2pN3o9cqoh.Uh6uDYanIKNGw--?cq=1). I received a shock via email Sunday morning from the group host and this was her response to my blog apology that she requested I write:

: ----- Original Message ----
From: group host
To: thesexy.tech

Sent: Sunday, March 4, 2007 7:55:06 AM
Subject: meet and greets

hello techy writing to tell u we have had comments about your blog this morning....complaints of it being sarcastist and not an actual apology since u said u were stating facts....i really thought that there would be an apology in some sort like this....

i would like to aplogize for what i had written about a fellow party goer....we were both drinkin and i think we may have just had a misunderstanding and neither of us meant to piss each other off....its just a party with a bunch of friends and her moving the balls was just something that was done tryin to be silly....and i got upset

this isnt the first time we have had a complaint about the comments in the blogs....in fact we have someone not happy now with the post about the article in the news....our group....and that happens to be me....

we dont need anymore negative attention right now...and should all be pulling together to get through this....there are alot of worried ppl including myslef....that just want a place to hang out and have fun with friends...and this town is trying to take that away from us....u r feeding into this by displaying it for the public....

since u feel u need to tell what u do and what we do in our private life....then we feel it is best that we dont allow u the opportunity to involve any of our members(friends) lives in it....unless they choose to see u on their time and not the meets time....so as of now u will no longer be able to attend the meets or be involved in the group activities....group host

And this was my reply to her email:

Group host,

I was in no way sarcastic in my apology, and was sorry her feelings were hurt and said so very plainly here in my comments section:

I'd like to make a comment critiquing my own blog post. Someone's feelings were hurt from something I wrote, and for that I'm sorry. I have never meant to ever intentionally hurt ANYONE's feelings, and that is the truth. All I do is report facts as I see them (at that moment in time), and of course, there are always 3 sides to every story as I've said before. So sweety, I'm sorry you were upset, and I really mean that.
Kisses!
Tst

How can you construe that to be sarcastic? Unless the person we've been discussing has it in for me and just wants me out, I don't understand. By that "moment in time" statement, I was referring to both of us being drunk, but didn't want to her to be further upset by me saying she was drunk. I said there are 3 sides to every story in my postings before.1) yourself 2) the other person and 3) what really happened, and it's true. In simpler words, you may have been wrong, they may have been wrong and both of them could have been wrong as well. That's true for every situation.

Just because someone thinks I'm being sarcastic, doesn't mean that I am. I call people sweety and end posts and messages with the Kisses and tst (the sexy tech) as my "signature" all the time. I AM sorry she got upset and said so, very plainly I thought.

I am in no way self-centered or egotistical enough to have what she did playing with the pool balls even effect me, but she disrespected F and out of all 3 men that have my utmost respect out there, next to Yours and Sin's husbands, he's 3rd in line. If you feel my standing up for him was wrong, then that is my fate.

My apology was very sincere, but I'm not sure even how her feelings were hurt or how she could say I'm just being sarcastic by posting my comment. I am a very loving and caring person, and I hold no grudges against anyone. I'm never jealous or envious of anyone, I'm happy with who I am, with all my faults and failures. I don't think I'm anyone special, I'm not narcissistic, and I don't start any trouble, or so I thought.

The group has been like a second family to me, I've made and want to keep going there. Please don't cut me out. If you want, (Please) just let me come one more time and I'll apologize to her face, so she would know I am truly sorry she was upset. Then if you still want me to go, fine, but at least let me get a chance to say goodbye to the people I've gotten to know and love for the last 6 months.

Thank you for letting me have my say, I await your reply.

Techy

That was Sunday afternoon and I’m still waiting to hear from them . . . I guess their silence is all the answer I need . . .

Un-Motherf*cking! Believable! (Bites) . . . Entry for March 6, 2007

2007-03-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

This is a day for quotes, because have a need to chill out and express myself without trying to deaden the pain. I’ve got too much negative bullshit in my life right now, it’s time to dump it. Here’s some more pearls of wisdom (or bullshit, take it however you want ).

"Don't Say IT, Write IT, Post IT or Do IT unless you are prepared for IT to bite you in the ass at one point or another. Best to just keep IT to yourself, then you only have to worry about the voices talking to you in your head" - Lilith Eden

"Don't ever let ANYONE push you away from something you want to do. But never be afraid to walk away if you feel you have to." - Lilith Eden

"People don't realize that even though this 360 world is electronic, the thoughts, wishes and feelings are for real . . . and appreciated" - Lilith Eden

“My goal is to be someone's Requirement & not just an Option, in the meantime I'm courting Loneliness” – Lilith Eden

"There is no wisdom, there is only truth" - Lilith Eden

"Information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, wisdom is not truth . . ." - Frank Zappa

". . . like hydrogen, stupidity is one of the building blocks of the universe . . ." – Frank Zappa

"Men have the attention span for a relationship that measures the length of their penis” –Yamiya

"A vagina is gods way of paying off Satan" – Yamiya

(Takes deep breath) I’ve been really upset lately because people have been giving me hell about my blog postings. It seems to be spreading because now I’m losing people I considered and respected as “friends”. It’s kind of funny though, because I’m only reporting the facts in my life as I see them, even using anonymity when requested. (Which still smacks of censorship, but don’t get me started on that!)

I’ve discussed personal responsibility before. Everyone wants to blame everybody else but they never look in the mirror at the hypocrisy staring at them in the face. Freedom of Speech (among the other 1st Amendment Rights) is great! As long as you think it’s in your favor, but then heaven forbid facts should be stated that leave a bad taste in your mouth.

We all love to grab the tabloids while we’re waiting in line at the grocery store, catching up on all the juicy gossip of the celebrities. What makes you think any of us are different from those in the “real” limelight. They’re only famous (or infamous) because of the things or jobs they’ve done.

It’s okay to read about their high-profile lives, but what really makes you think that you are any different from them? Are we all not made of the same flesh and blood? They shit, piss, eat, sleep, fart, cough, sneeze, make love and act stupid just like everyone else. They laugh, cry, and hurt like we do, and because they’re celebrities, everyone wants to know about it.

But what about the everyday person? Their lives are interesting, and people like to read about them too. Maybe they’ve been (or are) in the same situation as you and are looking for some guidance or advice, or just to share your pain and pray that things get better for you.

Maybe just reading about the everyday woman or man’s life gains someone perspective and they stop and think “Damn! And I thought I had it bad!” And maybe they offer their stories and resolutions or advice of their own that really helps, or at least makes you feel better that you know you’re not all alone.

You ever think about that? . . .

Goodbye to the people I considered my friends, I apologize that my honesty pains you, but I refuse to be censored. I have a right to speak my own mind even if it bites me in the ass in the end. That’s the chance I take, and I will face the consequences with open eyes and no anger.

Just do me a favor? Quit reading my bog, because you’re not being honest with yourself if you do. You don’t want to have anything more to do with me, that’s your decision. Then why don’t you stay out of my written life too? I’ve had over a quarter million visits to my blog page, I don’t need you to boost my stats. And for real, why should you care what’s going on with me anyways?

Un-Motherf*cking! Believable! (Bits) . . . Entry for March 5, 2007

2007-03-05T13:17:00.000-08:00

This has got to be one of the most fucked up weeks I’ve had in quite a while. I don’t even know where to start, cause there’s so much to unload on you poor readers. I guess I’ll start with the roommate problem first.

I was warned that she liked pills, so put my meds up in a closet since I already knew L was an alcoholic, but I didn’t realize how bad till I saw the levels in my gallon wine jugs start dropping fast. Then I decided a “trust test” was in order, so before going over to my friends’ house, I inserted an 2 x 2 inch pamphlet in the crack of the door with a tiny bit of corner sticking out.

When I got back home to get my forgotten cell phone, I noticed the piece of paper was gone and the closet door closed. I opened the door and the square pamphlet was inside the in the middle of the carpet. To say I was pissed would be a severe understatement! She had followed me into my room too asking what was wrong and I told her the truth.

“I put a trap on my closet and the door was opened, what were you were doing in there?” Then she said she didn’t do it, may be her husband, who had been napping on my bed along with her when I left went in there, but I doubted it. The few days when he crashed on my couch, I was putting my meds elsewhere, but she knew exactly where I was keeping them now.

That was Saturday and I knew right then she was going to have to go to a shelter on Monday, because I can’t stand a liar or thief, and once that initial trust is broken (especially by someone with a substance abuse problem) then it seldom (if ever) gets repaired. I got some numbers off the list her husband had so I could make some calls and find her a place

I listened to her pleas of innocence but I’ve been with alcoholics before so they fell on deaf ears. I wasn’t buyin ‘what she was trying to sell, and told her I’d take her to a shelter on Monday. Well that night, when I was catching a lil’ buzz and chatting in my chatroom on anywebcam she made a pass at me, so we ended up having sex on cam on AWC.

It was pretty fucking hot, but for once I won’t get into details other than I was her first “squirter”. She told me it made her cum (even though she was “indisposed”) when I orgasmed and splashed my juices on her hand and up to my chest as she dildoed me with my acrylic toy again and again.

I would go into more naughty details, but I could see she was trying to use sex to manipulate me into letting her stay. But that wasn’t going to happen, cause I told her the sex was awesome, but it didn’t change anything. She still needed professional mental/emotional help I wasn’t qualified to give.

She got up earlier than I did and tried to let me use my car to go get her cigs (access denied!). I didn’t sleep well and when she woke me up hung over I was in no mood. So I got my hung-over ass up, drove the 5 miles to the store with a blinding headache. When we got back home I took my meds and a nice long nap (I had chatted with my Greek God friend until daylight, lol).

When I finally got up, I noticed she was unsteady on her feet, and sure enough, most of my wine was gone. I had told her to quit drinking my wine the night before, and she completely ignored my request. And to top it off, she was stumbling drunk in front of my kids, breaking another one of my few house rules, and must have been on some pills too, the way she was acting.

It was then, I knew she had to go . . . tonight! So I called a local detox program, and they gave me some suggestions. After calling one of the shelters for women that offer rehab services (they were full), the lady suggested that I take her to the hospital to detox, because no shelter will take someone in if they are drunk.

Well, I wasn’t looking forward to taking her all by myself because knowing her history, it scared me a little, cause she’s been known to get violent at times. So I lied to her, got her in the car and said we were going to the store and that I had business to take care of in town, and was very vague about it.

She doesn’t know the city of Owensboro at all, so I drove up to the ER entrance, and she asks “Why are we here?” So then I tell her, “This is where you need to be hun, I’m sorry but you need to detox before you can get into a shelter.” I got out of the care and ran in for an orderly to help me get her out, but by the time I got back, she took off running (and this is at 10 at night.

I had to call the police and make a report so they could find her, because it was cold and windy and I knew she had no where to go. They quickly found her hiding in the bushes at the hospital parking lot. But instead of taking her inside, they took her to jail for PI (public intoxication), she blew a .15 on a breathalyzer, but she’s “only had one drink all day” according to her.

The police told me I could come and sign her out, and take her to the hospital, but I knew she probably wouldn’t go for that so I let her spend the night in Jail. When I finally got home, she had just called me on the phone and my son handed it to me as I walked through the door.

She wanted me to come pick her up and sign her out! I couldn’t believe it! It’s about half an hour away in the first place, and I knew she wouldn’t let me take her to detox at the hospital. So I told her I was sorry, but the answer was no, and in the morning she really needed to check herself into the hospital and get some help, and hung up.

Today I found out that she‘s now at a Mental Hospital a few counties away and that’s a good thing. Because she needs treatment so bad to get her life back on track, and nothing her friends and family were doing was helping her. I hope her husband (also an alcoholic enabler) gets help at the shelter where he is staying, and not just playing the role of “functional alcoholic”.

They’ve been married 20 years, and both deserve a chance to make it 20 more . . .

And a new blog begins . . .Entry for March 3, 2007

2007-03-03T12:34:00.000-08:00

OK, after my "lengthy" hiatus (that’s long vacation, lol) from blogging, I’m back with more Good times and Bad times, and everything in between. I’ve started editing my old blogs, so that is going to be keeping me pretty busy. BTW - if any of my friends out there knows of a decent publisher can you send her or him my way? My email is thesexy,tech@yahoo.com Thanks!!

Well, what’s new with me? I’m glad you asked! I have a new roommate for a bit, I’ve written about her before, it’s my friend’s cousin that goes to the "Meet and Greet" parties with us, her name is "L". Oh, and another BTW, one of the "Lifestyle" groups I’m familiar with made front-page news out here in Kentucky.

The article was did a pretty decent job, stating that the patrons don’t bother anyone in the neighborhood. They also said that the building in "Friendly Village" (a fitting name, for it’s location, lol) was still referred to as "The Bait Shop", which is what it used to be.

I told my new roomy that they should keep "The Bait Shop" name. Cause I mean for real, everyone that goes to a "Lifestyle" party there is really fishing for something or other, right? lmao! Anyways, here’s the story, copyright The Messenger-Inquirer, 2007

03/01/07 Sex club a curiosity for neighbors Friendly Village building hosts 'Meet and Greet' By Joanie Baker and Leigh Ann Tipton - Messenger-Inquirer

While the locals still call it "the bait shop," the Friendly Village building on Kentucky 81 is referred to by others as a swinger's club or wife swap. A sign that reads "Owensboro Meet and Greet Private Club" now hangs on the tinted-window door that used to swing open for fishermen. According to law enforcement officers who've talked to the party's "hosts," the white building houses a monthly gathering of individuals who select other willing partners to fulfill sexual fantasies that are completely legal.

As rumors floated around the community of a spanking room and sex swing, local resident Ricky Gaddis said he decided about a year ago to see for himself what the "Meet and Greet" was all about. Gaddis said he paid $10 to get in, left his name at the front door and was told "if he didn't cause any trouble, there wouldn't be any trouble." "People kept asking what's going on over there, so I said 'I'll go find out,' " Gaddis said, adding that he went a year ago and doesn't know what goes on there now. "I didn't see no sex ...," but he did see some women baring their breasts.

Gaddis said he only saw one other local person inside the facility and believes that most of the others who gather there on a fairly regular basis must be wealthy people from out of town, judging by their vehicles. Jeff Jones, a captain with the Daviess County Sheriff's Department, said rumors were brought to the department's attention about six to nine months ago about a possible sex club in Friendly Village.

While no formal complaints have been filed with the department, Jones said the "hosts" of the party met with him and said adults come to the "Meet and Greet" to meet others from surrounding states before opting to go somewhere else on a consensual basis to do as they choose. Jones said the information the department received did not seem indicative of criminal activity.

Jim Mischel, an associate director for building and electrical at the Owensboro Metropolitan Planning Commission, said the lot is zoned B4, commercial, "which means a private club would be a permitted use." A county ordinance places some restriction on adult entertainment, but Mischel said the term "adult entertainment" is not clearly defined. "It would be up to the city or county to decide if it's adult entertainment or not," he said. "If they determine it to be, there are restrictions. "

The property is owned by William Whittaker, and a building permit was issued to Michael Whittaker for the installation of a mobile home adjacent to the facility. A man who answered the door at the mobile home Wednesday said, "I know who owns the club, and I do not want to do a story."

Anna Durbin lives just a couple of doors down from the club. She said she has watched women dressed in lingerie and others dressed "really nice" file into the building on Saturday nights. "You don't ever hear them or see them (after they go in)," she said. "I can't complain as far as the noise and trouble." Durbin said the parking lot is filled every time the group meets, and said they've been told there is food and that members get a special rate at a local hotel.

While many locals sit at the Roam Inn next to the "Meet and Greet" and joke about what goes on behind closed doors, Ashton Revlett said she thinks it's funny that no one really knows for sure. "Everybody knows everybody here, but hardly anybody knows anything about that place," she said. "... If you watch, it's the same cars every time. I never thought it would be here in town, (I) thought it would be in Vegas or somewhere, but not here." A search of three Web sites that cater to the swinging lifestyle resulted in ads from dozens of Owensboro couples looking for other individuals and couples to join them.

According to a 2000 paper in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 15 percent of couples in the U.S. have, at some point, incorporated swinging into their marriage. The International Lifestyle Association estimates there are upwards of 10 million adults worldwide practicing some form of swinging. A Yahoo group called "OBoro Meet and Greet Rednecks" says members must at least receive notice in the mail pertaining to the "Meet and Greet" and must be at least 21 years old. It also says the club does not discriminate.

A Web site for Club 201 in Evansville said its patrons range in age from their 20s to 50s but that the average club member is in their 30s or 40s. It also says its members are in good relationships and are looking for "a shared experience that appeals to their needs and fantasies and their desire to explore them together rather than apart."

Billy Keiser of Friendly Village said he and his friends joke about going to the "Meet and Greet" and have heard different stories from others who have been. He said he understands that members pay a fee to belong to the private club. "Some people really ought to go and take care of their curiosity at least," he said. " ... We've had more fun at that place's expense."
After spending about six hours in the old bait shop to become the "local expert" on the "Meet and Greet," Gaddis said he has no intention of going back. "Everybody does it in their own house and can invite anyone they want to come over," Gaddis said. "They just do it there." "As long as they don't bother me," Durbin said, "to each his own."

Wasn’t that great? I think it’s about time the illusion that the "swinging" lifestyle is wrong and what people involved in it are being sinful. There should be more appreciation that the mutually consenting couples (and singles) involved in this type of lifestyle often have more trust in each other, and it may even strengthen relationships in some cases.

If nothing else, it gives a little spice to monogamous relationships that want to add a little (consensual) fantasy to their lives . . .

Tha – Tha- That’s All Folks! . . . Entry for February 28, 2007

2007-02-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

I started seriously blogging one year ago today, though you can’t find the post here though. Back last Memorial Day Weekend the yahoo censors killed a lot of posts and people’s accounts for “mature” content. They are all in my blogger archive here though, but you might want to wait until the summer when it’s published, cause I’m turning it into a book, lol.

My first post was about the night I went out to a bar and got my first piece of ass in MONTHS. This Anniversary post won’t let ya down. I got a call from my friend Lars (who I hadn’t talked to in weeks) asking me if I wanted to come over and smoke one. I figured “Why not?” He was on his way home from work so that gave me enough time to shower and get dressed since I’d been napping when he called, lol.

I got there and parked my little silver Toyota behind this camper he bought with his tax refund so now you couldn’t see my car from the road at all. “Pretty sneaky,” I thought, “but its not like he cares much if we get caught” I though. So I went inside his house feeling horny and naughty at the same time, since this IS where he lives with his wife.

We chit chatted and smoked a blunt while catching up on what’s been going on with each other lives. About halfway through tokin’ on the blunt, he waves me off when I tried to pass it. “I’m already stoned enough as it is” he confessed. I put it out cause I realized just then I was pretty fucking high too! I consider myself lucky, weed acts like an aphrodisiac on me. Not that I need to be any hornier, but you know what I mean (wink).

We sat there just talking, then he leans over and reaches for me in a hug, and whispered some sweet nothings in my ear, but I wasn’t listening. This time I had my emotional guard waaaay up and no way was I gonna let it fall for any sweet talk. This was going to be pure, hot sex and fuck the romance bullshit. I know I sound jaded but I am, lol.

He kissed me deeply and it made my already damp crotch even wetter. I reached for his belt and unbuckled it blindly and reached in for the prize. Our lips and tongues, arms and legs, hell, everything was entwined, like wild vines. I slowly unbuttoned my denim shirt (the one I’m wearing in the pic above, hehehe) and raise one of my tits to his mouth, trying to feed his need and mine at the same time.

It wasn’t long before I was on my knees in front of his couch sucking cock, trying to fulfil my deeper need. I took him deep down my throat as I slipped off my sneakers (how apropos, lol) without looking at anything else, but watching him watch me suck his dick. I laid back on his living room carpet to take off my pants, with shirt wide open. Lars stood there for a second, looking down at me, admiring my plush curves and black haired bush before slipping his clothes off too.

He was already hard and wet from my short blow job, so I spread my pussy wide open to give him a good view of his dick sliding in. Oh damn it felt sooo good and my juices started flowing immediately. I squeezed my pussy muscles down tight and he told me “Slow down doll, or you’re gonna make me shoot this load too quick!” and he wanted it to last. Then again, so did I, so I cooled it down a notch.

I relaxed into the carpet and watched his face while he got a great view of his cock sliding slowly into my soaked pussy. I couldn’t help it, I tried holding back, but I tightened up and came all over his cock, kissing him while I trembled and bucked. I enjoyed looking into his face as he watched my pussy cum. I started stroking my clit with one hand, while the other was playing with his balls and I got wetter still.

Taking his cock out of my pussy, he smacked my clit with his hardon. Damn that always makes hotter than a firecracker on the 4th of July, and I fountained my juices all over him. I shoved that steel cock in my throbbing hole and drove my pussy up on it! He tried to tell me to slow down, but I grabbed his shoulders and thrust up, whispering in his ear “Fuck me hard, fuck me HARDER baby!”

My legs raised up, he pumped my pussy faster and deeper while my naughty fingers played with my clit and I came again and again, feeling my cum drip to his balls and hearing them slap up against my ass. I watched his face as I saw him trying to hold back, stretching out that moment of intense pleasure before everything explodes. I squeezed my pussy as tight and as high up as I could while driving that dick deeper.

I watched his whole body go over the edge, but I didn’t stop there. I kept rubbing my clit and cumming, pussy still pulsing on his dick while he rode a huge wave of orgasm that was so intense his face was scarlet. I was worried there for a second, and the thought crossed my mind “OMG, what if he cums and has a heart attack?” But slowly he came down from his orgasm and stood up.

I was quickly back on my knees in front of him before he could get dressed, licking the cum-munal taste of our sex off of his cock . . . that is such a turn on for me! I went into the other room to clean up, thoroughly satisfied, and got dressed again. I knew our remaining time together that afternoon was going to be pretty short, so I let him know that now that I switched bedrooms with the kids, sneaking in something in the middle of the night was possible.

Sometimes I think I’m so bad I need to be spanked! I should’ve know better than to tell him that, this guy is married fer Christ’s sake! But this time, I listened to none of the pretty words he was saying, avoiding anymore potential heart traps he may unknowingly lay here and there. This was pure lust I wanted and now I’m rediscovering that convenient dick isn’t such a bad thing after all . . .

Well, it’s been one year ago today I started this written journey into the single life of a BBW Mom. As Jerry Garcia once said “What a long strange trip it’s been . . .” I’ve had happiness and sorrow, and experienced a lil’ luv in between, with no regrets. This is my attempt on sharing what real life for me is, with it’s ups and downs and in’s and outs, lol.

Sometimes I’m brutally honest, and sometimes I’m full of shit, but all in all, it’s been one helluva journey . . . Thanks for sharing it with me!

Kisses!
tst

Score one for Techy (finish) . . . Entry for February 27, 2007

2007-02-27T15:25:00.000-08:00

And now, on to the Party . . . It had been windy and rainy all day, but I was still excited about going to the swingers’ meet and greet Saturday night in Indiana. I was riding with my friend T and some friends of hers were supposed to meet up there. We arrived a little late and her friends were next door at the bar, a chick and 2 guys. One of the guys, “Jake” caught my eye, cause he had a really nice smile.

He definitely wasn’t my “type” though, cause I usually go for the “bad boys”, but as we were discussing who was going in with who (it saves money to go as a couple) I told Jake he could come in with me. I overheard his friend say “Jake’s already set up for the night!” and I turned around and rolled my eyes at them, it was definitely a turn off to me.

We drove from the bar to the club, and we watched Jake nearly get stuck in the mud while parking. He couldn’t hear us, but we clapped when he managed to pull himself out, lmao. I went inside first and put all the food up, and when he came up to the window, I told the lady at the door he was with me. I’d already stationed myself in the corner or the pool room, so our group all put their jackets and coats over with mine.

That all taken care of, my next item of importance was getting drunk and uninhibited, hehehe. I didn’t pay any particular interest in Jake at first, because I always go to these meet’s on a pussy hunt, lol. But after the first hour or so, I didn’t see anyone in particular that I wanted to play with at the time, so just decided to shake my butt and have some fun. I took off the shirt/dress I had on, and wore a sheer top (see above) and sheer black pants and nuthin’ else.

Jake was out there on the dance floor having fun dancing around and had more women on him than flies on a dead catfish! He had also changed from the Izod long sleeve polo shirt and jeans he was wearing, into a T-shirt and PJ bottoms, and I must admit, he looked good in em. I went and wandered over to the corner of the tables where all my friends were sitting and started hanging out.

I looked out on the dance floor and he was dancing with like 3 chicks at once and they were all yelling “take it off, take it off” to get him barechested, and it worked. Hehehe, they didn’t have to twist his arm too hard, apparently he’s done the male stripper thing a time or two (grin). At 6 ft, short medium brown hair, pretty eyes and cute freckles . . . with that innocent look I bet he made good money too!

(Wolf whistle sound) He looked REAL good with his shirt off! Nice pecs and a great six-pack to boot! I was drinking my homemade Mead as usual then I started drinking the Jell-O shots (my first time, believe it or not) that were being passed around. There’s really only a couple guys I’ll flirt and dance with at the parties, and it’s more fun than serious seduction, but there was something about Jake that I was liking more and more.

But like I said, he was being treated like fresh meat, and even though I wanted him too, I didn’t chase him. At one point he wandered off into one of the more private rooms with this skinny little Prima Donna for a lil’ action. Now it’s not that I was jealous or anything stupid like that, but I only call her that because she made a big stink to management about guys being in the co-ed bathroom. I mean come on, it’s a SEX party full of rednecks, what the fuck do you expect? Valet attendants? Lol

I drank, shot pool, and did a lot more Jell-O shots, and felt like dancing. I tried grabbing and dragging one of my close male friends out on to the dance floor (Hi F&M!), but he didn’t like the song, so I grabbed Jake instead. Whoa Mama, this boy was making me hot! I guess it’s like that country song says, they get prettier at closing time, but for me it’s more like I get hornier near closing time, hehehe.

I don’t remember what song was playing, but I tried yanking his PJ bottoms down, but the damn things had a fucking drawstring! That wasn’t much of a problem though, he untied em for me real quick. I pressed my body up against his, and felt his hard-on stiff on my tummy (since I’m only 5 ft). I straddled his thigh with my pussy and rubbed it on down his leg as I dropped to one knee in front of him, taking his PJ’s with me.

I had cock in hand on it’s way to my mouth when I realized his dick had the most DELICIOUS upward curve! OMG, curved cock hits my g-spot PERFECTLY! My pussy lips got immediately wet as I slipped his cock through my upper lips and sucked it right there in the middle of the dance floor. I used my other hand to play with my pussy as I sucked him off for a minute or two, then raised up and put my fingers in his mouth to taste me.

I knew then, I wanted this boy (he’s 10 years younger than me) in my bed! It wasn’t just that he had a great curved cock either, but I liked his sunny personality, I found it refreshing. We wandered, apart and drifted back together sever times in the next couple hours, but then near closing time, I told him I wanted him to come home with me.

I knew he had more than his share of offers, so as incentive while I sat there chatting in a love seat with a friend of his. Jake wandered over to where we were sitting and I told him to come here and put his cock in my face, and licked it all over. As I sucked and nibbled on his rising cock, Jake told his buddy “I bet I could fuck her from behind while she gave you head”

I lifted my mouth off his dick and answered “As drunk as I am right now, you’re probably right!” and laughed. I did play with the other guy’s cock and licked it for a sec, but that was all, and I was up and running again. It was getting late so I started helping clean up the food area and with that done, I decided to shoot myself one last game of pool.

I was about halfway when my guy friend F came over to shoot some stick with me. He’d taken only one shot when this chick I’ll call “Auntie Em” picked up the balls and moved em on the table and F put his stick down and walked out. I couldn’t believe it! So I put my cue stick away and decided to go take a piss and cool off. I saw F’s wife M in the restroom and told her what happened, and she couldn’t believe it either.

Then Auntie Em walked in and I couldn’t shut up. I told her she was helluv fucking rude to mess with our game like that and it was bullshit. She half-assed told me was sorry and told M to tell her hubby she was sorry too. But I said “No, YOU go tell him, you’re the one that ruined our game!” so Auntie Em left and then came back in and said she apologized to him, so then I walked out of the rest room and left it at that.

A little while later I heard through the grapevine that Auntie Em and her little “clique” was saying how they don’t like me, and I couldn’t give a rats ass if they did or didn’t. It’s not my fault they’re jealous, cause that’s what it seems like to me. Hell, I don’t even know WHY they’re jealous, if that’s what it is! I’ve never said or done nothing to them. Maybe they are just insecure, who knows . . .

Anyways, that was the drama of the evening, and all I knew and cared about was that Jake was taking me home and I was gonna do my best to rock his world. We talked on the ride to my place and I started liking this guy more and more. He seemed honest, open and fun to be with, not to mention I thought he was sexy too, with his cute little baby face!

On the drive home I started playing with his cock, and him my pussy, but we had to stop that right away unfortunately. The drive back to my house is over back roads with lots of twists and turns and it was still raining. But we did manage to stop at least once and take a blow-job break, lol.

I was kind of surprised that I had him take me home in the first place, cause (so far) I hadn’t brought anyone, male or female, back to my place. I couldn’t put my finger on just why I did, and it wasn’t just the prospect of sex, cause I try to keep my home life and my party life separate and distinct. I dunno, I guess I can blame it on all those Jello shots and the fact I have the big bedroom and private bath now, lmao!

The “why” of it didn’t matter anyways, I was gonna fuck the hell outta this boy one way or another. I put on some music both of us liked and we got in a groove, laying on my bed, kissing and making out, our bodies already naked. Just stroking his pretty curved cock was making me hotter than fireworks on the 4th of July. I had to wrap my wet lips around that hardon, mmmm.

I soon found out though with that nice curve, I’d have to suck his cock with my ass and pussy towards him so I could get him deeper down my throat. I turned my body around and his fingers found my g-spot right away as I sucked, licked and moaned around the stiff dick in my mouth. Oh god I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to have that luscious curve in my pussy!

After a quick condom hunt, I climbed on top and slid slowly down the shaft, inch by inch (he was good sized too!) I was getting wetter and wetter. I came before I even got down to the base of his cock, then fucked him like a mad woman, digging my nails into his shoulders, grinding my pussy on him hard and rubbing my clit and my cum dripping down to his balls, it was fuckin’ hot!!!

That’s when I told him about webcamming and AWC (he’s not computer savvy) and pulled it up on my laptop. I brought up my webcam, and showed him all the other cams that were broadcasting right then. We went into a chatroom or two, but I was too horny to be in chat. I tried positioning the cam, but then the fucking was too damn good so I just let my cam view what it could, and even that was a lot!

Exhausted, we stopped for a bit and after he noticed my big bath tub, we just had to have a bath together, lol. There’s something so sensual about being naked in warm water with someone, it just makes me that much more horny. He fingered me into orgasm several more times as I watched in the mirrors surrounding the tub. The only disappointment I had was the fact that the Jacuzzi part doesn’t work.

By the time we were done playing in the bath and crawling back in my bed for another round of hot sex, it was starting to turn light outside and I suggested that a little sleep would recharge our batteries for another round before he would have to leave. So we snuggled down and he held me in his arms as I drifted off, purring like a contented pussy.

I woke up first, several hours later and decided to play alarm cock, er clock, hehehe. I’ve found the best way to wake a guy is to have him open his eyes to his cock in a pretty mouth, ring a ding ding, lol. I raised my head off his cock and this time he bent me over doggy style, fucking the hell out of my pussy while I was rubbing my clit with fingers, soaking his cock with my cum. It didn’t take too long before both of us were cumming again.

I gave him my phone number, and told him to call me, without asking for his number in return. I figured if he called me again, it was his choice and not just my just bugging him to come lay me. Cause I did want him to fuck me again . . .and again . . .and again . . .

Score one for Techy (start) . . . Entry for February 26, 2007

2007-02-26T07:33:00.000-08:00

I had another major fight with my wonderful problem child yesterday, but this time I won, but the victory was bittersweet. It all started because of Sunday Breakfast. I had made a casserole of eggs, sausage, hashbrowns and cheese, and told them Breakfast was ready, and went into my bedroom because I was still nursing a hangover from the swingers’ party I went to the night before.

A few minutes later I heard both my sons arguing and to say I wasn’t in the mood for it is an understatement. Once again, they were fighting over food. You would think they way they fight over it they never get eat, but that’s not true, they’re both just greedy. I had baked the dish in a cast iron skillet, and it was simple enough to cut into quarters and everyone would have the same amount, but not with these two.

Shayne had given himself a piece and a half, and Steven was bitching about it, so I told them to bring their plates to me and I’d settle the matter, and distributed the food evenly. But they both were still arguing like little babies instead of the half-grown men they are, so I told them both to go stand in a corner in time-out for 5 minutes apiece.

Steven went over to a wall for his punishment and Shayne flatly refused, which didn’t go over too well with me. I followed him into his room, explaining to him oh yes he was going to stand up against the wall, because if he was going to act like a little child, I was going to treat him like one. I handled the situation pretty calmly considering I felt like slamming him in the corner and telling him just who the fuck does he think he is, but I had an Ace up my sleeve.

When Shayne was released from the “behavioral hospital” he signed a form saying that if he started displaying physical agression again, could have him readmitted. Also I had contacted the court-designated worker, at the suggestion of Children’s Services, about my son’s behavior as a fall back solution just in case he started getting violent again.

We’d gotten into another fight several days before and he grabbed my sleeve instead of my arm, which was his intent, but I ignored the incident. Also he had thrown a metal cooking utensil at his younger brother and it left a bruise, but I ignored that too, because I didn’t have enough details on the argument to decide who started what.

But this time when he became defiant, I wasn’t putting up with his bullshit anymore. I reminded him (OK, I screamed at him) that I not only could have his ass back in the hospital because of the fight with his brother, but I had another option too. I could have him thrown in Juvenile Hall for the bruise he left on his brother and if he didn’t get his ass in a time-out right now that’s just what I was going to do.

Apparently he recognized defeat, and stood up against the front door. He punched another hole in the wall the other day and I knew his fist could only make a dent in the door if he got pissed. I released his younger brother from his time out (smart kid) and told him to go wash the dishes while I sat in the living room to make sure Shayne complied with his “time-out”.

I sat there for 15 minutes while my son’s rage cooled down and the kitchen was cleaned. Then when his time was up, I sat them both down at the table, gave them equal portions on their plates and they ate in silence. For them it was over, but even with the meds, the whole debacle drained and depressed me and I spent the rest of the day and most of the evening in bed sleeping.

When I finally got up it was after 8pm and as 2Pac says in one of my favorite songs, “They try to say that I don’t care, I woke up and screamed fuck the world”. So I just stayed in bed re-reading a Steven King novel until both boys went to bed, waaay past their new bedtime of 9pm. That is to say I tried reading, but just couldn’t get into it, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

But instead I kept thinking about Saturday night’s party . . . but I’ll save that story for later on today.

Playing catch up (part II) . . . Entry for February 22, 2007

2007-02-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

Damn, playing catch up kinda sux, especially when you’re in the mood to bitch, whine and complain about your kids, lol. But I did promise to post about the last swingers’ party that I went to, so here goes. If you remember from a few posts back, I was going to have my friend RV take me to the party, but as luck would have it, shit happened.

I had started getting ready for the party the night before by curling my hair in rag rollers (remember when your grandma would tear up an old sheet and roll her hair with the strips?) which took hours with all this hair of mine. I wanted to have Shirley Temple curls to complete my cupid outfit.

Well, Saturday afternoon RV calls me and says his sister is having early labor pains and wasn’t going to be able to make it to the party. Damnit! I was ready to party without having to worry about driving myself home, not to mention maybe having some fun with my new friend. Luckily my friend down the road was going to the party after all and said she’d take me.

Now I could get totally trashed if I wanted to without worrying about a DUI. We got to there a little late, after 10pm, but the party was in full swing (pardon my pun, lol) when we finally did arrive. I kinda like getting there late, cause by that time most inhibitions people have are already lost, lol, and it saves me time. I was kinda bummed though, cause RV couldn’t go, but pretty soon I had drank my blues away.

The little cutie I had played with a couple times, “Cat”, was there again lucky me! We crossed paths in the bathroom (again, lol) and kissed. There’s just something more sensual about kissing a woman compared to kissing a man. Usually, that is, cause I’ve kissed some women too that don’t know how to kiss either, lol.

She told me she was glad to see me too, but unfortunately she was on the tail end of her period. “So what?” I replied. “As long as your kitty isn’t too messy, I’ve earned my red wings” I told her grinning. She grinned back, and kissed me again, this time I slipping my hands under her shirt too. I got them nipples hard while my tongue kissed her pouty lips. After a few minutes of that we came up for air and I promised to hook up with her later.

It was a lingerie party and most of the ladies were wearing next to nothing, me included. I had on a short sleeved, completely sheer, plain, white sheath-type dress and a pair of white cotton boy-leg panties, and a pair of white feather wings and bow and arrow to top it off. I had painted the red latex hearts over my nipples, which was more fun than I thought it would be.

I was drinking pretty steady so it wasn’t long until I wandered over to the table that Cat was sitting at. She had a guy on each side of her, touching and kissing her, when I joined in and started touching her too. She smiled that sexy impish grin at me and I kissed that wet tasty mouth. When our lips parted I found my hand was down her pants, rubbing at a hard little clip.

I whispered into her ear as my fingers probed her pussy, “That was so fucking hot last time I crawled under the table, can I do it again?” I asked. “Sure!” was her reply when I heard one of the guys with her say something about “red wings” and I just kinda giggled. I was sure she wouldn’t let me go down her if she knew she was flowing bad, it’s a girl thing, ya know?

I moved a couple chairs aside and lifted my white lingerie dress off my knees (to keep it clean, lol) and crawled underneath the long table, while the guys on each side of her were busy taking off her pants. That was fun to watch, each had a leg in their hand, and her pussy was right in my face as I pulled her panties aside to take a closer look.

My fingers stroked her pretty pink little lips as the pants came off. Then I dove in headfirst and latched my lips fast on her clit and the taste was so erotic. I licked a finger as I lapped at her pussy, and inserted it slightly, watching the men’s faces absorb her pleasure. I really like making this chick cum!

Raising my head, I tugged at the panties cause now I wanted to feel her ass under my hands. Her two male friends had them off in a flash, and now I had 2 fingers inside her, rubbing that g-spot, tongue flicking away. She laid her head back and moaned while I fucked her with my fingers and sucked that swollen clit.

I grabbed one of her ass cheeks and pulled her closer to me, trying to swallow her whole, and I felt her body shiver with orgasms. But I wouldn’t stop until I was done feeding off her pleasure, like a sexual vampire, filling up the void inside of me so I could take it out and savor it later in solitude.

Finally full, and she fulfilled, I scooted out from under the table and gave her a big hug and kiss, thanking her for the pleasure of her pleasure. She was grinning from ear to ear and I knew she would get fucked like hell from her boyfriend later on, and when they both came, I would hope they would be thinking of me, and I’d be able to feel it at home with “Ruffles” in hand.

Dear Mama . . . Entry for February 20, 2007

2007-02-20T20:22:00.000-08:00

I started writing my post about the party but that was until drama hit me full in the face, so to speak. First off, I’m on the rag, so not really in the best of moods. Add one phone call with my irrational mother then two teen boys arguing over food (again) and one smart ass trying to act like his view of the world is actually reality and you end up with one fucked up night.

The fight with my Mom was inevitable after I told my son to go away with some stupid question from his homework that he could figure out if he wasn’t so damn lazy. Her whole take on the matter is that I’m not sacrificing myself for my children. WTF is she talking about? My whole sanity has been sacrificed for these kids. What does she want my flesh and blood too? Well they’ve had that from birth.

Then the fight with the boys . . . Now mind you I have warned them both that I’m on my period and not to fuck with me, but then listening to them fight like 2 little bitches over who has the biggest pieces of chicken, it drove me over the edge. Then my problem child was like "I only had 2 sandwiches to eat today!" When he finally did fix himself a sandwich this afternoon it was when I told him to move his PC back into the living room.

That was a stupid move, cause then I took it and put it up in the shed. Finally the last straw was when he tried to tell me I never do anything. Uh HELLO? Who cleaned all these carpets in the house and switched rooms? I really flipped a switch then, and thank GOD I had taken my meds earlier, cause I confronted him in his room and threw his plate of food out of his hand (which shouldn’t have had in there anyway.

He grabbed my sleeve then twisted it, and I think he was trying to hurt my arm, but missed. But, once again, stick a fork in me I’m done. I’m going to the court-designated worker in the morning, I’m not taking any more of this shit from him. It may take 2 months to get him into the job corps, but if he lays a hand on me again, I’m going to lay him out.

As for the title of this post, after sending them both to bed, I went into my room to play my favorite 2Pac song, from his "Me Against The World" CD, "Dear Mama". That song has a lot of meaning for me, it was such a struggle raising these kids alone. And now to have my son disrespect me so much, I hope that someday he appreciates the things I did for him that he refuses to see now.

Playing catch up (part I). . . Entry for February 17, 2007

2007-02-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

Shit, where do I begin? Sooo much crap (mostly bad, but some good) has went on since last week, it’s hard to pick a place to start. I guess I’ll work my way from now back to last weekend at the swing party, heheheh. I’m evil that way (BWAHHH HAAA HAAA). That experience I won’t be forgetting soon (evil grin).

But first, I’m on a good combination of meds now, thank (insert your favorite deity here). The Cymbalta had sexual side effects I couldn’t tolerate, and the Klonopin did nothing but make me sleepy. So now I’m taking Remeron for depression, Xanax for anxiety, Geodon for my bi-polar disorder and just now Halcion for sleep.

I know, I can hear y’all now “(whistle sound) Dayum! I didn’t know she was THAT fucked up in the head!” but the situation with my semi-adult childern pushed me to it. My moods are improving, and so far no side effects sexually (inorgasmia) with all the meds. My libido is still good, and last night I used a fresh battery and had a good, hard orgasm watching chicks masturbate on AWC,lol.

Actually I was watching several women at once, imagining “Ruffles” was being driven by a body. Mmmm, sliding that dildo in time with the pussies on cam. There was this one chick with this jelly dildo that was fucking herself silly, but then again so was I, lol. But then this chick with HUGE tits and a corset started playing with herself and that was it for me, I was squirting all over the place, lol.

My only regret was that there wasn’t someone else driving my acrylic dildo for me. Because then, they could take me over the edge again and again, instead of stopping just after the first couple of orgasms like I do. I can’t help it, orgasming alone it doesn’t seem worth putting forth the extra effort if I’m just by myself, roflmao!

OK, on to the next thing . . . my son that was in the “Behavioral Health Facility” has been back home since early this week. Things have been a little better. He has now learned that there are a lot worse places than home to be in. Though he still thinks he hit me in “self defense” when I smacked his face with my left hand.

We have a therepy session soon and I’m going to make SURE he knows that no matter what the reason, it was not acceptable in any way, shape or form. His father is/was and abuser, my mother was and for real, I’ve tried to hard to break the cycle. He just doesn’t realize that there have been times when I wanted to be the holy fucking shit out of him and could have, but there’s this thing called restraint and he needs to learn it.

Oh, and he was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and Narcissistic disorder and Parent/Child conflict. I wasn’t too surprised at the diagnosis. I plan on sending him to Job Corps, but it’s proving to be bit more difficult than calling them and saying “Hey, I want him enrolled.” If he behaves and goes to family therapy, I might let him stay. I haven’t sent him back to school yet, he’s been helping me a little on switching bedrooms.

I’VE GOT THE BIG BEDROOM NOW!!!!!!!!!! When we first moved here, I warned em that if the room didn’t stay clean, they would lose it. Now they know I meant what I said and they’re not liking it too much, but I’m ecstatic! I have 2 windows that look out over the lake (covered with about 4 inches of snow right now), 2 big closets, a big dresser and my own bathroom with Jacuzzi (not working though).

The bathroom needs work, but that’s my next goal, other than finding a damn job first. I had a job scheduled to do today, ($25.00 and hour too!), 2 ½ hours away, but Mother Nature in all her wisdom decides to dump a bunch of snow and ruin my plans. Like last month, that was the only job I had scheduled for the month, and that screws me completely.

I had to borrow $200 bucks from my Mom this past week to pay my electric and phone (it got cut off), and she’s also sending me a Tracfone prepaid card so my cell doesn’t get cut off. I could have gotten an agency to pay the electric at one point, but the Landlady (it’s in her name) paid it early, so they couldn’t pay me to pay her back, since the bill was paid, if that makes sense, lol.

Anyways, if you got any spare change, I’ll be taking PayPal donations for the “Keep Techy Online and Warm” fund. I don’t have the money to pay my Internet Service Provider and the landlord STILL hasn’t fixed my furnace and so I’m using Kerosene to heat with.

The price of it always seems to go up when the temp goes down. And I got 10$ left in the bank. You may donate your change to the Keep Techy Warm and Online fund using the email address thesexy_tech@anywebcam.com in the To: field on the right.

I told ya I had a sucky week, didn’t I? But there were some good times too, like the swingers’ party, but I’ll save that for part II . . .

Things that make you go hmmm . . . Entry for February 10, 2007

2007-02-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

I’m sitting here making my son clean up this garbage dump of a room, and bored I decided to play a game or something on my laptop. I wasn’t sure what I still had on here, but I found this Tarot program I forgotten I had. Now I’m not a total Newbie to the Tarot, I have a Rider Deck and reference manuals and have done a couple readings that really seemed to relate to the person I was doing the reading before.

Well, out of boredom, I pull up the program on my laptop and picked a Celtic Cross Tableau and the prevailing question in my mind was about the swing party tomorrow night. The first card position (current influences) was the 3 of swords: betrayal (my son calling Children’s Services on me)

Card 2 (immediate obstacles) was the Lovers – Attraction, Desire, Love, A choice between a higher union and a lower one (!!!), Conflicting desires, bonds of mutual benefit or affection. Well, a whole lot of shit can be read into all those being obstacles, lol.

The third card is goals, objectives or the best that can be accomplished by me at this time. This card was unsurprisingly the queen of pentacles. This is “My” card, one that best represents me in readings, a sensual and motherly woman. So this means, just be who I am (easy to do, lol).

The Fourth position card is about your past that made you who you are, for me the 8 of wands. Which indicates a tendency to act impulsively (oh how true!). Card five is recent past events that have been influencing your life, I got the Strength card in this case. It stands for strength, passion, strong drives and emotions, also true.

Future influences are the 6th card, Ace of Cups (shit, this is getting spooky). It represents new feelings, flood of strong emotions, a lifting of depression (the meds are helping), the beginning of a new love affair or renewal of an existing one (hmmm). The seventh card shows me in my present state, and is the Justice card, it shows dealings with the legal system (real spooky now) and a positive outcome.

Card 8, represents my influence on things around me. This card is the ten of swords (oh shit!). It can mean defeat, an irrevocable loss that must be accepted or loss of a goal, job or relationship. I hope it doesn’t mean the current disintegrating relationship I have with my twin sons. The ninth card position is for inner emotions, my hopes or fears.

I drew the seven of pentacles for this one, meaning the end results may take time, but keep doing what is needed and I will eventually be rewarded (karma). And lastly the tenth card position is the end result of the reading , the culmination of all the influences of the reading.

I pulled the Magician for this position, meaning if I I stay on course and use my power wisely, I have the ability to achieve what I desired. But I must use my will intelligently, in order for my intentions to succeed, instead of my impulsive emotions. Well, I’m gonna look at the reading this way,

I haven’t dabbled with the Tarot in months, but every time I have done a reading the signs are there that I have some small talent for it. True, none of these cards were reversed, and I’m not sure if the program I used even uses the reversal of cards in it’s interpretations, but I thought it kind of an odd that seemed to touch on all the bases that are going on in my life right now.

Well wish me luck at the swingers party tomorrow, from the sounds of my reading, exciting things are sure to happen,

Kisses!

I hate mother#$&*%^ moving!!! . . . Entry for February 8, 2007

2007-02-08T11:15:00.000-08:00

I fucking HATE moving! I had to move twice the year that I moved into this trailer. The first time I moved out of a 3 bedroom brick home I’d lived at for 5 years. Not to mention I had to do it all alone, using my Toyota Paseo and only 1 pickup truckload of appliances. Try fitting a 3-bedroom house full of stuff into a 2-bedroom trailer, it wasn’t easy. I could’ve used either Davids Blaine or Copperfield’s help, lol.

Then 3 months later after getting royally screwed by my friend’s husband that I was renting from, I found this little piece of paradise for only $325 a month. Unfortunatly, the small bedroom was smaller than the one I just moved out of, but the master bedroom was huge. So of course my 3 sons got the big room with it’s own bathroom and Jacuzzi tub (that doesn’t work).

I told them a year ago that if they didn’t keep it clean, I was going to take the room. And now that my family had been rearranged, the room is mine, even if both my twins move back home. I must admit, my own bedroom was pretty fucking messy, but most of the mess was clothes cause I only had one tiny closet and small chest of drawers.

I’ve learned from experience NOT to put my stuff in their closet if I wanted to keep it, so my room stayed a mess. But thier mess that I have to clean up to move in here! OMG, if I had any money at all I’d pay someone to do it for me, or even trade for sex (evil grin). I’m at the point of getting a shovel and just saying "Fuckit! If they wanted to keep it in the first place, they should have put it away."

Now I have 2 large closets, and a large chest of drawers and a big bathroom with tub and shower and 2 sinks! But the crap to clean up is daunting! I made it a point not to come in my sons’ room too often, it just started fights, but the bathroom too? UGH! I had to pour chemicals all over the toilet bowl and let it eat the dirt off the porcelain overnight. I’ve seen cleaner toilets at gas station restrooms!

There is a bright side to all of this though (OK, it’s a pervy side, lol). I have enough room, and if I get my Jacuzzi working, I could have "After Parties" when the swing parties are over, hehehe. Speaking of parties, I’m going to one in Louisville this Saturday. I’m going with this guy I met on Yahoo Personals, RV. He’s pretty cool, a gaming geek like me.

I met him a couple weeks ago and he showed me how to play World of Warcraft (I was already a Diablo II LOD addict) and it was sooo fucking cool! But expensive to play online, so out of my budget. Anyhoo, I noticed he had a carpet cleaner at his house, so when he emailed me I asked him if he wanted to trade use of his carpet machine for dinner, and he thought it was a fair trade. Then I got a better idea.

I has shown him AWC and we’d had sexual discussions, (he’s read my blog) but when we met I thought he was kinda shy, a little reserved. So I asked him if he wanted to go with me to the party this Saturday as my non-date. It’s a VD (Valentines Day) party and I hate VD, it’s so commercial.

You should let the one you love know they’re special more than once a year. OK, OK, I admit it, I always feel like such a loser without a love on VD. Anyways, RV said sure and this way I get to party my ass off too, since I won’t be driving, wooo hooo! It’s a sexy lingerie party too, but I’m usually half naked by midnight already, lol. It’ll be fun seeing all those hot half-dressed sexy women, and dropping to my knees in front of them, mmmm.

Now if I could only motivate myself to get this room switch finished . . .

The Joy of having Sons . . . Entry for February 4, 2007

2007-02-04T14:07:00.000-08:00

Oh the joys of having boys . . .

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of the Women who read this will pass this on to most of their friends, with or without kids,
25. But 80% of the Men who read this will probably try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

And this will make at least one of us tearfully despair the lost innocence and all-inclusive boyhood love of those “Joyful Sons” who are now mutating into thoughtless, careless and hurtful young enigmas

Title

This is the hardest thing
You could ever believe
I feel a Mother’s love crying out the holes in my heart
Like a fine mesh sieve

You were my toothless milk vampires
Who shared a womb with a view
Your declaration of war has fragmented my mind
Crushing my soul in two

Physicians debug our programming
Though placebos aren't really a cure
I wish I had a “WayBack” machine, undoing mistakes
Before they even occur

With Joyful's inevitable duality
Comes Despair, the evil twin brother
And Fate's remains the dice roller in your Game of Life
When your title changes to “Mother”

Duel-ality (written about my twins over a decade ago)

A life sentence shared
Lasting only 35 weeks
A prison breakout 35 days
Prior to scheduled release
Identical terracotta vases
Cultivated with incompatible vines
Nourished on harmonious discord
Up and over the wall they intertwine
Brothers-at-arms
Always armed against each other
The only thing held in common
Is waging war against “The Mother”
Their nightly truce is parlayed
Beneath the knowing moonlight
Snuggled close in reluctant slumber
Conceding to never again fight

Thanks go to my good friend SexyMistress for emailing me this today, here’s how our conversation went:

----- Original Message ----
Subject: Re: Fwd: FW: The Joy of having Sons
“I guess you haven't read my blog lately, but you're email just wrote my next entry, hope you're having a good weekend!
Kisses!”

“lmao Techy! I read your blog just after i sent this........ im sorry to hear your having so many problems with your boys. But you will be glad to know that YOU are not at fault. (been there done that have the tshirt ) i now wake up everyday knowing that i taught my daughter right from wrong but as with leading a horse to water you can only teach it to them you cant force them to use the information wisely. i pray everyday that she will sometime in her life get her head out of her ass an realize that she is better then all she is going through. i woke up the day she said to me," YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME AND NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR ME" hmmmm lets see

9 plastic surgeries for removal of a birthmark
10 different surgeons’ appt. every 2 months from the time she was 4 weeks old
spinal meningitis ( held her for the spinal taps and sat in isolation for 5 days)
testing her hearing cuz we thought she was deaf(she didnt speak until she was 3)
never missed a field trip for school
at least 4 ear infections a year till she was 6
3 sets of stitches
watching as the police drug her from my home stoned because of a dumbass boy friend
countless nights staying up all night cuz she had disappeared
sitting in court with her on a drug paraphernalia charge paying all the fines
counseling
at 18 broke both bones in her forearm just shy of compound (good thing i had insurance on her that one ran just shy of $32,000)
i listed all of this and more to her and then said you know i wonder who that
woman was that held you through all that . i would love to meet her she must be very special.
she is in florida right now and i can only hope she is staying away from the crack and such. she calls me here and there and always ends the conversation with i love you mom.
last month i told her "when her male friend called me and told me she had done crack again" Destiny i taught you better then that you have stolen from me, lied to me and put me through hell alll i can do now is tell you that i love you and hope that you will remember all the things i taught you and hope you do the right thing.

lmao and the moral to all this is remember back to when they were small and like your pics show you had a
wonderful time
YOU played with them
YOU took care of them
YOU sat with them when they got hurt
YOU kept them safe
YOU taught them right from wrong
but i dont imagine that you taught them to be idiots they learn that all on their own and all YOU can do now is pray that they start using all that info and become good people ( like YOU)
TIME TO QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
YOU DIDNT DO NYTHING WRONG
always remember to take care of you and if nobody else tells you today i will, I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND I THINK YOU ARE SPECIAL
HUGGSSSSSSSS from the long winded mother of 3 girls
love ya hun
SexyMistress

p.s. the only difference between boys and girls is one stands to pee and i think my of my girls has tried that lol”

Wasn’t that an awesome note? Love ya too SexyMistress!

And the drama goes on and on and . . . Entry for February 2, 2007

2007-02-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

Ya know, I really must be fucking crazy (yea, like y’all don’t know that, lol) but slept with my ex husband yesterday. But wait, I’m getting way ahead of myself. It all started when I was talking to my ex earlier about coming to pick up our son Vaughan, hopefully this weekend since I was still having a hard time dealing with him.

I told him he could spend the weekend visiting the kids if he wanted and I slipped in a "I could really use a good fuck too ya know!" and we both laughed. But I figured "What the hell!" If it would get his ass out here to pick up our son, then fuck it, I was willing to take one for the team, lmao!

Since I knew he was "unattached" at the moment, he probably would take me up on the offer. Not that having a girlfriend wouldn’t stop him anyways, he’s cheated on someone or other for all the 25 years I’ve known him. But both of us were broke, so it would have taken a little creative financial planning to come up with the gas money.

But that was until my smartass son took it up a notch. I had teeth cleaning appointments at the dentist for the whole family, but since we still had to take it easy on Steven’s ear and Shayne was in the psych hospital, only Vaughan and I could go. So I picked him up from school and he was still acting sullen and brooding, so I didn’t talk to him much. But then when I was waiting for my appointment, my cell phone rang.

It was Child Protective Services, or as they like to call it now "Protection and Permanency" informing they had received a complaint about me. I was kinda surprised, because during the whole fracas with my sons, never once was I aggressive or abusive (in my eyes anyways). All I was trying to do was make them be compliant.

The case worker told me she had already spoken to my son Vaughan at school and Shayne at the hospital, and now wanted to speak to my youngest one who is still at home until next week. I told her I was in the Dentist’s office, but that I could run by and see her while they were cleaning my son’s teeth, in about an hour or so and that was fine with her.

When I arrived she asked about all the incidents of this past weekend, I gave it to her in full detail and showed her the fading sunset bruise on my arm. Then she read to me what the complaint was: Apparently my son Shayne made a report from the hospital saying I was smoking marijuana in front of them and when I ran out of food stamps I was making them buy groceries with their own money, which was total BULLSHIT!

The only time I made them buy groceries was for unnecessary crap like Miracle Whip Salad dressing when I have a half a gallon of mayonnaise in the fridge. And I refuse to buy boxed (or bagged) cereal anymore because they waste most of it by letting it go stale because they are too damn lazy to close the bag and keep it fresh.

Shayne was bitching the other day saying trying to say I always buy name brand stuff for me and only get generic crap for them, just because I bought myself some Golden Graham’s Cereal (Mmmm, my favorite!). I got lucky and found it half price on sale for $1.99 a box and put it in my room. That was probably the first box of cereal I had bought in 4 months.

Yea, I’m sooo abusive! He also said there’s hardly any food in the house, and in a way he’s right. My cupboards are only half full, instead of overflowing as usual because it’s the end of the month and the only job I had this month paid $120.00 (which went mostly to groceries).

The caseworker also told me that Shayne is refusing to take his medicine and as he’s probably figured out by now they will hold him down and shoot it in his ass if he doesn’t comply. So I leave the Social Worker’s office with a promise to bring Steven by tomorrow, and on the ride back to the Dentist can hardly wait to ask Vaughan just what the hell he told the lady.

But when I pick him up and ask him, the only reply I get is a "I don’t remember" and for me, that was the last straw. I told him "You are so full of fucking shit and you know what? You’re giving me 50$ of your money to get your ass to your Dad’s, I’ve had it with you!" and he acted like he didn’t care. Good for him.

So when we got home, I asked him to give me the cash and he held up three $20’s and asked if I had a ten. I snatched the money from his hand and said "Nope!" and told him to pack all his shit, he was leaving tonight. I drove the 2.5-hour trip with both remaining sons in stony silence. Before we left I told him he wasn’t taking anything I had given him for Christmas or his computer either. Needless to say that didn’t go over well.

Yes, it was bitchy of me, but fuck that shit! I’ve sacrificed enough for these kids their whole lives and I don’t deserve to be treated this way, so he can kiss my ass as far as I’m concerned. I know for sure he regrets what he did, but if he doesn’t learn the consequences of his actions now, when he finally turns 18 reality is really gonna kick him in the balls. Better to have him pissed off at me now than in real trouble down the line.

Well we get to my ex’s and I’m still pretty upset, but the meds are doing a great job of keeping my out of control emotions in check, which is such a relief! Normally I would have been freaking out left and right about losing my son again after it took 5 months to get them back last time, but I knew it had to be done.

After we get there, I took my ex (Bruce) off into his room to have a talk and to ask him to try to find out what Vaughan said to the social worker. We started talking about old times and he took out some family pictures of all of us and, uh, well . . . things got sentimental. Or should I say "sextimental" lol!

Alright, alright, we were both horny for each other, I admit it. I stripped my pants off just as fast as he did his and lay belly up on the bed, and he did an instant muff dive. Damn, I had forgotten that man had a well trained tongue! But what I really wanted was penetration and fast, so I whispered "Stick your fingers in me!" He raised his head up and thrust 2 fingers in deep and fast, and instantly my pussy was getting damp.

I did notice however he had forgotten exactly how to stimulate my g-spot expertly, but I forgave him. After all, it had been nearly 7 years since we’d had sex. Bruce was the first "freak" I’d ever been with and we’d tried it all (sexually) back in the day. As a matter of fact we met back in the early 80’s at Sutro Bathhouse, the only co-ed bathhouse in all of San Francisco. Think of it as a West Coast Plato’s Retreat. But that’s another story, lol.

He finger-banged me till my cum was dripping off his wrists, and then it was my turn and I told him to lay down. I started sucking his dick nice and slow, but damnit, that didn’t last long, I wanted cock, DEEP inside me. And I wanted it NOW! I straddled him and lowered my self slowly down on him, squeezing every last inch with my dripping pussy.

I rode and bounced and tried like hell to remember what our favorite position used to be, then I remembered it was from behind. I climbed off him with a "C’mere, fuck me from behind" and (typically male) he asks "Can I fuck you in the ass???" I laughed my ass off and said "Uh NO, and no ‘Oooops’ either" and he cracked up too, cause that happed in a serious way about 20 years ago and hurt like a sonuvabitch!

I tried to get him to grab me by the hair (I like that sometimes) but he was too busy spreading my ass cheeks and watching that cock go in my hole, probably imaging it was in my ass the whole time. Then he had me get off my knees and lay on the bed flat, with my big ol’ ass up in the air.

He lay on top of my back and slipped his dick in my soaked pussy and fucked me fast and hard through my tight ass cheeks, while grabbing a tit with each hand underneath me and squeezing hard! I was kind of curious where he picked that position up at, cause I didn’t really remember it being a part of our vast sexual repertoire, but what the hell, it still felt fucking great!

It wasn’t long before I was squeezing my pussy muscles tight and fucked the cum right out of his cock. He gasped and laid on top of my back panting and trying to catch his breath. He rolled off with his dick still hard, and I said "Uh uh, come here bad boy!" and wrapped my lips around his still hard cock and tasted my pussy juices mixed with his cum.

I lapped every inch of that dick and shoved his cock in my mouth as far as it would go, gagging pleasantly. He was still pretty hard and I pushed him back down on the bed and rode him backwards. With my ass facing him I tipped my head back, stoking his belly with my long, dark, silky hair as I pumped that still-hard cock again and again. I came several times before he finally couldn’t take it anymore and pushed me off him, laughing that we weren’t young as we used to be.

Maybe him coming to visit the kids out here every now and then wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all . . .

Forcing myself out of the box . . . Entry for January 30, 2007

2007-01-30T15:43:00.000-08:00

Going to the therapist last Friday and spilling my soul was pretty easy for me. I knew it was the first step in my getting better and throwing off this encompassing depression, so I spilled my guts. Well most of my guts anyways, I tried to cover as much emotional territory in the meager hour that was allotted to me. That therapy session allowed me to get an appointment to see a psychiatrist so I could get back on meds again.

As I’ve sifted though all my inner turmoil, one thing has become clear to me: my kids are driving me fucking nuts! I’m serious, they are the main source of all the negative emotions in my life. If my twin teenage sons represented a relationship I was having with someone, I would have kicked ‘em to the curb loooong before now.

I feel real bad sometimes that I’m starting to countdown to when my last child turns 18 and I am finally free of the yoke of Motherhood. By that time I will have been a mother for nearly 30 years. Since I was s16 years old I’ve had someone to take care of constantly and I’m tired. It’s a thankless job that is really starting to take it toll on me.

I started writing this post last week, but never finished, because at the time I was working on another post and really it was more like getting my feelings out in the open (for myself) and examining them honestly. Since then (this past weekend) my home life has gone straight to hell because of my 16-year-old twin boys.

I’ve mentioned the problems I’ve had with my teens several times in my blogs, and I’ve also written about the good times. This time I’m writing about the worst of times. I’ve had to do something I had hoped never to have to do again, find placement for my kids cause I refuse to tolerate ANYONE putting their hands on me, and both of them crossed that brightly glowing neon line.

My family life has gone to shit with these kids, and my “problem child” has medical issues for being the way he is (Tourette’s and ADHD). But now his blatant defiance to want to do anything that’s his responsibility has rubbed off on his twin brother. And I’m not talking about trying to make them do something horrendous or untoward, all I want is for them to do their chores COMPLETELY without me having to stand their and make them get it done.

It started actually Thursday night when my son Vaughan didn’t finish the dishes (2nd day in a row) after I’d gotten on him twice about it. Instead he said he was “too tired” and was dozing on the couch, and I got pissed off and told him just to go to bed, I wasn’t up to another round of fighting.

During the night one of my cats had jumped up on the counter and knocked over a Corning ware plate, which literally shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces. Well Vaughan started arguing that the broken plate (my favoite plate!) wasn’t his fault, and my younger son Steven should have used a foam disposable plate instead (which he did at first, but sliced through it when he was cutting up his pork chop, so grabbed a regular plate).

I argued back that he should have washed ALL the dishes in the first place, and it wouldn’t have happened. Of course he disagreed with me and I told him if he argued again, I’d give him the dishes for another week as punishment. He just couldn’t keep his mouth shut and I told him that’s it, you got dishes again.

At that point he defied me and said he didn’t and I said “Yes you fucking do, you want em for the whole month? Just keep flapping them lips!” Well if looks could kill, I probably would have been dead and he answered me back with something like “The hell I am!” and went out the back door.

I had already taken away my twin’s shoes, jackets and glasses since they were being such assholes. So here I am, barefoot running out the back door after my son, and told him to get his ass back in the fucking house. Defiant still, he told me he wouldn’t until I calmed down. Unknown to him I had taken a Xanax so I was about as calm as I was going to get under the circumstances.

I told him I’d calm down (I wasn’t acting ballistic or enraged) once he got back in the house, and he still refused. So I gave him the old “I’m gonna count . . .” routine, and got as far as 2 when he mocked me with “3,4, 5” and that’s when I really got pissed. I went over to him and grabbed him by the nape of his neck (hair included) and told him he was coming back in the house.

I wasn’t trying to hit, hurt or abuse him, I just wanted him to comply with my wishes, but that’s when he decided to grab my upper arm and dig his fingers in hard. I still had him by the head and hair and laughed at him and said “So that’s the way you want to play? Dig harder then, I’ll have you on charges of assault!” and he did dig in harder.

I let go and told him to get his motherfucking ass in the house or he was going to make me do something I’d regret. I guess it finally hit him that I was NOT playing around and he went inside. I was holding myself together by the grace of god alone, and told him I was going down the street and the dishes better be done when I got back.

I jumped in my car and lost it comepletly. How could my “good twin” do this to me? Hysterical, I went to my friends house and attempted to get hold of my ex husband, because I refuse to have anyone lay their hands on me, whether it’s my own child or someone else. I left a message for him (mostly incoherent) to get a hold of me and that I wanted Vaughan to go live with him, I was tired of the shit.

I showed her the fresh bruise on my arm and we talked about my options. She was able to calm me down some, and I went home after a bit. I informed my son that I didn’t have to put up with that shit and he had several choices: 1) he could forfeit all his money (over 100$) and stay; 2) he could go into the Job Corps program; or 3) go live with his Dad. I told him he could let me know his decision the next day.

After all this shit, my youngest and my “evil twin” children started fighting again. During the course of the argument Shayne (my problem child) threw a piece of whittled stick at my youngest’s face (Steven just had ear surgery less than 2 weeks ago).

Shayne didn’t know I knew that little fact, so I asked him what happened, and he lied and stated “Nothing”. So I go “Really? So you didn’t throw that stick at Steven?” and he knew he had been caught. I was so fed up with all of Shayne’s lies by that time I told him the next time he lied to me, I was going to slap his face.

Well I went into my room and tried to “destress” but then I heard stuff being dragged into the living room from the boys’ room and went to see what was going on. Shayne was packing his things and putting them in there, so I asked “What the fuck are you doing?” He told me that since Vaughan got to go, he wanted to go too. I said “Uh uh, Vaughan doesn’t GET to go, he HAS to go”.

I told him that he’s got a medical reason why he’s an asshole, but his brother doesn’t. I also explained that Vaughan crossed a line when he put his hands on me, and that he can’t use that “self defense” bullshit cause I wasn’t trying to beat him up. I finally defused the situation and made everyone go to bed super early.

The next day came and I ordered Shayne and Steven to finish cleaning their room (again). I was still stockpiling their shoes and jackets in an attempt to foil their efforts of running away, just in case. Vaughan was quiet and somewhat subdued while continuing to clean the kitchen he never finished the day before when Shayne started arguing with his brother again

I can’t remember now what the fight was about, but he lied to me again, and I slapped his face like I promised. Now before you start freaking out, this was more of a “wake the fuck up I mean what I say” slap on his cheek rather than me trying to hurt him. It didn’t even leave a red mark, but what he did to me next did.

He struck my forearm hard enough to swell up a vein there and cause a 3-inch bruise. That was it, stick a fork in me I was DONE! He apparently hid a pair of holey sneakers and a jacket cause the next thing I know he’s sprinting out the back door and onto his bike. I was right on his heels and knocked him off the bike, so he took off running on foot.

I was only wearing flip flops so I ran back inside and grabbed my shoes, cell phone and car keys and said to hell with a jacket. I dialed my friend down the street and she didn’t see him running that way, but told me I needed to call 911 and they would get the Sheriff’s office for me, so I did. I drove down the road for about a mile in one direction, and then a mile in the other direction, but didn’t see him.

The Sheriff called my on my cell and after giving him the abridged version of what happened, he said he was on his way. I stopped at another neighbor’s house to ask if she had seen him running through their field when her husband drove up and said they had just spotted him down the road. The Sheriff called me back again and I updated him on Shayne’s whereabouts and he told me to wait right there for him.

He pulled up a couple minutes later and I had him follow me in his cruiser to the place where my son was seen, and there he was. The officer handcuffed him and put him in his patrol car and suggested we take him to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, because the local children’s psychiatric hospital didn’t do intakes on the weekend.

So we go there and he gets checked out and the psyche nurse tells me they don’t admit juveniles there, but did recommend that we take him to the children’s psychiatric hospital for evaluation. I followed the officer in my car and we were shown into the intake office. As soon as the clerk comes in, she gives me this funny look and asks me “Do I know you?”

It was the same clerk that had done the intake paperwork on my son the last time I tried to get him admitted and was denied. Back then I asked the asshole Physician that said it was just a behavioral problem and not a medical issue “So what am I supposed to do?” and he replied “Bring him back in if it happens again.“ meaning his violent behavior.

I looked at her and said “Yea, we were turned away, remember? Well, he did it again, and this time to me” and I showed her the bruise. The paperwork seemed to take forever, and then it was still up in the air on wether or not he would be admitted, but I think the clerk said something to the attending, because they accepted him. I cried I was so happy, because my son needs help that I just can’t give him.

All this started about 1:30 pm and now it was after 9. I was emotionally and physically drained and still had problems to face once I got home. I decided to let my other son Vaughan sleep on his decision one more night, but he has chosen to live with his Dad. Now my only problem is getting my ex out here to come get him since his vehicle has been having problems.

Today I have started on my road to recovery. I managed to keep my psychiatrist appointment and he’s put me on several medications that have stabilized my mood (thank god!). Hopefully I won’t have to stay on them too long, but for now it’s such a relief to know the end of my depression is in sight.

The slideshow above is of me and my boys during happier times . . . why can’t they stay 5 forever?

Pssst! Wanna know a secret? (part 2) . . . Entry for January 26, 2007

2007-01-26T11:38:00.000-08:00

Where was I before time so rudely interrupted? That’s right, I was on my knees again, sucking Lars’ cock in front of the couch. I had my long raven pulled back from my face so the strands wouldn’t interfere with my blow job (I hate when that happens, lol). As I nibbled and licked and looked up into his appreciative eyes, my mouth started moaning around the cock penetrating my face.

I love it when a man enjoys watching his cock slide in and out of my mouth. It’s so erotic, when our eyes connect, and I watch the pleasure his face. I makes my panties wet, if I’m wearing any, lol. Also the thrill (I must honestly admit) that we were doing something wrong in the living room where he spends time with his wife and the risk of being caught was making my pussy pulse.

He his travelling hands stroked my back on their trek down to their final destination, my ass. He seems to really love my soft, round bubble butt a lot! His cock was getting harder and harder by the second, filling my mouth and aiming for the back of my throat, trying not to gag. I stopped stroking his cock and reached down with my trembling right hand and started playing with my pussy, never missing a lick.

My God I was soaked! I know this sounds weird, but I suspect pussy juices emit potent pheromones (maybe it’s my bush, or just my love of all pussy in general). And I’ve also been told (I know this sounds conceited, but just I’m just stating facts) that my pussy is pretty tasty. So I fingered my self and got my digits all wet and creamy, removed my hand and raised it to his mouth for a taste, where he licked my cream off his fingers.

Funny thing happened then, it dawned on me at that point that Lars had never eaten my pussy, though he’d been all up in it with my dildo and vibe. He thoroughly enjoyed making me cum all those times, but I started wondering what was up with the no oral sex for me thing? But I quickly put that mood killing thought out of my mind and just concentrated enjoying the moment.

As soon as I started gagging on his cock, I couldn’t wait; I had to have him inside my dripping wet pussy.
I raised up off my knees and turned around, putting my pussy and phat ass right in his face, letting him have a good look. “Mmmmm . . .” he said kissing both cheeks as I spit on my fingers and unnecessarily wet my swollen, pink pussy lips even more.

I scooted back, grabbed an ass cheek in each hand while his fist held his cock tightly upright, and slowly I lowered my body down, savoring ever inch along the way, pulsing my pussy muscles tight on his hardon. I guess another thing I’m vain about is my outstanding pussy muscle control, lol.

I can squeeze real tight, or try to push him out while shoving myself down on his dick harder. I can fuck a guy and not have to move up or down at all. More chicks should learn this trick, it drives men fucking nuts! (My hot sex tip for the month, lol). I sat there on his lap, internally fucking his stiff cock, and then started gyrating my hips with him still deep inside me.

I had good training in moving my hips seductively as a lap dancer back in the 80’s the Mitchell Brother’s O’Farrell St, Theatre in San Francisco (of “Deep Throat” and Linda Lovelace fame). It was something similar to fucking thorough clothes, for about a dollar per 30 seconds or so, but that’s another story for another day, lol.

I then leaned forward, reached behind me and grabbed an ass cheek in each hand, and spread them apart, giving him excellent view of his cock fucking me from behind, lol. I wish I could watch a man fuck me from his point of view, but I don’t have a video cam anymore, I suspect that he wanted to fuck me in the ass, but that’s only something I do when I’m in love, so I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

Instead I reached behind me and stuck my finger in my own ass, (hell yea it feels good!) and got really turned on feeling his cock fuck my pussy through that thin wall that separates both holes. He started pumping my pussy faster, when I took the other hand and started rubbing my clit and the top of his dick while we fucked. I could feel my pussy squirt as I moaned loudly and started orgasming.

Sliding my pussy down on his cock as far as it would go, I ground Lars’ dick in to my g-spot while squeezing my muscles tightly on the shaft and came even more. I leaned backward and placed his hands on my tits under my thermal shirt, while I bounced away on my firm, fleshy chair. Leaning forward I fucked him just faster when he gasped “If you don’t stop I’m gonna cum!”

Well that statement just sent me over the edge and I could feel my cum dripping down onto the balls that were lightly slapping into my clit. I came hard again leaned back, gasping “Go for it Dude!” and squeezed and pulsed my pussy as tight and fast as it would go, which just made me orgasm even more and finally set him off.

I felt him start to tense and shake and soon my already wet pussy started filling up as he kissed and moaned into my ear. I didn’t want to stop, and every time I twitched my pussy tighter, I felt him spasm again inside me . I sat there in his lap with his arms around me for a few minutes while our passion subsided, but then reality kicked in and I got up to clean myself in his bathroom.

He offered me a towel and a shower and I asked him “Dude! Are you crazy? We can’t afford for me to get caught in your shower over here!” He laughed and smiled, thanking me “You’re so right!” I could tell he appreciated my thoughtfulness, but there was no way I was going to take a chance getting caught in a compromising position over his house. I try to live a major drama free life (yea right, like that shows, lol).

I quickly put my pants back on, and went into his bathroom where he was taking a quick rinse to wash me off of him. I opened the shower door and he turned towards me and I watched the water rain down all over his body. I grabbed him by the hips and drew his dick into my mouth again, gently sucking, and licking and tasting every inch of his semi.

It was a turn on, squatting down with drops of water intermittently dripping down my face and making my hair damp and cling to my head, while he moaned in pleasure. I got up so he could dry off and we went back in the kitchen and talked about his home life some more. My heart went out to him, because I don’t like to see anyone unhappy, and we hugged, kissed and held each other off and on during our conversation.

By this time it was after noon, and I reluctantly had to drag myself away. He didn’t seem to want me to go either, but told me to call him the next day first thing in the morning and we’d try to hook up again. I was ecstatic! That sex session had barely whetted my, er, rather large sexual appetite and I wanted some more.

So with plans made for the next day, and I went next door to my friend’s house on a flimsy (but plausible) excuse to see how she was doing. OK, OK, and also to check if my car had been seen next door. She was in the middle of a serious financial crisis and was very upset (understandably). Panic had set in for so we talked and I tried to calm her down and offer some possible solutions.

We talked for a bit and then as I was leaving, she asked me how long I was over at her uncles’ house. I honestly told her, I wasn’t sure cause I was too excited going over there to notice the time, but I didn’t tell her that part. I said we had just talked about him hauling away metal.

Then I quickly changed the subject by going on about how HUGE his 11-month-old Rottweiller was getting. Lars’ dog is so big it can stand in front of his kitchen table and rest his chin on it! It was obvious that I was changing the subject, but she was so upset that I don’t think she noticed.

I was excited about seeing him the next day, but promised myself I wouldn’t get upset if he cancelled. I planned on making him biscuits and gravy for breakfast and surprising him with a morning picnic. The day before he told me that his wife makes only pancakes or Poptarts for breakfast and he hates both, so I decided to do something nice.

Also I wanted to make sure he had enough fuel to go more than one round with me this time this time. I had even went to Wal-Mart and bought a sexy, slinky top/dress that was on clearance with some of my dwindling cash supply (I had 69$ left to last me 2 weeks, I’m wearing it in the picture above). I wanted everything to be perfect because I knew his layoff ends this next Monday and it was probably the last time we’d be able to hook up for a while.

Well, to make a long story short, he never came over, and never answered my phone or text messages. I kicked myself in the ass for being so goddamn stupid . . . again no less! So it’s been days now since I’ve heard from him, and I left him a couple more unanswered generic messages, all very friendly, after all I’m not going to go psycho over this guy.

Sure I was kinda falling in love with him (I freely admit it!) but I’m not one to chase after lost causes. Those crazy, juvenile days of stalking are over for me, though I have done just that in the past. Realistically, it’s just not smart to play in your own back yard with someone else’s toys, that kind of shit can get you killed in Redneckland.

So yesterday I deleted his number off my cell phone and today sent him a final text message. This is what I wrote: “Hi Lars, I can take a hint, your silence says it all. It’s just as well, I was halfway falling in love with you anyways, and that’d be stupid of me. Call me when you’re single again, if you want, otherwise goodbye.” So there you are, my short but sweet (and hopefully last) affair with a married man (you’re right, never say never, lol).

I have no regrets, other than it sure would have been nice to have some steady lovin’ with someone that I felt some close connection to, though I still never could figure out why. But who can rationalize feelings anyway? Sometimes they just happen whether we like them to or not, and it totally sux ass when it’s one sided on your part. Realizing when to give up, now THAT’s the hard part.

Oh well, you live and (hopefully) you learn . . .

Pssst! Wanna know a secret? (part 1) . . . Entry for January 25, 2007

2007-01-25T15:41:00.000-08:00

OK, I haven’t been posting EVERYthing that has been going on in my life lately, mostly due to the fact that I’m trying to protect the guilty. By the time you (dear reader, lol) finally read this though, it (probably) won’t matter anymore, or at least I hope it won’t.

Considering my current shitty emotional/mental state, it’s not good for me to keep all of this in. I can’t "publicly" post this right now because the parties involved have told me to keep it on the down low. So I’m gong to at least write it al out and get it out of my system.

I have been having an affair for the last few weeks with "Lars", the married guy who lives next door to my friend down the road. I know, I know, like when I wrote about him the first time (On being stupid . . . Entry for December 17, 2006), I know I’m being stupid, but I don’t care.

I "feel" something with this guy (even though I know better) that I haven’t felt with the other men I’ve been with since my last relationship ended. I don’t even have a clue as to why I’m so physically attracted to him, considering he’s not really my "type" (he’s a little older than me, for one).

He’s a very passionate lover even with the occasional "Mr. ED" problems. I’m attracted to him in so many different ways, but most of all it’s how I feel when I have my arms around him, and he’s holding me tight, it just feels so "right".

I know what you’re thinking, it’s the fact that he’s married and I can’t have him that makes me want him, but you’re wrong. I’ve had my chance with JD (remember him? he’s married too), and I don’t want him because he’s married. Well that and I’m not attracted to him in the least like I am Lars.

Remember too, about my conviction concerning not letting a married man penetrate me? I threw that rule straight out the window after Lars kissed me for the first time. I don’t know why, but I wanted him that first time really, really bad.

The next time we got together, he had hiked a half a mile through the woods to come see me at my trailer. He left his truck in his own driveway so no one would see it at my place and say something. He asked my not to say anything to my friend about us seeing each other and I agreed. The last thing I want is for him to get in trouble.

That time he came over was really fucking hot! We sat in the living room and got stoned, listening to Nine Inch Nails sing "Closer" ("I want to fuck you like an animal . . ."). I was already barely dressed, wearing only a scarf around my hips in an accentuating form of modesty, lol.

It wasn’t long before I had his pants off and was making love to him with my mouth. Of course it didn’t stop there and we spent the whole morning (3 hrs) making love in my bed. Sex with Lars is so . . . it’s hard to describe. I guess you would say sensual and erotic, but very, very comfortable as well. Which is surprising, because we haven’t known each other all that long to have achieved that level of comfort.

I’m not inhibited whatsoever, so ever since we first started having sex, I’ve always included my toys. He seems to enjoy the hell out of watching my pussy squirt and throb, and I love watching his face while he does it (grin). His wife (long story there) is this little bitty skinny thing, but he really seems to enjoy every inch of my warm, soft, plush body too.

He loves watching my face (whether his cock is in my mouth or not, hehehe) and is constantly telling me how beautiful I am (who doesn’t like to hear that, lol?). And it’s not just the physical compatibility, comfort and attentiveness that is such an attraction, I really like him as a friend and person.

I honestly did try staying away from him, but when I saw his truck drive down the road Sunday, I couldn’t resist and I called his cell phone. I asked him if he still collected scrap metal for recycling, cause I have an old metal futon that needs carting off. It was a lame excuse, I know, but plausible, lol.

He told me he did, and to give him a call this morning, which I did first thing. At first his phone was off so I left a voice message. About an hour later I tried again, but this time I text messaged him saying he could pick up the metal anytime and I hoped he had a good day.

I was disappointed once again, told myself I was being stupid and anyways what the hell did I expect? Not long after my text message he called me though, and my ignorant little heart skipped a beat. He wanted to see me, he said, but there was some major drama going on with his 16-year-old stepdaughter at school.

He promised to call me after taking a shower and finding out whether or not his wife and/or Mother in law would be coming home early. Mentally I prepared myself for the let down, but surprisingly he called me back an hour later and said everything was OK. He said he had just finished rolling a blunt and if I wanted to, I could come over and smoke it with him.

I was a little bit nervous about going over there (naturally), but figured fuck it, if he doesn’t care, than why should I? Every time we’ve gotten together I’ve made coffee for us, and it’s been nice to share a cup with who appreciates it for a change. So now "having coffee" has taken on new meaning

I parked behind his pickup and went inside. I knew my friend next door would probably see my car and ask questions. So Lars told me if anyone asked, I was just over there asking about him picking up some scrap metal in my yard. I don’t like lying to anyone, but I’ll respect someone’s wishes, as long as it’s within reason.

I brought the coffee in the kitchen, set it down and hugged him hard, breathing in his masculine scent. Mmmm, he felt so good (so right) in my arms. I softly kissed his face and confessed that I had missed him and had tried staying away, but it was no good. I wanted him too much. Like I said, I know I was being stupid.

We went into the living room and smoked the blunt and soon got to talking. I came right out and asked him why the hell he married a woman that he has to hide his true self from (he can’t get high around her, etc.) and is now so unhappy with, after less than a year being married.

He explained that they’ve known each other more than 15 years (she was his best friend’s wife at one time) and when they were dating, things were OK. But once they got married, she changed, apparently, and not for the better. I decided I didn’t really care why, I was just glad he wasn’t happy and wanted to share some of his time with me.

Stretching out on the couch, I laid my head in his lap and watched him while the told the tale, but couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to kiss those lips, not watch them talk. So I did just that, ending any serious conversation we might have had at that point, lol. After a few minutes of making out, he got up go to take a piss, but I had other plans.

I got up too, and dropped to my knees in front of him. I wanted to feel his cock throb in my mouth, hehehe. That had it’s desired effect, as I opened my eyes and looked up into his. I tasted him thoroughly, and watched erotic expressions flit across his face. Damn my panties were wet!

"Mmmm, you better go take a piss" I laughed, taking his cock out of my mouth. I had to stop before his dick got so hard it would be aiming at the ceiling, lmao! While he was gone, I took off the dark green velour pants (and pink panties) I had on, so now all I was wearing was a long sleeved mans thermal underwear shirt.

He’s got a small aquarium in his living room, and I bent over to check out the fish. Yea, I knew I was posing there with my big, round, naked ass sticking all out, and hard nipples poking thru my shirt, but it did have the desired effect. He walked back into the living room with an "Oh my God . . ."

He stood behind me, dropped his shorts and stroked my ass with his cock as I sensuously rubbed up against him. We played like that for a while, kissing and touching each other, then cam up for air and sat back down and finished smoking the blunt. I was pretty stoned by then and purring like a kitten as he stoked me with his hands.

Hmmm, this post is a lot longer than I anticipated, I’ll finish it tomorrow . . .